A/N: Hey everyone, thanks for the reviews for the last chapter. I'm really glad there's still people reading and enjoying this story, I hope you enjoy this chapter too. Hopefully it's not too melodramatic, I really hope it doesn't come across that way anyway, but if it's a bit too overblown I apologise. Either way, please click the little review button and let me know what you think. (And point out any typos, my head's not right for spotting them today!)

NEVER EVER

My memories may not disappear
But there'll be no more.

Chapter Twenty Two: Dreams

Clouds continue to move across the sun, violent waves crashing against the sand, and I resist both urges and instead stay where I am.

"Funny, what two years can do to you, isn't it?"

Jin looks away. I know I'm being a brat, bringing that up again, but I'm not really in the mood to care right now. Even though I know Julia's right, and I don't have to give up, seeing Jin and knowing I have no idea how to help him makes me feel so useless. He looks and sounds and moves like the Jin I'm used to, why can't that be enough to make him the same?

It's a stupid, childish question. Nothing's that simple, I know that. Nothing's ever been simple when it comes to Jin, even before all this.

"That's true."

I pick up on the hint of pain in his voice, and immediately feel guilty. I'm the only one he's got. I shouldn't be sniping at him, it's not helping either of us.

"Were you watching?" I ask, and he nods. "No one's supposed to be here. You know the weirdo new rules Jin, you could get disqualified."

"I doubt it."

"Oh, so it's one set of rules for you and another for the rest of us, huh?"

He smiles bitterly. "Something like that."

I don't really know how to respond, and fold my arms, feeling awkward. It never used to be like this between us. Maybe I just don't know how to talk to him anymore. Maybe he's changed too much. I shake my head, trying to rid myself of such stupid, negative thoughts. Julia said I didn't have to give up, all I have to do is believe her.

"Why're you here?"

"To see you."

Such a simple remark, and yet my heartbeat still quickens, it still makes me feel special, somehow. Even so, when he moves closer, I involuntarily take a step back.

"Why?"

"Because I..." He trails off, staring at the sand. "I've got a match soon. I wanted to see you beforehand, just in case..."

I gaze at him in confusion.

"In case what?"

"Xiao, listen, I'm really sorry for everything. How I've been acting... the things I said. I know it doesn't make sense, but you'll understand soon. I just... I wanted to make sure you knew that I'm sorry. For what's already happened and... and for what might happen in the future."

A cold, uneasy feeling coils in my chest at his words. It's as though he's trying to say his goodbyes, like he's given up. I can't accept that, I want to reach out and grab his hand and plead with him to start talking sense and help me figure things out.

"Why're you telling me this?" As much as I try to sound nothing more than curious, I know he can hear the desperate edge to my voice, his expression leaves me under no illusions about that. It's been so long since I've seen Jin looking anything other than tired and sad, that I'm starting to forget what he looks like when he genuinely smiles.

"Because I'm... if I don't..."

"Because what?"

"...I'm sorry." He looks away and sighs. "Never mind, Xiao. Forget it."

"Forget what?" I cry, frustated.

"It really doesn't matter. I shouldn't have said anything"

It doesn't matter. I'm sorry. Forget it. Never mind. I'm starting to truly understand now. No matter how many times I ask, that's all I'm ever going to get from him, isn't it? He's probably trying to say goodbye, and he still can't tell me what's going on. Even so, I want to cling onto Julia's reassuring words. You don't have to give up just yet.

Come to think of it, he couldn't even tell me in my dreams, and neither could Jun. Funny, huh? I suddenly remember meeting Jin in the early hours of the morning, that amused, mocking voice in my head.

I wonder... does she actually think you can help him now?

Jun. The last time I spoke to her, she told me to be myself, that she believed in me. Maybe she shouldn't have bothered.

"Ok. Fine, Jin."

This is me, Jun. This is me being myself. All I am is the girl who couldn't even get to the fourth round this time, who's too tired to fight anymore.

I take a step backwards, and his eyes widen a little, lips parting as if to say something. But again, he hesitates, grits his teeth against any words he might've wanted to say and stays where he is.

"I'll forget it." I turn away from him, fingernails digging into my palms. All I want to do is turn back, wrap my arms around him, tell him it's ok, that he doesn't have to tell me, that I love him and it's all ok, as long as he just stays with me. I'm scared that if I relax my fists, I'll do just that.

It won't help. Right now, I have no idea what will.

"Xiao..." I hear him take one soft step on the sand, then he stops.

"Good luck in your next match." I force the words out, force myself to sound civil, and then start back up the beach.

"Xiaoyu... wait. Please."

I stop, but don't turn to face him. I'm scared that if I do, seeing him standing there looking so alone will make me run straight back to him.

"I lost my fight, Jin. There's nothing keeping me here now."

He doesn't reply, and I bite my lip, fighting back a sob. I can't do anything else. I can only help him if he lets me, and he just... he won't.

His voice is almost too quiet for me to hear, whipped away by the wind.

"There's me."

Two softly spoken words, and I can't help myself. I turn around, and he's walking towards me, saying something about how sorry he is and how he wishes things were different and it was okay for him to feel like he does.

"Why? Why isn't it ok?" I ask, voice trembling.

"...Don't go yet."

Still no explanation. I close my eyes as his arms wrap tightly around me, tears spilling down my face. I want to shove him away with all my strength, and I try, I really do. I bring up my hands to push against him, but he doesn't budge. I can feel him shaking and wonder if it's just from the cold.

"I'm sorry." he tells me. He's said it so many times that it shouldn't mean anything anymore, but a wave of exhaustion engulfs me, and all I can do is lean against him, let him stroke my back soothingly, and listen to his gentle voice as he tells me not to cry anymore.

