Chapter 3
I hear beeping. Where am I? I feel like I got hit by a bus. My eyelids feel too heavy to open, but I smell Brittany's perfume, so I call out to her.
"Britt?" I say, half as loudly as I intended.
"Yeah, I'm here," she replies.
"What's going on?" I ask.
"Don't you remember?" she questions. Of course I remember. I'm at the hospital. But that was hours ago.
"Why are we still here?" I wonder aloud.
"Because they gave you medicine and it made you sleepy. So the doctor said you could crash here over night. I called your parents," she explained. Fuck. That's the last thing I want.
"Why'd you do that?" I ask her.
"Why wouldn't I do that? You're hurt, they need to know. They said they'd be here soon," she replies. I want out.
"No, we aren't staying. This place creeps me out, I want to leave," I say, sitting up and reaching for the IV in my arm. Brittany grabs my hands quickly.
"San, calm down. We aren't going anywhere, it's the middle of the night. Go back to sleep," she advises. She looks tired as hell.
"What about your parents?" I wonder.
"I told them I'm sleeping over with you," she said.
"So you didn't tell them what happened?"
"I had to. That guy took my purse, my dad's credit card was in there. I just told them I wanted to stay with you," she explained. She's acting confident, but I know her well enough to see through it. Brit and I have been going through the motions for three years now, on then off then on again…we know each other better than we know ourselves. I can see the fear in her crystal blue eyes…the mesmerizing pools usually filled with love and innocence I can tell are replaying every detail of what happened to us. She's biting her nails, a habit I've tried hard to break her of because I know she only does it when she's upset or nervous. I gently pick up the hand that she has resting on my bed and kiss her knuckles, hoping to comfort her.
"I think we should talk to somebody. Maybe Ms. Pilsbury can help us," she suggests. I'm not crazy about the idea. The only person in my life I can be open with is Brittany…and I don't even want her to know the things I'm feeling now.
"I don't think I want to talk about it, Brit…but if you want to go that's cool," I reply, trying to be supportive. I feel like the biggest loser in the world. I've always considered myself a tough person, I say what's on my mind and do what I want. Tonight, when I should have been kicking that guy's ass, I stood frozen in fear. I hate myself for that.
"You really don't want to come with me?" she asks, looking disappointed.
"I'll go…if you want me to," I agree. At least if I go I'll get to see if she thinks I'm a big wuss too.
"Thanks San. I love you," she says and leans down on my chest, wrapping me in an awkward hug.
"I love you too. I'm really sorry for all this," I say, stroking her golden hair. I don't know what shampoo she uses…but it's my favorite smell in the entire world. Before she can respond, my parents burst into the room.
"Good grief, are you okay? My mother blurts out. My father is silent, like always, submissive to my mother and her scenes.
"Ma, I'm fine. Can you sign me out of here please?" I beg.
"What did he do? What did he take from you?" she ignores me and continues her interrogation.
"He just broke my nose, I'm fine. He took everything," I respond, annoyed already. I wish Brit wouldn't have called them.
"This is why you don't go out on school nights. Get dressed, we're going home," she says, plopping my pile of clothes on top of me.
"Mom, are you seriously blaming me for this?" I ask, shocked.
"If you would've been home studying, this wouldn't have happened,"
"You know what mom? Why don't you redirect that anger at your own mother where it belongs?" I hiss at her, furious. She turns toward me and slaps my already swollen face.
"Maria…" my father says weakly.
"Oh good argument dad! Why don't you guys just get out of here? This is why I didn't want you here. Go crack yourself another drink mom. I'm going to Brittany's house,"
"No, you're coming home," my mother says sternly.
"Why so you can punish me for what I said? So dad can stare silently why you drunkenly knock me from room to room? No thanks," I respond. Brittany is in the far corner of the room, starting to tear up.
"Get out of here," I repeat. My mother lifts her hands in surrender and walks out the door. My father looks torn for a moment, but eventually follows my mother's lead. I sigh in relief and frustration.
"I'm sorry Britt. But that's why I didn't want them to know. They blame me for everything,"
"I can't believe they left you here," she announces.
"Yeah, well. I don't care," I reply, reaching for the button on the bed to call a nurse.
"What are you doing?" Brittany wonders.
"Getting out of here," I respond.
The walk back to Brittany's house is long, cold and painful. She opens the front door with a key hid under the mat and I head straight for the couch, completely exhausted.
"No, San, come on let's get you up to my room," she whispers, trying not to wake her parents.
"I can't get up those steps," I admit. She nods and bends down to take my shoes off. I'm already half asleep as she sheds my outer layers of clothing and replaces them with a pair of her own pajamas. She places a gentle kiss on my forehead and I hear her settle into the recliner next to me. She turns on the TV, knowing the narcotics still in my system will keep my deep asleep, and settles on the Lion King, her favorite childhood movie, before I am completely unconscious.
I wake up to the smell of coffee. My face hurts like hell. Brittany isn't in the recliner.
"Brit?" I call out sleepily. I hear voices in the kitchen. Whatever Brit's mom is making smells awesome, so I head in for a closer look.
"Santana, sweetie…how are you feeling?" Mrs. Pierce asks, wrapping me in a tight hug. I wish my mother had this compassion.
"I'm okay. What smells so good?" I ask.
"Brittany and I were going to surprise you with breakfast. You hungry?" she asks.
"Yeah, actually," I reply, watching Brittany try to stir pancake mix. She looks totally adorable in her green apron.
"You okay?" I whisper gently to her, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on her perfect lips.
"I am now," she smiled.
"You didn't sleep, did you?" I ask, scoping out her face. She looks exhausted.
"No…I couldn't," she admits. I take the spoon out of her hand and set it on the counter, wrapping her body in my arms.
"As soon as Christmas break is over we'll go talk to Ms. Pilsbury," I assure her. Seeing her hurt this way makes me furious. I need to do something physical.
"Sit, girls, I'll finish," mama Pierce directs us.
"Britt, I have to tell you something," I say.
"What?" she questions, twirling her blonde hair around her finger curiously.
"I had your Christmas present in my pocket last night. And he took it. And since he took all my money…I can't get you anything," I admit.
"That's okay," she says sweetly.
"So don't get me anything, okay?" I instruct her, playing with her fingers across the table.
"I made you a present, San," she tells me. I can't help but smile. Brittany reminds me of what Christmas is supposed to be, what I wish it could've been for me growing up. I kiss her hand and hold it to my cheek.
"I love you," I whisper to her.
"Me too," she replies.
"Eat up girls!" Brit's mom hollers, and we share a nice Christmas Eve breakfast together, trying desperately to feel normal again.
It's Christmas day. I came home from Brittany's last night and haven't left my room since. The pain meds are totally out of my system and I'm in agony. I don't want her to see me like this. My parents and I are ignoring each other. I wonder how Brittany's doing.
She made me a mix CD for Christmas. She knows I'm a sucker for sappy things like that. I've been listening to it all day. Next to my stereo is a picture of Brit and I at Cedar Point, the amusement park near our town, in a frame. I focus hard on the picture. We went there last summer for Britt's birthday. We both look happy.
I can't help but think things were so much easier then, without this experience on my shoulders. How am I supposed to be strong for Brittany when I'm filled with rage and anger inside? I need to find a way to get it out of myself.
*thanks everyone for the kind reviews so far. this is a transition chapter, things will get more angsty and interesting from here.