"Do you have to?"
Moira's heart broke at her child's pleas. They had rarely let up since Rahne had discovered what her mother's plan was. On the plane she had been silent, finally falling into slumber. However, now that she was awake and had had time to think about it, her pleas had started up anew and with a sense of desperation.
Her throat clogged with pain Moira nodded, stroking her daughter's hair.
"I'm sorry Rahne," she murmured, "I'm really sorry."
Rahne's eyes filled with tears.
"I don't want to stay here mom. I don't like it," Rahne said, "I hate it."
"Genosha's a good place," Moira said.
"No, it's not," Rahne said, "I don't know anyone here and it's strange. We're not even in America anymore."
"No, we're not," Moira agreed quietly, "But it's not a bad place."
Rahne snorted in disbelief.
"It's quite beautiful here, like a fairytale," Moira continued, trying to sound cheerful, "You were asleep when we came in, so you didn't see how marvelous it was. And this is where I go when I'm away from home. You said you were always curious about it."
Her daughter still looked unconvinced.
"And you won't be alone," she said, "you'll have Kayla with you."
"I don't want Kayla," Rahne said vehemently, "I want you."
Moira forced back her own tears.
"I know this is hard for you. Please believe me when I say that it's hard for me too," said Moira, "And I…I want you to know that I don't want to do this. I want you to stay with me. But this is the way it has to be."
"Why?" Rahne begged.
Sighing Moira adjusted the covers around her.
"Because it's dangerous where we were, and it's going to get even more so," said Moira, "And it's safe here."
Rahne's eyes flashed.
"Then why do you have to stay where it's dangerous?" demanded Rahne, "Why do I have to be where it's safe and you be where it's dangerous?"
"Because…because I just have to," Moira said miserably, "It's what I do and…"
Her daughter continued to stare at her, the explanation not satisfying her in the least. Moira would have been amazed if it had.
"Oh…it's complicated Rahne," Moira said.
"No."
Rahne shook her head furiously, her tears flying out around her.
"No, it shouldn't be," Rahne said, "It should be simple. It was simple, everything was simple before yesterday."
Life had been several things before the men had broken into their house, but simple hadn't been one of them. Even so Moira could see how a child in their innocence might view it that way. Moira bit her lip, struggling to control her own emotions. There was no room for them in the equation, just for Rahne's.
"But it isn't anymore," said Rahne, "Nothing is. Everyone just…they don't want it to be simple. They don't want it to be that way."
She closed her eyes and began to cry freely.
"But you did," Rahne said, "You wanted it to be simple for us. You did and you…you took me in. You cared."
Her voice became low.
"You were the first one who cared," she murmured.
Moira's heart broke and she touched Rahne's cheek.
"It's alright Rahne."
Rahne shook her head.
"You shouldn't have to go back. You shouldn't be where it's dangerous," she said, "You should be safe with me."
"Rahne-"
"Stay here," said Rahne, "Don't go in the morning."
Her hand reached out and gripped Moira's. Gently Moira brought it up to her lips and kissed it.
"I know you've been through more than any child should have to go through," Moira said, "And I'm sorry that I'm putting you through more."
Looking down Rahne sniffled.
"That means no, doesn't it?"
"Rahne, I'm sorry," Moira pleaded, "But it's safe here, safe for you. And I can't stay. I want to, but I can't."
Rahne's grip tightened. Without further warning she launched herself upwards and into Moira's arms. Moira held her tightly as Rahne sobbed. Her own tears threatened to spill over, to drip into Rahne's hair. Furious Moira forced them back. She had to be strong for her daughter now, had to show her that everything was going to be alright.
So instead she bowed her head, resting her chin on Rahne's shoulder. She wished she knew what she could say that would make it better, words that would help her daughter understand what was happening, why it had to be the way it was. It occurred to here that there were no words for that, no way she could make that understood.
"Write to me," Rahne sobbed.
"Of course I will," assured Moira, "Of course I will.
Rahne swallowed another wave of tears and looked up her. Moira could see her miserable expression, her damp eyes.
"You'll be back for me, right?" Rahne begged through her tears.
Moira pulled her closer.
"Always," she said, "I will always come back for you."
"I know," said Rahne, "I know."
She stayed with her daughter until she fell asleep, her eyes red and puffy. Moira wanted to fall asleep next to her, just to let her daughter know that she was going to stay close. However, she couldn't. She was feeling too much and she couldn't cry. Not when Rahne was so close. Once again it felt like the room in the hotel was suffocating her and telling her that she had done something wrong.
Running a hand through her hair she looked around the room. Rahne's suitcases were piled around the room, all of her clothes and a few of her books and toys packed into them. She had never doubted that Charles and Magnus would allow Rahne and Kayla to live there. Magnus might have his doubts, but she knew Charles would support her. Whether he would do so because of his morals or his feelings for her was the real question. She supposed it was a bit of both in the end.
Still feeling on-edge she got up. Throwing on her coat she slipped the room key in her pocket. Before leaving she took one last look at her daughter. Rahne was a sound enough sleeper not to notice that she was gone for a few minutes. She would be there long before she woke up.
