Chapter 14 – The Mysterious Case of the Teleporting Monkey
"We just came to tell you... We've decided," Martha began to the Doctor and Rose a few hours later, all gathered in their bedroom.
"Decided?" Rose echoed.
"On the baby," Martha reiterated.
"It's going to be Michelle if it's a girl, and Andrew if it's a boy!" Mickey told them excitedly.
Rose beamed. "Oh, I love those names!" she said excitedly. "I'm so happy for you both!"
She looked at the Doctor for his congratulations, but he was just staring at Mickey and Martha with his jaw agape. "... You've decided on names in less than a week?"
Martha laughed. "In one conversation, actually."
"What's wrong with you?" the Doctor asked seriously.
"Not all of us are as indecisive as you," Mickey pointed out.
"That's just..." the Doctor began, still staring at them. "I mean... What... I mean... How did... That's just..."
He trailed off, still struggling to form words.
"You've done it, you've made him speechless," Rose told them seriously.
"End of the universe," Martha supposed, laughing.
"Mind-blowing paradox," Mickey continued.
"Implosion of the Earth!" Rose completed, digging her husband in the ribs.
The Doctor just looked between them, still in complete disbelief. Thankfully the silence was broken by the sudden explosion of tears from the next room and the Doctor was off in a shot.
He entered the nursery and almost tripped over the toddler standing at the door crying. Alex looked up at him with a toy in one hand and instantly the tears stopped, and he made the sign for hunger. The Doctor nodded, picking him up and taking him back into the bedroom, placing him on the bed.
Alex looked at for a moment before he looked at Martha and Mickey, then giggled and waved at them both.
"Oh, he's such a sweetheart," Martha said happily, leaning forward to hug the boy who hugged her in return.
"Hello, Alex!" Mickey enthused next, wearing an expression the Doctor hadn't really seen before. "Say hello to your Uncle Mickey!"
Alex just stared up at him for a moment, and then reached up his arms for a hug. Mickey obliged, still beaming from ear to ear.
When all was done, Alex finally turned to Rose and made the sign for hunger again. The Doctor picked him up and placed him in Rose's lap, careful not to put any pressure on her arm as he supported Alex's weight.
"Our cue to leave," Martha supposed, taking Mickey's hand and pulling him up. "See you two later."
"Bye!" Rose said, and they left out the door. She looked at the Doctor. "I think Mickey's gonna be a good Dad."
The Doctor nodded at that as she let Alex get access to his food. For a moment they watched him feeding.
"When should we get him off of my milk?" Rose asked as he nursed.
"Not yet, he doesn't seem to have a very strong immune system and your milk will help him now."
She nodded, and they just watched until Alex finished. The Doctor lifted him off and sat him in his lap, pressing a kiss to his forehead. The Doctor picked up the small monkey Alex had brought with him and held it up for a moment, before pointing suddenly across the room.
"What's that, Alex?" he said. The boy looked and the Doctor instantly threw Monkey over his shoulder to Rose, who obediently hid it under the covers. Alex looked back at his father, and instantly became very confused at the fact Monkey wasn't in the Doctor's hand anymore.
"Hey, where'd Monkey go?" the Doctor asked Alex with a frown, looking around the room and holding up his hands. "Did you see where he went? He completely disappeared! How did he do that?"
Alex was looking very confused indeed, Rose sniggering at his expression.
"Alex, did you take him? Have you got him?" the Doctor asked the boy seriously.
Alex shook his head, still extremely confused.
Rose sneaked Monkey out from under the covers and placed him on the Doctor's left shoulder. Alex shrieked and pointed up at Monkey, laughing.
"What? Can you see him?" the Doctor asked, and deliberately looked at the wrong shoulder.
Alex laughed even more pointing at the other shoulder and bouncing on the bed in excitement.
"What? The other shoulder?" the Doctor asked him, and Rose switched the monkey to his right shoulder. Alex laughed even harder as the Doctor deliberately looked in the wrong place.
"What? Alex, are you having me on?" the Doctor said pretending to be incredibly shocked. "You told me Monkey was there!"
Alex was laughing so hard he fell backwards on the bed, grabbing his toes and rocking back and forth. The Doctor and Rose were laughing now too, Alex's laughter incredibly catching. Rose grabbed the monkey again and hid it behind the Doctor.
"He's not on this shoulder either!" the Doctor exclaimed through laughing, looking at his right shoulder. Alex looking up momentarily at his dad before shrieking with laughing again. "Where is he, Alex?"
Rose gave Monkey back to the Doctor when Alex was too busy laughing notice, and the Time Lord put Monkey on his head.
"Alex? Alex!" the Doctor began, looking around. "Where's Monkey? Have you seen him again?"
Alex looked up again and saw Monkey sitting on his Dad's head and burst into yet more laughter, tears falling from his eyes.
"Oh my god, stop," Rose begged him and the Doctor laughed, taking the monkey off of his head and giving him back to Alex who was slowly beginning to come back to Earth. The Doctor took Alex in both hands and rolled back to lie on the bed, holding the boy above him.
"Ah, Daddy loves you, Alex," the Doctor told him, bringing him down to lie on his chest, hugging him. "I don't care when you want to talk. You can take all the time in the universe."
Alex just giggled again and stretched his arms out as far around the Doctor's chest as they'd go.
"Hello, Mum," the Doctor began, strolling into the kitchen a couple of hours later. He saw her cooking, and frowned. "You don't have to do that, you don't even eat what you cook us half the time."
"Oh, don't be so silly, Theta," Penelope reprimanded. "Your family needs a lot more food than your Father and I, besides, you're charging around being busy all day whilst I sit around doing nothing, I like to make myself useful!"
