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Sharpay rolled over to the edge of the bed. She knew she was sleeping way too much lately but she just couldn't help it.
"Mommy?" she heard little footsteps pat against the floor.
"I'm hungry. Will you make pancakes?" She turned to her alarm. It was 7 PM, she had only intended on sleeping for half an hour.
"I'm so sorry, Sissy," she said getting out of bed quickly. Celeste followed her mother in the kitchen.
"Why don't you go watch TV and I'll make some pancakes and we can watch a movie when they're done. You don't have school tomorrow, we can stay up late."
"Girls night!" Celeste squealed racing off to the living room. Sharpay hurriedly mixed the batter and had the skillet on. They never had pancakes at night and Celeste rarely stayed up past 8:30 it. But fuck it.
Sharpay found Celeste sitting on the floor when she walked into the living room with the pancakes. She sat down on the ground next to her.
"There's no syrup, Mommy?" Celeste pointed to the whipped cream on her pancake, where the pool of syrup usually was.
"Whipped cream tastes just as good, and it won't keep you up all night. I want you asleep before the movie's over."
"Not. Gonna. Happen," the little girl smiled taking a bite of her pancake. Sharpay kissed the top of her head.
"What movie did you pick out?"
Celeste set her fork down on her plate to hold up the DVD next to her.
"Tarzan? Like we haven't seen that a million times."
"But the monkeys!" Celeste squealed. Sharpay grabbed the DVD and stood up to put it in the DVD player. "You're a monkey," she said.
"No you are," the little girl teased back.
Sharpay ran back to sit next to her. "I'm sorry I was asleep for so long, Sissy."
"It's okay," Celeste said no longer paying attention as the opening scene began to roll. Sharpay turned towards the screen. The opening scene began with the family escaping burning ship, which she always found a little brutal. Then it would cut to the life on the island and then back and forth with the gorillas. Celeste's eyes watered when the little baby gorilla was chomped out by the leopard. She personally thought that it was violent for a kids' movie, but it was Celeste's favorite. She loved the monkeys.
They would play monkeys for hours after watching Tarzan. "I'll be the mommy and you be the baby," Celeste would say. Sometimes they would even fall asleep on the floor if it was past Celeste's bed time.
Sharpay questioned herself. It seemed like Celeste's bed time happened to be more and more inconsistent lately. And honestly "girls' night" was just an excuse; it didn't make it any less irresponsible on her part. She knew a child needed stability and consistency. And not to mention, the house was still a mess.
Troy's mother had suggested for her to see a counselor. Sharpay thought about it, nobody would understand. No one would understand her feelings of guilt and isolation. How she loved Celeste more than anything in the world and yet even the very sound of her laughter…sometimes it would make her cry. Because her laugh was just so much like Troy's.
She tried to enjoy the movie, but her focus was on the mistakes she had seemed to be making quite often. They added up to bad parenting. She needed to do better.
…
Sharpay laid Celeste on the couch while she cleaned up the living room. She carried their plates and cups into the kitchen and loaded them into the dishwasher. Her house was still a mess. It was after ten now, Celeste had fallen asleep halfway through the film.
Sharpay had held her in her arms for the rest of it. She held her like she used to when she was a little baby. "I'm trying really hard, angel," she had whispered.
But God she knew how much she had been screwing up.
She decided to clean the kitchen. She swept, mopped with the Swiffer, cleaned the countertops, the insides of the stove and microwave, and set the trash outside the back door. Then she retreated to the living room. Celeste's toys were all over the floor. She quietly picked them up one by one, and carried them back to Celeste's room.
She picked up more toys on the floor in the bedroom, there were so many.
She sat down on the little pink bed that Celeste slept in half of the time. She covered her mouth with both hands, breaking into sobs.
"What is wrong with me?"
She was faking it every second of every minute of every day; and how much longer could she fake it? She had no idea what she was doing.
Troy. What happened? Why did things have to happen the way they did? Why did it have to cost Celeste her father? It was all her fault. There was never a second when she didn't blame herself.
"Troy, I'm trying," she sobbed. She never admitted to anyone that she talked to Troy, all the time. They would think she was crazy. She knew he wasn't there, but it helped to pretend that he was. It helped in every way possible.
"Mommy!" she heard Celeste holler from the living room. She wiped the dampness underneath her eyes and darted off to the cries of her child.
"I'm here, I'm here," she said picking her daughter up and carrying her to her own room. "You can sleep with me tonight."
In only a minute the little girl was fast asleep again. But for Sharpay, it would be many, many hours before she got any rest.
Their hands intertwined under the cover. Sharpay was still asleep but Troy had been going in and out of sleep for hours. God, she was so beautiful with no makeup. He wanted to tell her that but he knew she would get offended, even if it was a compliment.
A little fuss came from the next room. Celeste had slept through the night, she was waking up. Troy moved out from her brace easily trying not to wake her.
"Coming, baby," the young father whispered. He walked into the next room over and smiled proudly as he greeted the child that inherited his blue eyes.
His arms reached down and scooped up the whimpering baby, then he pressed his lips against her temple. "Good morning, Sissy." Her cries ceased immediately, "Did you have any bad dreams? You know Daddy will scare the monsters away."
Troy patted the little baby's back and paced with leisure across the room, bouncing the girl. While he held her up against his shoulder, he was slightly jealous that Sharpay got to wake up to this every day.
"I need to ask you something, Sis. Would you like to wake up with Mommy and Daddy every single day?"
He waited patiently for a response.
"No? Well what if I promise to make you guys breakfast every single morning before you even wake up? Pancakes? Wouldn't you like that?"
The little girl began to stretch and yawn in his arms.
"Hey does that mean yes? Can Mommy marry me? Do you object?"
