TW: attempted rape and visceral threats, skip from the beginning of the fight to the first 'TTT' break if you want to skip it. xx

We are just misguided ghosts, Travelling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most, pushed us far away
And there's no one road, we should not be the same
I'm just a ghost and still they echo me
They echo me in circles.

Paramore- Misguided ghosts

Random Shoes: part 2

Once outside she just kept running and within the space of half an hour she was lost. She stared around her with tears in her eyes. Why was she such a coward? Why didn't she just stay? Why did she run every time a conversation came up that she didn't like? She sat down against a red telephone box and sighed, digging her hand in her pocket for a tissue to blow her nose on and pulling out the slip of paper with her mother's number instead. She stared at it for several minutes, contemplating the possibilities. What was she thinking? The hub was her home and she may not always feel happy there but they were her family. Family that wouldn't leave her. She was safe and loved, but things change. Now Jack and Ianto were dating they had so little time for her. She didn't know where to step in the hub and when to talk to them and even what about.

The hub was quiet and lonely now. Pip was spending more and more time venturing into the tunnels and exploring. They were all changing. They were all leaving her behind. She was alone, outside and… lost. She looked around at the dirty ally she'd found herself in. She had lived here for years but didn't recognise this at all. A shiver of fear ran down her spine and she bit her lip. It was getting dark and she needed to find her way... where? Andrew House wasn't home anymore, the hub would mean talking to Jack, or worse, Gwen. It would mean going back to how things were and having them all smirk or sigh at the childish monkey girl who ran off when someone was mean to her. She was so embarrassed.

So, what then? She'd made the mistake of coming out without her sword so sleeping on the streets was not an option and she only had a small handful of change left in the jeans from a drink she'd bought a few days back, so hotels were out of the question. But it did give her an option. Sniffing back more tears and wiping her face in her hands she forced herself up and into the phone box thrusting her hand into her pocket to gather a few coins for a call. She punched in the numbers with a growing sick feeling.

'Saunders.'

'Um hi?' she mumbled, what had possessed her to speak with her mother.

'Ethel? Oh my God! I didn't think you would ring.'

'Nor did I, I just, I um…'

'No no let me speak. Listen I couldn't say it while they were all around you but I want to ask you… I know I was never a very good mother to you but… I've changed, I swear I have. I only want what's best for you both and. I'd like to offer you my home.'

'What?' Winter was stunned.

'I want you to move back in with me, we'll be a normal family again. Well, without your father of course. Will you? Please sweetheart. I just want to get to know you again.'

'I...I'm... I need to think about it mum,' she choked out, caving in and deciding that it should be the hub she went back to tonight. Not to her mother.

'Alright then but you just turn up. Say the word and I'll make up the spare rooms,' and with that, she hung up.

'No wait mum!'

Winter was cut off by a noise from outside like a door slamming and she span around the phone still in her hand. There was something out there. She could feel it. Two pigeons were startled from their perch and she watched them fly away in a flurry of panicked feathers. Suddenly it felt like she was back in the countryside. It felt like she was being hunted. She took a few deep breaths and looked for her most obvious exit, back the way she came. If she could dash out there and keep running maybe she could find a place she knew and head home.

She started to open the door but looked again. There, in the dark, there was a figure standing the way she had come in. Tall and bulky, hands spread out to his sides and feet moving him slowly towards her. There was only one thing to do. She span back to the phone and punched in Jack's mobile.

'Harkness.'

She breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the SUV behind his voice.

'Jack!'

'Nemo! Where are? I'm out looking for you. Come on, I'll pick you up.'

'I don't know,' she replied terror dripping from every syllable. Turning to face the stranger still walking slowly towards her she sped up the conversation. 'Jack, someone's here. Someone's coming. Please help me, please. I'm scared, Jack.'

'Hold on,' he ordered calmly, 'is there a number on the phone, a code?'

She turned to look at the phone but it was covered in tart cards and graffiti.

'No, no, there's nothing. Jack!'

'I'm tracing the call don't hang up.'

She could hear her heart through her chest as the silence deafened her. She turned to face the door again, and screamed. The figure was now right at the box.

Winter tried to grab the handle and hold it shut but he wrenched the door open and pulled her from the box dragging her kicking and screaming into a covered area around the back of an old beaten up shop. He pushed her up against the wall and she thrust her hand into his face pushing it back. Above his eyebrow she felt a small bumpy area of skin and suddenly she knew who it was. She screamed for her life, hoping someone would hear but he winded her and tackled her to the ground.

'You think I'm just going to let you mess us around after what you did to Suzie?' Ben spat.

'I didn't…' she choked out.

