A/N: Hey, first update of 2011! I can't believe I've been writing this fic for nearly four years now, guess that just shows how slow I am at updating. I'd just like to thank everyone for sticking with this story for so long! Thanks to everyone who reviews and faves. I love you guys, and I'm really grateful for your comments! As usual, hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'd love to hear what you thought of it.

NEVER EVER

There are times
When I wonder how different
The scenery I can see from here is
From the scenery I dreamed of.

Chapter Twenty Three: Reality

I'm still sitting on the edge of the bed, staring down at my hands. The dull pain from the blows I got during my match with Julia is beginning to get more insistent, but even so it's barely registering. So I guess this's what it feels like to be broken up with.

I force myself to stand up, still somehow unwilling to just let him go. Which arena's he headed to? If I set off running, can I catch him up? For a few seconds, a rush of panic overtakes me. What if I can't find him?

What would I say if I did?

There's nothing left to say. I know that.

I go over to the window, half-hoping that he's standing on the path below and he'll...

And he'll what? Ask 'what light through yonder window breaks'? Gallantly ask you to let down your hair? Did you think this was a fairytale, Xiao?

Outside, the morning clouds have started to disperse, bright sunlight pouring through. There's no sign of Jin outside, just the usual Zaibatsu member making his rounds. At least, it looks like a Zaibatsu member. I watch him, detachedly wondering if the uniform's a bit different than before, but the soft click of the door opening draws my attention away.

There's a faint spark of hope in my chest that it's Jin, that he's come back to tell me he's changed his mind and he wants us to leave together, and I hate that it's still there, even after everything that's just been said. Stop being stupid, Xiao. Accept it.

"Hey, how'd it go this morning, kid?"

Just the sound of Hwo's voice makes my throat tighten, and I can't bring myself to turn to face him. If he asks me if I'm ok, I'll just crumble and cry and make myself look even more stupid than I feel right now.

"Didn't you have a match too?" I ask stiffly.

"Walked it."

"Well done."

I guess I must sound sullen, 'cause he sighs and I hear him move closer.

"...You lost, huh?"

"Jin broke up with me."

I don't turn around to see Hwo's reaction.

"Huh."

I wait for him to say something else, but the silence stretches on, only broken by the strong breeze rattling the window.

"Well." I fold my arms, staring at the framed print of lotus blossoms on the wall in front of me. "That was certainly a heartwarming expression of sympathy. Thanks."

"I'm just confused, s'all. Didn't think he was the type to hit it and quit it."

"What?" I snap, whirling around to face him. "What the hell did you just say?"

Okay, as if he can't read the situation well enough to know this is the absolute worst time for making idiotic comments. Sometimes I wonder if he ever considers thinking before he opens his mouth. But no, that'd require some form of tact and sensitivity, two things Hwo's always been lacking in.

"If that's a joke, it's a damned stupid one!" I snarl, angrily swiping at my eyes as they fill up with tears. I see him shrug through blurred vision and climb onto the bed, snatching up a pillow to hug to my chest. "Do you think this's funny, Hwoarang?"

He doesn't answer, and I turn onto my side, facing away from him. "It's none of your damned business whether we did anything or not anyway!"

I curl myself up tighter, squeeze my eyes shut against the tears that are trying to force their way out. Me and my idiotic ideas of some perfect little first time, being held close by Jin, him touching me and kissing me and telling me how much he loves me and how he wanted this so much, and that two years felt like a lifetime's wait for it.

And still holding onto those ideas even after finding out about his curse? Talk about living in a dreamworld. Well, now you've woken up, Xiao. This's reality.

I grit my teeth to try and stop a small sob escaping, and the mattress sinks slightly as Hwoarang sits behind me.

"No." he says, and I feel his hand on my shoulder. "It's not."

I don't reply, I know no words would come out if I tried.

"Sorry." he says quietly. And he sits there and says nothing else, just stays with me while I bury my face in the pillow and cry, strokes my back comfortingly as I eventually find my voice and sniffle that it shouldn't be like this, that it's not fair and why couldn't it just be simple, and why did I even show up to this tournament?

"Came to see me, obviously. Just couldn't keep away."

I half laugh through my tears and wish that were the only reason, because Hwoarang's the one here with me and he isn't going anywhere, and he's trying to make me feel better.