Celeste remained silent, her eyelids began to close.
"I think that's a yes!" he said with a soft gleam of enthusiasm. Man he was so lucky. He had the most amazing woman in the entire world, and their daughter…she was going to be intelligent. Troy knew that from the minute he first held her. He knew she was special, gifted.
"Good morning…" his thoughts were interrupted by the woman he was just speaking about. He turned and saw her standing in the doorway, rubbing her eyes, which meant she hadn't been standing there long.
"Good morning," he said as she kissed his cheek.
…
They laid outside on the grass later that night, right underneath the stars. Troy admired the ring on his beautiful newly engaged fiancée. "It looks like it was made for you."
"It almost doesn't seem real," she whispered as she snuggled closer into him on the soft grass. The summer night couldn't have been more beautiful.
"I asked your dad. He asked me if I was sure I could handle you. I said I like a good challenge."
Sharpay slapped his arm, "Hey, I'm a damn good time."
He pulled her hand up to his lips, they pressed against it. "You like your bling bling?"
"Ehh. You did pretty good, I guess." Troy's fingers immediately dove into the sides of her body and tickled her until she squealed.
"What'd you just say? Huh? Huh?" he laughed as he pinned her down.
She shook her head, "No, no I'm sorry!" She gasped for air and squirmed, he kissed her all over but didn't let go.
"I love it! I give! Mr. Bolton! I give! I give! I love it!"
And then he sighed releasing her from his death grip.
"Do you really like it? If you don't we can go back and you can pick out anything you want."
"Are you kidding? It's beautiful," she breathed, attempting to catch her breath. In reality, Troy could have made a ring out of newspaper and Sharpay would've loved it. Every moment spent with him, was a gift. He was a man, and he was a wonderful father. She knew he would be a wonderful husband. Her only doubts lied within her own self.
"I guess I have to learn how to cook now. And clean."
"Oh I am perfectly happy with cooking and cleaning as long as I get to wake up to your beautiful face every morning."
Sharpay smiled at the thought of the two of them married. Never in a million years did she think that she would grow up to marry Troy Bolton. They were polar opposites for most of their life, she never dreamed she'd have a chance. It was his eyes, she could never look away. And his voice…his kind heart.
"If we fight we have to go outside. Never where Celeste can see us. Or hear." He interrupted her reminiscence.
"You're right," she said. That was very important to her. Her parents didn't fight much, but she watched enough TV and music videos to know that it wasn't good for a kid. She had a happy childhood, she wanted the same for her daughter. She would never scream at Troy with Celeste around, no matter how upset she was.
"I want another baby too, after college of course," Troy said putting a hand over Sharpay's stomach.
"Me too. And do things the right way. Have it in a hospital with drugs." She often thought about the joy of being pregnant, something she never experienced. It must feel so much different to have a life growing inside of you and not being scared, but being excited.
"I'll be there through everything. I can't wait."
"You say it like it's going to happen tomorrow."
Troy sighed and nodded his head, "Just see. It'll all come sooner than you think."
The reality would soon set in, Sharpay was going to be a wife.
A minivan. That was going to be her future. Spills, broken crayons, more spills, endless diapers, tantrums, tears, even more spills, and sleepless nights. It was her future. Years ago the thought of that would've made her keel over and die, instantly. Just the thought of having to clean up after someone else, it would've made her sick. She was a star, stars didn't do the dirty work.
All of that changed the moment she picked Celeste up from the bathroom floor. She would always be tired, she would never have it together, and she would question herself as a mother in everything she'd ever do. But was it worth it? Absolutely.
Sharpay held up her hand to examine her ring again. It was more beautiful each time she looked.
"Is it everything you've ever wanted?" he asked with sincerity, only wanting her to have the desires of her heart. His goddess, his queen.
"I already have everything I ever wanted."
Sharpay had been lying in bed for hours. Her blank eyes were fixed on the ring that was given to her so long ago. It felt like it had been centuries.
They had brought it up again. Pulling it. Letting go of him.
The ring looked the exact same as the night he got down on his knee in front of their family. When she gasped at the very sight of it, and felt such a wave of emotion when he asked her the question. "Will you marry me?" She had almost choked answering, but she managed to answer, "Yes."
If they did it, would she have to take the ring off? It was such a comfort to her, like a blanket that a child refuses to give up even when they're told they're too old for it. It made her feel safe, for whatever reason she would never understand. It was just a ring. A band and a rock.
Sharpay knew that Troy wasn't coming back. He was so long gone, his soul, his voice. Every time she saw him it only hurt more, another moment would pass and his eyes would remain closed.
He didn't follow her voice back, though she used to plead for him to. "Listen to me, follow my voice. Come on let's sing." The father of her child, he would stay silent.
"You and me together, through the days and nights, I don't worry 'cause everything's going to be alright. People keep talking they can say what they like, but all I know is everything's going to be alright. No one, no one, no one…can get in the way of what I'm feeling…"
Her throat cracked every time. She would grab his hand and let go and regret for even trying, every single time.
It wasn't fair to any of them. Not his precious parents, or their darling granddaughter. It certainly wasn't fair to Troy. If he could speak, what would he say?
"I'm tired, Shar. I'm so tired. I've been asleep for so long but I can't rest, not like this." She imagined him sitting up in bed holding her hand. He would tell her that he'd hold on forever for them, but in his heart, he would be screaming to let go.
And when Celeste got older, when she started asking to go visit Daddy at his house…she knew it was time. What Sharpay was asking of him…he had been strong so long and he needed to rest. He needed to be set free.
Even if it would kill her to let him go.
…
Crap ending to the chapter. Wait, you're still here? Still reading this? Bless you and please review. I'll give you a cookie!