Never before and never again

And you are not bound to find

A love like this again.

I wanna show you the sunrise

Off the coast of Japan

I wanna tell you about me,

Let you know who I am

-Atlantic

Rachel stood nervously at the lobby of Santana's apartment. She rocked her heels back and forth while the doorman spoke with the Latina through the intercom. "Ms. Berry?", the young doorman smiled. "You can go up."

"Thanks…" She took a quick glance at the boy's nameplate "…Robert. Have a good day"

"Have a good day to you, too."

Armed with her "Santana Lopez Cookies"—which is basically vegan chocolate chip but with had been Santana's favorite over the years—the diva was hoping to be able to bribe her way for a small favor. This is the first time they will see each other after the play and so the cookies may also mean a shield if ever the Latina decided to deck her nose as a "no" to her request.

She heard footsteps and so she readied her smile. "Santa—E..mily", Rachel said with a grin plastered on her face and subtly scanned the woman in front of her. Oversized shirt, boy shorts and messy hair. She felt her cheeks blush. Great timing, Rachel. Perfect, really.

"Rachel", the British woman husked and smiled while rubbing the back of her neck. "Come in. Santana's just in the, uh, bathroom."

The smaller brunette nodded then stepped inside. She took off her coat after the older woman offered to hang it. "Make yourself comfortable"

Funny. Rachel thought. She had been in this apartment so many times she should be the one telling the other girl that. How presumptuous.

No. Stop disliking her. Rachel chastised herself. It's not Emily's fault she's perfect that even the singer checked her out. Rachel made a waving motion in front of her face to exorcise herself from evil thoughts.

"What the hell are you doing, Rachel?"

Oops.

The Latina made a vague gesture with her hand. "You know what, I don't want to know. Why are you here?"

The diva held the bag of cookie up and grinned widely. "Cookies?"

Santana frowned then waited for Emily to walk across towards the kitchen. "Santana Lopez cookies?", she mumbled.

"Of course."

The Latina looked at the other girl suspiciously before grabbing the bag. "What's this for?"

"I…have a favor to ask."

"So you're bribing me with cookies."

"Extra chocolate chip."

"You fight dirty."

"I know."

"Fine, let's go to the kitchen. I'm starving."

Rachel suppressed a huge smile. Progress. She quickened her steps until she's beside Santana. "I thought you can't handle someone like her?"

The feisty girl glared at her. "Yeah, well. Turns out she's not that wild. It's just; your girl's too vanilla."

"Hey, Quinn's not that—" Rachel's eyes widened then blushed deeply. "She's not my girl."

Santana snorted. "Sure, whatever. Have a seat. Coffee?"

"Yes, thank you." Rachel sat down facing the couple who became busy preparing their breakfast. Emily was frying something while Santana made coffee.

"Eggs, Rachel?"

"Uh, no, babe. She's vegan", Santana said before Rachel could answer.

"Oh", Emily nodded. "Fruit bowl, then?"

"Uhm, thanks but I don't want to impose—"

"I insist", Emily looked at her and smiled before handing the spatula to Santana to take over while the older girl went about washing some fruits. This, without as much as a word between the two. Rachel noted that the couple was in sync. It didn't actually mean anything deep, except, well, it looked like even in a short period of time, they do this together often that it just seemed natural.

Rachel always had her breakfast already prepared by Quinn by the time she's done with her morning yoga exercises, and made their lunch in neatly packed bento boxes. The kitchen was basically Quinn Fabray zone except when Rachel bakes. And unless the blonde waited for her at NYADA during late-nighters, take-out wasn't necessary because she always went home to a nice home cooked vegan dinner.

"Berry", Santana snapped her fingers. "Please don't tell me you're fantasizing about Quinn"

"What? No", the diva frowned.

"Bull. You always have that dazed look when you're thinking about her.", Santana said harshly as she handed a mug filled with coffee to Rachel.

Rachel glanced at Emily who subtly nudged her girlfriend as if silently telling the Latina to be nice. Santana quirked her eyebrows then her facial expression visibly softened.

Oh, she did not just show how whipped she was in front of Rachel.

As if reading her mind—or maybe her facial expression gave it away—Santana smiled at her smugly and said "Em, can you get my cigarettes? I left it inside the bedroom"

"Sure", the tall brunette said after handing the fruit bowl to Rachel, and immediately walked away.

"That display of bossiness doesn't take out the fact that you're whipped", Rachel defiantly smirked.

