Hey... this... oof. I'm just really sorry...
Warning, Rape... please heed... If that triggers you, I'm very sorry, please back out now.
rating is M for a reason... duh...
John and Sebastian went to school the next morning. They didn't rush and they weren't late. Leo was to be picked up when Sherlock and John swung by the following day. Everything was perfect!
School was boring and monotonous… but John was nearly grateful for it. There had been too much excitement recently. He was ready to work and then go home and finally, finally see Sherlock. Today.
John just had to get through his shift… and that meant he just had to clean his designated classrooms. He was only given ten rooms this time, so he'd be out even sooner than normal.
When the last bell rang, John packed his things and went to say goodbye to Sebatian..
"Hey, going home for the day?" John asked, seeing Sebastian gather some papers.
"Yeah. You?"
"No, I have to work. I help clean the classrooms. The janitors love me!" They chuckled.
"Well I'll leave you too it. Say hi to Sherlock for me, yeah?"
"Will do! See you tomorrow!"
"See ya then, kid."
John walked out and headed to the cafeteria. He wasn't allowed to start cleaning until everyone was gone. He didn't want to go home and then come right back… When he got home he wanted to spend every second with Sherlock… and he was concerned that he might not be able to convince himself to come back in.
He read for about an hour. Then did some school work for another forty five minutes. Eventually all the students and most of the teachers were gone.
He got the cleaning supplies and went to his first room. It went by quick enough. When he finished he checked his phone. More out of habit than anything else.
He had a text from Sherlock.
Hurry. Ordering ur fav. See u soon.
-SH
John couldn't stop the smile that bloomed across his face. He did the next room quicker.
Another text.
I guess I can make tea 2.
-SH
John laughed out loud this time. Sherlock might actually miss him. John was ecstatic. He was even more keen on getting home now.
I've still got a while, but I'm looking forward to it!
-JW
"What has you in all smiles?" John's heart dropped as he spun around.
"I-um, Sherlock was just-"
"I'm here for our next lesson. But we should go back to my house. It would be rather embarrassing if anyone were to see how new you are to all of this."
"I- I still have eight more rooms to clean…"
"I'm sure they won't mind just this once. You can just clean them twice as good tomorrow."
John didn't want to.
"I'm going home right after this… Sherlock and I are going to hang out…"
"With him on that big case? I doubt you'll get very long." John thought about it. The man wasn't wrong … but he still wanted to see Sherlock, even for only a few minutes.
"Th-that' okay, I-"
"What if he tries to kiss you? Then what will you do? Freeze up?" The man clicked his tongue. "Not good. Not good at all."
"F-fine… just this once… but next time, I think we should set a time… I can't have you swoop in whenever you please…" John tried to joke.
"I'll do whatever I want !" John jumped back when the man raised his voice.
"O-okay…"
John followed the man out of the school and into a car. It took them very little time to get to the man's place. John wished it would've taken longer.
The second the front door was shut, the man started talking.
"The next lesson is hard to get really good at… maybe we should just wait and keep practicing the easy stuff." The way the man said it made John angry. He could take anything . He wasn't a useless kid who couldn't do anything.
With his jaw set, he looked the man in the eyes. "I'm going to learn whatever you'll teach me, sir."
The man looked delighted. " Such a good boy. I'm sure Sherlock will love it." There was a smile that John couldn't read no matter how hard he tried. Like the man was keeping a secret and wanted to tell John but keeping it was much more fun…
"The next part is easier while sitting or laying down, but you can do it while you stand." He walked over to the couch, motioning for John to follow.
"Now, in the next part we have to take turns. Do you want me to go first to show you, or do you think you can do it by yourself with me giving you instructions?"
John thought. He wanted to impress the man. And he was really good at following directions.
"I-if you walk me through it, I can do anything."
"Oh, so confidant. I love it! Just remember, you have to do everything I say." John nodded, frustrated that the man kept saying it. He knew how to listen, thank you very much.
"Get on your knees. Right in front of me." John thought it was strange, but he said he could listen, so he would. He put his knees right against the toe of the man's shoe, trying to get comfortable, but it just wasn't going to happen.
