I feel guilty for leaving Brittany at school today. It's already two in the afternoon so I decide to go wait in the parking lot with Brittany's favorite treat, a strawberry sundae with gummy bears. We always buy each other ice cream as a peace offering when we fight, and honestly I feel a fight coming on.
The bitter cold weather keeps the ice cream from melting while I wait for her. I can't help but think of the girl from the gym. I want to fight her, but I know Brittany would never want me to. How can I convince her that I need this?
I hear the bell ring and know that any minute, my sweetie will make her way down the salted concrete stairs and come looking for me.
It isn't long before I see her, looking just as beautiful as this morning. I step out of my car, ice cream in hand and walk toward her. She's concentrating hard on the foot prints her boots make in the snow.
"Hey Brit Brit," I say gently as I approach her. She looks up, shocked.
"Wait, you are here? I've been looking for you all day," she said.
"I'm an idiot, babe. I left and I just realized how stupid it was of me. I shouldn't have left you here alone to deal with everyone. I, uh…brought you your favorite ice cream," I offer, hoping she isn't mad.
"Gummy bears?" is all she says, piercing my insecurities with her glacier blue eyes.
"Extra gummy bears, babe," I smile.
"I don't care that you left; I know you're a lot more hurt than you're talking to me about. I just wish you could," she explains. I grin as I watch her dig into the ice cream…she's the only person I know who can inhale it in the winter time. I don't respond to her previous comment, I just step closer and wrap her into my arms.
"You're all I need to be okay," I whisper against her neck. I want to believe it, but the urge to lash out physically still boils inside me. I plant meaningful kisses along Brittany's neck, hoping that if I get her revved up, she can provide me with the physical release I'm looking for so I don't have to get my ass kicked.
"What are you doing?" she asks, feigning a lack of interest. I can hear it in her voice, though, she's getting turned on.
"Come on, let's go…" I whisper, finding it hard to pull my lips off her skin.
"Where?" she asks breathlessly.
"Your bed, my bed, the back seat, I don't care. I wants on your bod and I wants on it now," I reply taking her hand and pulling her toward my car. This is just the kind of distraction I could get used to.

We choose my house, only because it is closer and we both are ready to explode. Brit rubs my leg the whole drive there, making my focus on the roads slim to none. I knew the neck kisses would work, it's always been my secret weapon for getting Brittany in the mood. I'm sure she knows I keep that tidbit in my back pocket, because she has a few tricks up her sleeve as well.
I park my car sloppily in the driveway and neither of us hesitate to bolt to the front door. I jumble through my mess of keys looking for the one to open the front door.
"What's taking so long?" Brit groans from behind me, her hands tightly gripped onto my shoulders and her lips planting soft, needy kisses into my back. My anxious hands are shaky and it takes me a few times to thrust the key into the lock and heave the door open. Once we're inside, I toss Brittany playfully against the door, effectively closing it. Without skipping a step I latch myself onto her succulent lips. God, I love these lips. She groans into our kiss as my one hand rests on her hip and the other becomes entangled in her hair. Both her hands rest in the back pockets of my jeans. She tastes like strawberries.
After a few seconds of sloppy, passionate kissing I move my mouth down to her neck once more. She inhales sharply and her grip on my ass tightens as I run my tongue along the sweet skin. She moans.
"San…" she whispers. I continue nipping at her neck, moving down to her collar bone and placing gentle kisses there. Her hips are starting to gyrate uncontrollably. I love that she gets this hot for me. I raise my head back up to her eye level where I see that hers are closed. I cup her chin in my hand, forcing her to look at me.
"Bed?" I say hopefully, knowing full well that's where we're headed. She nods and allows me to pull her in the direction of my bedroom.
I burst through the door and slam it closed once Brittany steps through behind me. I walk over to my stereo to turn on some mood music. I settle on the CD Britt made me for Christmas and push play. When I turn around, she's propped up on my bed by her elbows. Her white shirt is unbuttoned and draped over her shoulders, revealing her perfect set of breasts concealed in a lacy lilac bra. God, how did I get such a hot girlfriend?
