Happy Monday, lovelies! This should be filed under "chapters that I've rewritten a billion times", because this was a hard one to write. Next chapter is John's birthday (and Lorin's return to school). Hopefully you lovelies enjoy this chapter, and let me know what you'd like to see happen on Lorin's birthday, which is exactly a week after John's! (And I've just realized that the days don't really match the irl dates in this fanfic, but whatever, it's fiction). ~Shaymie

Lorin's POV

"Lori, are you sure Lafayette will be okay with us taking his car?" Darcy frowned as she twirled Gil's keys around her finger. I nodded and got dressed as fast as I could. She was the only one of us who could drive, and the bus would take way too long. Gil was already at the hospital with everyone else since Herc had given him a ride from school. I didn't care if John hated me, I refused to sit around at home. I had to see him.

"He'll be fine with us borrowing it," I grunted as I pulled my boots on. I laced them up with shaky fingers and grabbed my gift for John from underneath my bed. It was going to be his birthday present, seeing as his birthday was on Monday, but it would have to do as a "sorry for getting you kicked out, please don't hit me" present instead.

"Okay… So what's the deal with you and Alex?" I blushed as I saw the catlike grin on my sister's face. She was the queen of changing the subject, and we had made an oath when we were little that'd we'd tell the other about anybody we dated. I guess I hadn't kept up my side of the promise.

"Don't go quiet on me now, Lori. I saw the hickeys on his neck earlier. He should really do a better job of covering them up. When did you two start dating?" Darcy asked as she sat next to me. My face grew hotter. I had given him hickeys? How many were there? How bad were they? Why did I let myself get so drunk last night?

"We've been together for a month. We actually started dating a couple days after we met."

"My little sister isn't so little anymore," she giggled, hugging me. She rubbed her cheek against my face and put her hands on my chest. I blushed. Why was my sister so forward all the time? "And in more ways than one. Your boobs are huge, Lori! They're bigger than mine! You got more than Mama than just the freckles!"

"You have her freckles, too," I said as she started playing with the ends of my hair. Wait, that was it? She wasn't going to lecture me about how I should start dating someone I barely knew, especially after what had happened with James? Then again, she wasn't anything like John… John. John!

"We have to get to the hospital, Darcy! I'll talk to you about Alex later!" I ran out of the room and back downstairs, bumping into Alex as I reached the bottom step. He put a hand on my shoulder to steady me and smiled as he handed me a sandwich. I hadn't even realized how hungry I was until just now.

"Thank you," I said as I started to eat. I choked on the sandwich when I noticed the purplish marks on his neck. He patted my back and frowned. How had Darcy noticed before he did? I swallowed my bite before speaking again. "Um, Alex, you have a… um…"

"What's up, Lo?"

"You have like a dozen hickeys," Darcy said from behind me. I stepped aside so she could get down the stairs. She smirked as she passed us. "You might want to put a hoodie on or something. I'll be in the car."

The drive to the hospital was basically an interrogation. Darcy asked Alex countless questions, like how old he was (17, which led to the question of how we had some classes together and why he wasn't a grade above me), his birthday (January 11), and where he was from (somewhere in the Caribbean, he had been vague, which was a first for him). We both got embarrassed when she asked how many kids we were thinking of having. We had barely been dating for a month, and that's one of the things she thinks of asking?

I got more anxious as we got closer to the hospital. What was I thinking? John had to hate me. I was probably the last person he wanted to see. He was probably still mad. I hadn't even given him a day to calm down, and yet here I was, about to throw myself at him and beg for forgiveness.

I didn't deserve to be forgiven. I was the reason he was hurt. If I hadn't let James walk all over me, he wouldn't have tried to fight him. If I hadn't talked back to him, Gil wouldn't have kicked him out and he wouldn't have had to go back home to his shitty dad. It was my fault. My fault. My fault…

"Breathe, Lo," I heard Alex say as he started rubbing calming circles on my back. I gasped for air and felt my hands tangle in my hair. Alex unbuckled my seatbelt and pulled me into his lap, which I was pretty sure was illegal. Couldn't do I anything without being a bother? Alex had to be done with me by now. I didn't deserve his loving touches and gentle kisses. I deserved to be punished. I should be punished. Why hadn't he punished me? Didn't he know that it was his job to punish me when I misbehaved?