"You said you're asking for a favor?"

The diva immediately wiped the smirk off her face. "Right, yes. Well, I was hoping you would lend me your car."

Santana laughed. "You're kidding, right?"

The smaller girl shook her head.

"Why, on earth, would I lend you my car?"

"Because I want to take Quinn somewhere. And I don't want her to be the one driving."

"She's a safe driver, Rachel. What happened—"

"No, it's not that. She's driven me around already, and I know she's really conscious about safety now. I just, it kind of defeats the purpose of giving her a fun and relaxing time if she has to drive, don't you think?"

"Then just drive her car"

"She would think precisely what you're thinking, Santana. I know she would feel offended even if that wasn't even what I had in mind."

Santana narrowed her eyes at Rachel. "What's your angle, this time?"

Rachel sighed loudly. She's a bit tired repeating herself. "Nothing, I just want Quinn and I to be friends again."

"Rachel", Santana mumbled then looked towards the kitchen door. Seeing that Emily hasn't gone back, the Latina continued in a slightly hushed tone, "Quinn's rounded up the 9 circles of hell and she's just recovering from—"

"I know..", Rachel nodded, closed her eyes and pressed her palms together as if praying for Santana to understand. "I know that, Santana. But she's slowly letting me back in. And I need to take this opportunity to make this right. I want to earn Quinn's forgiveness."

"You could have done that a lot earlier. Why now? Finn dumped you?"

The diva closed her eyes and cowered a little at Santana's statement laced with bitterness. "No..", she replied softly. "I didn't..after Finn and I slept, I knew it was a mistake. A huge one. We didn't get back together."

"So what was he doing in New York?"

"He wanted to watch the play, Santana. I had no right to stop him."

"That's a load of shit, Rachel, and you know it. You invited Quinn and then Finn was also there? It was a good thing my friend was starting to get back on track or she would have ended up a crying ball of mess, again."

"I tried, okay? I tried to stop Finn", Rachel bit back. "I did everything I could to discourage him. I never invited him to see the play. Never." The diva let out a shaky breath. "I only wanted Quinn to be there. It took a lot of begging for someone from the Chorus to reserve a front row center aisle seat but I knew Quinn would have wanted to be sitting there because she promised me."

Santana sat back and blinked several times. "You got her that ticket?"

"Yes. But because I didn't know how to send it to Quinn—and well no offense, but I had a bad feeling you would've have thrown it away— I left it at the ticket center and just informed Quinn via text."

"And Finn?"

"When I found out that he already had a ticket to New York, I had no choice but to get him a seat with my dads. Look, I ended everything with Finn the week he stayed here, except friendship. No romantic entanglements, no future possibilities, just. Friendship."

"So, why didn't you go back and tell Quinn about that right away? She thought you two were—"

"Because she looked so happy, Santana. I couldn't..", Rachel sighed then shook her head, "I couldn't just come up to her and say, 'hey, I'm sorry for hurting you but everything's clear in my mind and heart now, it's you' and just go kiss and make up. Do you think that would have been fair to her?"

Santana frowned and didn't answer.

"I wanted to stay away from her because I've hurt her enough. I didn't want to face her until I'm fully prepared—emotionally— to take all the responsibility and make amends. It took awhile, I know that. I'm a scared, spineless, selfish brat. And I'm just learning to—"

"Alright, god.", Santana covered her ears. "It's too early in the morning for you to talk in paragraphs. How on earth did Quinn survive you for that long?"

Rachel smiled at a sudden realization. "I actually didn't ramble that much when we were together. She made me...laid-back"

"Does she know all of this? About Finn?"

The diva nodded weakly. "I told her last week."

"And?"

"And she twisted her lips and nodded."

"That's it?"

"That's it. Then we went to see a play."

"You guys have a weird way of dealing with things."

"I don't know exactly what she meant by that, but I guess since she's still talking to me…"

"I suppose. "

"So…does your lack of hostility now mean you're open to the idea of lending your car?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Why can't you just rent a car?"

"Because I'm saving up for a real nice Christmas gift for her so 125 dollars minimum fee that I would spend on a car can go a long way for something really special. And I well…because I kind of missed you, too", Rachel looked down and mumbled at the latter part of her answer while the corner of Santana's lips subtly quirked. "Come on, just for a whole day. I promise I'll take care of it."

"Where on earth are you taking her, anyway?"

"It's a surprise."

"I'm not Quinn."

