Ch. 34 Bella POV
"Well welcome to the thunder dome bitch. My dating history is beyond shit." I state gently shaking my head at the horrid thoughts that are coming fast and furious. "First we have my bestie Jake, he was my first crush. We would fool around when our parents wanted adult time and would send us off to play. Well we played alright." I chuckle at the thought, "We played pop the cherry until the day he came flying out of the closet with a rainbow shoved up his ass, shittin' skittles. Later he confessed I was his test dummy saying that if a hottie like me couldn't turn him straight nothing could."
I chance a glance over at Edward and he's sitting there with that lovely little eyebrows bunched up looking like he doesn't know whether to shit or fart. So to ease his worries, I continue with a complete fuck-tard on my list of 'adventures'.
"Now let's move on to the guy I refer to as a fucking prick. I began seeing a guy named James the summer after my junior year of High School. He was cute and all but a total asshat. James thought he was hot shit with his ponytail and leather jacket." I secretly wanted to braid that shit, but we'll keep that shit in the closet. "Looking back now he was a controlling lunatic. He treated me like his property. I was young and stupid and thought that possessive meant he was into me, until the day he held me down and bit my neck leaving a huge nasty bruise. Well needless to say Emmett and his boy Demetri got a hold of him and he was never seen again. We actually saw a story about him on that show 'Disappeared' not that long ago." I say shrugging. Sad really, if you think about it.
But on to the best one of all, the baby carrot.