A/N: It's not late, it's not late, it's not late :o
Chapter 17 – Liar, Liar, House On Fire
"My God, who decked you?" Jackie wondered the minute she opened her flat door, gazing at her not-quite-son-in-Law and his bruised eyes.
"A table," Rose replied, laughing. "Idiot fell over."
"Drunk?" Jackie wondered.
"He tried to throw a punch."
"Oh!" Jackie realised, then frowned. "He couldn't punch anyone, he's way too weedy."
The Doctor coughed slightly as Ulysses and Penelope reached the top of the stairs. "Err... I'm standing right here."
"Let's come in!" Rose declared happily before they could start arguing, leading the way inside her Mum's flat with Leah clutching onto her hand. Tony was sat on the sofa, and the instant Leah and Tony saw each other they started glaring.
"You two be nice!" Rose hissed to them. "It's only for a couple of hours."
Leah sighed a heavy sigh, jumping up to take the only one-person chair and sitting there with her arms folded indignantly. Tony sniffed and looked at the ceiling.
"This is Penelope," Rose began, with a gesture of introduction. "And this Ulysses," she gestured to the man currently standing near the door, gazing around the flat with an incredible amount of disdain. "The Doctor's parents, this is my Mum, Jackie, and my brother, Tony."
"It's so lovely to meet you!" Penelope said politely, extending a hand.
Jackie shook it with a smile, gesturing for everyone to take a seat.
"Oi, make room," the Doctor told Leah. She shuffled over obediently and he dropped down onto it, sitting Alex on one leg as Leah took the other.
"Would anyone like any tea? Coffee?" Jackie asked in, what the Doctor noticed to be, a far posher accent than usual.
"I'll have some tea," he said, arm in the air.
"Me too," Rose said.
"Of course, sweetheart," Jackie said happily and buzzed off to the kitchen.
"Sorry," Rose said in an undertone after a moment's pause, laughing. "She's always like this when there's important guests."
"I like it," the Doctor admitted as Alex started to climb up his chest to, presumably, assault his hair. He grabbed the boy and sat him down on his leg again.
"Ulysses?" Penelope wondered after a moment's pause, looking at the man still stood gazing around the room as if analysing and judging every single inch of it.
"If you want the loo it's through that door," Rose told him, pointing.
Ulysses didn't even acknowledge that she said anything, just moving off through the door.
"Would've thought superior Gallifreyans don't need to pee," Rose muttered sarcastically under her breath, just loud enough for the Doctor and Penelope to catch.
"Now, I've ordered pizzas and they should be here in ten minutes," Jackie said, interrupting any further conversation that may have come out of that as she came back into the living room holding a tray with two cups of teas and a plate of rich tea biscuits on. "I wasn't sure if you two were vegetarian or not Penelope, so I got two veggies and two meats?"
"That's absolutely fine," Penelope assured her, smiling.
"I suppose we should get to know each other then!" Jackie said, laughing as she sat down. "I have to say I'm a bit surprised. The Doctor never really talks about his family all that much, I kinda assumed you were dead or living on Gallybean or whatever your planet's called."
"Gallifrey," the Doctor corrected.
"Oh yes, sorry, that one," Jackie said with a dinner party laugh, still being incredibly fake.
"The one that got destroyed in a war?" the Doctor continued in a prompt, raising an eyebrow.
"It did?" Jackie asked, hand over mouth. "You never told me that! I'm so very sorry, Penelope."
"And that is the fault of one person and one person only," came a harsh voice from behind them as Ulysses left the bathroom and shut the door behind him.
"Errr..." Jackie began, frowning as the Doctor shrank where he sat.
"Yes!" Penelope interjected before it could go any further. "That's where Theta grew up."
"What was he like as a kid?" Jackie wondered seriously. "Was he a bit of a nerd? I think he could've been."
"He was extremely troublesome," Ulysses said straight.
"I believe it was his friend, Koschei, that boy was quite a bad influence on him," Penelope explained.
"Mum!" the Doctor whined, hoping to change the subject. He was completely ignored.
"Oh, I had trouble with that!" Jackie exclaimed, laughing and indicating Rose with a nod of her head. "Quite a miserable month of my life, that was! Still, give the kid a good shouting at and they won't be doing that again."
"Mum!" Rose whined in turn, looking at the Doctor, who was looking at her with his 'you do realise this is your fault' expression.
"So is it only Rose and Tony you have?" Penelope asked. Jackie nodded. "We have two boys, Theta and Irving. Though recently we've been thinking..."
