TW: Misuse of medication. Discussions of overdose.

[Well, I'm still ill and it's pouring down snow over my area. Normally I love snow, I really do, but when you're ill it pretty much takes the joy out of everything. Anyway, was going to post this tomorrow but my schedule is changing so much that I figure it would just be safer to stick it up now.]

I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more.

Am I too lost to be saved,
am I too lost?

Evanescence- Torniquet

To The Last Man: part 1

'You look like hell' Owen commented as he stepped out of the med bay to come face to face with Winter.

She rolled her eyes, 'W…wow Owen you really know how t…to m...make a girl feel special.'

He continued to eye her up and she turned sharply to pick Pip up from his chair and sit down on the sofa. A few weeks had past since the trouble with Beth and the sleeper agents. She'd been taking the medication to help her sleep since but she knew it couldn't go on much longer. It was getting worse…stronger even. She would take a couple of tablets and sleep really well for an hour but then the TARDIS would break through and once again she would be standing inside the great machine, watching as the Doctor and Donna whizzed from one place to the next.

She liked the quiet days the best. When she could walk into the TARDIS library and find the Doctor cross-legged on the sofa trying to read while Donna curled up at the other end with a hot drink. The Doctor looked relaxed, happy.

However, whether she enjoyed the trips or not, they had to stop. It was harming her ability to act normally, let alone work. Yesterday she'd been half way through a conversation with Tosh and had to sit down very quickly before she fainted. She was just so tired. Jack had caught her rambling nonsense in her delirium and she'd only just managed to put together a sentence that made any cognitive sense.

She got up and passed Jack by, he smiled at her and then continued to stare at the box of Tommy's clothes as Owen came back in to collect his things. Making her way to her room she tried to walk in a straight line, it was becoming more difficult every moment. She made it to her room and punched in the code, it took her three tries before she hit the right buttons.

Next on the list of things to do was check the evidence was still in her possession. The collection of her trips had grown to a full five DVDs but so far none had imposed any real threat other than her tumble from the swing ages ago. Sighing she laid on the bed and squeezed her eyes shut.

'S…s…..sleeeep!' she growled, 'I j…just w…w...want t..to sleep…p'

Gwen had noted two days before that her stuttering was getting worse again. Jack had nodded gravely and questioned her later but she had shrugged it off saying it was a 'one step back two steps forward' thing.

Grunting she swung the door of her bedside table open and took in a rush of breath when she found it empty. Pip sat across the room, his hands clasped the bottle of tablets. She looked confused at him.

'G…give m...me the p…p…pills P…p…p…pip.'

He frowned and shook his head. She swung her legs off the bed and almost fell out of it, launching herself across the room. The frightened monkey leapt to the side, dropping the pills and scampering over to the wall, there was a small air vent that he had been using to get around the hub from her room and he squeezed through.

She didn't have the energy to reach the bed. She didn't care any more. She just wanted to sleep. She pulled the top off the bottle with hand that shook so much the pills scattered on the floor. She pulled them into her cupped hands and forced as many as she could into her mouth. The pills were the only way. The only way to sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and not constantly shattered. They tasted bitter as they broke in her mouth but she swallowed them anyway.

Before long a fuzzy feeling began to grow in the back of her mind. She smiled sleepily as the sounds of the TARDIS engine came and went and she drifted in and out of consciousness. There was a banging sound that she didn't quite care for. A crashing sound that normally would have woken her but right now she was sleeping, and that was all that mattered.

TTT

Jack sighed as he watched Winter pass him by. After all the excitement and then sadness over Tommy it was understandable that she would be tired but…there was something more. It was like she'd given up on sleeping. He was really starting to worry about her.

He couldn't count the times he gotten up in the middle of the night and spotted her sitting in the hub staring into space. There were times she just sprouted utter nonsense and then seemed to come back to earth long enough to excuse herself from the conversation.

'Anything else Jack?' Gwen poked her head around the door.

'Is Owen still here?'

'Yeah, just about,' she replied.

'Ask him to come and see me would you.'

She nodded and exited the office letting him lay his head in his hands. Maybe she was fine, maybe she was just in need of some alone time and a hug every now and then. Or just maybe…

'If this is about the broken railings I can explain,' Owen stated as he entered the office.

