Gibbs was lost in thought for a moment before he noticed the rhythmic clapping and near chanting around him, The crowd was asking for an encore. He smiled and began clapping himself, He wanted to see Abby but He also wanted to hear any other songs she had. The clapping and a chanting grew louder and louder until finally Abby and her band members rushed back on stage. His smile grew wider as Abby winked at him and waved to the audience,
"Okay, How about one more song?" She called into her mic, The crowd cheered! "How about TWO more songs?" They cheered again and Gibbs wanted to cheer with them. Abby nodded to her band members as she took her seat on the stool and picked up her guitar.
A slow strangle with your feet on the floor
I've got 14 angels and we're sleeping alone
In the back of a cave, where the rest of us go
To feel normal
I call baby up. Leave me alone.
I'm in pain but I won't let you band-aid my wound
I am mad at a stage where I can't seem to handle my own (Can't even handle my)
And give me a quiet mind and I...
I love you
You give me a quiet mind and I...
I love you
Until the end (Until the end)
Give me strength to be kind... To combine
All the good things in life that are so hard to find
But I have and I won't let them go like I do with my friends (My friends)
Still hearing voices... From front... From behind
They're the reason I choose... When to live... How to die
When to cast... When to reel
When to buy... When to steal
And when to fiend for the friends that taught you
Being inappropriate will
Give me a quiet mind and I...
I love you
You give me a quiet mind and I...
I love you
And give me a quiet mind and I...
I love you
You give me a quiet mind and I...
I love you
Until the end (Until the end)
Until the end
Until the end
Gibbs felt as though there was a lump in his throat, He tried to swallow it, but it seemed to grow as he realized Abby hadn't looked at him yet. Was it possible the song was about him too? He didn't have time to think about it as she began her next song.
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
And with a sad hard heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby girl I never was a woman
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then he whispered "How can you do this to me?"
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
For you
For you
For you
Gibbs watched as a tear slid down her cheek before she quickly bowed and rushed off stage. She didn't look back at him, He knew both songs were about him some how. He never knew she could sing, He didn't know she wrote songs, nor did he know she could play an instrument. He thought he knew just about everything someone could know about her, apparently he was wrong.
He knew he had hurt her, deeply. He didn't know when she had written her songs, but he knew for a fact that they were about him. He knew if he asked she was less likely to tell him so he decided he wouldn't ask. She would tell him when she was ready.
Abby stood backstage, her heart was in her stomach. Gibbs was here, How? WHY? She knew that he knew those last two songs were about him 100% and for him. He wasn't suppose to ever hear any of those songs, he wasn't suppose to be here! Her whole heart was in those songs, ALL of them. Her love, her anger, her sadness all for him. She didn't know what to say to him, could she lie? No, she had never been able to lie to him, But she was sure she couldn't tell him the whole truth.
That she loved him, had from the moment she met him. She had cried for him, and raged over the fact that he had lost his family. Had nearly lost her self in misery when he left to Mexico, thinking he may never come back. She had worked her self to exhaustion and a near mental break down when he and McGee and been missing in Paraguay. It got to the point that the Director had made her see a therapist, and he, himself, checked nightly to ensure she had went home after it was discovered that she was sleeping in her lab for over a month.
So what he didn't know was it had nearly devastated her to walk away from him, and She had avoided calling him for a reason, She couldn't hear his voice yet. She would go running back, She knew she would. She missed everyone, but she missed him the most. She loved him and She wanted to just run to him and let him hold her, make her feel safe, make her feel loved. Something she hadn't felt in months.
After she was shot she avoided him, She knew she couldn't stay and being near him, allowing him to make her feel safe would have stopped her. She needed, no had to do this for Clay. That's why she had left the note, one hug from him, one kiss on the cheek would have stopped her. But now what? She couldn't hide back here forever, he would eventually come looking for her. She took several deep breaths as she prepared her self to step out and see him, to hug him, and eventually watch him leave. It would break her heart all over again but if he had come all this way to see her she wouldn't let him down. She could be brave, she had to be or all of this was for nothing.