The moment Jimmy caught sight of Tony, on the crisp March monday morning. He knew, that Tony knew. The autopsy suite, was quiet, Ducky was still away, having caught a nasty chest infection as the winter started to slip into spring. It seemed that this year, the good doctor had really started to feel his age. All of the recent guests had been taken to their final resting places, and Palmer was hoping to catch up on paperwork.
Tony presented Jimmy with a cup of coffee. Jimmy took it, slowly. Tony stood in front of him, taking sips from his own cup, in a very Gibbs-like manner.
"What's up Jimmy?" Tony asked. His voice jovial. His thousand what grin on display. "How's Breena doing after the other night?"
Breena had nursed, a hell of a hangover, and the two of them had talked as they snuggled that afternoon. Breena wanted to try, just one more time. This one more time, was dangerous, and Jimmy wondered how many 'one more times' there would be, and how far they would go. He had read stories of couples who remortaged their houses, to fund round after round of treatment.
Jimmy looked around the room, as if he was crossing the street. There was no-one else lingering. People in this building did like gossip, especially those without a security clearance.
"She said, she hadn't got drunk like that since college," Jimmy reported, it had only been twenty-four hours since he'd held her hair back as she threw up. "She wanted me to apologize, if she said or did anything crazy."
"She didn't," Tony said, with a smile. Breena had given them a sloppy hug, that rivaled Abby's, but that was about how out of the ordinary, she had gotten.
"Good," Jimmy said, looking down at the paperwork.
"So, your wife, told my girlfriend, about what you two have been going through," Tony said, very quickly. "I just came to say, I'm here for you, and that Ziva feels really bad for telling me."
Jimmy looked up at Tony, and tried to disguise his surprise. No cruel jokes, had been hurled his way.
"Tell Ziva, not to feel bad," Jimmy said, trying to keep his tone neutral. "I'm sure you were very persuasive, in getting it out of her."
Tony let out a nervous chuckle. Jimmy comment skirted a line, in a way only Jimmy Palmer could.
"I haven't told anyone," Tony said honestly. "Not even McGoo."
"Why?" Jimmy asked. "It's prime gossip. I'm surprised it's not all over the Navy Yard by now."
"Gossip is supposed to be fun," Tony said. "Who's getting it on', or changing jobs. This is serious, you don't gossip about that."
"What's not fun about the fact that Jimmy Palmer can't knock his wife up," Jimmy asked, his voice rising as bitterness seeped in. "It's a hell of a story."
"Are you sure it's your fault?" Tony asked.
"Yeah," Jimmy said with a sigh. "Breena really wanted to start a family, and I thought we were in a good enough place, financially and all. I mean people do it with less right?"
Jimmy parents had certainly done it with less, and far younger too.
"Yeah," Tony said. "Suppose so."
"Breena came off the pill a couple of months after the wedding," Jimmy continued, filling Tony in on the last year, "I thought we were just being less careful, but she was all-in. After a couple of months we were scheduling couple time and taking temperatures."
"Temperatures?" Tony asked.
"Ovulation leads to a change in temperature," Jimmy said matter of factly. "Anyway, I guess Breena must have told her Dad, or rather she told her Stepmom that it wasn't working, and her Stepmom told her Dad. Ed offered to pay for fertility tests."
Tony had only met Ed, Breena's father, very briefly a few christmases ago. He had thought that Ed was a piece of work, and now he was a little weirded out by how close Breena and Ed still were. He very much suspected that Breena would like a bit more distance, but Ed held her too close.
"Well, the traditional gift for your first anniversary is paper," Jimmy declared. "I gave Breena a piece of paper saying that my guys were slow, and there wasn't as many of them as there should be."
"How'd she take that?" Tony asked.
"Honestly," Jimmy said with a sigh. "I think she was relieved it wasn't her fault. If she had married a guy, with good sperm, she'd probably have gotten knocked up by the second month."
Breena had assured him that he was the only one, she wanted to raise a family with, but it still cut away at him. Why would she want to be with a man, who couldn't even get her pregnant?
