A/N: Yep, hell's frozen over! It's an update for Never Ever! And it only took six months! I'd just like to say thank you to you guys who contacted me to remind me how long it had been since I updated, it made me so happy to know that there were people waiting on an update. So tacklehugs to you all, and I really hope you enjoy this chapter. And as always, I'd love it if you reviewed and told me your thoughts, criticisms, anything! Also... it's just struck me that this is the second time I've joked about Jin's staying power in a fic, haha. Ah, it's how I show my affection for him, I guess.

NEVER EVER


The right, right words are here
But I can't say them yet.

Chapter 15: Distraction

For a long time after, I just stay where I am, arms wrapped tightly around Jin, my face buried in his jacket, listening to his quiet, even breathing. The breeze rustles our clothing, carrying with it the faint scent of flowers and the sound of doors occasionally opening and closing far off in the distance.

"You should have more of a tan." I mumble into his jacket.

"What?"

"You were in Australia, right?"

"...Let's just say I didn't do much sunbathing while I was there." he tells me.

"So what did you do then?"

Jin pulls away, and a fierce breeze blows through my wet hair, sending a chill through my body. Reflexively, I hug myself to keep warm, and he sighs.

"Lots of training."

"That's all?"

"Yeah."

"No sightseeing?"

"Not really."

"No wandering the streets in your dorky hoodie looking sulky?"

"Oh, I did a little bit of that."

"Ah. So for two years, you did nothing but train and sulk, basically?"

Jin smiles a little at my teasing.

"Basically."

"I'm honoured you took time out of that whirlwind schedule to send me that cryptic email then."

He makes a small sound of acknowledgement, then realises the mistake and says "Wait --what?"

"So it was you."

"I... what're you talking about?"

"Whatever, Jin. I knew it was from you as soon as I got it. Who else would it be?"

"Didn't follow my advice though did you?" he mumbles, folding his arms. I look up into the sky, still gloriously clear apart from a few wisps of cloud over to the west. Or east. Or wherever, I'm not good with directions.

"Hey, I took it on board."

"You shouldn't have come here. You know that, right?"

This again.

"Well, it'd have been a wasted afternoon if I hadn't shown up, wouldn't it? Yeah, the flowers are pretty, but surely you could only appreciate them for so long before you got bored."

"You know what I mean, Xiao."

"You know, I'm not sure I heard you the first zillion times you said that." I glare, my mood darkening by the second. "Wanna explain why, since you haven't yet?"

"Because it's -"

"Dangerous?"

"Yes, Xiao." He looks irritated. "It's dangerous."

"Okay. Why?"

He opens his mouth to answer, and I wave my hand dismissively.

"Wait, wait. Let me guess. 'I can't explain, Xiaoyu. You'll just have to trust me on this'. Is that it?"

"...You don't have the slightest idea what Heihachi's capable of, do you?" Jin snaps.

"No, Jin, actually, I don't. So why not tell me?"

"Its... I... I just... I can't..."

"Yeah. I knew that was coming."

My voice sounds icier than I'd meant it to, and I turn away from him with a twinge of guilt. I want to be understanding, sympathetic, patient. It's obviously something that's hard for him to talk about, and I don't want to sound so angry and frustrated that he can't share it with me, but I can't help it.

"Xiaoyu..."

I don't answer, just stare down at my trainers as Jin's hand touches mine.

"You're cold?"

"What do you think?"

He takes my hand properly, our fingers lacing together, and I still don't look at him.

"I can't talk about it." Jin says in a voice so quiet I hardly catch the words. "It's... I just... I don't want to think about it. I don't want to remember. I don't want to put it into words. I can't... I just want to forget..."

It's as if just getting those words out is an effort for him. His grip on my hand tightens, and I turn to face him, planning on apologising, telling him it doesn't matter and he doesn't have to tell me. One look at his face though, and I can't get any words out either. His expression tells me more about what happened than any words ever could. If it's something that causes him so much misery, if the mere memory of it pains him this much... I don't think I want to know at all.

"Maybe you're the one who shouldn't have come here." I say softly. Jin lets go of my hand immediately.

"I had to. How could I pass up an opportunity like this one?"

"Opportunity?"

"Like I said before, it's a chance to end this. They're both here."

He looks away, and I say nothing for a while, just watch his profile as he stares off into the distance.

"That's the only reason I'm here." he says.

Thanks for that, Jin.

"You do know Lei Wulong's here too, don't you?" I say, feeling somewhere between hurt and uncomfortable. "I'd keep any plans of 'ending' anything to yourself unless you wanna be hauled off."

"Well he lost his match, so he probably won't stick around until the end of the tournament. I guess I should thank you."

It's probably a joke, but I can't help be irritated by it.

"I didn't do it for your benefit, Jin. I do things for myself sometimes, you know."

For example, the only reason I entered this tournament was to see you.

There's an awkward silence, and I take a deep breath of the cool afternoon air, but it does nothing to lessen my irritation.

"I never said you didn't." Jin mutters.

