After my talk with Stacie I knew she was right. I couldn't keep running and hiding from everyone. I had to talk to Chloe. But I didn't know what to say to her. I wasn't ready to tell her about my feelings.
I was still confused. The past three days I spent in the woods thinking about everything what had happened.
Did I really had feelings for her? Or was it just an reaction? Was I really a lesbian? Or did I think that because people called me the Lesbian Gothic Queen for as long as I could remember?
I really didn't know, but I had to figure it out.
And then there was the problem with Chloe. What if it was just a game to her? That she had secretly filmed it and upload it later to Facebook? I didn't know her that well and I certainly didn't trust her.
Well I didn't trust anybody except for Stacie.
And I had hearing my classmate Fat Amy saying that gingers didn't have a soul. What if that was true?
But I couldn't keep hiding in the woods.
The next morning I went to school early. Our first class was gym so I hid in one of the shower stalls.
When I heard Chloe, I came out of the stall. To my surprise she wore my underwear again.
"You're wearing my underwear again?" I asked.
Her head shot up when she heard my voice, and she looked me directly in my eyes. Damn, she had the bluest eyes I ever saw.
"Yeah well they're really comfy" she answered.
I knew that this wasn't the moment to talk. Half of the girls in the locker room were staring at us. The last thing I wanted was more rumours they would post on Facebook.
"We'll talk later princess" I said and I walked away.
Gym was the only class we shared today. The next time I saw her was during lunch. We spoke briefly and agreed to talk later at her house. She had cheerleader practice after school and I had my own things to do.
That night I changed into my favourite leather dress. I took one last look in the mirror, before going to her house.
I was more than nervous when I rang the doorbell. Soon I would be alone with her again, and something deep inside of me was afraid that she would kiss me again.
She opened the door and looked just as nervous as I was.
She smiled and let me in. I followed her upstairs to her room.
I sat down on her desk chair while she sat on her bed.
We both looked down, none of us knew what to say.
Before I could say anything she started to speak.
"I owe you an apology and I'm sorry for the way I handled things, but not for kissing you" she said softly.
Okay this was not what I expected to hear. It confused me more. She wanted to kiss me?
"I like you very much Beca. I think you're beautiful and smart and cute. But I've gone to far. And for that I'm truly sorry. I hope you accept my apologies" she said.
"Uhm, yes I'll accept your apologise" I muttered.
"And I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have left like that. And I shouldn't have hide for three days. I was just shocked about what you did, and it confused the hell out of me" I softly admitted.
"Yeah I got that. But why? It was only a kiss" she asked me curiously.
I felt my cheeks burn at her question. It was a simple question but I didn't feel comfortable to answer that.
"Beca, you can talk to me. I won't tell anyone what we talked about" she said softly.
"Please Chloe, don't ask me that. I can't talk about it okay. You said sorry and I accepted your apologies. I have to go" I said and I got up.
"Wait Beca" Chloe said.
I don't know why, but I didn't leave.
"You want to know why I freaked out?" I asked her angry.
"Yes, want to understand you" she said softly.
"Fine. I've never been kissed okay. And when you kissed my neck I was embarrassed of how I reacted. How my body reacted. That's why I left" I said without looking at her.
I expected her to laugh at me, but she didn't. Instead she looked at me with sad eyes.
"I'm sorry Beca. I'm going to make it up to you. One day I will give you your first real kiss." she promised me.
"Woah easy princess. I don't even know if I want to kiss you. I don't even know if I like girls" I confessed to her.
Tjeez, what was happening to me? Normally I would never open up.
"Uh huh. The way you reacted to my kiss said enough. You are totally not hundred percent straight. So much I can tell you" she said confidently.
I could feel myself getting angry. I needed to go away before I would say something I would regret later. This conversation only confused me more. And I definitely wasn't ready to discuss my feelings with her.
"I gotta go princess. I see you later" I said and left.