He waited and waited, but the man didn't say anything. He looked up when the man hadn't said anything in nearly a full minute.
"Oh, Johnny ." The man's voice was breathy and low. John thought he could hear an accent that wasn't the man's -which was a normal british one-… it almost sounded Irish… Come to think of it, was it a dream… or had the man sung him a song in Gaelic? John could vaguely remember… but he wasn't quite sure.
Why fake an accent? Which one was real? Were either of them?
John's mind was quickly snapped back to the present when the man started speaking again.
"Unzip them." The Irish accent was nowhere to be heard. Maybe he'd just imagined it. Then John processed the command.
He fell back onto his legs, trying to put a little space between him and the man. "Wh-why?"
The man just sighed. "I knew it. You just aren't ready to listen. If that's the case, Our lesson is over for today."
"N-no! I- I just wanted to know… to learn…" John could listen! He could obey. He was just confused. He'd already let the man drag him here… John wasn't going to let it be for nothing!
"I don't know Johnny-boy. If you don't trust me, then we should just stop. Don't worry you can make it up to me next time." No. John couldn't hear that sentence any more… He couldn't make anything up… he wanted it to stop building up… he already owed the man so many favores… John couldn't add another.
"I-I can do it." He got back onto his knees, hands hovering about the zip on the jeans. From here, John could tell the were old, but rarely worn. The man didn't wear any of the clothes he was wearing right now on a normal basis… that voice broke his thoughts again. "If you don't want to be a better friend, it's okay."
That got John to take the last leap. He unzipped and pulled them down. He looked up waiting for instruction.
" Good . Now, my pants." John hesitated, but didn't let the man think he wasn't going to do it. He would. He wanted to be a good friend and this would make him even better. The man had said so himself. He wouldn't lie, right?
When the pants were down, however. John was completely confused. All he knew about anatomy was from books and a health class he had to take online… it never went over what to do now . The man's- John tried hard to think of the word- penis , yes that was it… it was big… but John didn't have any comparison besides himself and a picture in a textbook… so he wasn't sure if that was normal.
It looked swollen… like it hurt. It made him upset. Was John supposed to fix it? If he was… how ? He hated not knowing… he was a future doctor and he didn't know how to make it better. How pathetic.
He looked up, unsure.
"Well?"
"I-I d-don't know what to do now, sir… Y-your… um- it -"
"Oh, don't be such a wimp. It's just us two friends. Call it what it is. Say my cock ." John had never heard that word before to reference a penis… it sounded dirty. He thinks he can remember some of his classmates talking about the word… he'd just thought it was something about a rooster and had been very confused.
He shook himself from his thoughts. His friend was hurt and he needed to fix it.
"O-oh… Um… y-your c-cock looks like it hurts…"
"It does , Johnny. It hurts so very badly. Make it better."
"I-I d-don't know how."
"Then ask nicely and I'll tell you."
John looked up, looked the man dead in the eyes. "Please, tell me what to do to help your cock stop hurting, sir." He refused to stumble over that sentence. He was not pathetic. He could do it.
John ghosted his fingers over it, trying to help. The man made a noise that sounded like it might be pained.
"O-oh, I'm sorry!" John didn't mean to hurt him.
"Touching it hurts. Why don't you give it a kiss?"
John remembered his mom kissing his cuts and scrapes when he got them. It always made him feel better… even if it was just a placebo…
He leaned in and gave a light kiss. It was really hot… like he had a fever. The man sighed.
"It feels better… why don't you put your mouth around it?"
John didn't know what that would do… but maybe making it wet with saliva would cool it down. There was just one problem…
"I-I don't know if I can fit it in…" The man moaned again, putting his hand into John's hear and holding his head. John took it to mean it started hurting again. He didn't want that so he leaned in. Still wildly unsure about this.
He opened his mouth and looked up. The man was watching him. The top of his cock was in John's mouth. It was salty and hot… but not together completely unpleasant...
It became unpleasant when the man pushed farther in. John could only open his mouth so much… and once his mouth was filled, there was still more …
He thought that was bad… then the man pushed farther .