Forcing herself to remain calm Moira locked the door and walked down the staircase. Neena was in the lobby as usual, but she just nodded at her presence. Moira noticed the pitying look that was thrown her way, but said nothing about it. She wondered how many Genoshans had had to leave family members behind. The number was probably greater than she could imagine.
The night air was cold, far colder than it should be. She vaguely remembered Charles telling her that as the days in Genosha became hotter the nights got colder. Moira hugged herself tightly and moved on. The gardens hadn't changed since she'd been there last. The night was just as refreshing, just as comforting in its presence.
This time she took a deep breath and stood in the night's cool embrace. It only lasted a few minutes before she went back inside. Although she felt a little better she knew she still wouldn't be able to get to sleep. The only chance of her getting any rest that night was if she collapsed of exhaustion.
So she walked into one of the side rooms. Moira sat down on one of the couches inside, her hands clasped in front of her.
"I'm sorry this is the way things turned out."
She didn't look up. She didn't need to.
"I know you care about your daughter," Charles said, "But I can assure you that she'll be safe here. There are a few isolated incidents, but Genosha is no longer a war zone."
Moira nodded. At her silence Charles coughed.
"Magnus admires what you did."
Feeling miserable she bit down even harder on her already marked lip. It would start bleeding soon if she wasn't careful.
"He might never say it," Charles said, a weak chuckle warming his words, "in fact I know that he won't say it, but he trusts you more now that you've made the same decision that he made years ago."
He was obviously waiting for a response from her. Moira didn't say anything. Her feelings and her own self-loathing were too strong. She heard Charles' footsteps cross the room as he leaned up against the wall. He was going to wait for her to answer, as he always did. It made her feel frustrated and tired, like she needed air. Moira couldn't go back out again though.
"Why do you have to do this to me?" Moira asked.
She heard Charles start. His surprise didn't help how she was feeling. Of course he wouldn't understand.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"This, just…all of this," Moira said, looking up, "Going out of your way to find me. Trying to make me feel better about this whole thing when…when this…this isn't something I can feel better about."
"You did the right thing," he said.
He sat down next to her, close enough for his presence to be felt but far enough away so he wasn't touching her. Moira shook her head.
"If I really wanted to do the right thing then I'd quit my job," said Moira, "Focus on my daughter. Find something safe."
Charles gave her sad smile.
"You don't believe that," Charles said, "What you're doing is saving hundreds, possibly thousands of lives. Your daughter included."
She sighed.
"You're right, I don't," said Moira, "I started doing this, really doing this, for her. I believe you all deserve a place in this world, but Rahne..."
She gnawed her lip.
"Genosha isn't completely safe," she said at last, "And I need to get rid of the people who hunted you down to make it safe. And when they're gone, Rahne will be safe too."
He nodded. Moira swallowed. She had thought through her actions for hours, coming up with the right thing to do. It didn't help the aching in her heart.
"But…" Moira said, "just because I know I'm doing the right thing doesn't make it any easier."
"If it was easy," Charles said, "then you wouldn't really love her. It's only easy to let something go that you don't care about."
His words were heavy and Moira looked away. She hugged herself tightly.
"I know you saw how I found her," said Moira, "And I know that anyone else who hears about it may think that I saved her, that it was my charity that gave her a life that would have been out of reach. But…Charles…"
She sighed, frustrated by her lead tongue. Words were eluding her that night, making it difficult for her to be understood.
"She gave me so much," Moira said, "We may not share blood but she's my daughter. She's my child and she's been hurt."
"It's safe here," Charles said, "The safest place for mutants in the world."
His voice was pleading, but his words might as well have fallen on deaf ears. Moira shook her head furiously.
"It's not fair Charles," she said, her tears threatening, "It's not fair that I have to leave all of my heart in Genosha. Before-"
She cut herself off. Looking up she saw Charles looking at her with profound sympathy.
"I won't let anything happen to her," he said.
He sounded like a man taking a vow, signing his name to a pledge, sealing it with his own blood. His eyes were intense, leaving no argument that he meant every syllable he said. She knew it wasn't something he would say lightly, that he wouldn't break his word. It was Charles after all.
Something about the thought undid her, breaking the restraints she had constructed around herself. There was no one there she had to be strong for now. Moira broke down for the first time then, letting her tears flow freely. She cried for the daughter she would have to leave behind, for doing the right thing, for a life that was falling out of her grasp, and even for a love that she knew would never come to fruition.
Charles reached for her but she pulled away at the last minute, getting up. Moira looked down and saw Charles gazing at her with anguish.
"We can't," she said.
Charles jerked his head back, rubbing his eyes.
"You don't have to leave," he whispered, "Stay here with Rahne Moira. Stay here with…stay here."
Between Rahne and Charles Moira's heart begged her to stay. Instead she gave a mirthless laugh and shook her head.
"You know I can't," Moira said.
Charles closed his eyes and nodded.
"I know," he murmured.
Her teeth bit into her lip again, drawing blood at last. Without another word turned away from him and headed back up to her room. What little time she had with Rahne was precious, not something that could be wasted. God only knew when the next time she returned to Genosha would be.