Chapter 6: Chapter 6
The next day finds me absent-mindedly following some guy who is suspected of sealing a Pact with one of Dynast's senior minions. If I turn on the necessary application of my mind, I can tell exactly who the guy is, what he has been doing since I started following him and for what reason my Mistress wants the information (other than being utterly bored, as usual). But after centuries of spy-jobs I am so good at it, I don't even need to stay alert, let alone remember all the details. I automatically merge with crowds, take a table in the next cafe, slip into crevices between the buildings in a deserted street, peek through windows and make mental notes of overheard dialogs without even sparing thought to all that. I pride myself on my ability to spy and often do it in a most thoughtless way just to break another personal record, but today I have a much better reason for my mind to stray away from the immediate surroundings.
I need this time to think.
The first issue on my agenda is Lina's manner to compare me to Val. Or rather my own feelings whenever she does that. On the one hand, it's not surprising or unusual – after all, he is indeed my son, and we are bound to have things in common; there is nothing unusual to compare relatives, and I do that quite often myself. On the other hand, her remarks make me have this same clenching feeling that I've been suffering from for what now seems ages. It is not exactly unpleasant, rather like the opposite, but I don't like feeling things I can't explain.
On the third, metaphorical, hand, however, things are much worse (and I hope that this time my inner monster is only three-handed. There were occasions on which I counted six or eight of those useless limbs growing on him). Lina tends to compare me to Val as to a poor neglected child, which kind of damages my self-esteem. But then, I can't deny she has a point there. Val doesn't, unlike most children I've seen, expect people to like him by default, and neither do I. Each time he does something wrong, like drops something or misunderstands one of us, he apologises so desperately, as if he's committed a mortal sin. I don't do that, but simply for the reason that I don't believe anyone would actually forgive me. I prefer usually not to dwell on the issue, for it seems to be way too sappy, but I am not the one to deny the truth. If I have offended someone or let them down, even unintentionally, I would rather pretend it was on purpose, and alienate the person. I simply tell myself that no matter how hard I try, nothing will be the same again, because forgiveness is not for me.
Lina herself has been the first one to break this rule of mine. By the time she dealt with Fibrizzo and started on Valgaav, I knew there was no way I could get on her good side again, so, as usual in such cases, I decided to push her away as far as possible by showing her what a bastard I actually was. I made sure Filia was within the hearing range when I suggested to sell Lina to Valgaav. It all worked out perfectly... except that she wouldn't hate me. I tried several times afterwards during the whole trouble of Hellmaster's Jars. And again, to no avail. She simply refuses to let me go. I can set her up for enormous trouble, then forget she exists for a year, and when I eventually turn up, she is bloody glad to see me!
Ah, well, thinking about Lina is pleasant, but not productive. One more thing that Val and I have in common is our disbelief that someone would care or help without asking anything in exchange. I used to be annoyed by such mistrust on his behalf, but just yesterday I realised I was no better. I never so much as considered that Lina would help me if she knew the truth. Why would Val be any different? Actually, unlike me he still can be saved; after all, he has talked to Lina about his treatment back at the Dragons'. But I wouldn't have shed a word if Lina didn't figure it all out on her own. It must be that he is still a child, and not entirely a Mazoku either, so it is quite normal for him to seek understanding and assistance in others. I, on the other (fourth or whichever) hand, am a lost case. Understanding and support is not something a Mazoku can ask for and be provided.
Or is it?
After all, this is what Lina has done, or at least promised. And it is to her that I revealed one of my two most-guarded secrets, just like Val. Am I just another lost child in her view? Or not just in her view, but in reality? After all, she is the one who broke the rule of no forgiving me, she's the one who helped me out more than one time without any ulterior motive, and now it is her that I fell in love with... Not exactly surprising, the last one, huh? But is it just that I am so desperate for someone to care, that I'd fall in love with the first person who does?
I stop dead in my tracks even as the side of my mind which is not engaged in revelations about myself tells me that I'm pinning my suspect to a wall in order to kill him because that is what the situation demands. I decide to take a break from thinking of eternal matters in favour of the here-and-now. I don't really want to continue thinking of my reasons where Lina is concerned.