"Come here," she groans seductively, sending my lust into overdrive.
"You're so hot," I tell her, leaning over her, pressing our foreheads together and running my finger along her exposed stomach.
"Stop talking," she whispers, and it throws me for a second. Usually that's something I say…it seems like every thought in Brittany's head comes rushing out of her mouth when I'm trying to get busy. She grabs fistfuls of my hair in each of her hands and pulls me down for a ferocious kiss. Brittany's usually not this forceful when we fool around, but I have to admit it's turning me the hell on.
Craving dominance I deepen the kiss, pulling Brit's hands away from my hair and pinning her arms down to the mattress. I leave a path of gentle kisses along her jaw and up her cheek, pausing at her sweet spot. I let my breath caress her ear, causing her to wiggle underneath me. I tease her like this, knowing full well what she wants me to do.
"San…" she gasps, and that's all I need. I tickle her ear with my tongue and she digs her nails into my back. I groan in pain as her tight grip tears through the still bruised skin.
"Oh no, San I'm sorry! I forgot about your back! I'm sorry," she cries out. I use the pain as fuel, and with one swift movement, the clasps on Brittany's bra are undone.
"Woah…that was cool," she says. I slide her shirt and bra down her arms and toss them aside, nuzzling my face between her breasts. Her breathing gets faster as I kiss them and take her nipple into my mouth. I move my tongue in a circular pattern, occasionally nibbling gently. Her hips buck up toward me at this. I continue to tease her with my mouth, meanwhile moving my right hand down and starting to undo the buttons on her skirt. I can feel her writhing underneath me, knowing soon I will make all this teasing worth her while. I detach my lips from her glorious breast and inch my way down her body. I can feel the heat rising through her plaid skirt and I grin mischievously at her. I slide it and her underwear down her legs in one quick motion and hurl them across my bedroom. She giggles in anticipation, biting her lip. I drag my nails up and down her inner thighs and lower my head, preparing to work my magic. I lock eyes with her and lick my lips seductively before diving in.
I maneuver my jaw quickly, using my surefire combination of tongue and teeth to drive Brittany crazy. She's wiggling uncontrollably under me, her hands tangled in my hair. I know she won't last long, it's been weeks since we've done it and I can feel it built up in her. I pick up the pace, licking, nibbling, sucking furiously. Suddenly it's a competition, me against her body…I need to win to feel alive. Her stomach muscles tighten, telling me she's almost there. Her stocking clad legs are resting on my shoulders as I continue dominating every ounce of control she has. I can feel her shifting her feet, her heels gliding every which direction along my back as she gets close to the edge. I dig deeper.
"Santana!" she screams, louder than I think she means to. I slow down drastically, riding out her orgasm with her, lapping up the evidence. She is completely out of breath and my jaw is throbbing. It's over. Victory.
I slowly slide up her body and plant a kiss on her forehead, collapsing next to her. Save for my shoes and polo shirt, I'm still fully clothed and I can tell by the look on Brittany's face she won't be awake long enough to reciprocate the workout I just gave her. I feel better, but it's not enough. How do I tell her what I'm feeling inside? How do I tell her I'm craving violence?
"Give me a minute," she whispers. Her eyes are already closed.
"Don't worry about it. Sleep," I reply, smiling. She snuggles deeper into the pillow and I lean up to retrieve the blanket we kicked away in the heat of the moment. I cover her with it gently and kiss the tip of her nose.
"Everything is going to be okay," she whispers to me, half asleep. I smooth her damp hair away from her face and twirl a few strands around my finger. I choose not to respond, worried that every word about to come out of my mouth will be dripping in fear. How can she be so sure when I'm slowly turning to a monster inside? I want to believe her.
But for things to be okay, I have to make them okay, starting tonight.