I don't know why I'm doing this. Santana Lopez never asks for advice. Maybe it's because I know Puck's been in jail, or maybe it's because we grew up on the same block and we share a sort of mutual trust, even if we've gotten into a few spats over the years; he slept with Brittany sophomore year when he knew I was nuts about her. Either way, I find myself sitting across from him the cafeteria this morning and before I can stop myself it comes out of my mouth.
"Can you teach me how to fight?"
He laughs at first, shaking his head and chugging the rest of his chocolate milk.
"I'm serious, Puck," I reply, taking a large bite of my blueberry muffin. I make a mental note to save half for Brittany and give it to her in math class. They're her favorite.
"Why, who do you have to fight? Zeises again? Cause let me tell you, I could teach you everything I know and she'd still kick your ass," he chuckles. I'm not sure what he sees in Lauren Zeises, but I guess its slim pickings when the two hottest pieces of action in the school are already dating each other.
"Look. I'm sure you heard about what happened to me and Brit right?" my voice cracks.
"Oh yeah, the mugger. Brit told us in glee club the other day. Wait, are you trying to go find the guy? I'm not letting you do that, Lopez, not by yourself. If you want to get the creep I'm going with you," he suddenly gets concerned, reaching across the table and holding my hand. I surprise myself when I don't pull away. I just let myself be taken care of for a second.
"I don't want to get him. I hate myself for that night. I need to toughen up, I need to be able to fight. For Brittany. I have to protect her. I really let her down," I mumble. My eyes flutter closed as he rubs my hand. All I feel is exhaustion.
"Brit doesn't think that at all. She's just worried about you. In fact all she keeps telling everyone is how brave you were that night," he consoles me.
"I wish I had been there with you guys to knock that fucker out," he continues.
"So teach me how to fight. I have to fight a girl tonight and I need some pointers. I got my ass handed to me the other night," I explain. He arches his eyebrow at me, confused.
"So you've just been picking fights with strangers to feel tough? Sounds like a good way to end up in jail or in a coma," he replies.
"I met this girl at the gym. And she runs this like…fighting club thing. And she destroyed me the other night but last night I knocked her little lackey the fuck out and now she's pissed so she's going to make me fight some beast tonight. Puck, you have to help me or I'm going to get wrecked," I beg him.
"Why do you have to do any of this? Just don't go," he shrugs.
"I'm not backing down. I'm done running away, Puck. Just show me how to throw a decent punch. I'm doing this with or without your help. But with would be a lot easier," I coax him.
"Fine. You have detention again?" he asks.
"Yeah, unfortunately," I nod.
"Okay, meet me after detention. But I'm coming with you to this fight," he states. I nod acceptingly and pull my hand away from his.
"Deal. Just don't tell Brittany, okay?" I request.
"Don't tell me what?" I hear behind me. I swing around quickly and see Brittany walking toward me.
"Um, damn babe what are you doing here? You ruined the surprise," I say as sweetly as I can, standing up to plant a kiss on her lips. I feel her smile as we kiss.
"You got me a surprise?" she beams, wrapping her arms around my neck.
"Kiss her again," Puck says, still sitting at the table. I turn sharply and glare down at him.
"Shut up,"
"Sorry, it just never gets old," he replies, grinning I turn back to Brittany, tying my arms around her slender waist. She looks totally delicious in a pair of ripped jeans, a pink polo and black sweater vest.
"Well, baby…I kind of got you a surprise but I was going to save it for your birthday," I whisper, hoping she buys it.
"But San, that's like five months away! Your birthday is like two weeks away and I didn't get you anything yet," she whimpers.
"That's okay, Brit. I don't need anything," I assure her. One day I can tell her about the fighting, I think to myself. I could never keep it from her very long. This is the girl I love, for crying out loud. Things are a mess right now, but I still want to marry this girl one day. Once I'm tougher, I decide. Once I can be strong enough to deserve her, I'll tell her. Then she'll know it was all worth it.
"Well since I can't have my surprise until June…can we go out to dinner tonight?" she asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Oh, babe that sounds perfect, but I can't. I have detention again and mom told me I have to come straight home. But we can hang out all weekend okay? We'll stay in our pajamas and get pizza and watch movies, okay?" I promise her. I really do want to spend time with her. But I know I need to fight to keep her.
"Okay!" she exclaims, hugging me tightly. The bell rings for first period and I grab my bag off the table, swinging it over my shoulder. I pull the last half of my muffin up and hand it to Brittany. She giggles excitedly and kisses me on the cheek, starting to nibble on it as we walk to class.
