Not alone anymore: chapter 11
Shadow's POV
I had been enjoying their company alot. So i missed it a bit when i had gotten back home. We were sitting at the table just playing cards and enjoying eachother other's company. I had eaten dinner at sonic's friends' their place. So i had no reason to make dinner here now. "say, sonic?" I started after our card game was finished and i was now sitting on his lap on my couch. "yeah?" Sonic responded. He had an arm wrapped around me to keep me against his chest. "what is the reason that you're here for me." I asked. I really had no idea why. And if he had told me. Then i must've forgotten. Like so many other stuff that i have forgotten so many times. "i used to be your husband and there is something or someone telling me that i still am." He answered. "so, you're not here living with me because you want to or because you love me?" I wondered. I didn't want him to stay if he felt forced to, but if he wanted to himself. "i am staying because i wanted to. i may not love you at the moment..." Those words stabbed my heart as if a dagger had penetrated it with all it's might. "but i'm sure that when i somehow get those memories of you're husband back. that we'll continue living like we used to do when we were married." He finished his sentence with a smirk. "get you're memories back?" I asked in confusion. "yeah! tails told me that he was my past life. And if i really am the reincarnation of your husband then there must be a way to get those memories back. and if i do get those back, then i should be able to get my feelings for you back aswell." He said with a determined glint in his eyes.
So he never had any feelings for me after all? He just stayed with me these past few days because he felt like it. At the moment i wasn't any more or less then a stranger he would've saved from a burning building. He wasn't showing my husband sonic who was always there when i was having a hard time. He was showing the hero sonic who was there for anyone who would just whimper.
"shadow? are you okay?" I heard the familiar voice of sonic say. I looked up to face him. "you were spacing out for a moment there after i finished my sentence. are you okay?" He asked in conern. "i need some time alone." I said and got up from his lap. He grabbed my wrist and i looked back at him. "i'm sorry, but i feel like it would be wrong to let you go like this." He said and gripped my wrist tighter, but not tight enough to hurt me. My husband used to do that. He could somehow always know it whenever i felt sad. And if i was then he wouldn't let me go so easily so he could comfort me. He did so much for me. And there was nothing i could to in return. I was being so selfish. He had given me all that he could give someone like me. And now that he was back i was asking for even more. I have no right to ask more. It should be me who should be giving this time. My late-husband had given all he could and now it's my turn to do the same for him. Even thought all i can give is more bad then good.
"are you okay?" I could hear him ask again. I had been staring in front of me to the door leading to the hallway while thinking. I nodded in order to respond to him. "no you're not." He said and pulled me back towards him. I dropped down on the couch next to him. "tell me what's wrong." He said. "nothing is wrong." I said and smiled at him slightly. "i'm just tired." I lied and got up from the couch again. I walked out into the hallway and made my way up the stairs. "good night?" I heard him say when i made my final step on the stairs. I muttered the same back and made my way into my bedroom. I laid down on my bed. I grabbed hold of a pillow and curled up around it. I had gotten the habit of doing that during my first pregnancy and i wasn't able to get rid of it ever since.
I was wondering. If he would get the memories from my late-husband. If i would get the old sonic back. What would he think of me then? Would he still see me the same as when we married? Would he be angered with my selfish behaviour? Would he even still want to be with me? I sighed and decided to sleep. I would think more of it when i had some sleep. I felt sleep overcoming me. I yawned and curled up. Before i knew it i had fallen in a deep slumber.