His foot connected with her stomach and she curled, reactively. When he tried again she grabbed the foot and yanked bringing him down and then tried to crawl away. He got up and marched over to her, kicking her over onto her back and reaching down to grasp a handful of her hair. He dragged her back over to the cover and his fist connected with the side of her head. She saw bright stars and tasted the sharp tang of blood.

'I didn't do anything,' she tried to mumble as he got down on the ground straddling her waist.

'You're a lying bitch.' He put a hand to her throat but rather than squeeze he drew it down to the neck line of her top and fumbled a squeeze.

She smacked him, still groggy and in pain. He reeled back and back-handed her across the face, dragging her top up and over her arms and pulling the belt from the loops of her jeans.

'You killed her. She was my friend. She gave us money for food and got me good stuff. You killed her! So, here's how it's gonna go. Those fucking friends of yours are gonna get a call, some panicked piss head came down the alley to throw up and instead he finds a cunt with her face caved in and the foxes chewing at her guts.'

She thrust her hands up against his throat, trying to push him off her, whimpering at his disgusting threats whispered in her ear. He grunted and bit her neck, too hard to be playful and then looped the belt around her throat and pulled it tight with one hand as she fought to wrestle it off. With her hands distracted by the leather garrotte, he forced his free one into her open jeans, trying to push them down. Every time she tried to pull her hands away he pulled the belt tighter and tighter, black spots started to develop in her vision and her arms were losing strength.

'Think you're better than us,' Ben grunted, 'think you're a fucking princess now you're out.' He leaned down and licked a trail just above her bra, 'You're just a little cunt aren't you. Suzie saw right through you and you killed her.'

'No. I did.'

Another figure shot out from nowhere and tackled Ben. Winter rolled over, yanking the belt from her neck, clawing at the ground until she could drag herself to the wall. She pulled her jeans back up and buttoned them, stretched out for her top before pulling it back on and wiping her cheeks with ragged hands. Through tears and blood and dirt she watched as Jack and Ben fought roughly. Ben had landed a quick punch to the gut early on but Jack was more experience, he tripped him up and threw the younger, but bigger, boy into a wall. Ben lay still in a puddle of rain water and Jack got up breathing heavily. He stood over him for a moment then lifted his head to look up at Winter. There was a look in his eyes, as close to murderous as she'd ever seen him and she whimpered. It flickered like fire and then, as though the rain now falling had hit the flames, it extinguished almost entirely.

Jack bent down and hooked his arms under Ben's, slowly he dragged the heavy-set boy down to the phone box where the SUV was parked and heaved him into the boot, securing him with restraints.

When he returned to Winter he found her in the same position, curled up against the wall and shaking violently. He knelt down a meter away from her and reached out to touch her but she just flinched away.

'Nemo?'

She shook her head and ran her hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face. Something caught, painfully and she looked down at her fingernails to see that one had ripped so close to the skin that it was bleeding and hanging off and caught in the crack she saw Ben's hair. A wave of nausea rolled her stomach and she crawled away from Jack, retching on all fours, intermingled with sobs and confused speech.

Jack wrapped an arm around her and helped her stand and pulled her into a hug as though trying to shield her from the entire world with his being. She held her hands up as though she could barely believe they were hers. He stood and whispered to her quietly, like he had done when she had nightmares, she heard his voice crack and the odd tear dripped down and mingled with the rain. He talked of far off places and people he knew and his Doctor. He talked like he'd known her his whole life and like she was almost a stranger. He just talked until her breathing slowed and she rested her head on his chest and she could finally make out some words of her own.

'I want to go,' she whispered.

He nodded and started to walk but when she tried to mover her legs they were like solid lead. It was almost like they weren't hers. She stared at them, confused, willing them to bend but she almost couldn't remember how. Jack looked at her, blankly staring at her legs like she'd never seen them before and almost lost the last bit of composure he was clinging on to. Slowly he helped her walk back to the SUV and opened the back door for her. She slid onto the seats and lay down over them staring blankly at the back of the empty passenger seat. Her mind was overwhelmed with information. Her bad day at the hub, Gwen's insults, her mother's plans, the attack. They all swirled into one big glob of bile at the back of her throat and she pushed them down. Far down, the further down she could get them, the quicker she forgot them, everything would be...fine?

It seemed to take no time to get back to the hub. Jack warned her to go downstairs to her room rather than into the main hub but her colleagues were waiting near the garage and the moment she got out they were heading over to her. Jack hopped out and tried to get in between them but Ianto moved towards her quickly, too quickly. Owen was right behind him and Gwen and Tosh followed all speaking all blocking her way to her room.

