"Raven, at least let me talk to you," Charles said, exasperated.
He sighed and stood in front of her door. Part of him railed at the fact that he didn't need this; not with everything that had been happening. Levine had had the grace to leave, but for an hour he'd been outside of Raven's door and asking her to open it. If he hadn't promised her he'd have simply had her stop telepathically in an instant. It wasn't his way though.
"Raven," he said again, sighing.
Charles rested a hand against the door. To his surprise the door opened and Raven stood in the doorway, her eyes narrowed.
"Nice to see that you're up and about," he said weakly, "Can I come in? The hallway…well, it's not exactly private."
She gave him a short nod and Charles walked inside. He closed the door behind him and Raven folded her arms and her glare intensified.
"Well?" she demanded.
"Well, um, you heard what Levine said," he said blankly, "I don't really know how I can explain it better than that."
She snorted and turned her back on him. He knew better than to try and get her to look at him again. Charles waited patiently for her to say something. As he'd said, Levine had explained it quite well. Anything he said would be embellishment. Even though Raven was his sister, there were some things he wanted to keep private.
"So you're not here to apologize?"
For a moment all of his sheepishness dropped away. Instead it was replaced with a mixture of anger and disbelief. This wasn't the way he had wanted, or expected, the conversation to go. Still, why should he apologize? He hadn't wronged her, hadn't wronged anybody. Charles hadn't even pursued his feelings.
"I'm not going to apologize for what I feel," he said.
"But you didn't tell me!" Raven cried, looking back over his shoulder, "You were keeping this secret from everyone!"
"There was nothing to keep secret," said Charles firmly, "I…I…"
His tongue stumbled over the words, fighting to let them out. He'd never really said the words, but he'd tried to let Moira know them with every gesture and glance.
"I love her Raven," he said, his voice choked, "But because of our positions nothing's really ever come of it."
Raven turned around fully, her eyes fixed on the ground.
"She love you too?" she asked.
A lump formed in his throat.
"I believe so. I've always, well, this is rather difficult to...articulate," Charles said, "What we have…it's not something that can be said in words because so much of it was unsaid. We just couldn't Raven."
She nodded but he could tell by her stance that she was still upset.
"Charles, I know I'm just a child…"
Her voice was miserable and Charles winced to hear it.
"…and that you were right about what you said at the Institute," Raven said, "I don't understand. I don't understand a lot of things I guess. I don't understand how you can be in love with her; how many days has she actually been on Genosha?"
"About a month and a half," he admitted, "All together."
Raven frowned, her lips tight. She was angry, and perhaps surprised that he knew the days off the top of his head. When she fell in love he knew she'd understand.
"That's not long," said Raven.
"I know," he replied, "and don't think that I haven't regretted that."
Her frown deepened.
"I know why you'd want to keep something like this from Logan or Erik-"
In midsentence she stopped and gave him a calculating look.
"Does Erik know?" asked Raven sharply.
"Yes," he sighed.
"You told him and you didn't tell me?" hissed Raven.
The very idea irritated him.
"No, Erik figured it out and had the good grace not to mention it," Charles said, "You think I'd tell him before I'd tell you?"
"You'd probably tell us at the same time," said Raven.
"Well, I haven't."
His sister gave a sharp nod of approval.
"That's political and stuff. Erik's your friend, but he's got his own position to think about," she said, "I can understand that. It would have meant trouble for her with her people too. So I guess I get that."
Scrunching up her face tightly she intensified her glare.
"But why couldn't you tell me? I'm your sister," she said, "You couldn't trust me? Just a little? It's one thing that you knew I wasn't mature enough, not ready, but…we used to talk about everything. And now her partner knows and your sister doesn't. How the hell does that sound right?"
She thought it was because he didn't trust her? His mind was baffled by the conclusions she was drawing. Raven was young, he had never been in a position to forget it, but he thought this would be a bit more apparent. At least he knew what it was about. Charles walked closer and gave her a sad smile.
"Raven, I rarely even mentioned it to her," Charles said, "And neither of us told Levine. Like Erik he figured it out."
"How could anyone have figured that out?" Raven asked, her voice incredulous, "The two of you…I thought you were friends!"
He shrugged.
"Sometimes I think people in love are just friends whose bond runs deep," Charles said ruefully, "And in this case we both managed to have the same field of work. Even if that's what kept us apart, it's also what drew us together."
Frustrated Raven shook her head, her red hair bouncing around her.
"You never even touched her!" Raven said, "I've been trying to think of a single moment where you patted her on the back, or helped her out of a car, or even just held onto her hand and I can't. Two years of memories, and I can't!"
He hesitated. Charles realized how strange his actions seemed now. Raven didn't have much to compare this with either. She seen his flirtations, since she was now old enough to understand what had happened, before fleeing home. Then she had his monk-like lifestyle to corroborate it with afterwards.