I stare at the man on the other end of my staff. His wife has been stolen and sold into slavery. He gave up his soul in order to bring her back, and now he is bound by oath to do whatever the other party to the Pact tells him, thus falling into a grand strategy of Grausherra's. His wife is at home, raped and suicidal, but he can't be there for her; he has to fulfil his obligations to that demon.
I know that what I am doing next is wrong, but I can't bring myself to care. It causes me that funny shrinking feeling again, to see him fall to his knees, stuttering incoherently, as I withdraw my staff. I shoot through Astral faster than a thought can go through a mind, and at the finish of my journey I grab at the Pledge Stone and crush it to pieces. I then scatter a few signs here and there and watch from afar as the travelling princess Amelia 'accidentally' comes across my suspect and gets him to spill the whole story. She'll provide his wife with due medical care, she'll find him a good job, she'll force the local government to take measures against slave-dealers. This is what princess Amelia does. I am not interested anymore. I have a story to invent for my Mistress. Something tears inside me and I let out a howl into the cloudless sky. At least, that is what I imagine I do: I am not that pathetic yet to actually cry out.
I come to see my... how to call them together? well, nevermind, Lina and Val in a few days. I had free time before that, but I quite uncharacteristically spent it brooding and sulking and trying to figure out how to move on. I am quite sure that episode is not the last in the line of 'good deeds' I have committed lately. The scale is progressing, though. I don't want Val to see me anything less than cheerful, but as days pass, I am not getting any better, and I can't just ignore him because of my own problems, can I?
I arrive quite early, but he is not in his room. He is not in the kitchen either, nor is he in the garden. I am starting to get worried when I finally sense his sleeping presence at Lina's side in her bed. To say that I am exasperated is a severe understatement.
I shake her shoulder, not willing to wake the boy. He'd get scared.
"Mh-mm?" she mumbles, still hugging my son to herself as if he were a teddy-bear.
"Lina," I hiss fiercely, "what the hell do you think you are doing?"
She opens her eyes finally and takes in sleeping Val's ruffled hair as well as my iridescent glare. Then, as usual, she does the last thing I expect.
Her eyes widen as she loudly exclaims my name, then she jumps up and starts shaking Val, the whole time staring at me as if pinning me to the spot.
Val wakes up and rubs at his eyes, trying hard to open them. I am, however, too bewildered to even consider telling Lina off for disturbing his peaceful sleep. Especially when his sleepy gaze focuses on me, and he smiles one of his rare happy smiles.
"Xellos!"
I have no time to do anything when I find my neck in a dead lock with Val dangling down my front side. I wrap my arms around him to make sure he doesn't fall, and then look at Lina only to find she is staring at me with the same happy sleepy smile.
"Is everything all right?" she asks evenly, as if she is sure that it is. The whole thing is so unexpected that I almost forget I should answer.
"Yes..." I finally produce.
"Where have you been then?" and this time I hear some steel in her voice.
"I had a job to do and, well... What is this all about?" I finally demand. And, more importantly, "Why are you sharing a bloody bed?"
"He's been having nightmares," she says as if it was perfectly expected. "After each day you failed to make an appearance."
For a second I feel desperate and useless – as I can't wrap my mind around what I have just heard. Then I realise that I can, and already have done so, I just don't want to accept the implications. He has bloody missed me so much he couldn't sleep properly. I don't want to believe it. There must be some other reason, something I'm missing. I don't want... I can't...
I turn away from Lina's penetrating stare and pull the boy closer, shifting his weight from my neck to my arms.
"There was no reason to think something happened," I say defensively.
"He said you promised to appear the other morning, but you didn't."
I promised? Maybe. I was so deeply engrossed into our drawing lesson, I could've said anything.
"I just had a job," I repeat dumbly. I don't have to tell them that I was sprawled on the grass, breathing in the night wind and gazing at the stars while my son was having nightmares, worrying about me. It makes me sick.
"That's what I kept telling him."
She continues staring at me, and I know she doesn't believe me. She knows I was just wasting time. She knows I never even spared a thought to how he would interpret my absence. She thinks I will never be good enough to be his parent, because it's just against my nature.
"Why wouldn't you respond to the water-mirror calls?" she asks, making me feel even worse if possible.