"Come with me for a bit." he says softly. "They'll be wanting to use this place for the next match soon."

I can't answer him. I feel so utterly defeated that it's almost too much of an effort to stifle my sobs, never mind make any attempt to gather my scattered thoughts and get some kind of control back. Jin takes my hand, entwines his fingers with mine, and leads me back towards the hotel.

Back in my room, I perch on the edge of the bed, unshed tears welling in my eyes, staring at the window, dimly aware of Jin slowly pacing the room. I remember last tournament, Jin sitting next to me, awkwardly telling me 'when you said that, well, I started thinking things...'

For a few moments I wonder whether the memory might have crossed Jin's mind too, but then he stops, staring down at the open textbook on top of the cabinet. Good going, Xiao. This's why you should, y'know, tidy things away once in a while. For a long time, we're both silent as he reads the notepaper tossed carelessly alongside it that I hurriedly scribbled after Miharu's phonecall.

"You've been busy, huh?" His voice betrays no hint of anger, giving me the courage to question him.

"It was Heihachi, wasn't it?"

He gives a slight nod.

"I don't want revenge, Xiao. I just want rid of this... this cursed blood."

"What happened? What did he do?"

Jin clenches his jaw, fixated on the illustration of the demon in the book.

"Xiao, you know about all this, and you're still..." He trails off, looks over at me helplessly. "You can't tell me you're not afraid."

"No, I can't." I glimpse a flash of disappointment in his eyes, and it hurts to know I've caused it. "...I'm sorry."

"What's to be sorry about?" His voice is quiet, calm. "Of course you're afraid. I wouldn't expect..." He trails off, comes to sit next to me, watches as I wipe my eyes with my sleeve.

"Xiao, you always used to be so happy."

I don't answer, don't know what to say. I know how I used to be. I had no real worries back then. But how can I say that? It'd only sound like I was blaming him. I'm not. Jin never asked me to carry on chasing him, I chose this of my own accord. If it's made me unhappy, that's not his fault.

"Since it happened, didn't you... didn't you look for any way to..."

I stop mid-sentence. Of course he did, moron. And if he didn't find a way to fix things over the past two years, why on earth did you think you could, given a few days?

Jin shakes his head, infinitely more patient than I'd be in the face of such a ridiculous question. "Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you fight, all you can do in the end is give in and accept it."

"We'll go back home together, okay?" I say suddenly, desperately. "Forget all of this, forget fighting and giving in and accepting, forget all of it. We'll both be happy again. We'll just go home, and you can help me study for my exams, and we can go see my grandfather and you can meet Panda, and we can go to that new amusement park together, and eat candy floss, and you can try winning a prize for me out of those grabber machine thingies..."

Jin wraps his arms around me and says nothing.

"Let's go somewhere." I whisper.

"Where?"

"Wherever. We can just be normal." He leans his forehead against mine, eyes closed, listening to me talk. "We can go on dates and do regular boyfriend and girlfriend stuff…"

I pause, and Jin looks at me.

"What is it?"

"Come to think of it, we've never even been on a date, have we?"

"No, I don't think we have."

"Where would you take me? I mean, it'd have to be someplace we'd both enjoy, right? But now that I think about it, I don't really know what kind of places you like, Jin..."

"Shh. Don't think about it right now. It's alright."

I can feel tears stinging my eyes again as he pulls away.

"Everything I've just said..." My voice cracks and wavers. "None of it'll ever happen, will it?"

Jin shakes his head, forcing a smile, and I try my best to blink the tears away.

"You've got things you want to do in the future, right?" he says gently. "Forgetting us, forgetting all of this... you still have dreams, don't you?"

I stare at the floor. I've never really thought too much about the future. Before I met Jin, I was just focusing on not failing English and Maths and struggling to hand my homework in on time. After that, it was all tournaments and training and getting strangled by the God of Fighting and moping over Hwoarang and Jin being gone and being visited in my dreams by Jun Kazama. So I haven't really had time to make plans for my future, to be honest.

"Me and Miharu are taking the university entrance exams soon." I mumble eventually.

"That's your dream then? To get into university?"

"Not really." I shrug. "If I had a dream, it'd be to own the biggest amusement park in all of Japan... no, the whole world, come to think of it. I'd go on all the rides and eat junk food all day and just have the best time..." I stop myself, realising how childish I sound.

"I didn't expect anything less." Jin smiles. "Maybe getting into university's a more realistic goal, though."

He sounds wistful. I guess he planned on having a normal life too. I want to tell him that it's not fair, that there has to be some way that he can free himself from all of this, that we can find it together because Julia told me I didn't have to give up and I want so much to believe her.

"Maybe just a little bit. But I kinda like the amusement park idea better." I answer instead.

"Then make them both happen." He squeezes my hand. "If you have a dream you want to come true, make it happen, Xiao. Do something that's just for you. Don't waste your time worrying about me."

"B-but I..."

"Xiao, listen. While I'm like this, I'll never be able to make you happy. You know that."

"So basically, you want me to just leave you alone now, is that what you're saying?"

"I'm saying I want you to be with someone who will make you happy. Who'll do all those things you mentioned wanting to do. And I... I can't do any of that for you... not now."

He checks his watch and stands up, running a hand through his hair.

"...My match starts soon. Just... think about what I said, Xiao. I want you to focus on your own future, not mine."

I glance up at him, wanting to protest, but the look of resignation on his face makes my throat tighten and I turn away, not able to bear watching him leave.

The one thing I'm not allowed to say is
"Please stay by my side".

- Ballad, Ayumi Hamasaki