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Can you hear me cry out to you?
Words I thought I'd choke on figure out.
I'm really not so with you anymore.
I'm just a ghost,
So I can't hurt you anymore.

My Chemical Romance - This Is How I Disappear

Day 4

Winter didn't see Clem grab the gun or hear the shot. She saw Jack fall to the floor but her limbs were frozen. He'd done it. He'd given away twelve children without a thought for what would become of them. How…why… her brain stuttered over the information. Lucy walked over to her and her mouth moved but nothing came out. Not to Winter anyway, she couldn't hear a word. A final slap to the arm woke her up and she looked up at Lucy.

'I'm sorry but, look, I'm going to stay with some friends for a while.' She sighed when Winter didn't answer. 'They're your friends Nemo. Not mine. It's not my place to judge them really but… I can't stay here. If you need me, I have a mobile.' She gave a sad look to Winter and then disappeared from the warehouse.

Winter understood why. Lucy could get very angry when her family was in danger and as far as she was concerned every mistreated child in the world was her family. Her leaving was probably a good thing anyway, she would only be in danger hanging around with them.

She watched Clem run from the building and Jack pick himself up off the floor. Ianto sat down by the computer and Jack followed sitting next to him.

'I can't believe you didn't mention this before,' Ianto told him.

'They didn't speak through kids back then. I didn't recognize the signs at first.' Jack had obviously misunderstood the statement.

'That's not what I meant.'

Rhys came away from the warehouse door frowning. 'They're coming back.'

Sure enough Gwen led Clem through the door. He was still shaking slightly but he looked a little more confused and frightened then before. 'The man who sent me and my friends to die can't die himself!'

Jack grabbed a new shirt from the side and peeled the older bloody one off his skin. 'They called through radio transmissions that a government source picked up,' he told them. 'Torchwood was called upon to find twelve children and take them to a specific place in Scotland, to stop the 456 invading the planet.' He finished the last few buttons off.

Winter was trying to keep her face calm and steady so refused to comment on the ridiculousness of the past plan.

'It was a protection, right? You knew they'd be back,' Gwen said.

'I knew it was a possibility.'

'But you still gave them the payoff.'

'We had no choice.' Jack argued.

Clem broke into the conversation with a question Winter was on the verge of asking herself. 'Why us?'

Jack didn't seem to think he just answered. 'You wouldn't be missed.'

'What?' Winter asked.

He looked up surprised and realization filled his face. She turned to Clem, her voice quiet, 'You were orphans, all of you.'

Jack took a step forward but she took one back.

'You…I…'

'I didn't mean it that way, I just meant…'

Winter put a hand up and Jacks rambling ceased. 'Don't speak to me,' she said blankly. 'Don't even look at me, just…don't.' She turned on her heel and walked. No one was following her, even Pip stayed, sitting on the grotty sofa. She left the warehouse and headed back the way they had arrived.

TTT

Her head hurt. She wasn't certain why. It could have been the collision with the tiny door frame on the way up, or the way her fingers were raking through her hair, tugging at it, or maybe it was the constant sniffing and sobbing. Either way it was hurting.

The view from the top of the Battersea power station was good, she had expected fog to cover much of the town, possibly due to a sense of pathetic fallacy rather than her actual knowledge of the weather in London.

For the first time since joining Torchwood, Winter wished she'd never met Jack. Things were a lot more simple before and think of all the pain she could have spared herself. Falling in love but seeing both men happy without her, falling for a demon who chose her home over her, losing her best friend to a warmer climate, losing Owen and Toshiko. Almost dying from exhaustion, almost being shot, almost being attacked, killing her mother, being attacked, being drowned. Twice. All things she could have avoided had she not thought the grass was greener on the other side.

Something warm fell over her shoulders. She looked at Jacks large coat and shrugged it off childishly.

'Don't,' Jack told her.

She frowned but let him place the garment over her shoulders again and take a seat at her side.

'I don't have an excuse,' he told her. 'I've lived with this for years doing the whole shoulda, woulda, coulda, spiel.' He sighed and she looked over. There were tear tracks on his face. He'd been crying. 'The fact is I can't change what I did, I did what I thought was the only option at the time.'