Because I closed off all the external connections, so that no one would disturb my sulk.
"I... needed to concentrate," I mumble, frowning. It is already a lie; my first lie to either of them. But what else can I say? What do I want to say? That I was being a bloody selfish fool and will never forgive myself? There is no point in this kind of pathetic rambling; Val won't trust me anymore no matter what I say, and Lina already knows everything. Maybe I should just leave. They'd be better withou-
Wait a minute. Isn't this exactly what I was thinking about earlier? I am doing this again, I am trying to alienate Lina. But I know it doesn't work with her. Besides, Val... He is clinging to me, all four limbs wrapped around my upper body, face buried into my shirt. I realise that right now he doesn't care why I didn't appear or respond. He is just glad I am here. And I can't... take myself away from him.
I sit down on the bed heavily and start rubbing his back, at the same time trying to relax enough to speak. To spill out my apologies. It doesn't matter that it will be humiliating, I don't have a problem with that. It's just that I can't believe that they'll forgive me. Consciously, I know that at least Lina should, because she always does. But I can't even begin to imagine how or why she would.
The inner preparation takes me too long: I sense that Val falls asleep in my lap. The clenching feeling inside me is actually painful this time, and I know it's the irony that hurts: he doesn't know I could have simply erased his worries, and didn't.
"Xellos?" Lina's voice startles me slightly. In spite of trying to find words to talk to her, I seem to have forgotten she was even there.
"Are you sure you are all right?" she asks, concerned. I am sick again.
"Stop saying that," I plead, looking away. "I am perfectly all right except that I could've appeared any time during these days, and didn't."
"Why?"
"For no reason!"
How many times do I have to say it before she realises that I am a... wait, come back, this is not the usual pattern; I am trying to apologise.
"I mean," I add quickly before she has time to get angry, "I have no excuse, really, but I am very sorry!"
So? What now? That's the thing with apologising: if you say you had a reason, that'd look like you're making excuses, which is lame. If you say you hadn't, there'd be no reason to forgive you, right?
"Yeah, I can tell that."
"Huh?"
"That you are sorry."
Obviously, it's not enough. Damn. What am I to do? I can't bloody lose her!
"Lina, I was really stupid, but I'll know better from now on," I jabber as quickly as I can. "I never realised he could be worried about me, but I will keep it in mind, I promise, I..."
Her hand on my shoulder knocks whatever I was going to say out of my mind.
"Breathe, Xellos," she says. "I know you don't need to, but trust me, it might just help."
I am so confused that she'd bring up the issue of breathing now that I look up at her and find her smiling.
"Xellos, it's all right. It's hard to realise someone cares; it's even harder to come to terms with it. Especially when this someone is a small child. It feels like he isn't supposed to care about your well-being because you are the responsible one, right?"
"Er... yeah, I guess..."
"Well, my friend, I'm afraid it's part of the responsibility."
"Oh."
So? So what's the sentence?
She snorts and shakes her head. She is forgiving me again. As insane as it might seem. She is actually trying to help. That stuff about breathing – she meant that I should calm down, right? And now she is teaching me how to be a better parent. She is actually helping me, again, right after I've been a bastard, and without any prompting.
And then suddenly I feel like I am going to explode. I have to speak to her, to spill it out. I can't stand it anymore, even though that'd be ultimate cheek on my part... How much of me can she really bear? I don't want her to get sick of me, but then she had said that she actually enjoyed my company, hadn't she? And she is so understanding.
I carefully untangle Val from myself and let him lie on the bed, covering him with the blanket. Then I turn to Lina and take her hand in mine.
"Help me."
She loses her smile, but in favour of seriousness, not annoyance. I glance at the sleeping Val quickly and nod towards the door. I really don't want to have this talk in his presence, even if he is asleep.
We go out to the sitting-room and sink into one of Lina's fathomless sofas.
"So what's wrong with you?" she asks in a concerned voice.
"Actually, it's more like something is too right with me. I am doing good things. Against all reason. And I can't help it."
For a moment she just stares, then prompts me,
"Okay, I understand it's odd. Is it very inconvenient?"