The Doctor offered her smile. "Thank you."
"No thank you needed," Penelope assured him. "It will be ready in twenty minutes."
The Doctor nodded. "What is it?"
"Spaghetti bolognese, if I am reading this Earth cookbook correctly," she joked, her smile lighting up her eyes. "If not, it'll be sludge!"
The Doctor nodded again, smiling. "You don't have to go to all this effort, Mum. Rose and Leah will eat Gallifreyan food as well if it's easier for you."
"Oh no, I insist on learning," Penelope told him. "Tomorrow I'm going to try something called steak and kidney pudding! I don't know what it is, and it sounds horrible, but I'll give it a go!"
The Doctor laughed at that, just as a cold wave of air seemed to wash over the Doctor and he turned to find Ulysses stepping into the room, looking around.
"Theta, Penelope," he acknowledged, not even looking at the Doctor.
"Father," the Doctor muttered, eyes flickering to the door for an escape route, but his Father was completely blocking it.
"What are you cooking, Penelope?" Ulysses wondered.
"Some Earth cuisine called spaghetti bolognese, I thought I could cook it for the others tonight," Penelope told him, still focusing her attention on the cooker. "And who knows, maybe I'll give it a taste too!"
Ulysses nod slowly, and without a word. He looked over at Theta, eyes instantly snapping to his... piercing cold bullets of cynical regard.
"You eat quite a lot, Theta," Ulysses said.
The Doctor swallowed, glancing at the exit again but it was still being blocked. "Humans eat more than us, Father."
"You are a Gallifreyan, my boy. A Time Lord. You do not need the same as a human."
"I like to eat with my family," the Doctor tried to sat boldly, but it came out as a mutter.
"You are overfeeding yourself. If you are not careful you will go the same way as Shemo."
"I know, Father," the Doctor croaked. "I'm sorry, Father."
"Leave him alone, Ulysses," Penelope suddenly ordered. "And the both of you get out of my kitchen, everything's going to be ready in a minute and I don't need you two here clogging up my space!" she said, looking at Theta and smiling.
He gave a small smile back, and with one look at his father he slipped out the door and practically ran back to Rose.
Rose had insisted on getting up to have dinner, and the Doctor simply couldn't stop her no matter how much he protested. They'd picked up a very happy looking Leah on the way and gone to the kitchen where dinner was laid out.
Penelope took the first taste of the spaghetti bolognese, chewing for a moment before swallowing and nodding slightly.
"Well, I hope that's how it usually tastes," she said, laughing.
Rose took the next bite. "That's fine," she assured Penelope. "Tastes like spaghetti bolognese to me."
"Oh, good," Penelope said, still laughing. "Well, dig in!"
Leah finished first, jumping off of her chair with bolognese all around her mouth. "Thank you, Granny! That was really nice!" she said, hugging Penelope.
Penelope smiled and hugged her in return. "You're very welcome."
"Please may I go and play?" she asked eagerly.
"Of course, but wash your face first, you've been a bit messy," Penelope told her.
"Okay!" Leah said, and was instantly off out the door.
"Bye, Leah," Rose said pointlessly, looking at Penelope. They both laughed. Rose looked at the Doctor. He'd barely touched his food, having spent the whole of dinner just shifting it around on the plate with his fork.
"You not eatin' that?" Rose asked.
"I... I think I'll pass," the Doctor muttered, setting down the fork and pushing it away.
"That bad, was it?" Penelope asked, laughing.
"No, no, it was great, Mum. Thank you," the Doctor said quickly. "I just... I'm full."
"Full?" Rose asked disbelievingly. "You're never full. There's no end to your stomach, I swear."
"Sorry, I just... I don't feel like eating."
Rose was about to speak again when he quickly cut over the top of her.
"Excuse me," he said quickly, and left out the door as quick as he could.
Rose frowned, looking at Penelope. "Is he okay?"
Penelope sighed. "I think... He may be listening to his father."
"What did he say to him?"
"Overeating."
Rose sighed. "Oh, not that again. That's ridiculous, so what if he eats more than a usual Time Lord, he's been fine for five years."
"That may be so, but overeating is a very frowned upon subject with Gallifreyans, they did not regard it as the way you do. They treat it as highly shameful – as you would treat a murderer. The worst case scenario was someone Theta knew as a boy."
"Who?"
"There was a Time Lord named Shemo, an associate of Ulysses and a highly respected member of society. He began to overeat, gaining a lot of weight until he finally had hearts failure and regenerated. But halfway through his regeneration he had a hearts attack and he turned into... well..." She paused, swallowing at a memory. "He was completely deformed, his skin was black, he had limbs in the wrong places and his internal organs became external organs. It was horrific. He was completely paralysed and unable to regenerate. When they linked him up to a mind reader all he was doing was screaming inside his mind. His House requested an assisted death from the High Council. They approved it."
"They killed him?" Rose repeated in disbelief.
"Yes," Penelope said solemnly. "Although it may puzzle you, Ulysses is only trying to look after Theta."
Rose took this in, nodding slowly. "Okay. Jumpin' to conclusions again, aren't I?" she said, laughing. "Sorry, Ulysses is just... Well..."
"I know," Penelope replied gently. "It's only natural for you to care about your husband."
Rose nodded again, then looked around at the plates. "Oh, my least favourite part. Cleaning up."
"I will do it," Penelope told her. "You should go back to bed."
"I feel bad that you're doing all this," Rose told her.
"It's perfectly fine, now go back to bed, Rose," Penelope insisted, already gathering up the plates.
"I'll send the Doctor in to help you," Rose assured her, grinning. Penelope laughed as Rose picked up her crutch and hobbled out the door.