"The key to winning a fight is as much in your head as it is in your fists,"
So here we are, Puck and I, underneath the bleachers. I'm frozen from head to toe and just want to throw a few punches, but of course he's going Master Splinter on me.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I ask. I take a swig out of the bottle of whiskey he snuck over in his gym bag. He pulls the bottle from my hands and takes a swig himself.
"Stop drinking, Lopez and listen. This girl who crushed you…was she a beast?" he asks.
"Yes, she's totally ripped," I admit.
"Is she confident?" he questions.
"I guess so…I mean…" I try, but he cuts me off.
"Right, so she knows she's the shit. But she didn't start at the top. If there's one thing I learned in juvie it's that nobody comes in and takes over. Learned that shit the hard way. She probably got a few ass beatings herself before she got sick of it and started cleaning house on bitches," he rambles.
"What's your point?" I ask. The whiskey is starting to warm my belly. I'm getting dizzy.
"My point is that you're chum right now. Bottom of the barrel. You need to go in there and get ape shit on somebody's ass. Go in there, find the biggest bitch in the place and take her ass out," he tells me.
"Puck, Jamie's the biggest bitch in the place. And she bulldozed me the other night,"
"So start with smaller fights, beat those bitches down and get your confidence up. Then once you build a rep, drop that mother fucker," he says.
"She only beat you because she psyched you out. She was totally confident and you were probably cowering like a little bitch," he continues. I open my mouth to scold him, but he's right so I shut up.
"That's good and all but I need to actually be able to hit and stuff," I reply.
"Come on, Lopez. You can land a punch. You don't need my help with that," he says.
"When I punched Jamie she barely flinched. She just laughed at me and said it was cute," I explain.
"So punch me. Let's see what you got," he starts taunting me. I shake my head.
"Puck I don't want to punch you, just tell me what to do…" I admit.
"Come on, right in the kisser. Let's see it Lopez," he tries again. I just chuckle and turn around.
"Damn, Brittany's ass was looking fine in those jeans today right?" he eggs me on.
"Puck…cool it," I warn him. Nobody talks about my girl like that.
"Nah, it's cool, San. We're buds…but I was walking behind her today and damn that tush is like the pistons on a Ferrari," he continues. I turn to face him and he sees I'm getting pissed.
"I mean sure I already got on that a few years ago. But if she keeps wearing pants like that I may call her for a repeat performance," he says and I lose it I run toward him and launch my fist at his face as hard as I can. He stumbles backward but maintains his balance. Blood drips from his mouth into his cupped hands.
"Son of a bitch, Lopez," he moans.
"You deserved that," I tell him, trying to shake the pain out of my fist.
"So just get that pissed every time you fight and you'll be fine," he replies, wiping some blood off his chin.
"Every person I fight isn't going to say disgusting stuff about my girlfriend," I remind him.
"I'm sure other stuff pisses you off. Think about your parents or Rachel Berry or hell, if it works for you, think about me and Brittany getting it on," he says.
"You want to get punched again?" I warn him.
"Easy, I'm not going to go after her. She's yours, I get that. Besides…you'll always be my what if girl…" he says, moving closer to me.
"Puck, don't…" I say.
"I'm not going to do anything. I get it, we're both into boobs, it's cool," he chuckles.
"I think you're over simplifying it a little," I laugh back. He puts his hands on my shoulders and stares into my eyes.
"You ready to kick some ass?" he asks me.
"I guess we'll find out," I admit.
"Come on, let's go get some grub first. I'm starving," he says and leads me toward the parking lot. It's pretty empty save for a few cars, mine and Puck's and a few others I imagine belong to the janitors. I notice a note attached to my windshield and start to unfold it as I nod to Puck that I will meet him at Sonic in a few. As I sit in the driver's seat and turn the car on, cranking up the heat I open the note. It's a picture of a cupcake and below it is scribbled :Thanks for the muffin. I love you! Xoxoxoxo, Brittany. I smile to myself and put it in my bag. I'll hang it in my locker tomorrow. That will make her happy.
Once my car is warm I head downtown to meet Puck. I wish for a moment I could change this hell I'm in. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare. I don't want to be this person. I don't want to be the animal I've turned into, craving violence and distancing myself from the world one day at a time. But I know I have no choice. It's run or fight, Lopez.
Let's do this.