"It leaves me devastated, and sometimes it hurts. But the worst thing is, the scale is growing. At first it was just small things, like leaving tips or just ignoring an opportunity to cause trouble. But that last time it was really big. I actually screwed up an assignment to help a complete stranger without any useful qualities. The very idea makes me sick."
Lina frowns.
"Is there a pattern to it?"
"Hmm, well, it is kind of connected to thinking about Val. I mean, sometimes when I am dwelling on Val-related issues and pay little attention to my surroundings, I would just do something creepy."
It sounds ridiculous, and I expect her to snort, but she doesn't. Instead she looks thoughtful.
"How exactly does it make you feel?"
"Well, this last time… when I didn't appear… it was that very thing. I was just apathetic. And, well, I guess, I was sulking. Or depressed… I don't really know the proper words to describe the feeling; I have never felt it before!"
"Do you feel anything like this at any time when you are with Val?"
I think hard, making sure I am honest with myself. Eventually I shake my head.
"No, definitely not. Not with him, and not with you."
"What am I to do with it?"
Damn. It slipped, after all.
"Just that when I am thinking of Val, I am thinking of you too, naturally, it's hard to separate."
"Hm."
She considers me for a moment, and I have a funny feeling that she can see though me. Sure enough,
"Is there anything else you want to tell me?"
I lean back resting my head on the back-rest, so that I don't have to look at Lina directly.
"You tend to compare me to Val, which is all right by itself, but… Sometimes it makes some things too vivid. Like sometimes it seems to me that you actually care. I mean, I know you care about him, but sometimes it's like you care about me. I haven't had any such experience before, but now I find that I enjoy it much more than I would prefer."
I snatch a quick glance of her. She appears deep in thought.
"Are you just mentioning it separately or are you making a connection?" she asks carefully.
"I am not sure," I admit.
"I see."
We are silent for a while.
"Well," she finally sighs, "right now there is only one thing I can suggest. That is, if, or when, you do another 'good thing', come here straight away. If nothing else, we would probable be able to make you feel better."
"I'd do that anyway; I don't want to cause him any more distress."
"Xellos, you shouldn't blame yourself too much for this. His reaction surprised me quite a lot as well. I mean, there was no way for you to have known that he'd be so miserable if you didn't come. He is much more nervous than kids normally are."
She is trying to make me feel better again, and succeeding magnificently.
"Come to think of it," I reminiscent, "his mother was always the one to dramatise everything."
Lina nods absently.
"What was she like?"
"Well, apart from being a racist and a Ceified priestess… she was quite ill-tempered, decisive and powerful."
Lina chuckles.
"I guess the last three qualities are the ones you generally like in people, huh?"
"Yes, naturally…" I trail off, and only then realise that 'ill-tempered' isn't exactly considered a good quality among Humans, or Dragons, for the matter. So I chuckle too.
It is so good to be with Lina. Even spilling my worries doesn't feel like complaining, it's just a friendly discussion. That is, as much as I understand the term 'friendly'. Suddenly my sulk from earlier threatens to return, and I am desperate to dispel it.
"You never actually answered," I say, drawing Lina's attention. "Do you care?"
She looks at me appraisingly.
"I thought it is pretty obvious by now that I do."
I edge closer to her and let my head roll onto her shoulder; she doesn't push me off.
"Thank you."
"That's a really stupid reply, you know."
"No, yeah, I mean, thank you for saying it. This way at least I have something to hang onto when things go crazy."
"You must be really lonely," she muses, but it doesn't sound like she is pitying me, just stating fact.
"I never thought about it before, but lately I can't but agree."
"You know, I think that whatever is happening to you must be connected to Val, after all. I mean, it's not just you going crazy or something. It has to be Her."
"You mean, She what, wants me to turn good?"
"Would it be very uncharacteristic of Her?"
"Why are you asking me? You should know better."
"Because you have pretty much seen the whole history of mankind!"
"I guess I wasn't paying attention," I chuckle. I wonder how Lina can stay comfortable being so close to me, while still remembering my age. Everyone else freaked out. She turns and stares at me, suddenly as if seeing me for the first time.
"Xellos, I must be seeing things, but there's an eyelash on your cheek."
I actually do creep out. With all this parenting, loneliness and good deeds I wouldn't be surprised to wake up human one day. I feel at my cheek rather nervously, snatch the offending short hair and glare at it. Then it dawns on me.
