Levine and Moira descended together. They were met by Charles and his guards at the foot of the stairs, like they always had. They went to the usual room with the usual table where they sat down. It was all very familiar to Moira, but she knew that things were going to have to be different.
"Magnus won't be joining us tonight," Charles said apologetically, "You must understand, he just got his wife and daughter back."
"Understood," Moira said.
He smiled.
"Now that we have the families back together," Charles said, "We would like to discuss the MRD. We believe it may be a privatized institution."
"Really?" asked Levine.
He sounded relieved; he had never wanted to know that his government had done such things. It was an emotion that Charles picked up on; she could see it in his eyes.
"It's possible. There's a similar organization in the Soviet Union," said Charles, "We unearthed a deal between them and Genosha. A few extra files mention the Winter Soldier, but you already have those."
"And we've found them very useful," Moira said.
"Always happy to help Moira," Charles said, "We can certainly trust the two of you to get the job done, especially after what happened with Magnus' family."
Charles tilted his head and smiled at Moira.
"Magnus wishes to convey his thanks, by the way."
She nodded briefly and saw a slight frown crease his face. It disappeared quickly as he resumed speaking.
"Moving on," Charles said, "Some of our members have identified what could be a potential MRD center."
"Potential?" asked Levine.
"Well, I know that while I was travelling through Pennsylvania I found myself dodging MRD at every corner," said Charles, "And no, that's not a metaphor. It's nothing definite, but it seems to have a higher concentration of members than any other state."
He rolled out a map and tapped the state with his fingers.
"One of our operatives was cornered in Pennsylvania when she was younger by a great deal of response units."
"How'd she get away?" asked Levine.
"She won't say," said Charles, "She…"
He sighed.
"She was just thirteen when it happened, travelling with her siblings. They weren't so lucky it appears."
Moira felt her heart stutter before it leapt into her throat. She thought of Rahne, who had just turned eight. If these people, whoever they were, found her, then there wouldn't be any mercy because of her age. She swallowed and gripped the edge of the table until she felt her knuckles cramp.
Moira, is everything okay?
A warm feeling lulled her mind. The thought was gentle to match the expression on Charles' face. For a minute she wanted to answer him, to seek comfort even for her imaginary fears. He would understand why she was worried, why this new information was so damning to her life.
At the last minute she remembered what Levine had said. She let go of the table and assumed a stony expression.
Everything is fine. Let's get back to the conference.
Again there was a slight frown, this time accompanied by a flash of something she recognized as pain. It was gone quickly but it had been there.
"In particular we believe that it could be a center," he said.
Over the next two hours he outlined areas and evidence that there was a base in the area. Moira listened intently, taking notes. When the meeting was over she got up and left the room. She could see that Charles wanted to say something to her, but not in Levine's presence. She doubted he would try contacting her mentally after his earlier attempt.
Instead of pausing by him she gave him a nod and went back upstairs with Levine. It left her feeling shaken inside, almost like she was about to be sick. She reviewed the information from the meeting with Levine, who seemed relieved by her strictly professional reactions to Charles. Inwardly Moira felt angry, like the room was stifling her and filling her with guilt over what she'd done. He'd been hurt by it, and she knew it.
It wasn't fair, and he didn't understand it. It was the only thought that went through Charles' head as he left the meeting. Moira had been cold to him throughout the meeting, colder than he could ever remember her. Even when they had first met she had had more warmth in her. Now she was treating him almost like he was a stranger.
Admittedly Levine had been there, but there had always been some sort of rapport between them. It was puzzling and hurt quite a bit more than he wanted to admit. He had known that his own feelings weren't right or congruent with who they were. Still, as long as they were never indulged he felt that they would be safe.
The hurt he felt belied that. What he knew logically and what he felt weren't always the same thing. He knew it. However, in the past he had always tried to find some sort of compromise. He had thought that feeling something and not acting on it had been that compromise. Apparently this feeling didn't think his solution was sufficient.
He couldn't blame it. Charles had waited for months to see her and at first it had seemed like they could carry on. Then they had been at the meeting and he felt like he was talking to an automaton. She hadn't even acknowledged Erik's thanks, something he was puzzled about. Surely a nod wasn't sufficient?
He'd known that he was overreacting when he touched her mind. He'd been able to see that she was upset and he had wanted to comfort her. Of course he had known that that was out of the question with Levine there. So he had gently reached out and tried to say a few words in her mind that would soothe whatever she was feeling.
Charles had been nervous about doing so. The temptation to dive deeper and lose himself in her had been strong. He'd never been into the mind of someone he cared about in that manner. When he'd started in both Erik and Raven's minds they had been friends, and their relationship was close. It hadn't been like what he felt for Moira though. That was different; it was the kind that encouraged you to lose yourself in that person.