"Oh man," Tony said.
"I thought adoption was the answer," Jimmy said, as he shuffled on his feet. "I thought that what mattered in the end, was that we had a kid. There are so many kids out there, who need a loving home."
"Yeah," Tony muttered.
"Breena wanted to try getting pregnant," Jimmy continued. "She said, that she didn't want to regret not trying."
Jimmy put his head in his hands. He felt so defeated.
"She wanted to experience pregnancy, and said I was trying to take that away from her, because I had slow sperm," Jimmy's voice slipped in a low tone, as sadness crept in. The fights about the fertility treatment had been the worst Jimmy and Breena had ever had. "She said I didn't get it. I guess I didn't really think about what she wanted. I think she was just really upset. I mean you think life's going to work out one way, and then there you are travelling on the same road, but in different lane."
"Yeah," came Tony's response.
"We keep trying," Jimmy whispered. "And nothing happens. She gets all excited, and then we end up empty handed. I feel so useless. There's no way for me to make this better."
Tony sat down in front of his friend.
"You're not useless Jimmy," he said softly.
"Tell that to Ed," Jimmy whispered. "He's helping us pay for all of this. I hate being in his back pocket you know. Sometimes, it's like he's this third person in the marriage."
A dark thought crossed Tony's mind, he was glad that his Dad was less meddlesome, and that Ziva's Dad was in the ground. They would screw up their relationship all by themselves.
"He's never thought I was good enough for her," Jimmy continued ranting. "I guess this just proves it. He keeps sending Breena links to websites about sperm donation."
"I'm sure he's just trying to keep all the doors open," Tony said, giving Ed the benefit of the doubt, even though it felt so wrong.
"Or he just wants a grandkid that's nothing to do with me," Jimmy said. "What am I supposed to do?"
"Tell Ed, to shove it," Tony muttered, just loud enough for Jimmy to hear.
"I can't do that," Jimmy replied. "But I want to."
"Have you talked to Breena about this?" Tony asked.
They had talked at each other about this, both coming at it from different angles, like boxers in a ring. Jimmy wanted to look at adoption, he had framed it as helping a kid who might not have the best start. Breena wanted a baby, she wanted to get pregnant, or at least try. Breena knew that you did not have to be biologically related to a child, to love them, after all her stepmother had loved her without reservation. But, she had found herself staring at pregnant women in the supermarket, with a longing, she had never known before.
"I tried to," Jimmy said. "It's just its hard, Ed's so involved, I mean they say each other everyday at work. Breena and I haven't really been talking much. It's just hard. We just avoid the topic."
"Yeah," Tony said softly. "You shouldn't keep this stuff bottled up."
"Who was I gonna talk to?" Jimmy asked, looking up. His looked so stressed. So lost.
"Me," Tony said. "You could have talked to me. Remember when Gibbs was on his Margarita sabbatical, and the director thought it was a good idea to put me in charge. Remember, how I'd come bitch to you, about how hard it was. It helped me, talking to you."
"That was a lifetime ago," Jimmy said softly. So much had changed since then.
"Bet it was hella awkward having me gripe about the new probie, when you two were rocking the kazbar," Tony said with a laugh.
Jimmy laughed too. It echoed in the autopsy suite.
"Yeah," Jimmy said with a smile. "Don't worry we didn't really talk much. It was all strictly business with her."
Tony let out another laugh. Jimmy let out a half laugh. The ghost of Michelle Lee, lingered for a moment. How they both wished things had gone differently. For everyone involved.
"I'm serious Palmer, you could have come to me," Tony said. "Serious as a heart attack."
"I didn't think you'd get it," Jimmy admitted. "When you and Ziva decide to make babies, you'll probably only need one time to hit a homerun."
Tony swallowed thickly. He didn't want to share that it might be hard for him and Ziva. It didn't seem appropriate to bring up their issues, especially since Ziva was still so private about that summer, and its after effects. Besides, little DiNozzo's were a couple of years away.
"That's a little while away," Tony said.