It was in his throat and he couldn't breath. He tried to pull back… but he couldn't. The man's hand was on the back of his head, not letting him up. His head was thrown back, eyes closed.
"That feels so much better, Johnny-boy." John tried to convey that he couldn't breath to the man… but he didn't seem to care. John gagged. It was so uncomfortable… He tried to adjust his jaw to accommodate… but his teeth grazed the man's cock and the man snapped his head down.
"If that happens again, I'll never teach you another thing about being a good friend."
John hummed an apology… he didn't mean to keep the man from getting better.
The man started to pull out. John almost sobbed with relief. He could finally breathe again… until the man pushed right back in… and then pulled out and pushed back in…
The rhythm was fast and he was pulling John's hair so hard it felt like it was going to be ripped out.
His jaw ached badly. When John's eyes were closed, trying to blink away more tears, the man pulled out his phone. On a particularly deep thrust, a picture was taken. John didn't know and the phone was away before John opened his eyes again.
"Use your tongue to lick the underside." A breathy command, but a command nonetheless.
He did and the man shivered. John liked it when he was useful… It made being uncomfortable a little more bearable. He did it again.
John did it once more… but this time he could feel something come out… he looked up in question.
"It's called precome, it means you're close to making my cock feel allll better." That made John feel warm and fuzzy. He was doing good. He couldn't wait to show Sherlock! He would be so proud that John had learned it just for him. This wasn't even that bad!
The man kept pushing in and out of his mouth. John got creative with his tongue to see what the man liked and what made his cock feel better. Making mental notes about what he would try on Sherlock.
John moaned in concentration, trying not to let his teeth touch again. The man seemed to like the vibration it caused. John did it again.
" Johnny ." He pushed and pulled harder. "I'm about to cum. Get ready."
That was all John got. He didn't know how to get ready… and not a second after the man said it, there was hot liquid… stuff in his mouth and going down his throat. It was salty and bitter and John hated it. The man pulled out before his was finished and it got all over John's face and shirt. John stood up, wobbling slightly. But it was over, so that was good. John felt accomplished.
"Oh, such a messy boy!" The man leaned down to lick a strip up John's face. John squeaked and closed his eyes. He didn't see it, but the man took another picture of him.
"What is this stuff…?"
"It's called cum." John didn't know what it was. He couldn't remember really reading about it. Was it like semen?
"Is it… never mind…" John didn't want to look like an idiot in front of his friend by asking a stupid question.
"Spit it out."
"W-well, I was just wondering i-if cum and semen were the same…"
The man chuckled. "Yes. It is. Semen is just the proper term for it. No one really uses it when talking. 'Cum' if more informal and more frequently used."
"O-oh… okay." The cum was starting to dry a little and get sticky. "C-can I wash this off…?"
"But Johnny! It's your turn, remember?"
"I… I think I'm okay… mine doesn't hurt…" John really didn't want the man to see him… or touch him at all. John was just here to learn so he could do things to Sherlock… He didn't care if Sherlock did them back… As long as he was happy, John didn't care.
"Sorry, Johnny-boy. You have to take your turn. It's just not fair otherwise."
"I... I really don't want to."
"I guess that's fine. We'll just have to let you go to Sherlock as is. Though he might be a little disappointed… Or we could just add another lesson."
John didn't want that … And he really wished the man would stop using Sherlock to keep John going… But it worked…
"O-okay… but then I want to be done… I need to make sure I remember all the stuff you taught me today…"
"We'll see. Sit down." He pushed John to sit on the couch.
"Y-you stood, why am I sitting?"
"Because the first few times this happens, you might fall down if you try to stand for it."
He unzipped John's jeans. John couldn't help but want to push his hands off…
" Oh , just look how hard you are… how cute." John wanted to protest. He may not be as big as the man, but he was not cute in any way, but right when he opened his mouth to say something, the man took the whole thing in on motion. John tried not to scream.
It was very strange. He'd never touched himself there… not really… He'd just never had time to explore his own body…and having someone else touch- hell, put their whole mouth around- him where his mother told him not to let anyone near was… John couldn't even think of the right word… he settled on 'intense' and a close fit.