"It's yours!" I exclaim indignantly. "It's red!"
"Phew!" Lina pretends to wipe cold sweat from her forehead, and then we both tumble down guffawing like a pair of hyenas.
After a minute or so of this roaring orgy, I hear a door being open and closed, and then Val comes up to check us out. I guess we woke him up, which is no wonder.
"Xellos, you are actually back, aren't you?" he says with a smile. "At first I thought it was a dream, too."
I am too exhausted from the laughter, as well as from the earlier revelations, to sit up, so I stay sprawled on the sofa with my head in Lina's lap, and simply beckon him to join us. He climes onto the edge and I pull him closer.
"I am back," I say, "and we have to make up for lots of lost time. How about going downtown to get you an ice-cream?"
He grins and nods.
"I tried it once," he says. "It was great. Milgasia-sama said all kids like it."
"He treated you, didn't he?" I ask fishing for more information on Milgasia.
"Yeah, I told you he kind of liked me."
"Did he know he was the only one?" Lina intervenes. So she is just as curious about why Milgasia let this all happen, as I am.
"I'm not sure… But they said, he used to have a kid long ago, and he was too kind and, kinda, allowed everything. And that kid met some bad guys and hanged out with them, and then he got killed. I guess he doesn't know how to be around kids," Val shrugs dismissively.
Lina and I exchange glances.
"Actually," I say carefully, "I saw him the other day and he asked if he could meet you, Val."
"He did?" of course, the poor child is genuinely surprised. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, he made it very clear."
"Oh," Val says, and I can't help but start counting seconds. It takes him twenty-six of them. "May I meet him then?"
"If you want to," I answer, darting a glance to Lina. Val does the same.
"You don't have to ask me," she waves us off. "I don't even know the guy. I mean, I met him once, but it's not like I actually know him. So if you want to see him, Val, and Xellos approves, I'm okay with inviting him."
"Inviting?" I raise an eyebrow. I must look really funny, stretched across Lina's lap and making faces. At least, Val giggles. "Do you think it's wise to let him know the location?"
"C'mon, Xel, don't be so paranoid. After all, he's the one who told you about Val, and he knows you're not above using it against him. That's not to mention he's been terrified of you, like, forever."
"He is terrified of you?" Val finally catches something he can understand in our exchange. "Why?"
"Well, not exactly terrified," I correct, smiling. "It's more like he just respects me because I'm very powerful."
Lina smiles so acidly, that her smile could melt things, but doesn't say anything. Val appears satisfied.
Between Lina's carelessness and my paranoia we decided after some debate to invite Milgasia inside, but make sure he has no idea where the place is. So I put anti-teleportation wards over Lina's property, the kind that would only admit me and whoever I bring along. And now it is Sunday/Monday night, and I am waiting for Milgasia near that very temple where I met him last time. He has to come here in person to leave the volumes he promised me.
Eventually he does. Thankfully, it is already morning, so I won't have to schedule another meeting or wait here until Lina and Val have had their share of sleep.
He jumps at my appearance and visibly refrains from adopting a defensive posture.
"I do not recall making an appointment," he grumbles.
"No, but I do recall your request to see my charge," I smile one the nastiest of my relatively humane smiles.
"You mean, you'd take me to him? Now?" his mood is dramatically improving.
"If you have nothing better to do…" I shrug, but cross my fingers. Val has been so excited about the planned event, that Milgasia is unlikely to be able to produce a valid reason not to go. Put simply, I'll bring him by force if he refuses.
"Oh, I- No, I don't. I mean, I'll go," he stutters. I have a strong suspicion that he actually has loads to do, but dismisses it in favour of my Val, and my smile grows more pleasant.
"Good," I extend a hand to him. He eyes it suspiciously.
"I'd rather teleport on my own," he says cautiously.
"Like the wards would admit you," I reply, glad I can avoid the subject of not telling him the location.
He nods slowly and takes my hand. His one is dry and hot against my ever-cool fingers.
We arrive deep in the garden where no neighbouring houses can be seen. We walk up to the back terrace where everything is ready for breakfast, including Lina and Val.