Although he was sure he had never kissed anyone in Raven's presence, she was his sister after all, he knew that she had a preconceived idea about touch and how it related to love. He had too until he'd met Moira. Charles simply didn't know how to communicate what he had learned, what she had taught him.
Finally he just sighed.
"Raven," he said, "if I'd touched her even once, held her, then I would have never been able to let go."
She blinked, startled by his response.
"I don't expect this to be easy for you to understand," he said, "I don't think anyone can really understand easily unless they've been through something similar."
"Meaning?"
"I mean that it's complicated," said Charles, feeling frustrated, "Very complicated indeed."
"That's all? You can go on for hours defending some genetic theory but you can't explain how or why you love Moira?" asked Raven, "I'm calling bullshit."
"I'm not defending my feelings," he snapped.
She rolled her eyes.
"You can at least try to explain," she said, her voice terse.
Struggling he sighed.
"When I think of her," he said, "even if I'm just speaking about her, sometimes it makes me feel closer to her. It sounds silly, but sometimes it feels like it makes her nearer to me, almost like I'm holding her."
Charles closed his eyes.
"I want her in my future, as hard as that is to say."
Raven nodded. Her posture had relaxed somewhat and Charles took it as a good sign. Unburdening his heart hadn't been easy, but he was comforted by the fact that it seemed to do some good. He wanted her to understand; he truly did. She was his family and he wasn't going to lose her over something like this.
"She's a human though," Raven said.
Her voice, while slightly petulant, seemed uncertain. He'd known of her anti-human feelings. Many mutants in Genosha shared them, although most not on the level of Erik. He was grateful for that. Raven had her own tentative beliefs in that matter but he had always tried to discuss them out of her.
Seeing how it had worked in the past he saw no need to change things. Charles brushed away her objection with a wave of his hand.
"Other people on Genosha are humans too," he said, "And really Raven, we were all humans at one point. We'll make it work."
"And what about Rahne?" asked Raven, "It sounds like she's a good mother. She won't just ditch her daughter. One of the things I like about her."
At least it was a start.
"But," she said, chewing her lip, "It means that if you're with her you'll be…you'll be a stepfather."
The particular emphasis on the word 'stepfather' made him wince. Neither of them had good experiences with the idea of a stepfather.
"I aim to be a good one," Charles said, letting out a breath which he hoped showed his acknowledgement of her position, "I'm not...I'm not Marko."
He closed his eyes briefly before opening them and continuing.
"I believe I would have taken an interest in Rahne even without my feelings for Moira," he said slowly, "A child in her situation needs support. But I will admit that more than just some was due to the identity of her mother."
Raven smirked slightly at that.
"Such a womanizer," she said.
"One woman in nearly five years," Charles joked.
"Still."
A thoughtful look crossed her face.
"It was a good idea to be around Rahne, I guess anyway," she said, "It would make it easier if you ever got around to marrying her."
The words rang in his ears. And people said he was the telepath.
"That's the thing," Charles said, "I want to."
At his words her face assumed an almost comical air of confusion. He smiled and stepped forward. Her arms were held limply by her sides and she was looking at him with wide eyes. Knowing she wasn't angry anymore he put his hands on her shoulders. Charles wanted to know that she understood this.
"For two years I've yearned for her," he said, "Then tonight opportunity arose. I'm not going to let it go Raven. You have to understand that."
She didn't respond.
"I know it will change things," he said, "But what about the past few years hasn't? Raven, I want your approval."
Looking up her yellow eyes met his.
"You're going to do it whether I agree or not," she said.
There was too much truth in her sentence to deny it.
"Yes," said Charles, "but I want your approval."
For a tense moment he wondered if she was going to disagree. He didn't want another rift opening between them. Instead Raven punched his arm lightly.
"Look at you, all grown up," Raven said.
"I'm not still in school," he said.
"Yeah; you run one," Raven said, "Most people can't wait to get out of it. You made a whole new one just so you could spend time there."
"That's just a little unfair," Charles said.
She grinned. Heavy footsteps interrupted the conversation. Both turned as Logan flung the door open, his face grim. Charles wondered what had happened. There were no sounds of a fight, although he couldn't imagine what would cause one. Perhaps the CIA had decided to drop another bombshell.
"What's wrong?" asked Charles.
"Read my mind Chuck," he rumbled, "Save us some time."
That worried him. Logan didn't request it outside of a fight or a maneuver. Frowning Charles put his fingers to his temples. He quickly found the memory that Logan meant. Through Logan's heightened senses he heard the shattering glass, the door breaking down, a lamp falling off a table. Over it all he heard Moira's shout and the savage words of her attacker. The voice was chillingly familiar.
Steel entered his veins. Panic and worry would come later. He could push it down until there was time for it. It was what had gotten him through a revolution. So even though his heart twisted and screamed painfully he merely set his jaw. Raven looked up at him questioningly and Logan kept his grim expression.
"We have to get down there," Charles said, "Immediately."