Jack shook his head, 'Sit down Owen.'

He did as he was told, his stance a little uncomfortable.

'I need some advice.'

Owen's eyebrows raised but he refrained from commenting.

'Nemo.'

Owen's eyebrows dropped to a frown and his posture relaxed, he leant back in the chair and moved his head to the side.

'Do you think there's something wrong? Look, I'm worried, she doesn't sleep, she hardly eats, just downs coffee like its oxygen.'

Owen nodded and relented, 'I was thinking it over last night. Watching CCTV. Listening to the rambling she came up with in the last team meeting.'

Jack nodded, rubbing his forehead and sitting down at his desk.

'To tell you the truth I haven't a clue. At first I started thinking crazy stuff like FFI or something.'

'FFI?'

Owen stopped and explained, 'Fatal Familial insomnia, it's not exactly a common disease but basically you lose the ability to sleep, you ramble, you can't talk, you got mad and then…'

'You die.' Jack finished.

Owen nodded but quickly replied, 'But I don't think that's it. If it was she'd have to be the singularly most unlucky person on the planet, it only affects you after middle age. She's way too young for that.'

'So what do you think?' Owen shrugged.

'I just… I don't know.'

The conversation was interrupted by Pip who flew out of the ventilation shaft, frightening both men with his alarming speed. He headed straight for Owen, tugging at his arm and pointing to the door, squealing and squeaking all the time. Both men looked to each other and shot out of the room after the small creature.

Jack arrived at the door to Winter's room first. He rattled on the door knob and pushed his weight against it. Pip raced back and fourth behind them but seemed inpatient as he disappeared from sight. A light click from the door told both men where he had gone. To open the lock at the other side. Owen pushed the door open and let out a stream of curses at what he saw.

Winter lay sprawled on the floor, her mouth dripping a foamy substance and her chest hardly rising. In her hand she still clasped the bottle of medication and some tablets lay scattered around her. Jack had frozen in the door and Owen flipped her over and grabbed her neck to check her pulse.

'We have to get her to a hospital, I can't treat her here.'

Jack was still frozen in the door way. Owen did the first thing that popped into his mind. He punched him. Jack reeled back but didn't fight back, he just nodded sharply and swept into the room, picking Winter up from the floor like a rag doll and carried her back upstairs.

The two men climbed into the SUV and drove as fast as humanly possible. Owen glanced at his boss' clenched hands on the steering wheel and the almost panicked look on his face. It was clear that he was in no mood for talking.

TTT

Her head ached. She must have fallen out of bed. Either that or she was severely hung over. But she hardly drank so she doubted that was it. It would account for the sick feeling in her stomach though. Maybe she just had a bug, that would explain the heavy feeling of her arms and legs. Jack wouldn't be happy. He'd send Ianto in with constant cups of tea and questions. Oddly enough though. There was one thing that didn't feel bad. Although her limbs were heavy and achy, she wasn't tired. She almost smiled to herself when she realised. She had slept. Her plan had worked. One day in her own bed and she'd be right as rain.

It was then she noticed the beeping and the noises from outside. She never heard noises outside her room. Hardly anyone passed her door and when they did it was normally to come in and visit her.

'We know your awake, so open those god damn eyes,' a harsh but relived voice ordered.

She blinked and struggled to keep her eyes open enough to make out a white room. A white room filled with a bed, machines and a chair. Hospital. What was she doing in hospital. She didn't like hospitals, they were full of the dead and dying. Without warning she flung the covers back and attempted to get up. Owen raced forward and pushed her back into the bed.

'Let me go!' she cried, 'I hate hospitals let me go!' he held firm and Jack crossed his arms.

'Well you should have thought about that before you overdosed, shouldn't you.'

She stopped struggling and collapsed into the bed staring at Jack.

'What?'

'You took half a bottle of cold medication. That's at least ten times over the recommended dose. And we know you did it on purpose.'

Gwen and Tosh stood in the background giving her pitying looks. Ianto stepped out from behind the door and she wanted to shrink to nothing. His eyes were a mixture of panic, anger and hurt, 'What, could possibly have been so bad that you couldn't tell us?' he asked her quietly and then added, 'that you couldn't tell me?'