"S-sir! I- I think I'm going to pee! Please- I- stop!"
The man, mercifully, lifted his head up. "Still feel it?"
"N-not as much, no…" John tried to catch his breath now that his lungs seemed to listen again.
"Then it's normal. Don't hold back." The man lowered his head back down and sucked hard . John yelped. When his hands flew to cover his mouth, realized distantly his eyes were leaking tears… but he couldn't stop them.
Not even a second later, his hands were forced down. The man looked him in the eye and sucked particularly hard. It set John off. Out of his cock came the same stuff that came from the man's…
When his cock stopped spilling more, the man came up and pressed his lips to John's. John was too tired and confused to reject the cum the man forced into his mouth, but it did dribble down the side of his mouth.
"Can you taste yourself?" He growled.
He nodded. John was still crying, he could feel them, hot and shameful dripping down.
" Good boy ." The man purred.
John wished the man would stop that.
"We're finished in here. You can join me in the bedroom when you clean yourself up a little." The man left the room, walking to the bedroom before John could even say anything.
John didn't understand the comment until he tried to stand and found his legs wouldn't cooperate. It made the tears fall faster, blurring his vision.
He tried again. He forced himself to stand and stay upright. His legs felt like jello… he didn't even know where the bathroom was. He wandered blindly for a minute or two before finally, finally he found it. He refused to look at himself in the mirror until all the cum was off his face. Even then he found it hard to force his eyes upon himself, so he chose to look down instead.
His shirt was a lost cause. There was no way he could wear it without Sherlock noticing what he'd been up too… He threw the shirt in the bin. He'd just wear the hoodie as a shirt.
He felt dirty… wrong… He liked doing it better than having it done to him. He knew it couldn't be too bad… if all friends did this, it was normal. Maybe he was the problem… maybe it only worked between specific friends… maybe Sherlock would be better… He tried to take as long as he could in the bathroom, only managing a solid 20 minutes before there was nothing else to do. He put the hoodie back on.
John couldn't stop crying as he left the bathroom. He didn't want to go into the bedroom again… he remembered what had happened the day before… but he couldn't just leave …
He made his way in slowly.
"Ah, there you are. Finally. I was getting impatient." The man was sitting on the edge of the bed, not a shirt or jeans in sight… the only thing he had was his pants.
"S-sorry sir." John tried to stay away, but the man just ordered him to come closer.
"Come over here with me, Johnny." John shuffled his way over to stand right in front of the man.
"Good. Now. I know you don't like to take your clothes off… but Sherlock wouldn't appreciate you wearing and ruining his things, would he?"
John shook his head.
"No, I wouldn't think so. Take it off." An order… John had to. He wished he wouldn't have thrown the shirt away…He slowly peeled it from his body and over his head.
" Yes . Just look at all this skin." John couldn't look at the man and covered as much as he could by crossing his arms. "Aw, is the baby embarrassed?"
"N-no!" John forced himself to look at the man and throw his arms down. He was okay. It was okay. He could and would do this. Whatever this was. For Sherlock.
"If you insist. Jeans next, please." John was swifter in this. If he took too long with this, he just knew he'd stop again… he didn't know if he could make himself continue the next time he stopped.
"So compliant! Such a good boy for me." When John was as naked as the man, the man stood up, using the few centimeters he had on John like meters to tower over him. He took his pants of and motioned for John to do the same. John did.
"On the bed." John sat down.
"Lay down." John did.
"This next part is really hard. I don't know if you can do it. I know I said that before, but I really don't know if you can…"
"I-I can do it! I can…"
"Do you know what sex is, Johnny?"
John had read about it… and the health class had touched on it, but he only knew how it worked between a man and a woman… and even then it was just a vague idea. He knew that's how parents had children... But he didn't even know two men could have sex. Would John get pregnant? He really hoped not... Especially not with this man.
But… but he didn't want to look stupid… So he told another lie. Nothing new there…
"O-of course I do…"
"Oh wonderful! Then you know all about the next part! Here, put this on." It was a cloth… John didn't know where to put it… at all.