'Where have you been…'

'…so worried…'

'…go sodding off to…'

'….so sorry for everything…'

'…Christ what happened…'

'…I need to keep my mouth shut…'

'…Jack what happened…'

'…Jesus is that blood…'

It was all too much she was backed against the wall and breathing fast, Jack finally got between them and told them to back off but she couldn't breathe it was all too much, too soon, too loud, too bright to everything. He turned and saw the panicked expression on her face, reaching out just as her eyes rolled back into her head, and she fainted.

TTT

When she woke up she was in a bed. She knew this bed and she knew the arm draped over her stomach. She must have been having the dream again. The fire. Jack always slept next to her when she had the dream. She would scream her head off and he would hold her until it was over and then until morning. It became a little ritual of theirs… but… wait… she'd moved out. Two nights ago she'd had the nightmare and she'd woken up shaking and alone. So why was he here?

Then it all came flooding back, along with the pain. She shot out of the bed and looked at Jack. His braces hanging at his sides and his stripy shirt slightly creased from lying on the bed, and his blue eyes fixed on her.

'Sorry. I... Sorry.' She sunk down on the floor and pressed her head against the cool metal of his bed frame.

'Nemo, don't. Don't apologise.' He got up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. She looked down at her bare legs and the bruising blossoming there. She felt less dirty and less sticky, plus her fingernails had been trimmed down after breaking which meant someone had cleaned her. For a moment she felt panicked and then she saw the towels in the corner of the room and realised it must have been Jack. He would never have left her after that. All of this reminded her of what Jack must have seen in the alley yesterday...was it yesterday? She felt her face grow painfully hot and scrunched up her eyes as a wave of furious embarrassment at what had happened rocked her. She looked away toward the wall and tucked her arm around her legs. Jack sat by her side and, almost as though reading her mind said, 'He almost took me down.'

She sat, stock still for a moment, unsure of what he was getting at, while he paused and whispered, 'You must have fought like a god-damn Valkyrie.'

She choked out a slight laugh and was suddenly filled with a burning warmth towards Jack and the tell-tale prickle of tears behind her eyes. She nodded and leant back against the wall and him.

'What the hell happened?'

She froze for a second but forcefully softened herself. 'Something Suzie said, when we brought her back.'

'Suzie? I was going to ask how he knew her.'

'He'd been giving information on me to Suzie for a while. Suzie gave him money and I think maybe drugs or something. She bought his loyalty. He was the one who set them on me when I went back. Suzie warned me that he was coming for me but I thought she was just trying to scare me or something. Turned out she wasn't.'

'No kidding.'

They sat in silence for a moment then Jack sighed and turned to look at her. 'You alright?'

'No,' she told him, voice catching.

He nodded and slowly got up, holding out his hands to her but she didn't take them, just stared at them. 'I spoke to my mother.'

He dropped his hands. 'You did?'

'She wants me to live with her.'

He didn't look surprised. 'Are you going to?'

She shook her head and answer truthfully. 'I don't know.'

Jack swallowed and nodded carefully, pulling his braces back on. 'Well, when you decide just come and find me.'

She nodded and he paused for a second as though he had something to add then, immediately thinking better of it, he ascended into his office. She looked around the room she had called hers only a month or so before. Now Ianto's tie was thrown across the bed and the book she had given him a few weeks back sat dog eared on the side table. It wasn't hers any more. And she didn't feel welcome in it.

TTT

No one spoke to her. Not the whole day. Clearly they had no idea what to say. She had no idea how much Jack had told them about what had happened but she could imagine it was enough to scare them all enough into anxiously avoiding her in case they said the wrong thing. In a way, she was grateful she needed time to think. There were pro's and con's to any argument and this wasn't exactly a predicament anyone else had experience of so it was entirely up to her. Sat in the boardroom she flicked a pen between her fingers as she made a list.

Con's of leaving Torchwood: It was exciting. She had friends here. Iant was here. Jack was here. Pip. The freedom. The swings. The responsibility. Saving the world.

Pro's: she'd be normal for once, with a proper mother, a proper house and maybe even manage to do some real school and exams, get a normal job. She wouldn't be in danger, she wouldn't be in the way and she wouldn't have to see Ianto every day and think. 'no, he's not yours. He's Jack's'.

What about what she was putting her faith in if she left? There was her mother. She'd gone through her whole life hating her parents for leaving her. Especially her mother. When they'd met she'd been blunt and unkind but maybe she could try and change that. Maybe they could be like normal mothers and daughters. Go shopping, talk about friends, eat meals together and watch T.V. maybe even have the occasional argument.