'I'm not angry at you,' she told him.

He looked at her in disbelief and she looked away.

'Okay, I am but… I thought it through, and I know you. Sometimes I wish I didn't but I do. I knew you a little before you met the Doctor, I know you now. I don't believe that you would have done it without a reason.'

'But you're upset.'

She looked across the sky and nodded. Without a word, she got up and headed across the roof to the very edge of the building, leaving the coat behind.

'What are you doing?'

'You were right. No one would have missed them. Look at Clem, stuck in an insane asylum. Look at Ben. He disappeared off the face of the planet after you made him disappear, and don't argue, I know you must have done. Did you have to do much work? Did it take long to wipe him from existence? No. Because no one gives a fuck about vulnerable kids, or poor kids, or…'

She stopped and looked out at London like she'd just realised it was there. Then held her hands out to her side like a tightrope walker, moving closer along the edge until she could look down to the ground. She laughed a little hysterically at the sudden brief sense of vertigo, imagining herself flying through the air, the rush of the wind in her hair and the eventual sudden trauma. Would it even kill her? Did anything now?

'Nemo, come away from the edge.'

She shook her head and dropped her arms. 'And what about me?' she said sadly, sniffing a little and then yelling the sentence across London. 'What about me!'

Jack inched closer and closer, holding his hand out.

'Who's going to miss me? Who's checking up on me to make sure I'm ok? Who'd notice if I didn't make it home on time? Who's going to sit by my bedside and take care of me or put flowers on my grave when I'm gone? Pip? I'm twenty-three years old and I've got nothing to show for it, nothing and no one.'

She moved further away from Jack, stumbling a little along the edge and making him flinch in panic.

'I'm angry because you were right. I could jump off this building right now and no one would even notice I was missing. No one would know until they came to pull the thing down or a bunch of kids want somewhere to drink and then they stumble across some poor mangled homeless girl who probably had "issues" and couldn't phone a hotline in time and I get buried under my old name when they find my records and there's a brief tragic write up on the fifth page of the local paper and then I'm no one again. Just a bedtime story.'

The tears hadn't stopped but she couldn't feel them anymore. In fact, she couldn't seem to feel anything. The cold, the wind, the height, the fear, the TARDIS, her memories. All of it was missing. There was just an empty space inside of her like she'd spent all her time on the roof being hollowed out by her own brain. She paused and kicked at the wall she was standing on then hovered a foot over the edge as she looked at the ground.

'I'm nothing, and no one.'

Jack lunged forward and grabbed her belt pulling her away from the edge and into a bone crushing hug. She gasped at the strength he held her with and the loss of the danger she had been in. Hands on his chest, her numb fingers curled involuntarily around the fabric of his shirt and she felt the tears on his face as it rubbed against hers.

'I would miss you,' he cried. 'I would miss you. And I'm sorry. I'm so…' He pulled back a little and looked into her eyes. 'I need you.' He clutched at her like a lifeline giving her the most open and raw look she'd ever seen on his, normally so controlled, face. 'Because when this whole world all falls apart you're the only one I can trust to be by my side.'

She clenched her eyes shut as he pulled her close again and they swayed gently in the breeze to a soundtrack of sirens, trains and bird song. She nodded carefully and sniffed, neither letting up the hug until their tears had tried and they felt a little more stable in the world.

Winter pulled back first. She pressed the back of her fingers to her puffy under-eyes and tried to look anywhere but at Jack, embarrassed about what he'd just seen. He sighed and looked out over London.

'I don't know if I can do this,' he told her.

She looked up, shocked by the honesty but shook her head. 'It's not just you Jack. The world doesn't end because of you. We're all responsible.'

'It doesn't feel that way.'

'Lucy's running an errand for me,' she told him quietly.

He picked up his coat and slid his arm into it.

'Oh?'

'She's gathering intelligence on the military base where they're keeping your family.'

Jack span around in shock.

