MY LIFE IN A NUTSHELL
NARRATOR: Ms. Lily Evans
SUMMARY: It's the start of 7th year and things are beginning to spiral out of Lily's control. Follow her day-to-day adventures in this multi-chaptered fic about love, hate, and the many aspects of a 17-year-old witch's life.
RATING: T, for language, some visual imagery, and attempted humor.
Disclaimer: Don't own it, will never, despite my many wishes.
Read and review, as always! I've been getting some reviews that say the particular reader is awaiting Alice's aforementioned surprise...I guess, for those paying attention, it isn't a HUGE surprise.
Enjoy!
You would imagine that I was confused when I woke up to see my friends hovering over me. I shrieked and jumped out of bed.
"You're not supposed to be here!" I cried.
"What's your point, you silly little Lily?" Marlene asked. She was fingering a bit of parchment and had a wicked gleam in her eyes.
"Take a look at this," Alice said smugly, snatching the parchment from Marlene's fiddling fingers and handing it to me. I reached for it hesitantly and read the words:
"Denial (this isn't happeningto me!)
Anger (why is this happening to me?)
Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
Depression (I don't careanymore)
Acceptance (I'm readyfor whatever comes)
-From Kubler-Ross."
I looked up from the list and frowned at my friends. "Aren't these the stages of grief?"
"Or the stages of love!" Miranda emphasized. Her eyes were bright with excitement and insight. However, I didn't have the foggiest clue of what they were talking about.
Clear as a crystal ball. Meaning, definitely NOT that clear to me.
"You arses better up and explain to me now or I will kick you out this window," I said, pointing threateningly to the window beside me, which inevitably led to a rocky, painful landing.
Marlene rolled her eyes at my scary statement, however, and just pushed passed Alice and read the list aloud again, then repeated Miranda's words: "The stages of love, Lily, the stages of love!"
"I have no love."
"Pity the poor girl," Alice mocked. "And you know that's a flat lie. Remember? You're the apple of James' eye."
I wrinkled my nose. "Potter, then? You're talking to me about love and Potter?"
They nodded in unison.
I narrowed my eyes until they were slits. "It's barely 6:00 A.M. I don't have time for petty things like romance."
"There's always time for love!" Alice shouted.
"There's nothing going on between James and I," I sniffed haughtily and stomped out the room. However, I caught Miranda's telltale voice before I slammed the door-
"You know what, Lily? I think that's one of the first times you've called him James out loud."
"It was not the first time. I've done it twice before," I argued, sitting beside Miranda at the Gryffindor table. I desperately needed some breakfast.
"I'm surprised you actually remember," Miranda snidely responded. We were arguing, once again, on the Pottermatter, something that they were getting quite hyped up about. I myself was extremely annoyed that Miranda had gotten the last word this morning, and was keen on setting her straight.
"It's such a rare thing, I'd have to be idiotically oblivious in order to not remember," I huffed back.
"Whatever, Lily. Even while you're defending yourself, you're giving in."
And I knew that she was right. I was doing exactly what they wanted me to do- I was denying.
I decided to change the subject.
"You still haven't told them about Diggory, have you?"
Miranda's eyebrows folded together. "How did you know about him?"
"Oh, you know, I always happen across my friends shagging in the hallways."
Miranda's eyes went wide and she was about to protest, but I held up a finger. "I know, I'm exaggerating."
She went bright red.
"Unless I'm not?" I gasped, sincerely hoping that Miranda hadn't made such a shallow mistake.
"No, no, we didn't get that far," she mumbled.
"Well, you should be quite happy I was the only one who caught you," I said, stuffing some eggs into my mouth. Lessons would start in ten minutes. "The marauders were heading in the same direction, and who knows what in the world would've happened if they'd caught you?"
The blush from before had left Miranda's cheeks, but it rose again, this time so deep that she faintly resembled a tomato. "I'd rather we not talk about the Marauders."
"Weren't we doing that just a moment ago? The stages of grief, and all that crap?"
"Lessons," Miranda squeaked, hurrying out of the hallway without another word. I stared off at her until she disappeared from my vision.
"Lilly-bo-billy!" said an enthusiastic voice from behind me. To my surprise, Sirius was heading in my direction. He had a determined gleam in his eye and I could only imaginewhat he was up to. Squaring my shoulders and narrowing my eyes, I glared up at him from my seat.
He raised his hands in a defensive way, as if to say that he meant no harm. "I come in peace," he said resolutely before cracking into a grin. "I just need some help."
"When would you ever ask help from me, Black?" I scoffed.
"The apocalypse has come," he said, flashing his straight white teeth. A distant voice in the back of my head quoted the phrase Miranda had said when I'd told her about James' Head-Boy-ship.
"Make it quick, lessons are starting soon," I snapped, grabbing my transfiguration textbook from the table and stuffing it into my messy bag.
