Yey update! :)
Thank you to all those who favourited, alerted and reviewed, it's so awesome to get such great feeback from you all :) I don't know if you've noticed either, but the chapters are getting longer and longer ;D Well I hope you all enjoy this chapter :) It's got some cute moments in it. I have some great ideas for the next chapter too, lots of drama and angst with some faberry scenes too :) So stick around! And don't be afraid to tell me your thoughts :)
My heavy eyes slowly open, stinging in protest. I'm torn away from the last slivers of a dream I'm already forgetting as my body forces me into consciousness. I give my eyes and my brain time to adjust to the real world. My surroundings begin to make sense as do the past events that led me here.
I'm in the senior common room, slouched in a squashy armchair. My legs dangle freely over the arm and my head rests against the other. My gaze sweeps over the rest of my awakening body and I realise there is a navy-blue cardigan draped over me to keep me warm and comfy. I frown at the piece of unfamiliar clothing and drag it towards my face, ignoring the sharp pain that erupts from my muscles as I do so. The scent from the cardigan is familiar and floods my sense of smell with sweet, fruity perfume with just a hint of fabric softener.
I catch a small smile starting to tug on the corners of my mouth. The cardigan belongs to Rachel Berry. At first, I let the smile form on my face but I shortly remember my new found admiration for the short girl. I feel my face heat up and I blush, burying my head under the cardigan.
I can't be attracted to Rachel. Purely because she's a girl and I'm not into girls. Am I? Sure I've found myself thinking, 'oh, she's hot' or 'she has a rockin' body' but did that mean I had feelings for the opposite sex? Or was it just this one girl, a girl who has ignored my horrid attempts to deter her and keep her as far away from me as possible? A girl who actually made me feel as though someone cared? A girl who has been the only person to hug me since my mother died? I sit in the chair pondering about what Rachel means to me and why I was having these confusing feelings towards to petite brunette.
There's no way I could be attracted to her. I'm not gay. She's simply a girl who has befriended me and made me feel like I matter to someone again. I finally conclude that I'm not attracted to her; rather, I have great admiration for the person she is. I smile uneasily and congratulate myself for clearing that up but the tugging sense of doubt and truth ache in the back of my mind and suddenly I'm not so sure with my thoughts.
I shake my head a little, as if willing the thoughts and confusion to simply drop of out my ears and dissolve onto the floor. I sigh and check the clock on my watch. 3:30. Shit! I've slept right through my free period as well three of my other lessons and lunch. I bite my lip angrily and curse myself as I know that the school will have tried to contact Russell, seeing as I missed afternoon registration. I'm about to delve into despair at the thought of another beating that my body really couldn't handle today but then I remember that I'm not going home tonight. I'm going to Casa de Berry. Again I grin to myself, getting caught up in stomach fluttering relief. Stop that. I wipe the smile from my face and slowly move upright.
I breathe deeply, trying to steady myself and keep the pain at bay. I find that since my sleep, the pain has thankfully subsided a little. What was once an unbearable, exploding pain is now just a dull, throbbing ache with the occasional stabbing sensation if I move a certain part of my body in a certain way or speed. Eventually, I'm sat up right. My hands graze the pile of books that are on the floor besides me. I look at them in confusion. I didn't put them there so who- Rachel. I love how thoughtful she is, wait, no. Stop. Friends are supposed to be thoughtful and considerate anyway.
I distract myself from Rachel thoughts and grab my planner that's sitting neatly on top of the other books. I have Lit next. I sit here with ten minutes to go until next lesson, debating whether or not I should attend the lesson, but the argument to go is won when I realise there's one big reason for doing so. Rachel Berry also takes my Lit class. This time, I don't stop the Rachel thoughts; I sit there, grinning to myself stupidly.
On my way to Lit, I check my watch and realise I've still got eight minutes to kill beforehand. A dry feeling mulls in my stomach and I know it's time to get my nicotine fix, but where? If I went back to the bleachers, the Skanks would kill me- literally, and I don't know how much more my body can take for one day. I remember Ronnie telling me that on the really cold days, they smoke in the bathroom because the school are too cheap for smoke detectors in there. I pull out a smoke ready and march towards the bathroom.