'I know you never told me but she rang once, I never told you because I figured it was private. She's not going to attempt to break them out but she's going to keep an eye on them for you. Well, not for you for me. She's kind of mad at you.'

Jack smiled proudly, he walked back over to her and gripped her hand tightly, leaning down and kissing her forehead.

'Thank you.'

TTT

Jack wasn't happy Winter could tell. Nor was Ianto, that was even more obvious. On the other hand she had just refused to be left behind and jumped into the car with them as they sped off into the middle of London so it was mildly understandable.

'Once we get there you're staying in the car,' Jack told her.

'Just you try and make me,' she shot back, letting the wind whip through her hair considerably more exhilarated than she had been after a coffee and some general pushing aside of her feelings.

A decision had been made by the government. Children at the bottom of the school league tables were being forcibly removed from their parents and Winter was not staying in the warehouse with her fingers crossed. She'd sent Pip away to find Lucy hopefully she would have some idea of what was happening and stay away from any soldiers who came near her. Who was she kidding, this was Lucy, she saw an authority figure and headed for the hills.

The car became stuck in traffic, Jack tapped on the wheel impatiently and turned to Winter. 'Ditch it?' she asked.

He nodded and they all jumped out of the car, Winter holding her sword closer to her leg so as not to scratch the cars packed into the road. Ianto called his sister and then Gwen, making certain everything was in place. They strode purposefully into Thames house and Winter smiled at the less than warm reception. The three of them slammed the weapons against the desk and Jack announced them in his normal drawl.

'Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Nemo. We're Torchwood.'

Winter followed them up to the room with the large tank and raised her eyebrows. So, this was it. This was what was tearing Britain apart, family by family.

'I'm Captain Jack Harkness. I've dealt with you lot before. I'm here to explain why this time, you're not getting what you want.'

Winter stayed by the door, the plan had been worked out meticulously, she didn't want it scuppered by one guard who thought he'd be a hero for the day.

'You yielded in the past,' the disembodied voice replied.

'And don't I know it. I was there. In 1965, I was part of that trade, and that's why I'm never going to let it happen again.'

'Explain.'

'There's a saying here on Earth, a very old, very wise friend of mine taught me it: "an injury to one is an injury to all" and when people act according to that philosophy, the human race is the finest species in the Universe.'

'Never mind the philosophy. What he's saying is you're not getting one solitary, single child. The deal is off.' Ianto, butted in, hurrying Jack along.

Jack frowned at him playfully. 'Uh, I like the philosophy.'

Ianto smirked. 'I gathered.'

'You yielded in the past. You will do so, again,' the voice repeated.

'In the past, the numbers were so small they could be kept secret, but this time, that is not going to happen. Because we've recorded everything. All the negotiations. Everything the politicians said. Everything that happened in this room and those tapes will be released to the public. Unless you leave this planet for good,' Jack concluded.

'You yielded in the past. You will do so again.'

Winter rolled her eyes, what? Was this recorded or something? Repeat the same phrase until the enemy gives in?

'When people find out the truth, you will have over six billion angry human beings taking up arms to fight you. That might be a fight you think you can win, but at the end of it, the human race in defence of its children will fight to the death and if I have to lead them in to battle, I will.'

'You've got enough information on this planet. Check your records. His name is Captain Jack Harkness. Go back a hundred and fifty years and see what you're facing.'

Winter smiled at Ianto. That was a very brave (and slightly cute) thing to say. She could see the pride radiating out of Jack, but it dimmed as the alien spoke once more.

'This is fascinating, isn't it? The human infant mortality rate is 29,158 deaths per day. Every three seconds, a child dies. The human response is to accept, and adapt.'

'We're adapting right now, and we're making this a war,' Jack replied harshly.

'Then the fight begins.'

There was a noise outside the room, a locking noise Winter took one step out of the room to see what it was.

'We're waiting for your reply.' Jack still spoke to the Alien as she looked left and right down the corridor. Nothing.

'Action has been taken.'

She span around to re-enter the room but the door slammed shut in her face. Alarms blared and she watched as every door around her locked. They were trapped.