"You'd tell her. You don't hide things from her."

"Fine. But I swear to god, Rachel. You hurt Quinn one more time, you better—"

"I'm doing the best I can, Santana. Trust me that losing Quinn again would be more painful than any form of torture you have in mind."

That seemed to have satisfied the Latina, at least on the surface. "Fine, you can borrow my car."

"Thank you, thank you", Rachel breathed out and clasped her hands together.

Santana went back to her room after she ate breakfast with Rachel and found Emily on her bed and watching the television.

"Couldn't find my cigarettes?", Santana smirked.

The taller woman laughed. "Something like that."

There was no need to explain. Santana knew Emily didn't come back because that she needed that talk with Rachel and the older woman's presence would have made things awkward for the diva. The Latina smiled then crawled back to bed, rested her head on Emily's stomach and grabbed the remote from the older girl's hand.

"Jersey Shore re-run. Really?", Emily chuckled while running her fingers along the Latina's scalp.

"Shhh. Just watch."

Rachel sat in Santana's car and stared at Quinn's new apartment building. Quinn agreed to this little outing a few days ago and she scrambled to get things done with Santana, thankfully, feeling a bit charitable. She wasn't invited in and was told by the blonde to just wait for her outside. Quinn was a very private person and perhaps felt that she wasn't ready to let the brunette in her life that way. Or she could just be overanalyzing Quinn's behavior. Either way, she was patiently waiting for the blonde. Checking the GPS one more time, she saw from the corner of her eye Quinn rush down and grin widely at as she made her way to the car.

"Sorry, did you wait long? I had to make some last minute wardrobe decisions.", the blonde said while hauling a knapsack at the back seat of the car before buckling up.

Rachel laughed then started the car. "Wardrobe decisions? You look nice in anything, Quinn."

"No, but I have no idea where we're going and the temperature most likely will drop later, so I just had to pack some extra layers for us. Just in case."

Rachel noted how Quinn included her in the decision-making but tried not to make a big deal about it. "We're just going upstate."

"Upstate? What's in there?"

"Beacon", Rachel nodded. "We're going to play tourists."

Quinn laughed. "That sounds awesome."

Quinn lied down on her stomach and kicked her feet up. Propping her head with her elbow, she flipped through a book Rachel just got for her. It was a photo-journal book on backpacking and Quinn immediately loved it. Despite the blonde's affluent background, traveling was not a family interest. Or at least it wasn't her parents'. But Quinn always had an insatiable desire to explore, though only a handful of people would probably have guessed that.

"I want to take the Mekong River cruise.", the blonde mumbled while staring at the photo of river cruise boat in the Laotian area. "We'd be already covering at least three countries with that."

"We?", Rachel asked playfully.

Quinn turned her head around towards Rachel's direction. "I'm not traveling alone. What's the point in that when I don't get to share those amazing moments with you?"

"Yes, but…river cruise in the tropics. That may not be my kind of thing."

Quinn smiled sympathetically and nodded. "Okay, how about backpacking in Europe?"

"Ooh", Rachel said then laid down on her back next to Quinn. "Now, that's more of my style."

"I don't think backpacking will ever be your style"

"Yes, but Europe is. So I'm more than ready to travel in a less than convenient way with you if it's Europe"

Quinn nodded in agreement. She flipped through the pages and pointed at the Buckingham Palace photo. "First stop would be England. Then…Wales and Scotland. Then we go to Ireland."

"Backpacking our way to the British Isles. Interesting."

The blonde sat up and hovered on top of Rachel. "Yeah, we'd stay in those cobblestone houses or bed and breakfast", she said before leaning down for a kiss.

"No fancy hotel, Miss Fabray?", Rachel mumbled against Quinn's lips.

"I like the idea that if and when I get to travel, I want to be part of the local culture. Hotels, for me, just…don't feel natural"

"Yeah, I get what you mean."

"So, we'll go to England together?"

"We'll see the world together, Quinn."

"Except Mekong River"

"Yeah, except that"

The travel time from New York City to Beacon was approximately 2 hours so Rachel decided to start early. Quinn was a good sport by agreeing to leave the city by around six a.m in the dead of winter. "Hey, that's my playlist", Quinn chuckled when she turned on the music player in Santana's car.

"Yup", Rachel nodded while keeping her eye on the road. "I happen to like some of your weird stuff."

"Aw, Little Dragon is hardly weird."