"But it's in the plan right?" Jimmy asked. "Breena said Ziva told her, that you have a five year plan."
It seemed the girl talk had been mutual. Tony was glad. Ziva needed someone to spill secrets with.
"Yeah," Tony said with a smile. "Ziva and I, would quite like to have a couple of rugrats running around in a few years."
"Kids," Jimmy said softly. "As in plural."
He and Breena were just trying to make one, how could Tony already be thinking about multiple kids.
"I always wanted a sibling," Tony said, his voice drifting out to sea, as memories flooded in, "But we'll see how badly we screw up the first one, before we go for a sequel."
"I hope it happens for you two," Jimmy said softly. "One day."
Those two deserved all the happiness, he and Breena had agreed, when they found out that Tony and Ziva were finally together. Gossiping about Tony and Ziva, had been a nice distraction, after it became apparent, that any Palmer babies would not be made in the traditional way.
"It needs to happen for you and Breena first," Tony said with a nod. "I'm gonna need someone who is a little more ahead in the game, to help me along. Because I'm going to screw it up, big time."
Jimmy smiled. Tony painted a nice picture.
"I hope it happens like that," Jimmy said.
"You and Breena, need a vacation," Tony announced. "Some time out."
"The treatments, and medical school don't exactly leave much in the savings account," Jimmy said. "Both of us still have a lot of student loan to pay back, and lets not talk about the credit cards."
Tony pulled out his phone, and tapped on the screen.
"I just sent you a reservation for this little bed and breakfast on the coast," Tony said, looking up from his phone. "For the last weekend March. Ziva and I were gonna go as like a sort of grown-up Spring Break, before she gets to busy with finals. It's all yours now."
"I can't take this from you," Jimmy said.
"I'm giving it you," Tony replied, wearing a smile. "You two crazy kids, need to go have some fun in the sun. I mean it's hardly skinny dipping season, but take some time. Enjoy."
"I'll pay you back," Jimmy said. He moved closer to the drawer where he stored his wallet.
"You'll say thank you, and enjoy the hell out of the weekend," Tony assured his friend.
"What about you and Ziva, what about your vacation?" Jimmy asked.
"We'll work it out," Tony said. "They'll be other vacations."
He'd seen a good deal for a hotel room in New York, maybe they could hop on the train. Ziva did like New York.
"I can't," Jimmy continued.
"Call it late wedding present," Tony said, still smiling.
"We got married nearly two years ago," Jimmy declared. That seemed so very far away. So long ago. What had happened to their newlywed bliss?
"Better late than never," Tony said with a smile. Tony's phone buzzed again, probably McGee or Ellie wondering where he'd disappeared to, when there was paperwork to be done. "I'll even let you tell Breena that you organised it all. You can say its under my name, because you wanted to keep it a surprise. I'll make sure Ziva knows the plan, so she doesn't spill the beans."
Tony made a move toward the door, after throwing his empty coffee cup in the bin. Those old college ball skills came in handy.
"I gotta go," Tony said. "McPaperwork needs my signature. He can't do anything without me holding his hand."
"Tony," Jimmy said.
"Don't worry," Tony said, flashing his grin. "I won't tell anyone. Secrets safe."
"I was going to say thank you," Jimmy declared, as Tony stood in front of the door.
"No problem Jimmy, anytime," he said, as he slipped through the door with a swish.
A/N: I don't own a thing.
I honestly, didn't think that this chapter would come to fruition, but alas the stars in the universe aligned.
The argument that Jimmy recounts, is not trying to paint Breena in a bad light. It's like Jimmy says, when you expect life to go in one direction and it doesn't, sometimes that hurts. Often, there is a grieving process, or a want to try and do everything to try and get that thing you want in the way you want it. Also, not trying to imply that all people only want biological children. Hell, some of us, don't even want to be parents. Seeing, as the show went down the biological kid route, I thought it'd be nice to explore that, especially, since Palmer was so gungho on adoption.
Also, it's really hard to write Jimmy.
We will be returning to our usual T/Z programming, next chapter.
Thanks for reading and reviewing.