Alex pulled my hands from my hair and kept a hand on my wrists before I could start scratching. His other hand was on my back, holding me steady as Darcy sped towards the hospital. I focused on my breathing, trying to not lose consciousness like I had at school. I had to stop being a burden on everyone. I timed my breaths with Alex's counting as my head rested on his chest. I couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't keep freaking out like this every time something didn't go my way or whenever I messed something up. God, why couldn't I just be normal? Why was I such a freak?

"Are you sure he won't be mad?" I asked as Darcy parked the car. Alex nodded and helped me get out, handing me John's gift from the front seat. Darcy heaved a sigh as she climbed out and gripped the keys tightly.

"I'm never driving that thing again. Why is it so fast?"

"You could have eased up on the gas a bit, Darcy." I looked up at Alex and frowned as I saw a bit of purple peeking out from underneath his hoodie, but chose to not say anything about it. It wasn't really that noticeable unless you were looking for it.

"There's no fun in that," Darcy huffed, rolling her eyes. "We should go inside instead of just standing around here. It's cold."

"Welcome to New York, Darcy. It actually has seasons instead of constant heat."

"I see why you never visit," she grinned, following me and Alex into the hospital. I checked my last text from Mattie to get John's room number and screamed as something barreled into me and knocked me over. I felt the eyes of everyone in the waiting room on me as I rubbed the back of my head. The Schuylers had different levels of concern on their faces, Gil looked amused, and Herc was nowhere to be seen.

"Sorry, Lori!" I blinked up at Mattie and took her hand, letting her pull me up. She chuckled nervously and patted me on the shoulder. She looked almost exactly like John, from the freckles to the dark curly hair. Even her laugh sounded like his. "It's been like forever since I've seen you. I've missed you!"

"I missed you, too, Mattie," I laughed. I used to spend a lot of time over at the Laurens house, until their mother left with the younger kids a year ago. She had been the only one who could protect me from their father. He was one of the many people I froze up in front of. I tried talking to him, but he was just too intimidating. And it didn't help that I was the daughter of one of his political enemies. He probably hated my guts.

"I'm glad you're here. John's been yelling at me to call you so he could apologize, even though I told him you have every right to want to be left alone. He wouldn't take no for an answer." Mattie sighed and grabbed my arm. I let her pull me towards the elevator and let the words sink in. John… wanted to apologize to me? I had called him an idiot. I had talked back. If anyone needed to apologize, it was me!

"He's… He's not mad at me?" I asked, my voice trembling as I tucked the gift under my arm. I took my hair into my mouth and frowned as I chewed on it. Mattie shook her head and pressed the elevator button. I tapped my foot nervously and tried to think of what to say.

"John told me about your argument. Gilbert had every right to kick him out, you know. He took it too far. He shouldn't have said that about you. I know he's mad because you started dating Alexander, but he shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"He's mad that I'm dating Alex?" I frowned. I hadn't noticed anything different about him. Why would he not like me dating Alex? And why would he not talk to me about it? He was one of the most open people I knew.

"Shit," she hissed under her breath. She sighed and shrugged. What was going on? "I… guess I should tell you if he won't. John likes you, Lorin. And I mean, like likes you. He's probably liked you ever since you guys met. He wouldn't shut up about Gilbert's 'cute new sister' when you first moved here."

"He… likes me? Why didn't he tell me?"

"You had started dating James and he saw that you were happy with him. He didn't want to get in the way of that. After you broke up with him, he thought that it would be too soon to make a move. You know how awkward that idiot is. He probably didn't know how to tell you. And now you're dating Alexander, and he didn't want to ruin that, either. He's probably going to kick my ass for telling you this, but someone had to. C-Can you let him down easy, Lori? That's all I'm asking."

I nodded numbly as the elevator doors opened and let Mattie pull me towards John's room. I felt tears well up in my eyes. How could I be so stupid? How could I be so selfish? How could I have not known that John liked me? This past year must have been terrible for him, having to watch me be with someone that he clearly hated. God, he must have thought that I was showing off the fact that I was with anyone but him.

