Chapter 5

Splinter was asleep by the time they returned. Leonardo poked his head into the lair, then retreated and pulled the door closed behind him. "We'll talk out here," he said, leading them a little ways down the tunnel.

"I don't see what there is to talk about," Raphael grumbled.

Leo said to Donatello, "He needs medicine, right? Anti-rejection drugs."

"Yes." Don sounded ashamed, as if he were to blame for his kidney being rejected.

"How do we get them?" Mike wrung his hands. "We can't go back to Dr. Chambers."

"No," Leo said. "We can't." He'd left the man who'd saved Raph's life safely asleep in his bedroom, drugged with amnesiac. It had seemed a prudent decision at the time- the doctor had samples of their blood and tissue after all -but he had not foreseen this happening.

"Could April get them for us?" Mike wondered. "She's not back until the end of the month."

"I don't know," Don muttered. "An organ transplant isn't the sort of thing she can fake." They owed their emergency supply of painkillers and antibiotics to a prescription-happy doctor who was under the impression that April suffered from chronic muscle pain and recurrent bladder infections.

"Maybe we should call her anyways."

"No!" Raphael interjected. "We're not calling her."

"If we got into a pharmacy, could we figure out what to take?"

Don's eyes were wide. "I have no idea. I don't know what they keep in there and how they work."

"We'd have to be able to disable the video cameras and security system," Leo mused.

Mike said, "What if we find someone who's just had a kidney transplant, follow them when they leave the hospital-"

"Stop it!" Raphael roared, turning all their heads. "Are you listening to yourselves? You're gonna break into Rite Aid? Filch the stash from some guy fresh out of surgery? Have you lost your fucking minds?"

Leo frowned at Raphael's outburst. It was his well-being they were discussing. "We're just considering the options. We'd find a way to pay-"

"Don't be an idiot. Even if you pull off one of those nutty ideas, you'll get- what- a couple weeks worth of meds? Then what?"

"Maybe it'll be enough, right? Shouldn't we do what we can now?" Mike took a step, hands extended to clasp Raphael's arm, then stopped himself, knowing better than to try to.

"A few weeks can matter, Raph," Don reminded him gently. "We've bought time for a heavier price."

Raphael grimaced as if it hurt to look at Don. "Well, maybe that wasn't such a great idea either, Einstein," he snapped, "throwing away a perfectly good kidney."

Donatello's face filled with hurt.

"You asshole," Leo whispered. "After what Don has done-"

"It's okay, Leo," Don said quietly.

"No, it's not." Leo pinned Raphael with a reproving glare. "It's not okay to act like a jerk when your family is trying to help you."

"Help me? You were talking right over me! I get a say in this. I'm not in a goddamn coma this time!" Raphael took a shaky breath, wobbling. Yelling was tiring him.

Leonardo felt keenly, ironically, torn between wanting to smack his brother and putting a hand out to steady him. "Okay. Fine. What is it you want to say?"

Raphael's voice came down an octave, but it was dead serious. "I am not going to be an invalid. We are not signing up for a routine of creatively stealing meds for me. Do you hear me?" He glanced at Don. "You've done enough. Look, we take our chances in battle, don't we? Either I beat this or I don't."

Don did not meet Raph's eyes. "This isn't the sort of thing you can beat, Raph."

Raphael pretended not to hear him. He stepped up to Leo and jabbed a finger at his chest. "You wouldn't stand for all this, would you, if it were you instead of me? That's why you couldn't even bring yourself to tell me the truth last year. Well, this time, I call the shots. About my own life- I can do that at least, can't I?"

Raphael's voice was hostile and accusing, but Leonardo saw something else in his eyes. Raphael begging him to understand. And how could he not?

"Promise me," Raphael said, "You won't make any calls, not on this. After last year, you owe me that much."

Leonardo's anger had drained away and been replaced with heavy, dull uncertainty. He felt as though the pit inside of him had grown to encompass his head and there was a hollow whooshing sound emanating from it. Slowly, he nodded.

"Say it," Raphael insisted.

"I promise."

Raphael searched his brother's face and finding it sincere, he sagged a little, fatigue writ large on his face. He looked at Donatello. "I didn't mean it," he mumbled.

"I know."

They walked silently back to the lair. Splinter was standing in the entryway.

"Master," Leo exclaimed. "I'm sorry- we woke you. We didn't mean to..."

"My hearing has remained undiminished with age, Leonardo," Splinter replied. He was somber as he ran his eyes over his sons. Hoarsely, "Raphael-"

Raphael inclined his head in a curt parting bow before retreating to his room. "G'night, sensei. Happy New Year."