"Understood," Sirius said. "It's just a quick question."
"Shoot."
"Do you, my fiery little charms master, know any spell that will help with the controlling of birds?"
"Is this a plot for another one of your pesky pranks?"
"It depends on your perspective."
"Look it up, ask somebody else- I'm not going to involve myself in any bit of your 'marauding'," I said stubbornly.
"It's for the best," Sirius pleaded. "And anyway, as you say, I'm going to get it eventually- why not just give it to me now, and save me the trouble of searching?"
"No!"
Sirius glared at me for a moment, but then a slow smirk spread across his face. "Alright then, Evans. See you later. Say hi to Jamie for me," he said casually, picked up his stuff, and walked toward the Entrance Hall.
The morning had passed without any event worth mentioning, and I was slowly sinking into a stupor as Professor Binns droned on in his usual monotone. The air was hazy with humidity and the day was unusually warm for fall, making my robes stick to me as I struggled to keep consciousness. Though I had purposely chosen a seat next to the window, there was no breeze to speak of and the sun beat down on me relentlessly.
My nearly unconscious mind then began to hallucinate.
I was in a stone room with no doors and no windows, with grey carpet and brick walls. Dressed in my uniform but without my robe, I was dancing madly to the warbling voice of Celestina Warbeck. Wobbling wildly around the room and appearing as if I had a dysfunctional Jelly Legs Jinx cast on me, I hummed and sang to the tune of the song.
"I'm lonely," my imaginary self said. I began to think of it as my Conscience.
"I said, I'm lonely!" Conscience shouted out again.
"I need a dance partner," Conscience said matter-of-factly.
There was a quiet pop, as if somebody were bursting a bubble, and James Potter appeared in the room, dressed in his uniform as well but also without his robe.
"Hey! Get out of here, this is my daydream!" Conscience shouted.
Hypothetical James just shrugged, decided to say nothing, and sat down criss-crossed on the floor.
"I don't likeyou," Conscience whined. "Please get out."
Hypothetical James stared at Conscience Lily for a little bit, shrugged again, and leant back against the wall in a reclining position.
"Oh well," Conscience sighed, exaggeratingly exasperated. "I need a partner. You'll do."
Conscience Lily grabbed James' arm violently, tugged him to his feet, and the two mirage-like figure began to twirl and step in the brick-walled grey-carpeted room.
They square-danced, they Irish-danced, they ballroom-danced, and they kept on dancing, and dancing, and...
Poke.
No, no, go away! I want to watch the two figures dancing. They're so beautiful.
Poke.
I SAID, go away!
Stab.
Ow! That...
"Lily? Is there anything in the UNIVERSE that I can do to wake you up?" the real James roared angrily from next to me.
I shot up out of my seat and took a step forward, still not fully conscious. I ended up tripping over my bag, arms flailing, and falling into a pair of strong arms.
"Th-tha-thanks," I stuttered, a yawn distorting my word.
"No problem."
An awkward silence settled around the room. I decided to break it by reaching for a parchment that had fluttered to the ground- it seemed old and crumpled, a doodle sketched on it-
"No, that's mine," James said sharply, snatching the scrap of parchment from me and stuffing it into the depths of his bag. I looked at him questioningly but he avoided my gaze.
"Whatever," I sighed. "What do we have n-n-now?" I yawned once again.
"It's a free period," James informed me.
"Brilliant." I sighed and ran a sweaty hand through my hair. "And thanks, by the way, for waking me up. I'd never have expected it from you, Jamie."
He grinned and then stiffened immediately, looking at me with wide eyes. I gazed back confusedly, until I realized what I'd just called him and clapped a hand to my horrible, horriblemouth.
"Did you just call me Jamie?" he laughed incredulously, taking a step toward me. I shook my head violently and screamed, "slip of tongue!" from behind my hand, but he could barely understand me. He pulled my hand away from my mouth and stepped toward me once more. I backed up against a wall, my eyes shocked and my entire being crumbling to pieces.
I had called Potter Jamie.
"It's all Sirius' fault!" I shouted in a desperate attempt to regain my dignity. "He said your name that way, it got stuck in my head, and I was delirious so I was too confused to be myself—"
"You're constantly rambling," James said, now so close to me I could glimpse the gold flecks in his hazel eyes. "A waste of time, in my opinion." He stepped forward again.
"Back off, Potter," I said sharply, becoming very uncomfortable with our close proximity. He ran a hand through his hair and I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Sorry," he apologized.
"Never mind," I muttered, then stalked down the hall, embarrassed by my name slip-up and my crazy daydream.
Daydream.
I had danced with POTTER?
"And you're a horrible dancer!" I shouted to Potter from over my shoulder, leaving him bewildered and utterly confused.
Later after recounting my story, my friends had only one thing to say: "Denial, clear as day."
Lily's finally getting somewhere.
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Till next time, thou wonderful readers,
-.x.