"When you grow up listening to American show tunes, anything that's Swedish sounds weird." Rachel smirked. "If you want coffee or sandwich, just grab it from the back."

Quinn smiled widely at the sight of a huge picnic basket she failed to notice earlier. "You brought food!", she exclaimed while reaching for a thermos that peeped out of the basket. The blonde moaned at the smell of roasted coffee.

Rachel pursed her lips and gripped the wheel at the obscene sounds the blonde was making.

Sniffing one more time, Quinn sighed contently then carefully poured some on a paper cup. She slowly opened the car console cup holder and placed the coffee down. "That's for you and…this is for me", she mumbled after filling up another. "Thanks for doing this."

"The coffee?"

"No, well, that too. I meant this whole day trip. I've been far too immersed in the Bronx area, I've forgotten that there's a world out there that still exists.", she chuckled softly.

Rachel breathed deeply and smiled. "I have flashes of brilliance every now and then."

And boy did she feel like a Mensa member that day. She had everything planned out according to what she believed to be of Quinn's interest. Well, the whole town had Quinn written all over it. It took hours of research for Rachel just to decide where to go and a few more to map out their destination points that can be jam-packed in one day.

First stop was the Dia, a huge museum, which used to be a factory, dedicated for modern art installations and paintings. Then Rachel took Quinn to Madam Brett Homestead which was basically an 18th century historical home. Then time for some shopping at the Clay Wood & Cotton for handmade crafts and art prints. It's like watching a kid enter a candy store the way Quinn's eyes lit up.

And it felt really warm the way Quinn laughed her way at Rachel's attempts at being a tour guide despite the fact that that was also her first time in the area. Google-powered tourism through the brunette's smartphone.

Final stop in the afternoon was the Blue Sky Balloon. Rachel truthfully dreaded it because, well, winter and they'll be riding a hot air balloon. Those two didn't seem like a good combination. But this was for Quinn. So if it meant looking and feeling like a penguin with a frozen ass, she'll take it.

She received the confirmation call earlier that cleared the weather for a safe travel. Rachel reserved a small balloon exclusive for two people. This was the Christmas gift she told Santana about because, dear Barbra, a six hundred dollar trip over the Hudson Valley was not cheap for any college student dependent on her fathers' money.

You know what Mastercard says? It's damn. True.

Priceless. The look on Quinn's face—from the lift off all the way to their landing— was something money can never buy.

When they said the balloon was exclusive for two, Rachel did not reckon how intimate the space would be. She worried every time their bodies bumped into each other but Quinn made no sign of discomfort over their proximity. And when she actually shivered from the cold, the taller girl stood behind her and wrapped warm arms around.

It's cool. Everything's under control. Friends do this all the time.

Then the blonde rested her chin on the brunette's shoulder. "Is this okay?", Quinn whispered near Rachel's ear.

Okay? It's not okay. Because the brunette mustered all self-control not to turn around and kiss Quinn like it's the last thing she will do on earth.

"Yes", Rachel croaked. "it's okay by me. Are you…okay with this?"

She felt the blonde's head bob a bit. "Yeah."

Well, then. She can live in godforsaken Antarctica if it meant being held like this by her friend Quinn.

The blonde marveled at the view of the valley. "This is so beautiful. Thank you"

Rachel swallowed and kept her eyes firmly focused on the setting sun. "Consider it my early Christmas gift."

"You're not going home to Lima?"

"I am…but that doesn't mean I can't give your gift right now."

She felt Quinn smile when the blonde's cheek touched her neck. "Okay, thank you again."

"Are you? Spending Christmas in Lima, I mean."

"Yeah. I promised my mom I'll be home this year."

Rachel closed her eyes at the feel of Quinn's warm breath and strong arms. She slowly leaned against the blonde and let go of her fears; this earned her a tighter embrace. "How is she?"

"Doing well. I went home last summer just to see her."

"Oh?", the brunette said with her eyes still closed.

"We talked. Like, really talked for the first time. She's finally getting around to accepting my sexuality."

"Which is?", Rachel chuckled.

"Baconsexual"

Rachel cackled and playfully slapped Quinn's arm. "Must have been hard for her to understand and accept."

The blonde sighed. "It was. But I guess deep down she knew that this won't change. This is who I am. Things ended well."

"And your dad?"

"I've not…It's harder to for him to accept this. Baby steps, right?"

"Mhm…baby steps."

A/N: Don't listen to Rachel Berry. Take the Mekong River cruise. It'll change your life, I promise.