"Don't even finish that sentence," the Doctor warned lowly.
"We've been thinking that maybe it's time for another, we've never conceived naturally before and it could be fun," Penelope continued, regardless.
"You finished the sentence..." the Doctor croaked in realisation, turning utterly red.
"Really, Theta," Penelope said with a sigh. "You should be a lot more open-minded. It has been a very long time since your father and I shared a bed and I found I've begun to enjoy it again."
"I feel ill," the Doctor muttered as Rose giggled at his expression.
"Well, I've found a new man recently," Jackie began. "He's very keen on kids too, I think I could pop out one more before my time's up."
Rose's expression fell like a ten tonne rock.
"Oh, you should definitely try," Penelope said, smiling. "I'm sure Theta and Rose would be thrilled to help in whatever way they can."
"Is there gonna be another baby?" Leah wondered suddenly, completely forgotten in the conversation.
Penelope smiled. "Perhaps, Leah! Perhaps two!"
"Yay!" Leah exclaimed happily, but the Doctor wasn't looking so pleased.
"If you'll excuse me a moment, I'm just going to have a moment of panic and nausea in the bathroom," the Doctor stated, manoeuvring Leah and Alex off of him before legging it to the bathroom.
"I think I'll join you," Rose muttered, and pegged it after him.
Penelope and Jackie watched them go, eyes following until they closed the bathroom door behind them. Then neither of them could hold it in any longer. They simultaneously burst out laughing, smiling very evilly indeed.
"But really," Penelope began. "I'm not going to have another."
Jackie nodded quickly in agreement. "Oh god, no."
The Doctor and Rose were in the bathroom having a decent snogging session. Rose had her hand halfway down his trousers and he had his inside her top. Neither of them were quite sure how it had started and it was hardly an appropriate time for it either, but it wasn't like they were going all the way. A quick snog and a grope in the Mother-In-Law's bathroom, what was wrong with that?
He backed her up against the shower door, wincing slightly at the sound the door made at began jolted, but continued regardless.
Rose was enjoying this, to say the least. She hadn't had a decent make out session with him for a while and it was always lovely to get her tongue stuck into one whenever the opportunity arose.
Then something behind the Doctor caught her eye... And slowly and her eyes widened at the sight of a small fire in the corner of the bathroom.
"Doctor!" she mumbled through his mouth, trying to pull away.
"No, mine," he said shortly, grabbing her and snogging her again.
"Doctor!" she yelled this time, forcing him away.
For a moment he looked like a kid who'd dropped his ice cream before he realised she was looking at something else behind him, and he turned to see the fire. "Oh!"
He reached for his sonic... but it wasn't there. He patted down his pockets but it wasn't there. He must've left it in the TARDIS...
But there was no time to worry about that. He dived for the hand towel, running it under the water and wringing it out before throwing it on the fire. Impossibly the fire seemed to love that and suddenly jumped a metre forward towards them...
The entire of the corner of the bathroom was suddenly in flames. The Doctor grabbed Rose's arm and ran out the door into the living room.
"Everyone get out, the bathroom's on fire!" the Doctor said urgently, running to Alex and Leah.
"What the hell did you do to it?" Jackie yelped, grabbing Tony's arm and yanking him to stand close.
The Doctor took Leah's hand and readjusted Alex in his grip, just in time for the smoke alarms in the entire block to start up, instantly deafening them.
"Come on, move!" the Doctor yelled, making out the door with everyone else following on behind.
"Oh, wait!" Jackie exclaimed, grabbing the Doctor's arm in a panic. "Mrs Hodgson! She won't be able to get down on her own... And Mr Johnson, he's completely deaf."
"Me and Rose'll get them," the Doctor said quickly, handing her Leah and and Alex. "Everyone else get out!"
They quickly obeyed the command and hurried down the stairwell before the Doctor turned to Rose.
"Where's Mrs Hodgson?" he asked quickly.
"Up two floors, number 16," Rose said. "Mr Johnson's up one, number 12."
"Let's go," the Doctor said, glancing at the door of the flat they had just come out of. Smoke was billowing out the bottom already, it had spread insanely fast...
He streaked up the stairs two floors until he got to number seven. "Mrs Hodgson!" he yelled, banging his fist on the door. "Mrs Hodgson, are you there?"
After a few moments the door creaked open to reveal Mrs Hodgson, an elderly woman staring at him incongruously.
"Now just what is all this racket?" she asked.