By 9:00 she had narrowed it down to two points. Could she leave everything behind and could she forgive her mother. As she lay down for an early night. Soft jazz playing in the background. She could only hope that tomorrow gave her some clue as to what she should do.

TTT

The next afternoon Jack found her in the conference room. He handed her her sword and nodded towards the door. 'We need to pick up Gwen. Apparently, she found the eye we've been looking for. Come on, some fresh air will do you good.'

The car trip was quick. Only to the suburbs, back to Eugene's mother's house. They pulled up and Jack took the eye from Gwen exchanging a little conversation with her but Winter wasn't really watching. All she could see was the broken family mourning the loss of their boy. The long forgotten father shaking hands with his youngest son, making up. She vaguely heard a commotion over the road and a car swept by disturbing her vision. She turned around, ignoring everything. She had made her decision. Now she had to live with it.

TTT

She was sat in Jacks office. Everyone was at their desks. Pip on the arm of her chair. Jack walked in.

'So, you've made a decision.' He sat on his side of the desk and surveyed her across the expanse of wood.

'Yes.'

He nodded waiting for her to continue.

'I'm leaving,' she blurted out.

He sucked in a short breath and she thought she saw something, some kind of light, extinguish in his eyes. 'You're sure?'

'I love this job. I love you. I love the team and…'

'And you love Ianto.'

She nodded trying to stop the tears from coming. 'I can't do this when I know there's another life out there for me waiting to be tried out, a chance to have the life I was meant to. It might not work out but at least I can say I've given it a go.'

He nodded slowly. 'Will you still? I mean, you can still work.'

'I've got a lot to figure out and, I can't tell her what I do and I can't keep running off for days. Our relationship will be strained enough.'

'Well, maybe, when you're ready.'

'Sure.' She nodded although they both knew it was a lie. 'Maybe.'

'I'll miss you.'

'I don't know if I will you.'

He shook his head. 'No retcon. We can't refine it, we'd be wiping too much of your life.'

She swallowed and hugged herself tightly. 'I want to say I hope I see you again Jack but… I don't think I could. Not without bursting into tears anyway.' She laughed a little and stood up, placing her sword on the table. 'I'm leaving everything to you. Do what you want, don't keep it hanging around if you want rid of it. Just promise me two things?'

'Anything you want Nemo.'

'Finish Andrew house.'

'Of course.'

'And…' she couldn't stop them, the tears flowed over her cheeks. 'Look after him. Please.' She looked up at Jack and saw he was crying too. Not as much as her but she could still see the tears in his eyes.

'Always.' He hugged her but she pulled back and tugged him down, pressing her lips to his kissing him slowly, then touching their foreheads and ducking her head. She ran her hands down his arms, not able to bring herself to look at him again. Pulling back, she wiped her cheeks and pushed the door to his office open. Owen and Tosh got up in surprise.

'What's wrong?' Tosh asked her eyes darting from Jack to Winter. He remained silent as Gwen and Ianto joined them outside the office. Winter hugged Owen, who patted her back and yet still looked a little uncomfortable, then Tosh, who tried to be soothing, then Gwen and finally turned to Ianto. She took Pip from her shoulder and kissed his head before placing him on Ianto's.

'This is his home. I'm leaving him to you.' She wrapped her hands around the back of Ianto's neck and kissed him softly. Her thumb brushed his jaw and pulled back. 'Goodbye,' she whispered and before anyone could stop her she disappeared up through the tunnels and the front office and into her mother's red Beatle parked in the staff lot.

…

[This chapter always gets too me. Too many emotions. Hope you liked it. Please review!]

['Sonotalady': is this soon enough? :D The Scrabble bit was one of my faves too. I got the idea from playing with my elder brother, he's always coming up with words that we all think are rubbish but we have to let it pass because his vocabulary is amazing and if we looked up every word it would be very dull. I'm sorry but it's not going to get better for poor old Winter for a while yet. But when it does it will be rather spectacular as always :) thanks for the review I really appreciated it!

'Rachy Babes': Hope you had a nice time wherever you were :) you'll only have to wait and see a little while yet, I'm going to go over some of the final chapters tonight and add finishing touches, lets just say her mother switched a lot around in her story and Suzie's friend will reappear soon. And I guess holding off on the second series was a bit of an empty threat as half of it's already written and there's a MASSIVE twist coming up for it :) I know I know I'm evil. Thanks for the review I'm so glad you're enjoying this.

'sashaxh': Thank you :) that means a lot too me.

You guys really cheered me up at school, it's great to walk in on a Monday and find three reviews in your inbox. But I have a feeling they'll all be hate mail after this chapter. *hides behind pillow*]