There was a window, in the door. All she could hear was alarms blaring in her ears, just constant noise. Jack was holding Ianto. On the…on the floor, they were on the…floor. She brought her hand up to the glass and brought it back to hammer on the door and ask what was happening but… heavy, every… everything…

She slid to the floor against the door, her fingernails scraped on the wood. Noise…s…so much…noi…ssse. He eyes slid shut and she suddenly knew why Ianto had collapsed. He was dying and so was she.

TTT

'I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.'

Those words repeated in her ears over and over again. The world was swimming in a haze of Orange and green. She felt sick. Something was covering her mouth. She put a hand up to it but something pulled her hand away. She was so tired. So bloody tired.

'Sleep,' she mumbled.

'Not this time,' the voice replied. 'Let her keep you awake. Don't sleep, just let her do the work.'

A warm hand slipped into hers.

'Save us,' she mumbled.

'I can't,' the voice replied.

TTT

Gwen followed two soldiers down an aisle among rows and rows of bodies covered in blood red tarps. One soldier pointed for her, directing her to her fallen comrades. 'twelve, thirteen, fourteen.' She stood, steeling herself for a moment then slowly moved forward, her boots clicking loudly in the dead silent room. She knelt down between two of the bodies and pulled the cover off thirteen, revealing Captain Jack Harkness. Looking down at his body, she smiled tenderly.

A dark look came over her face as she got up and knelt before number twelve. She looked away at Jack and then pulled the cover off the body. Winter looked so small, like a child. Oh, god. How would she tell Jack? Should she move him? Let him come to and then tell him or…did he already know. The young girl who had teased her so much when she first arrived. Who'd had taken Jack's side on everything. Suddenly Gwen was glad the hub was gone. It wouldn't seem right without Winter swinging around the roof like a bloody great… Pip? How would he… What could she do?

She got up suddenly, unable to deal with the thought of the poor little carefree animal. Rounding Jack once more she glanced down at the other body remaining still for a moment before pulling back the cloth to look at Ianto.

Jack gasped back to life behind her, but softly, unlike his usual huge intake of breath. He sat up, looked forward, glanced to his side, and then stared at his lap, unable to look at Winter and Ianto beside him. Gwen began to cry softly. He couldn't help leaning over and putting his arms around her, as together they looked down at Ianto.

'There's nothing we can do,' she whispered brokenly.

Jack pulled away as she straightened his tie and turned to face his other loss. He almost screamed, she'd been laughing, joking with him. With all the power of the TARDIS behind her, she couldn't get away from him. Her finger nails were broken and there was an imprint around her mouth, possibly where some medics had tried to revive her. His breath came in shuddering gasps that didn't seem to fill his lungs.

Why couldn't it have worked? Why couldn't she have revived just this once? What was the point of that stupid TARDIS link if not this? Had it not caused her enough pain to give something back. He should have sent her away after the Daleks. After he realised how much he'd be losing. Yet here she was now, cold and dead beside him and she was right. He suddenly realized how few people would care. The thought brought tears rolling down his face, she didn't deserve this, didn't deserve to be forgotten.

He ran a hand over her cheek and lowered his head in shame.

[Sorry! Please put down the torches and pitchforks!]

'Zaziness': hooray for Lucy. Glad you liked her. I think we needed someone to break into the dynamic a bit and give us all a bit of comic relief so I'm glad that worked out! I always knew that I needed to do at least one episode every series that didn't show the storyline and show Winter doing something totally new, otherwise never mind you lot I'D be bored! I'm keeping fairly tight lipped at the moment but I will say everything that will take place has already been written and edited.

'The Small But Powerful One': Thank you! I hope this lives up to expectations.

'Sonotalady': That's what I was thinking when I wrote it. Chocolate cake or Beans… I know which one I'd go for. I always like the idea that Winter would be like a living legend.

'Rachy Babes': You aren't going to like me for the end of this chapter… sorry in advance. Don't worry though. Pip's fine. I'm glad you enjoyed the Fawks mention. There is a conversation in this chapter when she was almost brought up again but it got cut for 'flow' don't worry though. she'll be back.