Hey everybody! First of all before I answer anybodies biggest question I got a few things to ask...
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have you ever truly thought about yourself?
Has your mind ever been so cluttered up with things like ideas, memories, and even thoughts that it just shuts down on you and by shut down I mean when your mind just turns blank as you cant seem to process anything and can only reflect on yourself?
It happened to me not even a hour ago... and it scared me as well as opened my eyes severally...
first let me explain the reason why it scared me. As a child, with severe ADHD, my mind was always running around and having me do things that would be shameful. I learned to live with it as it very quickly and it also quickly became apart of myself as I grew older to the point that its thanks to this mindstate that let me start my own Fanfiction account. In the beginning I was absolutely horrible at typing stories as those who know me may very well know but slowly I began to do better and better with my work to what it is today... or well before as who knows how well I will type once I finish this message. To me my ADHD was a godsend as it never left me truly bored... until an hour ago as I was reading fanfics...
my mind went blank...
no memories...
no troubles worrying me...
no new ideas...
no fixing old ideas...
not even thoughts...
for once in my entire life... I was helpless as I didn't know what to do as soon I started to see my faults in life. Thanks to living with my grandfather I gained his procrastination from his example so it makes me not want to do anything in life almost all the time and just want to do what I love... next would be my perverted nature...
in my defense on that part I learned about sec from listening to highschoolers when I rode the bus to school when I was a kid and with ADHD it turned horrible for me... heck I have no idea how to properly ask a girl out...
that aside another thing about me was my way of overthinking... simple answers would slip past me as I made very complicated answers instead, never helped me in math, but nonetheless I would overhtink just about everything... another fault of mine...
is making promises I am not sure I am capable of truly keeping for to long... for this I must apologise to a certain someone who's name I wont say but I will be sending him/her a private message concerning this after I post this. The reason I say this is a fault was that the person had first sent me a request and denied them due to the fact I didn't watch what they wanted me to do a crossover with so when they sent another request... I felt so guilty I decided to try to watch what he requested and see if I could do it... and found that it was almost to hard for me to do not long after telling him I would write it...
so scold me...
flame me...
I deserve every ounce of it for trying to do something I simply just couldn't... heck I deserve even fucking worse...
FOR DOING IT TO A FRIEND WHO HAS BEEN WITH ME FOR SEVERAL YEARS!
He requested a pure lemon story... this story was the first version of Equestrian Ranch. I tried and tried but I couldn't do it... and then I didn't even have the nerve to tell him I couldn't do it and just kept on trying before I finally worked it up... that last for almost a year...
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some of you might be wondering why I am telling you this... but I think it is the right thing to do... I am a man about to turn 20... I am not active... I don't have a job... I am a HYPERACTIVE IDIOT WHO BARELY GRADUATED HIGHSCHOOL!
I know my faults all thanks to what happened to me... and I think through my rant I also explained why it opened my eyes...
so I hope you can all forgive me...
heck... makes me want to wait a few days to see what wrath I am going to receive from all of you but I put it off for to long...
I have returned hopefully for the better. Tonight I will be reading my own stories to see where I left off... I hope you all can forgive me and I can understand if you wont...
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chow...