"C'mon, Xiao. Get up and let's go for a walk or somethin'." he says after a long while, tugging on my arm to get me to sit up. "Look, you got along fine before, right?"

"I don't want to get along fine, Hwo. I want him to be with me."

"Well it's not up to you, kiddo."

Maybe he's right. But it's too soon to accept it. Suddenly, I want more than anything to go to sleep, to dream that things'll work out, even though I've just been berating myself for it 'cause I know it's stupid, that realistically, they can't. I pull my arm from Hwo's grip, shaking my head.

"I don't want to go anywhere."

"Xiao..."

"No. Go find Christie or something. She'll be better company anyway." I mutter. He heaves a sigh, getting off the bed, and I rub my eyes with the pillowcase and wait for him to leave. He doesn't, instead walking around to the other side of the bed and clambering onto it.

"Hwo, I said I'm not going anywhere." I complain, annoyed at being disturbed when all I want to do is mope right now. Hey, I think I'm allowed to have a little bit of moping time, considering.

"Fine, miserable sod." He lays on his side, facing me. "Neither am I, then."

"Hwo..." I sigh tiredly. "Just go out if you wanna."

"No."

I glower at him, and he just smiles.

"I did lose my match this morning, by the way. Impressive, huh?"

"Does it matter?"

"I guess not..." I sigh. "Since you walked yours, I guess I'll just cheer you on now."

"Does that mean you weren't cheering me on before?" he teases. "Mind you, come to think of it, you probably weren't. Bet ya were willing me to fail, considering you'd have no chance if we ever got matched up."

I know he's only trying to wind me up, he did it last time too, but I nod, smiling a little now.

"I guess not. You've been in the army all this time... I've done like, zero training compared to all the stuff you must've been doing."

"Suppose so. Doesn't mean it wasn't boring as fuck though."

"Oh, let me guess, you're so skilled that you didn't even break a sweat even though all the other soldiers were dead on their feet?"

"Got it in one." he smirks. "Ah, it's tough being so amazing sometimes."

"Arrogant bastard." I grin.

"C'mon, let's go somewhere. You had anything to eat yet?"

"I haven't even had a shower yet!" I make a face.

"Hurry up then." Hwo sighs, shoving me off the bed then folding his arms behind his head. "Tell you what, how about we go find someplace to eat outside? You haven't been on the bike in a while, right?"

"Depends, have you learned how not to drive like a absolute maniac?"

He laughs, and I head towards the bathroom, glancing back at him.

"Hwo... thanks for this." I say, and he shrugs. "I mean it. Thanks for not... you know... leaving."

Thanks to you staying, the urge to dream the rest of the day away's begun to fade.

I hesitate a little; it doesn't seem like he's really listening.

"Y'know, back home, even though I had Miharu, I really missed you when things went wrong... I feel better when you're here."

"I thought you wanted a shower?"

"Right, I just..."

He sits up properly, fixing me with a questioning look.

"What?"

"Even though you piss me off with your stupid comments... I'm glad you're here. I just wanted to make sure you knew that. That's all."

"Oh. Cool."

I stand there watching him, wondering why the mood's suddenly grown awkward. Maybe this kind of talk's too sappy for him or something.

"Right, get your ass in the shower." he says eventually. "If you like having me around so much, I guess you won't mind paying for dinner this time, eh?"

"What? You're the one who wanted to go in the first place! Damned cheapskate."

Despite my feigned indignation at having to empty my wallet, I can't help but smile to myself as I hurriedly shower and dress, looking forward to the prospect of getting out of the hotel grounds and just feeling like an ordinary girl hanging out with her idiot best friend again. Which is why it sucks so much when we only get halfway towards the entrance gates before three Zaibatsu-looking guys begin to approach us. I look up at Hwo, about to ask if we're not allowed to leave the complex or something, but the expression on his face tells me that he knows exactly what's going on.

"Sergeant!" one of them growls as he comes closer, flanked by the other two. Looks like he's the one in charge. "Desertion is an offence punishable by court-martial!"

"Hwoarang, what-"

The sight of his foot travelling in a graceful arc and slamming straight into the nearest soldier's face stuns me into silence, and all I can do is watch in helpless confusion as he swiftly kicks the gun out of the other one's hand before he can aim at us, then turns, snatches my wrist and drags me with him as he breaks into a run.

And I wonder
If I chose the right path
At the crossroad that began
Where I stood.

- Crossroad, Ayumi Hamasaki