"Over your mouth, silly." Oh… okay… John did. He didn't tie it too tight so he could still talk.
The man sighed. "Listen, Johnny. I know you've never done this before, but you've got to be smarter than this ." The man untied the knot John had done and tied it rather tight. John couldn't say anything anymore without it sounding unintelligible.
"Alright. If you want me to stop, just say so." John didn't know how well the word would come out if this thing was blocking his speech… but he was sure the man would understand it if John did say it.
John nodded.
"Okay. Lay back, bend your knees." John did.
The man pulled out a bottle of something… he squeezed into his hand then the man was over him again, like yesterday… but today it felt worse. His hands were held above him, pinned in place with one larger hand. The hand with stuff on it was out of his sight… oh… oh . His finger was right at John's anus.
John whined, but the man didn't hear him or didn't care because he just kept pushing. Suddenly, the finger was inside of him.
John started to thrash. It was too much. John didn't want to be here anymore.
"If you don't stop, I won't prepare you. I know you lied about knowing about sex… but let me tell you, this is very important. Otherwise, it hurts. A lot. And it's going to hurt even if I do . So I suggest you stop ." The grip on John's captive hands tightened.
John tried to stop. He did, but he couldn't help it. Another finger was shoved in and John could feel more tears streaking his face. He really didn't like this.
" Fine . I guess that's good enough anyway. I did warn you." The bottle was back. The man fumbled with his one free hand and John wished he would have let go… even just a second and John could be out in no time. But, sadly, no. This time the man poured the stuff on his cock. He placed it at John's hole. John tried to say stop… but it came out a grumbled mess.
"I'm not going to lie. This is going to hurt like hell." And then he shoved it in.
John screamed. It hurt more than anything. It was the worst thing. He felt like he was full. Like he would burst… then the man moved his hips forward.
How was it not all the way in? There couldn't possibly be more… And yet it just kept going. Farther and farther… it hurt and it wasn't getting better. It was getting so much worse.
After what felt like forever, the man finally spoke.
"See. It hurts. You shouldn't have been a bad boy. It wouldn't have hurt this much. Nothing for it though. You'll get used to it." John didn't want to get used to it.
He tried to tell the man to stop, only to get a chuckle from the man. "Sorry, what was that? I can't understand you." John hated the man. He hated himself for ever thinking this was okay… he didn't care if this is what friends did… this man was no friend. It hurt because this man was a terrible person.
The man pulled his phone from the side table. "Oh, this is going to be beautiful." John heard the record button being hit. Not even a second later, the man pulled back. It hurt just as much and John screamed. He couldn't help it. He thrashed and tried to get leverage to kick the man off, but he just couldn't and he hated himself for it.
The man stopped again, pointing the camera on his stomach, then thrusting shallowly. He brought his hand up to push right where he had the camera. John was too scared to look down. He tried to tell the man to stop again, only to get the same result. A bitter laugh and another shallow thrust.
" Perfect ." The man purred. "Look at that. I wonder. What will your dear Sherlock think?" That made John stop dead. He… Sherlock wouldn't know. How could he? But… the man was taking a video of him… did that mean he was going to send it to Sherlock?
Oh… Oh no… what… what if Sherlock already knew and he and the man were friends and Sherlock just wanted- No. No. That couldn't be true.
"Oh, yes." He thrust back in a little quicker. "Sherlock will never want you now." Suddenly, John wished the man and Sherlock did know each other… then at least the detective would maybe keep John around… but… if Sherlock ever saw this video he'd never speak to John again.
"Such a filthy boy, aren't you, Johnny?" John tried to shake his head 'no' but he couldn't. The man's thrusts were getting quicker. He felt something rip inside… the movements suddenly got easier. That scared John. The camera panned down… showing where the man was moving in and out of John.
"Oh, it looks like I've ripped something… Oh well. I'm sure you love it, don't you Johnny-boy?"
John tried to say no… but at the same moment, the man hit something deep inside John… something that sent pleasurable shivers down his spine… it still hurt… but that one spot made it a little better. Prostate something inside John's head whispered.