She looked around at them all and realised with a horrific thought. They thought she had tried to kill herself. They thought she was suicidal. Crap.

'You have to listen to me!' she argued,

Jack interrupted her, 'We always do. We keep asking you to talk to us and you never do, and then you go and do something like this.' He shook his head disappointedly.

She ignored the remark though it struck her deep, 'No listen! In my room, in the draws there are DVD's you need to see them. You need to see that I'm not... I wasn't trying to kill myself.'

They gave her patronising looks and she felt tears of frustration gather in her eyes.

'Please!' she cried. 'Please! Just watch the DVD's, Jack please.'

He looked at her hard, as though he was weighing up options in his mind and then nodded. Owen disappeared to sign some papers and Jack approached Winter, picking her out of the bed, much to her protests, and putting her in a wheel chair. His face remained stern as a school master until they arrived back at the hub and he entered the conference room with her DVDs. She pulled her legs up to her chest as the hub security began to play and she heard the chilling words she had uttered over the months. The feeling of eyes on her back never left and when the first DVD was over Jack turned to her.

'Are they all like this?'

She couldn't quite gauge his mood so she just nodded.

'There are five.'

Another nod.

'Five, Nemo!' he yelled.

She winced.

'How long?'

In a timid whisper she replied quietly, 'Since John arrived.'

'So when we got back.'

She nodded again and he glared at her.

'Well?'

She couldn't look at him.

'Are you going to explain?'

With a deep breath, her eyes fixed on her feet, she recounted what the Doctor had told her about being linked to the TARDIS and then her strange spacing out. She told them how the trips left her exhausted but how her body refused to sleep and about the sleeping tablets.

'I didn't want to die,' she finished lamely, 'I just wanted a few hours sleep, I was so tired.'

'Your stutters gone,' Gwen pointed out suddenly.

Winter took a startled breath in when she realised. Gwen was right. She hadn't stuttered once when she was explaining her predicament. Jack brushed it off with a flick of his wrist and continued to stare at Winter.

'Why didn't you tell me?' he asked, his face stern.

'I, didn't want to worry you,' Winter replied in a timid voice. The glare Jack sent her caused her to shrink back in her seat.

'You didn't want me to worry? What? You think I didn't worry when you fell from the swing? You think I didn't worry when you walked in every day looking like you were half dead? You think I didn't worry when you lost concentration half way through the last weevil hunt? Do I look worried now? I've done nothing but worry for the past months, Nemo!' he yelled.

She felt tears begin to gather in her eyes. She'd disappointed him, she'd never meant for this, never meant for him to be so affected by her own defects. Jack shook his head and stormed out of the room. Tosh glanced around uncomfortably and pulled Owen out of the room, Gwen followed them mumbling something that Winter didn't quite catch. She watched them go and pulled in a shaky breath as her eyes met Ianto's. He seemed to study her for a moment but eventually picked Pip off the side cabinet, looked to the floor and left as fast as he could.

She looked around at the empty room and let the tears flow down her face, sobs racked her body and she gritted her teeth trying to keep the loud noises from being heard.

[Zaziness: I really hope you manage to think of something because I'd love to see how your mind works lol. Probably as crazy as mine! I'm pretty certain the Language thing works two ways, obviously due to the general public not understanding Alien languages RTD didn't put many in but I'm defiantly going to play with the idea at some point. As for the trances and Pip I must disagree with you on one point. Closing the phone may possibly be the biggest mistake he's ever made. But we can't blame him. He's only a monkey of course. OW *winces* He hit me :( Luckily he completely redeems himself in this chapter :). I LOVE Ianto's Phone line, I used to rewind the DVD just to watch it again and again. Brilliant delivery, I'm really glad he was given funnier lines after series one. As for will she tell him… Spoilers

Sashaxh: I totally agree with you. But she's headstrong and stubborn as a mule. It also doesn't help that she doesn't like looking weak in front of anyone on the team because she worries they won't see her as up to their standards. For such a confident person on the outside she's, in fact, very insecure about her place with them. Thanks for the review

Sonotalady: Oh god I feel so bad for you! Hopefully that chapter brightened your day a bit :) I really hope you do write something. I honestly don't care if it's awful I'm just interested to see how others see my characters and the relationships they have with the others.]