"Yeah, well who cares how I feel, right?"

"Uh... I'm not following you."

"I'm just saying. As long as I make you feel better, who cares how I feel?

"I don't get how we got onto this subject."

"Why do you think I entered the tournament, Jin?" I ask him. He gazes at me, a hint of realisation and regret in his expression, and I turn away and start walking down the path. The flowers bob their heads cheerfully in the breeze.

"Xiao..." he calls after me. "I... you know I missed you..."

I shake my head. That's not what I want to hear.

"Christie's waiting for me." I say, struggling to keep my voice even.

"Oh... I... I guess you'd better get going then."

"Yeah." I manage.

I don't know why I'm so hurt by one simple, offhand comment. I know he cares about me. He's told me he cares, he's told me he worries. I know he has so much on his mind right now and I shouldn't expect anything of him. But I guess I just can't shake the feeling that all I'm there for, all I've ever been there for, is to provide some sort of distraction from his misery, some sort of comfort. Maybe it's selfish and bratty, but I really wanted to be more than that to him.

It's past dinnertime, but I haven't bothered getting anything to eat. I had half a sandwich in the cafe with Christie a few hours ago anyway, so it's not like I'm starving. I don't really feel like communicating with anyone right now, even if it's just to ask for a slice of pizza or whatever. So instead, I'm still in my room, sitting in the chair by the window and staring out at the horizon. The sun's just about set, dreary twilight settling in, and as I sit there sullenly, the lamps dotted along the pathway below flicker to life.

"Hey!"

I blink, looking in the direction of Hwoarang's voice. He's standing in the doorway, giving me an odd look.

"Oh, back with us are we?"

"Huh?"

"Jeez, I come to tell you how much ass I kicked in my sleep this afternoon, and this is the welcome I get?"

"...Oh, sorry." I reply glumly. He rolls his eyes, closing the door behind him.

"Lemme guess, you've been so worried about my match that you've sat here moping all afternoon? You should know how much I fucking rock, Xiao. It was total cake."

Through all his bragging, I can see the fight took its toll. For one thing, he looks tired out, and for another, he can't hold back a wince of pain as he sits down on the edge of the bed. Smiling, I decide not to point out either of those things. I'm just happy to have him here, his silliness is a welcome distraction from my sulking.

"Glad to hear it. It's just a shame that if you carry on like this, you'll have to fight me eventually. What a blow to your ego it'll be to get beat by a girl, huh?"

"You wish, Xiao. You know as well as I do that I'd have you spark out in three seconds flat."

"Yeah, you keep believing that."

He grins, flopping backwards on the bed, folding his arms behind his head, t-shirt riding up to expose a few inches of his toned stomach, which I did not even notice, much less admire, thank you very much.

"So, what's the gazing moodily out of the window thing all about then?"

"Oh, nothing. Just longing for you, as usual."

"That so? Get your ass over here then, I should definitely have enough energy left to do you for... oh, half an hour."

"Ha, such a romantic." I giggle.

"It'd be the best half hour of your life and you know it." He sits back up, smiling. "Come on, kiddo. What're you pissed about?"

"Just..." I trail off, sighing. A light, misty rain has started to fall, tapping gently at the window. Hwoarang stands up, wandering over to the small work surface where an electric kettle is plugged in, a bowl stuffed with sachets of sugar, single teabags and coffee sitting next to it. I filled the kettle last night, but never got around to making anything.

There's a click as Hwoarang flicks the kettle on, then he moves over to stand by the corner table, currently strewn with all the stuff I emptied out of my bag this morning.

"Just what?"

"I saw Jin this afternoon."

"And?"

I turn to him, and he's flicking through the evil, toe-targeting folklore textbook.

"I just wish he'd... I dunno... It doesn't matter. I'm just frustrated, I guess."

His hand stills on the page, and he glances at me, eyes glinting with amusement.

"What, he comes too quick? It happens to the best of us, Xiao, take it as a compliment."

"What? No! Hwoarang! I didn't mean..."

I stop my protests abruptly, wondering why I'm so flustered at such a silly comment. I mean, I've thought about what it'd be like to go that far with Jin, obviously, but I've sort of got an idea in my head of what my first time would be like. And it doesn't involve premature ejaculation. Hwoarang's turned back to the textbook, laughing to himself.

"Guess I hit the mark."

"Stop being so gross."

"Stop being so gross!" he imitates in a whiny voice that sounds nothing like me.

"How old are you, again?"

The kettle clicks off, steam billowing from the spout, but Hwoarang ignores it, frowning down at the textbook.

"...Huh."

"What's up?"

"I uh... I think I recognise this."

"Recognise what?"

I rise from the chair and go over to him, peering over his shoulder, a chill running through my veins as I realise what he's looking at. An illustration of some kind of demon glowers from the double page, familiar black markings inked across its forehead and chest.

Even if you cut the strings that control my body
So badly that I can't move
If you didn't hold me
I wanted to make you.

--- Ningyou, Tsukiko Amano