I watch Milgasia as he takes in the scene. The look he gives Lina is absolutely priceless. She stands up and nods to him with ill-concealed amusement. Val joins her, a little uneasy, clearly torn between running forward and hiding behind.
"Hello, Milgasia-san," Lina says in her most polite voice, which still sounds rather familiar, but that's how I like her, right?
"Good morning, Lina-san," he replies rather solemnly. "And good morning to you, Valteria."
"Good morning," says Val feebly.
"Why don't we all sit down?" Lina suggests, more or less dispelling the awkward atmosphere. "I have some splendid fresh butter cookies!" She proceeds to pour us tea.
For a few minutes Milgasia and Lina are engaged in small talk, as I watch them, leaning against the back-rest of my armchair, and Val stares at Milgasia mutely, as if unsure he exists. Finally the old Dragon clears his throat quietly and turns to the kid.
"So, how have you been?" he asks, attempting at nonchalance.
"Very well, sir," answers Val who was strictly instructed to say the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, because Lina suspected he'd try to put us in a better light for Milgasia, only no one knows what his idea of a better light is.
"You… like it here?" the Elder continues, and I notice that Lina is fighting hard not to laugh. The corners of my own mouth are strained too.
"Yes, sir, it is very good here, sir," Val blurts with so much conviction, that Milgasia raises his eyebrows. At this rate he'll think we have threatened the kid into praising the conditions of his stay.
"Eh, I am very glad for you," the Dragon indeed darts a suspicious glance my way, and then continues sipping his tea, apparently out of useless questions.
"Oh, I have to check on the cake," Lina exclaims so suddenly, everyone jumps. "Xellos, could you help me with the plates?"
"Sure," I smile my brand annoying smile. Milgasia nods almost invisibly.
The thing is, since half of the first floor windows are those of the kitchen, we can, of course hear everything from there. The cake Lina mentioned still has another half an hour to bake.
As soon as we leave, Milgasia visibly relaxes.
"Val," he begins in an entirely different tone which actually makes the kid smile. "I am happy to see you well. I wish I could come check on you sooner."
"Thanks, sir, but they are really great. I mean, they are making sure I'm well."
"They? Are they both here all the time?"
"Well, Xellos comes and goes, but Madam Lina is always here."
Milgasia clearly notices the difference in address.
"Is, er, Madam Lina strict to you?"
"Well, she sets lots of rules, but they are good rules."
"How so?"
"They are to make things better. Like that one where I should sleep at least eight hours. It means, I can sleep more if I want, but not less."
Val's evident joy is somewhat lost on Milgasia. After a moment it dawns on him, though.
"Was it different before?"
"Yes, before I had to get up at five and no later. And I got tired quickly. But here if I stay up a little late, I may sleep in next morning, so I'm okay."
"Oh, I see. What kind of other rules do you have?"
I turn to Lina and whisper, "This seems to be a third degree interrogation, don't you think?" She giggles quietly and nods several times.
"Let him. He obviously cares, and there is no reason to make him suffer from uncertainty."
I turn back to the window where Val recites his rules: mealtimes, chores timetable, things he is rewarded for, things that are frowned upon. Milgasia looks bewildered, but approving.
"And I have toys! And I may even take them out to the garden when the weather is good. Well, when the weather is bad, I can't go out anyway, so it's like I may take them out anytime with me!"
He is so excited, he's slightly bouncing on the chair. I grin like a madman and remind myself to bring him something new next time.
"I see, I see," Milgasia has clearly got the picture of Val's daily life and wants to switch to something else. "So, how does Xellos treat you?"
"He's great!" Val supplies without a pause.
"I see you don't call him 'sir' or anything?.." the Dragon carefully inquires.
"I used to, but he said it was annoying," Val says with a tinge of disappointment. Then he lowers his voice to a whisper so quiet, I have to extend my Astral body his way to hear, "I actually like it more this way."
I notice that I'm bouncing on my feet. Lina pats my back with a mocking smile.
"Has he been teaching you anything?" Milgasia continues. Ah, so that's what he is worried about.
"Yes," Val says eagerly. "To draw. He's great at it! And he explains things like he knows exactly how I think!"