The sparks of good were even worse than the pain. How could he like this? There was- he just… there had to be something wrong with him.
The man hit it again and John moaned loudly.
"Oh, it seems you're finally letting yourself like it. Is it good, Johnny? The way I fill you up? The way you can't stop me even if you wanted to?"
No! His mind screamed. No, he didn't like it! "S-s-st-" Trying to say 'stop' had never been so hard.
"Poor boy, so lost in pleasure you can't even talk. Such a good boy."
Stop it! Make it stop! John tried to thrash again, but he only succeeded in pushing back against the man's thrusts, so he stopped.
"Oh, no, no, no! That just won't do." The man was thrusting so hard, John could feel it in his lower stomach. He finally looked down, only to snap his head right back up. He could see the man's cock moving in his lower stomach. It made him sick.
"Why don't you press back again, boy ?"
John couldn't. He didn't want to.
The man paused and John thought maybe he was done… but no such luck. All he got was his leg thrown over the man's shoulder and more brutal thrusts.
"Fine I'll do all the work. It doesn't make a difference."
It hurts. That's all John can think of. He tried to think about Sherlock… he wants the man to come save him… but John knows he won't… he didn't even know John was here… He thought John was still at work. John felt a new spark of hate for this man. He never wanted to see him again. He didn't care if he didn't know how the man ticked. It wasn't worth all this hurt. John didn't care if he was bored all the time. He never wanted this to happen again.
After forever of hurt with sparks of pleasure here and there, the man thrusting into his body grabs John's cock. John screams again. This time it's in pleasure. He can't hide it. He hates himself.
"Ah, there we are. So good, isn't it, Johnny-boy? You've been such a good boy that you deserve a reward." The man pumped John's cock. It felt so good and John hated it.
The man thrust in time with the pumps so that John couldn't even feel the pain any more. Just pleasure. It felt like betrayal.
John didn't know what happened but he came. It went all over himself and the man… the man moaned loud and kept going. "Naughty boy. Look at the mess you've made. I didn't even give you permission to cum. So naughty." The man came hard inside of John, then pulled out. It was a sharp, raw pain. The phone went over him in slow motion.
Then the man hit the button again and walked out.
In the doorway he stopped. "The lesson is over. If you don't want Sherlock to find out about this and all the naughty, bad things you've done, you better keep quiet about it and keep coming back whenever I say." Then the man was gone.
John just layed there. It hurt to breathe let alone move. He wanted to stop existing. It hurt too much. After about ten minutes of catching his breath, he slowly brought his arms down to take the cloth off his mouth. His jaw ached and burned. John hopped it didn't leave marks. Sherlock would definitely know then… John couldn't help but cry again. He took the cloth out of his mouth, hoping it hadn't made marks.
Sherlock was going to hate him.
When John stood up, he immediately fell to the ground. He couldn't stand. It hurt so much. He forced himself to though. He could feel things trickling out of him. He reached a hand down to confirm… there was blood. A lot of it. Blood and the man's cum… John wanted to die.
He walked slowly to the front of the house, getting his shoes on, then his stand in shirt.
The face that it smelled like Sherlock's cologne really helped right now. He really missed the man. He wanted to see him now more than ever… And… and yet, if he had the chance, he would never let the man see him like this… Not ever.
He didn't know where to go… Sherlock was at the flat… John couldn't face him right now. He knew he couldn't walk all the way there anyway… he made his way to Sebastian's house. Leo was there anyways. Halfway there he sent a text to Sherlock.
Going to Sebastian's.
-JW
Sherlock got the text. Right after it, he left the flat. He'd been waiting for John to text to say he was on the way. Sherlock had ordered from John's favorite place and he'd even made tea . Something was wrong. Sherlock couldn't stand it. Something was going on and he was going to find out what. He hated John not talking to him. After this case, Sherlock wouldn't let John out of his sight until he was sure John was alright. He grabbed his coat and walked out the door. John needed him. Or… maybe he needed John… It didn't really matter. He was going and that's what mattered.
John got in the front door after nearly an half an hour of struggling and limping along the side of the road. He was glad it was very late… there was no one around to see him.