Luckily there's no one in there so I immediately light up, watching as the thick, grey smoke swirls into the air and settles just above me. I flick ash into the sink and prepare for another toke. The door flies over and Rachel nearly crashes into me. She mutters apologies as she realises the person she nearly knocked over is me, then her chocolate eyes latch onto the cigarette blazing between my fingers and she frowns.
"Really Quinn, I wish you wouldn't smoke. It's so bad for you, not to mention the people around you!" She scolds.
I scoff. "It helps,"
"Yeah, helps kill you," she mumbles, gaze still fixated on my hand. She shifts her eyes towards mine, capturing them in a sparkling trance. I forget about smoking and gulp as she advances towards me. Before I know what's happening her face is just an inch away from mine and I swear my heart is about to rip free from my chest it's beating that fast. She stops short of my face, eyes still boring into mine. She smirks and grabs the cigarette from my hand, dropping it down the sink hole. She skips backwards, creating space between us as she wafts the air the smoke had previously claimed. I look down at my hand and frown.
"You know, I can just light another one," I say blankly as my heart regains its normal speed. I can feel myself blushing too, which causes me to blush even more. Friendly thoughts, friendly thoughts.
"Not whilst I'm here Fabray, I'll be damned if second hand smoke ruins my voice! Now c'mon, we're going to be late," she lightly touches my arm, making my muscles flinch with the surprise gesture. I nod dumbly and her eyes soften and fixate on my torso as a guilty look flashes over her face. "How're you feeling Quinn? Are you in pain?" I meet her goading look but shake my head. Unconvinced, she tentatively fingers the curved hem on my shirt and when I don't respond she lifts it up slightly, gasping as a hand flies in front of her mouth and she lets go of the fabric, hiding my multi-coloured skin. She looks down towards the floor in guilt.
"That bad huh?" I ask, trying to make fun of the situation but she doesn't laugh or smile. She nods her head slowly without a word. I turn towards the mirror and lift up my shirt, and raise a surprised eyebrow as I'm met with what used to be my stomach. From the bottom of my bra down to the waistband of my jeans there is literally no smooth, pale skin. It's either cut up and crusted with dried blood or is some shade of colour it shouldn't be. I cover myself and look at Rachel who looks like she's on the verge of tears. I place a hand on her shoulder, feeling a slight spark dance up into my fingertips and throughout my arm. "It won't take long to heal, trust me," I mutter, trying to ease her.
She shakes her head, not wanting to continue with this conversation and I let it drop. Instead she gently pries my hand off of her shoulder and keeps hold of it, leading me towards the door, muttering, "We're going to be late."
We walk down the corridor, still hand in hand. Neither of us is speaking and I keep catching glimpses of her out of the corner of my eye, not daring to look at her straight on. She looks serious but sad at the same time and I can't help but feel bad for making her feel that way.
I catch another glance and I have to hold my breath back. How could someone be so breathtakingly beautiful? More importantly, why was I just noticing this now? I dared to broaden my peripheral glance into a side view and let my eyes travel from her face to her neck, down to her body and slide right down those impossibly long legs for someone of her height. Her head turned towards me and I quickly removed my gaze, feeling my face heat up. She squeezed my hand before stating, "You first," she motioned at the classroom door and I let go of her hand disappointedly as I enter the room with Rachel following suit.
I sit in my chair next to Rachel with only a few minutes until the end of the lesson. I'm pretty sure nothing has actually entered my brain this lesson except the fact that I'm definitely not having friend feelings about Rachel. What is wrong with me? Quinn Fabray isn't gay! I slouch my head in my arms and look at Rachel who is busy writing notes with a pen decorated with gold stars onto an equally decorated note pad. God she's cute. I bury my head into my forearms, cursing myself for thinking that. I'd heard of girl crushes before, maybe this was just one of those? Maybe it was just a phase that'd go before it even started. I sighed and looked at Rachel again, feeling a slight flutter in my stomach. I really hope it's a phase.
The bell rings, causing me to nearly jump out of my chair. It's now the end of the day, which means I'm going home with the brunette girl I'm currently staring at. She packs up her things then looks at me with a huge smile.
"Are you ready?" She asks excitedly. I can't help but smile back.
"Sure," I reply quietly. She helps me shove things in my bag and we head into the corridor and towards our lockers to get the rest of our things.