"Here we are. I'm pretty sure Dad's not here right now. He probably went back to work, so you're free to talk to John all you want." Mattie opened the door and walked me into the room. I held back a gasp as I saw John. His hair was down, surrounding his head in a dark fluffy cloud. He looked even worse than he had this morning, his face completely covered in bruises. His black eye somehow looked twice as swollen, and there was some kind of plaster or gauze on his nose. The rest of his body was hidden by blankets, but I could assume it was as black and blue as his face.

"Lori! I didn't think you'd show up!" John perked up as he saw me and tried to sit up, wincing and wrapping an arm around himself. Mattie rolled her eyes and walked over to her brother. She helped him sit up and fluffed the pillows behind his back.

"U-Um… I'm sorry! If Gil hadn't kicked you out, you wouldn't be in the hospital right now…" I walked to his bed hesitantly and held out his gift to him. "I-I know your birthday isn't for a few more days, but I thought this would make a better get-well-soon gift than a birthday present. Do you forgive me?"

"You got him a turtle encyclopedia? As if he wasn't obsessed enough!" Mattie sighed, looking at the gigantic book. John smiled at me as he accepted it, but I couldn't help but notice a bit of sadness in his eyes. Had I done something wrong? Was my apology not enough?

"I love it, Lori… But I'm the one who should be apologizing. I was in a shitty mood and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have said any of that to you. I didn't mean any of it, I swear! I know Alex is nothing like James, and I shouldn't have mentioned your father, and you're the furthest thing from a… a slut. I'm so sorry... You're free to slap me or yell at me or whatever."

"I… I won't yell at you. And I'll accept your apology if you accept mine. We were both being dumb earlier. I was tired and hungover and you weren't in the best of moods. Y-You didn't mean what you said, did you?"

"Of course not! And I accept your completely unnecessary apology," John grinned goofily at me and put the book on the table next to the bed. I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding and hugged him, taking care to not grab him too tightly. I didn't even know how bad he was hurt.

I looked up as the door opened and felt my heart stop as John's father walked in. His eyes narrowed when he saw me hugging John, and I quickly pulled away, my face burning hot. I backed myself into the corner and stared at my hands awkwardly as John got lectured about holding his own in a fight and how he should learn to defend himself, and did he have any idea how expensive hospital bills were.

"And what is this mute bitch doing here?" Henry asked, glaring at me. I squeaked and turned my gaze back to the ground. I should have left, but I felt frozen. Mattie grabbed my hand and stood in front of me, almost as if she was shielding me from her father. I started scratching at my arms. If anyone was capable of punishing me, it was Henry Laurens.

"Leave her alone, Dad. She's my friend." John glared at his father and crossed his arms. I felt myself shrink underneath Henry's judgmental gaze. The edges of his mouth turned up in a smirk as he looked at me, and I felt myself grow cold as he took a step towards me.

"I can see why you like her, Jack," he murmured, his eyes going down to my chest. I flushed as Mattie pushed me behind her, though I was already pressed up against the wall. There wasn't really anywhere else I could go. "Nice face, big tits… Her personality just leaves a bit to be desired. Couldn't you go for someone more… perky?"

"Your personality leaves a lot to be desired," John and I muttered at the same time. I felt my face grow hotter and looked away from Henry. Of all the things to say when I finally manage to open my big, fat mouth in front of him, that's what I say? I bit back a smile at the fact that John and I had the same response.

"She's as much of a smart-ass as you," Henry spat out venomously, his eyes narrowing into slits. We stared at each other for a few seconds until he stormed out of the room, muttering something about "insolent kids" under his breath. Mattie and John burst out into laughter after the door slammed shut behind him, John wincing as he laughed.

"I can't believe you said that, Lori! I can't believe you talked to him," Mattie giggled. I pushed down the panic bubbling up in my chest and managed to force a smile onto my face. If they weren't worried about this, then I shouldn't be either. Besides, when would I ever have to see their father again? I was staying as far away from him as possible from now on.

My smile faded as I remembered what Mattie had told me in the elevator. John liked me. He had liked me ever since we'd met, and I had no idea how to deal with it. I didn't know what to do. Do I apologize or act like I don't even know? Shitty teenage movies hadn't prepared me for this.