It quickly became clear that Sebastian wasn't back yet… John needed a shower now more than ever in his life and the mercy that Sebastian wasn't there was just too good to pass up.
The moment the hot water touched John's back, he let out a moan… Then slapped a hand over his mouth. He never wanted to make a sound like that again… He was thinking about how to cancel the lessons with the man… if John needed to know the things he was being taught, he'd learn them on his own. He couldn't look at the man anymore, let alone try to be his friend still.
Yeah. Then he wouldn't have to worry whether it was right or not. But… But what if the man sent the video of him? What if… what if Sherlock saw him like that?
He cleaned himself meticulously, not missing a single hair on his body. There was blood all over and John made sure not to miss a single speck.
John finished his shower and got out. There was a shirt sitting in front of the door. It was very large on him, but he didn't mind. It was actually very comfortable. He put on his pants and jeans then walked out. Sebastian was home. John wanted to call out… but he didn't feel like using his voice. So he just looked, still limping. Sebastian was in the kitchen making dinner.
When he turned he smiled brightly. "Hiay, kid. How was work?" When he actually saw John his smile dropped. "Hey, you look awful. Are you alright? Did something happen?"
John shook his head. "Just a bad day at work…" Sebastian looked suspicious, but didn't push it. He set down a plate in front of John. It hurt so badly to sit, but John made himself. He refused to let anyone know.
He wasn't hungry. Not even a little, but he forced himself to take bites. Then he just couldn't any more. He excused himself. Sebastian looked like he was going to say something, but John didn't let him. He went and sat on the couch.
"Hey, are you sure you don't wanna talk? I won't judge… And I can help. What's up, kid?" John just shook his head. "Oookay? Well… I'm going to hop in the shower… um, do you need anything?"
Again, John just shook his head. He laid his head down as he heard Sebastian walk away.
John could hear the water turn on.
John sat down on the couch and thought about the man who had… who- John couldn't even bring himself to say it. He wanted to stop what had happened earlier but he couldn't… the man said he'd stop… Would the man lie about that…? Friends didn't lie to each other, did they? Was the man just lying?
John thought about how many people he'd lied to in the past few days… Maybe friends did lie. Should they? What about if it was for a good reason? Was that a good reason?
John wanted Sherlock not to find out… He wanted Sherlock to be proud… But what if he was just mad? What if Sherlock hated him?
If the man was right and only friends did this, maybe Sherlock would be mad John didn't do it with him first…
Maybe the man wasn't even really his friend? John didn't know if he'd rather it be the truth or a lie…
Maybe- the water turned off. John was back in Sebastian's sitting room, staring blankly ahead.
When the bathroom door opened, John had realized he had been questioning himself and everything for nearly an hour.
Maybe Sebastian would know… maybe help him figure something out. He wouldn't tell him… he would just ask about other things that might help him understand… that wasn't telling so the man couldn't use it against him and show Sherlock the video… right?
"S-Sebastian…?" If John stayed facing away from him, maybe it'd make the questions easier.
John heard Sebastian's steps pause, not coming closer, but obviously paying attention to John's words. "Yeah, kid?"
"Y-you and I are friends… right? You wouldn't lie to me about something important… right?"
Sebastian sighed. "I knew there was something else."
He turned around and walked closer to where John was still sitting on the couch. He had his shirt in his hands.
John immediately averted his eyes from the man. It was only polite. "O-oh- I- Um, sorry! I didn't mean to distract you from getting dressed…"
"Look at me."
John looked at the space somewhere near his head, almost at his face.
"No. My chest."
John did so slowly. Covering the very well defined torso was… awful.
"What do you see?
What he saw were scores of scars. Old ones, new ones… small, big, there were so many . John had some on his body too… but nothing as… heartbreaking as this.
"O-oh my gosh."
"Pretty wicked… I know. I remember every single one and how much they hurt. When I used to see them, I would hate what life had dealt me… but I see that I've grown. After every new one, I can see that I'm not the same person I was just before it." Sebastian was grim. "Tell me, what do you see?"