"Mrs Hodgson, the building's on fire, we have to leave now," the Doctor told her urgently.
"On fire? Oh dear!" Mrs Hodgson exclaimed, then turned around and walked back into her flat.
"Mrs Hodgson!" the Doctor yelped, running forward. "What are you..."
"I must get Mr Tibbles!" Mrs Hodgson told him.
"I'll get your cat..." the Doctor told her, assuming it was a cat anyway. "Come on, Mrs Hodgson, this way..."
He took her arm gently and guided her to the stairwell where Rose already waiting.
"Here, Rose will take you out all right?"
"Thank you, dearie!," Mrs Hodgson told him as Rose took her arm from the Doctor and began to lead her down the hallway. "He's a lovely young man, isn't he?" the Doctor heard Mrs Hodgson tell Rose as they moved to the stairs. "You're a very lucky young woman!"
The Doctor turned and ran back into the flat, scouring all over for Mr Tibbles.
"Mr Tibbles!" he called, ducking to look under the sofa. "Mr Tibbles!" He straightened again, and checked the bathroom. "Here, Mr Tibbles! Come on!"
He suddenly saw a black cat dart out of the bedroom door and make towards the bathroom. The Doctor instinctively dived in a rugby tackle and grabbed the cat in both hands.
Mr Tibbles meowed and went to bite his hand. He yelped, just about moving his hand away in time before getting to his feet, gaining a firm grip on the cat away from its claws and jaws.
The door opened again. The Doctor turned to see Ulysses standing there, gazing around the small flat with interest.
"Father!" the Doctor said quickly, trying to subdue Mr Tibbles struggling in his arms. "We need to get out!"
Ulysses stared at him for a moment, before producing Tony's cricket bat from behind his back.
"Father..." the Doctor began with a frown. "What are you..."
He trailed off as Ulysses began towards him, cricket bat in a threatening position.
The Doctor swallowed, backing away though he had nowhere to go. He glanced at the door, but quickly realised escape would be impossible...
He hit the wall with his back. Mr Tibbles took advantage of his slackened grip, jumped out of his arms and bolted out the door.
"Father, Father, please..."
"I'm so very sorry, Theta," Ulysses said entirely sincerely, and in one swift movement aimed straight for the Doctor's legs. The Doctor screamed in pain as one broke instantly, sending him smacking to the floor.
"Father!" the Doctor begged, pain firing through his now broken leg. "What are you..."
Ulysses brought the bat down on his other leg, which neatly broke in two alongside the other one. The Doctor yelled and thrashed around on the floor in pain, before his screaming mind finally made him realise that he had to get to the door, get out of here...
But Ulysses had put down the bat now and placed a heavy foot straight on the Doctor's neck. Not enough to break it, but the Doctor suddenly couldn't breathe. He tried desperately to grab his father's leg to pull it off of him but he couldn't get any air, his vision was blurring and the pain was like fire through his legs. He couldn't do anything...
He was becoming weaker and weaker, and with no air in his lungs his respiratory bypass flicked on. Ulysses took his foot off of the Doctor's neck, and this time kicked him hard in the head.
He blacked out for what must've been very brief, as when he opened his eyes he saw through blurry vision his father's face looking down at him, hand to his temple. It took the Doctor only seconds to realise what he was doing.
He was altering his memories.
"Stop," the Doctor gasped, trying desperately to move but he couldn't even seem to be able to do that. He tried fighting mentally with all he had against Ulysses but his father was mentally far too strong. He could feel the memory of this moment slipping away like water through his fingers as he struggled to keep a hold of his thoughts...
"I didn't fall over the other day, did I?" he croaked, realising his effort to fight was useless as his memories were slowly being replaced with new ones. "You changed my memories..."
"Correct," Ulysses said, nodding.
"You hit me... Really, really hard..."
"I am so sorry, Theta," Ulysses said, utterly sincere. "It will be over soon."
"You... You did it all..." the Doctor croaked.
Ulysses didn't reply. He drew away his fingers, and got to his feet.
"Father..." the Doctor whined, knowing something very bad had happened to him but his head was hurting, he was struggling to breathe and his legs were agony... And he had no idea why.
Ulysses turned away, and without a word, strode towards the door.
"Father..." the Doctor croaked, reaching out a hand from where he lay on the floor. "Please help me..."
But even through the roar of the fire and the white noise in his ears the Doctor heard the distinct sound of his own sonic screwdriver on the door lock, which clicked, locking him inside.
A/N: Yaaay whuuump :D