Wow. I never knew. Well, if he's thinking my style, that is surely good for him, since his mother wasn't particularly good at it. Lina elbows me in the ribs and grins. Milgasia, however, does a double-take. Come on, man, you can't condemn the boy just because he is smart!
"Does he… did he talk to you about the Dragons?" Milgasia finally decides to change the topic. I am a little unnerved. I really don't know what Val might answer.
The boy takes his time thinking.
"I am not sure," he says eventually. "I am a Dragon, right?"
"Yes, of course," Milgasia supplies. Oh, damn, how am I going to bring up this topic without lying to the boy or spilling any more secrets!
"Then yes," Val happily concludes. The little fox does think like me.
"And what does he tell you about you?" ah, the lizard wouldn't give up, huh?
"That some things are not my fault, that I don't have to be bad, and that I'm good at drawing!" Val recites, the last idea clearly making more sense to him than the previous two. Milgasia blinks.
"I think it's time for the cake," Lina quietly announces, her eyes twinkling.
The rest of the party is much less awkward now that the Dragon believes that Val is indeed enjoying himself. However, later on he makes an excuse to pull me aside for a man-to-man talk.
"You haven't told him who he is yet, have you?"
I snort. That's a bloody tricky question to address.
"Of course not. After what your flock has done to him, what we have to do first is to convince him that he is normal, not that he is an exception to the laws of nature, you know."
The Elder shakes his head, defeated.
"I guess so… But when are you going to tell him? I mean, all of it? The history?"
"You mean the part where I thinned out your tribe?" I pierce him with a glare. He flinches. "I rather think this is not a matter of urgency."
"Oh, right, Xellos, tell me that you'd like him to grow up unbiased and choose his loyalties on his own! I am so going to believe you!"
"Easy there," I level him with a nasty look. "You don't want to quarrel with me."
He blanches, like he always does at my threats. But honestly I don't know what to answer. The idea of Val growing up naïve and finding out the extent of my crimes after he's grown used to me seems kind of cruel. But I know for a fact that alienating him now is out of question. The only option left is to convince him that what I did was right, but then I am not supposed to lie to him. Oh fuck.
"Actually, you'd want to ask this of Lina. She is the one in charge of ideology here," I finally suggest. That might be the wisest course of actions, anyway.
"Oh really," he grimaces. "As if you'd let a human decide for you."
I feel indignant.
"First of all, she is not 'a human', she is the most bloody powerful witch in the world, and sister to the Knight of Ceified, too. Secondly, it was her idea to let you in here today, so you'd like to stay on her good side if you want to see Val ever again. And finally, Humans are supposed to be the neutral power destined to unite the world, if the rumours I hear about the latest prophecies are any good. I told you quite explicitly, I don't want another war. I know Dragon logic is feeble, but even for you it should be obvious that I have all the reason to trust Lina with Val's loyalty."
Milgasia nods mutely, not exactly convinced.
After a while he says his good-bye to Val, and I take him away.
As I come back, Lina gets me in a corner while Val is busy changing into his play clothes.
"He wanted to know how I am going to put it to Val about you and your crimes," she chuckles.
"I wonder what you answered," I say, attempting to sound unconcerned.
"That it makes no sense to try and 'put' it to him. He has a very clear idea that you care about him more than anyone else does, and it's going to take more than two hundred dead Dragons for him to turn away from you."
"So… you are actually going to tell him what I did… and that it was wrong."
"Yeah. Trust me, it won't change anything."
I do want to trust her, more than ever before.
A/N
As for Milgasia's errant son - it looks like no one in this fic can boast a happy childhood, but, ah, instead it's cute 8)) I hope it's not too sappy though.
Xellos will have issues about sharing Val's attention with Milgasia later. He hasn't realised what's in stock for him at all. Funny how with each thing he learns, another unfamiliar one appears =)
I hope to develop Milgasia a little too, because so far I only know one good fic where he is a decent character, not paper-figure (I'm speaking of Night Light by Amber Palette, but it's XF, unfortunately. Although I guess Milgasia doesn't normally fit in the landscape of an LX fic 8))) I'm the only crazy one.)
Thanks for reviewing, I really appreciate it even if I don't write long author's notes and plead for r&r in the summary like normal people do 8)