"I… I see you . Y-you're so nice and kind… and you don't deserve any of these… not a single one. You- I-" John could feel himself tearing up. "W-why are you showing me…?" John would never dream of showing his… They were just reminders of times he couldn't protect himself or… when he deserved it… or the worst ones… the ones he'd done himself.
"John. You asked if we were friends. This is my answer. No one has seen any of these since they were put on me. No one living, that is… I'm showing you because I know you care. And even so, it won't change how you see me. You aren't going to suddenly treat me like I'm made of glass.
"You know me, you know what I'm like and yet, you still stay over and we talk and generally have a pretty good time." Sebastian put his shirt on and picked John up off the couch, just to set him in the bigger man's lap so they were facing each other. John's leg on either side of Sebastian's hips. John went rigid and tried not to scream from the pain and terror. No! Not again, please-
He relaxed when he saw determination in Sebastian's eyes and not what he's seen in the other man's earlier today. He realized Sebastian wasn't going to do what the other man did… at least not right now. Maybe John would be okay with is if Sebastian asked him to do it… Would it still hurt as bad? John didn't hate the first thing he'd done… but would Sebastian like it too? Would- Sebastian started talking again and John forced himself to listen.
"I'm showing you because I trust you. And I'd say you are my only friend."
"W-what about the man you said was named Jim… Isn't he your friend?"
"Friend is a strong word. I tolerate his more than others… but I would never show him this. Not because he would care, but because he wouldn't. He would honestly not care a single lick. I could have hundreds and he'd still not show a single sign of compassion. And that's not a bad thing, but friendship is all about compassion… I guess Sherlock wouldn't really know about it much enough to help you out, would he?"
John chuckled, leaning his head onto Sebastian's shoulder. "Not in the slightest." John paused… he didn't want to ask, but he needed an answer. "Wh-what about that man who came over…? Is he your friend…?" John hoped that the answer was no… He didn't think Sebastian would be friends with that man if he know what had been done to John… or maybe John deserved it… John did owe a lot of favors… Maybe that was one of them? He hoped not… he couldn't do that ever again, let alone to make up all his favors...
"I trust him with somethings… but not as much as you should trust a friend."
Sebastian put his arms around John and gave him an awkwardish hug. John hadn't been hugged in… Ages, really. Mrs. Hudson didn't dare try… not after the first time he'd started screaming for Sherlock. Sherlock would never… who else did he have? The man that taught him possibly made up things? That… hurt him so badly? John was afraid of what would happen if he initiated physical contact with the man. What the man might want in return.
"It's okay." Sebastian shushed him, patting his back and stroking his hair. John realized he was crying.
John tried to lean up. "I-I'm sorry, I-"
"Never be sorry if you need a hug. John," Sebastian pulled John up so he could look into his eyes. "I'm here for you, just like you are for me. That is friendship. I'm not the best at words and I've never helped… well anyone , but we're friends and we can get through it. Yeah?"
John let out a sob, throwing his arms around Sebastian's neck. He didn't know how long he cried for, only that he cried out his anger and his fear. His sorrow, his pain… and Sebastian just let him. Just kept his strong arms around John for as long as he needed.
When John's tears slowed, Sebastian spoke again. "I know you don't believe it, but, Sherlock is there for you too. If you tell him that something is wrong, I know he'll do everything to make it right. He's your friend too, John, if not even more than me."
It made John want to cry again… and he did. He wanted to tell Sebastian everything … and he knew Sebastian would let him, he just knew it.
Sebastian was the best person, really.
When John was finally done, he pulled back. He wanted to thank Sebastian. Show him how much of a friend he really was. He knew the man said he should wait, but John wanted to show him now . He didn't even care if Sebastian wanted to stick his cock down John's throat. He just wanted him to know . Would Sebastian hurt him too? Or… or would John like it this time? He gathered up all the rest of his courage and took a breath.
John leaned in close and kissed Sebastian on the lips, just like he'd been shown.
Yeeaaahhh... So, uh, next chapter is done and I'm on a posting spree right now, so you don't have to wait forever long...
But yeah...
Lemme know your thoughts.
Xoxo,
~Miss Taken