We're standing on the curb and a sliver, five door Audi pulls up besides us. Rachel grins at the vehicle, then at me, telling me to slide in the back. I do as I'm told and Rachel slots in next to me, breaching my personal space and letting her bare thigh touch my jeans. Her dress rides up as she sits down, revealing more of those luscious legs and I have to force my gaze away before my staring becomes noticeable. Stop it Quinn!
"Dads?" Rachel says, capturing my attention at the word. I'd never met a gay couple before and I was sure that the universe was trying to tell me something today. "I'm sorry it's short notice and I didn't call but would it be okay if Quinn stayed over tonight?" She with her best 'butter wouldn't melt' voice.
"So you're the infamous Quinn Rachel's told us so much about?" The Man in the passenger seat asks as he turns around and takes in my attire. "Love the 70's look kiddo," he says whilst adjusting his glasses. I smile in response and look at him. "Oh, I'm sorry, let me introduce us. I'm Hiram, Rachel's dad and this is Leroy," he touches Leroy's arm. "Rachel's dad," he finishes, smiling at his partner. Leroy offers a perky hello, still trying to concentrate on driving, I say hello back. "Oh and yes Rachel, Quinn's more than welcome to stay," he says kindly, shooting a grin at me.
"So, what do you girl's plan on doing tonight?" Leroy asks us. I look at Rachel to answer who's already one step ahead of me.
"We're going to work on that Barbra Streisand project; you know the inspirations thing for homeroom?"
"Ah yes, I remember," Hiram chirps in. "You're a fan then Quinn?" He looks at me, calmly waiting for my reply.
"Uh-"I say blankly, Rachel gasps and Hiram raises his eyebrows.
"Please tell me you know who she is?" He asks with slight panic in his voice. I shrug nervously and the whole Berry family gasp in disbelief.
"Oh you poor, arts, deprived girl!" Leroy says sympathetically. "If God had a vagina, she'd be God. Please Rachel, educate this naïve youth!" Rachel giggles at her father.
"Don't worry dad, I plan to!"
The rest of the car journey back to the Berry household is spent with all three of them talking about Barbra and with me quietly sat there, trying to be distracted by the talk rather than Rachel's amazing legs.
She looks at me and says, "Do you know my middle name's Barbra?" I smirk and she hits me lightly on the shoulder, sending tingles throughout my upper body.
"Mines Quinn," I say, seeing as though she's in a sharing mood. Rachel looks at me confused, tilting her head to the side, causing me to subconsciously lick my lips. This really had to stop. "My first name's Lucy but I stopped going by that name a long time ago," I tell her, aware of the unintentional pain in my voice.
Rachel searches my eyes, as though she's looking into my head. "Lucy Fabray," she says quietly, testing the name. "Doesn't quite fit your bad-ass image now does it?" she says sarcastically and quietly so her father's don't hear over their talking. Now it's my turn to hit her but my hand lingers longer than acceptable of her arm. She looks down at it then at me and is about to say something when the car pulls into a driveway and jerks to a stop.
"Okay girls, out, out, out. Here Rachel," Leroy says and hands her the house keys. She jumps out of the car and looks at me to follow. I look up at the large house. The garden is immaculate and decorated with flowers and trees that have started to bloom. The exterior of the house even looks brand new. Rachel shoves the keys into the door and with a twist of the handle, it opens up.
She steps inside and I step after her. Wow, I think as my mouth drops open. Really, I didn't know what else I was expecting. The house is so kempt and modern. I breathe in the sweet, flowery house smell. Rachel is halfway up the stairs and looks over her shoulder back at me and laughs. "God Quinn, it's just a house." I look at her, still dazed with awe. I want to tell her that you're bound to be amazed at a place like this when your own home is filthy and messy, harbours an abusive drunk and stinks of stale alcohol, but Rachel's dads come in behind me. Instead I shut my agape mouth and trot up the stairs after Rachel.
She stops at the door of her room and I notice a gold star stuck on the wood like a dressing room. I smile softly to myself at the thought of all the other gold stars dotted here there and everywhere on her things.
Inside the room, it's tidy and spotless. Everything is put away and everything has its place. The king sized bed has been neatly made, the white curtains drawn and the carpet is so clean, I take my shoes off so I don't mark it. I look to my right as I walk in and notice, Broadway tickets, pictures of famous actresses and actors that surround the biggest on of a woman who I presume is Barbara. I chuckle and Rachel turns around, looking at me curiously.