Yet, he'd gotten over it. The initial milliseconds had been a sweet agony but he had gotten past it. Ironically he had pushed it aside just like she pushed him aside. The intense feeling of her not wanting to be there was almost overwhelming. He'd withdrawn quickly, feeling like he'd touched a hot stove.
The anger he was feeling in his chest wasn't right. They weren't anything so it wasn't his right to feel angry when she treated him any differently. It was how they should be really; conduits for their respective countries. Whatever he wanted shouldn't matter, but it was clanging around in his head very loudly.
Still feeling angry he leaned against the wall. Logan stopped by him, frowning.
"I'm just tired," Charles said irritably.
Logan raised his eyebrows but remained silent. It was one of the best things about Logan; he didn't feel the need to use a lot of mindless chatter.
"I'm going to go get some fresh air," Charles said, "I'll be back in a few minutes. You can stay inside."
"Mags says you shouldn't be by yourself for too long," Logan said.
"I can take care of myself," snapped Charles.
Without waiting for an answer he stormed outside, ignoring the Genoshan cold. Logan didn't follow. He'd have to thank him later.
She turned on her side. It was becoming harder and harder to get to sleep. Levine had no such problems; his snoring might have been one of the reasons she was having trouble. She knew it wasn't the number one reason though. The real reason was the flash of pain in clear blue eyes, questioning her.
Angry she sat up and ran her hand through her hair. The room was becoming stifling. She reached out onto her bedside and wrote a note. If Levine managed to wake in the middle of the night he'd know where she was. It was a slim chance. If he wanted to Moira was sure that he could sleep through a tornado.
Getting up she grabbed her coat and headed down the stairs. She needed to be in a place that wasn't as confined as the hotel lobby. She alerted Neena of her intention and set out. Things had gotten to the point where the idea of her taking a walk around the hotel wasn't treated with suspicion. It was good that way, because she needed the cold night air more than anything at the moment. It was more important than considering the implications of being allowed to take a walk unescorted.
She walked along the well-worn path in the back of the hotel. The gardens had fallen into disuse, fairly recently from the looks of it. Moira could see flower beds that had been planted with grass, a fountain that didn't work anymore. She sat down on one of the benches and sighed, running a hand through her hair and bowing her head.
"Did I do something wrong?"
She looked up and saw Charles leaning against a nearby statue.
"I don't know what you mean," she said, getting up.
"Oh no, please," he said, his voice sarcastic, "Don't get up. Don't feel inconvenienced on my account."
Uncomfortable Moira sat back down, feeling her entire body tense up. He walked over, moving until he was only a few feet away. She disliked the fact that he was standing while she was sitting. He'd be talking down to her that way. Yet, there wasn't anything she could do about it without making a big show of it.
"So," he said, "Why the big change agent?"
She gave him an even look. His entire stance was tense, irritable. Moira had only seen him when he was calm and collected.
"You know," she said, "I've never seen you angry before. I think this is a first."
The corners of his lips turned up.
"Better I suppose. And I'm not angry so much as…"
She raised her eyebrows.
"Yes, alright, I'm angry," he sighed, "I'm not usually. But with you it's different, it's like…I don't have the control that I..."
His voice trailed off, lifted by frustration. Her heart pounded against her chest and she swallowed, lacing her fingers together.
"I understand I have no right to be," he said, his voice tight, "but you have to admit, we're driving and we're fine and then suddenly-"
He snapped his fingers. She breathed out.
"Charles, we can't keep doing this," Moira said.
"Doing what?"
"You know what I mean," Moira said, "It's not professional, and if other people catch on, then it's going to turn out bad for both of us."
She waved her hand.
"We see each other what, every few months for a day or two to talk shop?" asked Moira, "This isn't…it's not…"
Moira trailed off miserably.
"What we are…it's not even a what really…"
He furrowed his brow raised his fingers to his temples. He stopped, uncertain. She nodded. He closed his eyes for a moment. Moira felt a warm sensation pressing inside her like she had at the conference room. This lasted longer though, like she was drowning in something comforting. For a minute she thought she felt a ripple of his shock and the feeling in her mind ended.
When he opened his eyes they were no longer hurt or angry; just surprised.
"You think those are the only alternatives?" he asked.
"Pretty much," Moira said.
Frustrated Charles sat down next to her. His proximity was a little alarming, but she didn't comment on it. It was a long time before he spoke again.
"I think that no matter what we do we're going to end up hurting each other," he said, "Yes, no, whatever happens. It's not going to be intentional, but it's what is going to happen. Not having whatever it is may be worse than having it."
His voice became uncertain.
"But…we can lessen it, I suppose…"
He turned to her and she felt like she was in the ballroom on her first visit again. Charles raised his hand before putting it down and looking away.
"Maybe we can tone it down a little," he conceded, "But please don't ask me to see you only as a professional figure. I'll do that in public but I don't think that's possible anymore in my mind. And…"
Charles sighed.
"…please don't ask me to stop caring about you."
She shook her head.
"That's the last thing I want."