Come To Me
A/N: For this chapter perhaps a little Katie Webster: "When Something is Wrong With My Baby." Then, depending on how fast a reader you are, about half way through, a little Otis Redding: "Come To Me." You can find these on Spotify on the What's Past is Prologue Playlist. This is the list of songs that I listen to as I write this modern AU. The link is on my Tumblr page linking to this page.
"How is London?" she asks taking his hand and leading him to sit on the sofa.
"I had a visit from Alice," he says quietly, his eyes not meeting hers.
Elsie remains quiet, because if she speaks she is afraid she will say something ungenerous. She has wondered how long it would take before Alice came crawling back, groveling at Charles's feet, asking him to take her back. She has known women like Alice Neal. Women who throw a man away only to come back when they are lonely or the grass isn't greener somewhere else. Can imagine all sorts of scenarios of how Alice probably threw herself at Charles. A tight skirt and low cut blouse. Contrite words spoken through pouting red lips. Flattery dripping from every pore. She has known women like this. Women who have ruined a good man.
"She called asking to see me." His words are soft, quiet, and shame-filled. He has not wanted to think of Alice let alone speak to her face to face. He certainly does not want to speak her name to Elsie. He is ashamed of the time he spent wasting on her. She's made a fool of him and everyone knows it.
He is waiting for Elsie to say something. To say anything, but she sits silent before him a picture of composed fury, her eyes narrowed, jaw set, and lips drawn into a harsh line. He hates to have sprung this on her but he is not a liar, never has been, and is not good at hiding things. Elsie is bright and she will find out eventually. He reasons that it is better to come out with it.
"And I suppose that she said that she is sorry, apologized for her behavior." She bites off every word, clipping every syllable.
"She did," he answers lowly. It kills him to admit this, especially to her. "She said that she felt that she had treated me badly. That she regretted it. Regretted how things happened."
He can see the muscles in Elsie jaw tighten; they've not really spoken of Alice and Grigg, the fact that he caught them in bed together.
"Elsie, you know that I…..I found…Alice and Grigg together?"
Of course, she knows; she saw them herself leaving a hotel together the day that she and Charles had lunch together but she's never told him; she could never hurt him that way. It is not for her to tell.
"And?" she manages.
"And, she apologized for that," he answers.
"But there is more, isn't there. I don't imagine that she wanted to meet with you just to apologize for having treated you badly. She easily could have done that over the telephone." Charles refuses to meet her eye. Elsie stands, walks to the window that looks out onto the garden. She pulls back the drapes and looks out because she cannot look at him. "Don't tell me that she's pregnant?"
Her question is met with piercing silence.
"I thought that you told me that she didn't want children? That she was always so very careful to ensure that she didn't….."
"….she was but…"
"…..I suppose she wants to marry?" she interrupts. It usually is not her way to interrupt others when they are speaking, that is more Beryl's style than her own. Elsie is more of a listener; that is what makes her a good friend, a confidant.
"Well, that's the thing," he replies quietly. "That's why she wanted to speak to me."
"I cannot believe this," she mumbles under her breath.
"The reason that I am telling you this, that I met with her, is because I didn't want you to find out from someone else. People can be cruel, try to cause trouble," he adds, his voice a mere whisper. His shoulders are slumped, his head held in his hands. If she only understood the mix of emotions are stirring within him since he met with Alice.
"Letting me down gently then," a question and statement rolled into one. She lets the drapes fall back into place and folds her arms tightly across her chest as she turns back to face him. She is looking at him squarely, wants to see his face when he says that he is leaving her and going back to Alice.
"What?" His head snaps up and his eyes instantly lock with hers.
"If she thinks that I am going to give you up without a fight then she is sadly mistaken." Her voice cracks around the edges, her words coming fast and sharp.
Instantly he is on his feet and at her side. He cradles her face in his hands.
"No, oh no, Elsie. No. Oh, I've made a mess of this," he stammers. He brushes her hair back, over her ear. "Elsie, she did want to apologize to me. But she is with Grigg. The baby is his. They are getting married. She wanted to tell me before I read it in the papers."
Elsie lets out a breath, looks away for a moment, and shakes her head before looking back up at him, her eyes filled with tears. She feels the simultaneous urge to both strangle him and kiss him. But relief washes over her. Finally, perhaps Alice Neal is out of their lives and maybe the wound over his heart can be stitched up, healed for good.
"Don't frighten me like that ever again, Charles Carson," she admonishes him harshly, fury in her voice. "I mean it."
He wraps her up in a tight embrace, pulls her into his body, her arms still folded tightly across her breast. "I promise." He kisses her hair, breathes in the clean scent of it. "I owe her a debt really."
He feels Elsie hold her breath, knows that she wants to say something. That he owes Alice Neal nothing. That she and Charlie Grigg deserve each other and that whatever hell they put each other through will be their just deserts.
"She showed me what real love is." He feels her try to pull away but he holds her fast, tightens his grip on her. "She showed me what I have in you. That's why I rushed home to you. You were all I could think of on the train."
He feels her melt, the very breath leave her lungs; the weight of his confession breaking her in all the right ways. Her arms unfold and wrap him.
"She never loved me, Elsie," tears lacing his words. In this moment, her heart breaks for him that the woman he loved never loved him. Perhaps it is time that she makes a confession of her own.
"But I do. I love you Charles," she whispers softly against his chest.
He pushes her back just enough so that he can see her face, worried lip and tear-filled eyes. He sees something there. Something that he has not seen before. Not when they have been cuddling together, not when they have been hand-in-hand walking through the streets of London or the gardens of Downton. Not when the soft satin of her skin was pressed against the roughness of his in the quietness of the upstairs bedroom. It is affection, adoration, and sincerity, a deep and abiding love. She is a woman who does not just love him but is in love with him.
"I believe that you do Miss Hughes," he replies, his thumb wiping tears from her cheeks. He leans down, captures her lips with his own, and gently teases them apart. He kisses her softly, tenderly. There is no rush, no need to strip bare, no need to throw the covers from the bed in a heady rush of passion. What he needs now, what she needs now, is tenderness.
"Elsie, whatever I felt for Alice doesn't hold a candle to what I feel for you. I thought I knew what love was but I didn't. Not until you. I was a fool." He kisses her again, this time with passion and though he hasn't said the words, this is the moment, the moment she will remember when Charles Carson, in his own way, confessed his love for her.
TBC… Friday update as promised. The next chapter involves some secret sharing. Still at Downton and we will find out what is in those boxes Charles brought with him. Reviews are much coveted and appreciated. x