"You're big on the arts huh?" I ask, already knowing the answer.
"Are you kidding? It's my dream to be on Broadway! I want to be as big as her one day," she motions to Streisand's picture. "I'm gonna get there, no matter what." I smile and awe at her determinism and strong will. She really was focussed on achieving her dreams. The only thing I was focussed on was not getting beat to death by my father. "So," she starts, shifting the topic. "I've got a double bed but if you're not comfortable sharing, there's a guest room- though the bed's hard in that or I could sleep on the couch or-"
"I'm comfortable sharing," I say laughing to hide the slight eager edge in my voice. She beams at me with brilliant white teeth, making my stomach flounder even more.
"Well, I'll get started on this project and you can have a nap or something if you want? You look drained. I can always wake you up for dinner?" She checks her watch. "It's about 2 hours away so you'll get a decent little rest."
My eyes start to sting and I yawn as if on cue. "Guess I should," I laugh.
"Uhm, I know you didn't bring anything with you, what with it being short notice and all so, do you want something comfortable to change into?" I'd be wearing Rachel's clothes.
"Yes please," I manage to squeak. She turns her back on me and starts rifling through a set of draws and throws a pair of grey jogging bottoms and pale blue slouchy jumper at me.
I start to undress as she turns around, my t-shirt flung to the ground, revealing my battered torso. Rachel swallows hard, hurt shimmering behind her chocolate pool eyes but she doesn't turn away. She simply stares at the damage. She starts to walk over to me. I stop changing and stand there half naked.
"Why does he do this to you?" She asks sadly, staring at my body. Her petite hand reaches out and touches my bare skin making my muscles flinch.
"He blames me for what happened to my mom, I was the one driving. I lost control of the car. Ever since then he got more drunk and more violent. And here's the result," I say, waving a hand over my body.
A tear slips from the corner of Rachel's eye, "It isn't your fault Quinn, you deserve more than that." She closes the gap between us and I find myself melting into her embrace. Her face is pressed into my shoulder and I feel her tears wipe on my skin. I wrap my arms around her and hug her back, fully aware I'm only in jeans and a bra. She looks up at me without parting. "Oh Quinn, I want everything to be okay for you so badly, I really want to make it happen for you." I stare down at her, feeling tears of gratitude prick in my eyes. I hug her even tighter, ignoring the protest of pain. She breaks away.
"I'm sorry, you can finish getting changed now, oh wait," She rushes back to her drawers and comes back with a tube if cream saying 'Savlon'. "Rub this over the cuts, it'll help prevent infection." I can't help but smile at her caring nature as I take the cream.
She watches me carefully as I apply it to my cuts. "Does that help?" She asks quietly.
"I don't know yet, I've only just put it on Rachel."
"No, not the cream. I meant the self-harm." I flinch at the word and she notices. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't be asking such personal questions."
I sigh, "It helps. Well, for a little while. It makes me forget everything else in the world and for a few moments all I can concentrate on is the physical pain that's substituting everything else, but it's something I'm doing. I'm in control y'know?" Rachel half shakes, half nods her head as she gulps heavily.
"You should stop," she says. "One day you might-"
"Don't worry, I'm not suicidal Rach," I start laughing but she fixes me with a serious look.
"I mean it Quinn. I'm, worried about you. Every time you feel the need to do," a disgusted look washes over her face as she looks at my torso, "This, call me. Please. I promise I'll try and make the pain go away." Her eyes bore into mine, I've never seen her so serious.
"It's a habit Rach, it's not something I can-"
"Please Quinn. For me? I know you don't like me very much but I'd like to think we're good enough friends so you can do this for me," she whimpers.
I bite my lip. "I like you Rachel, I like you a lot. You're the only person who has ever tried to reach out to me since my mom died. You've already helped me more than you know. So yes, okay, I'll try… for my friend."
After I finish getting dressed into Rachel's sweet smelling clothes I lay on her bed and pull a thin cover over me, relishing the comfort. Rachel sits at her desk and starts tapping away on her laptop, unaware of the crush I'm harbouring for her. Crush. Is that what I'm labelling it now? Yeah, I think that's an appropriate start.
My eyelids start to feel heavy and the last thing I see before they shut completely is Rachel, turning around to check on me and I feel myself smile as I drift off into a blissful world of sleep.