"You're the fucking freak!" Connor remembered what he said. He remembered what he did. He remembered that moment, the moment where he had met his soulmate, and Connor, being a complete and total asshole, had hurt him. Not even within the first three seconds of meeting his soulmate he had hurt him.

Staring into the kid's bright blue eyes, Connor panicked. Not sure how to fix what he had just broken, he did what he knew best. He ran. He fucking ran away from his soulmate and isn't he just the best person to get stuck with in the entire world?

Leaving a trail of of flower petals behind him, Connor bolted through the empty halls, the tardy bell ringing as he ran. He ran through the school parking lot, finally stopping when he reached his car. Wrenching open the door with a rusty creak, he sits in the driver's seat, not bothering to leave school, but to panic instead.

Thoughts start to invade Connor's mind. He knew he was gay. He knew ever since he started to question himself in seventh grade, but gay for… for… Fuck what's his name? Connor thought to himself, trying to remember what that kid's name was… Hansen! Right! His name was Hansen… Evan Hansen…

Connor tried to recall what the kid was like, what he looked like… Stop fucking lying to yourself you fucking piece of shit, you know what he looks like. Connor leaned his head against the steering wheel, remembering the yellow and purple flowers in his hair, his bright blue eyes, and his cast… He had hurt someone with a broken arm. Feeling like shit, Connor was mad at himself. He had lashed out at the kid, someone who didn't even do anything when he was mad at shithead Kleinman.

He blamed it on his high. Or rather, not high.

It's all Larry's fault. All my piece of crap father's fault. Connor had barely taken the first drag that morning when Larry walked in, and with the following screaming match, had taken all of his supply.

Connor needed a smoke, but having nothing to smoke, he leaned his head back against the headrest. He smelled something sweet, and for a second, was unsure what it was until he remembered.

With long lanky fingers, he ripped a flower out of his hair. Then another, and another until eventually all evidence of the flowers was removed from his head.

With a sigh, he glanced over at the halfly shredded flowers on the seat next to him. He couldn't even get along with his family. How the hell did the universe expect him to get along with someone he hardly knew anything about. Then he remembered. God… I hardly remembered the thing with the stupid flowers… Connor looked at the flowers, then at his phone. The app, mandatory on each phone, to identify the flowers.

For some miraculous moment, he thought he would do it. Then he snapped back to reality. Connor wasn't looking for a relationship. Connor didn't even have a good relationship with anybody, and he thought he could have one with this Evan kid? He kicked himself for even thinking about it. Letting out a short, harsh laugh that sounded awkward and empty alone, he ran his fingers through his hair, stressed.

A thought ran through his mind, causing an eyebrow to quirk. Connor reached for his phone and put in his password, and although he knew what he was going to do, his fingers hovered uncertainly over the home screen.

That Hansen kid didn't need someone as shitty as Connor in his life. Hell, Connor didn't need someone as shitty as himself in his life, and by all means, he was surprised he hadn't ended it yet. Connor never wanted to meet his soulmate. He didn't want another person to disappoint, let alone a person who depended on him.

Nobody needed someone like Connor. He always ended up hurting the people around him, and he was angry at himself for that. He was always angry for some reason or another, whether it be at himself, or at his fucking mess of a family.

Connor glanced down, and after a long sigh, he shut off his phone. What was I thinking… God…

Suddenly Connor saw something out of the corner of his eye. Was that Zoe? Yeah, that was definitely Zoe, storming across the parking lot towards him. Connor, not wanting to deal with her, rolled his eyes and locked the door.

"Connor!" Zoe pounded on the car window. "Connor open the door!"

"No."

"Goddammit Connor, open the door!" She tugged on the door handle, knowing that no matter how hard she pulled on it, it wouldn't open.

"How about you leave me the fuck alone?" He shot back, not looking at her.

"I know what happened!"

Connor whipped his head up, his eyes filled with surprise, then anger.

"Are you… scared?" Zoe asked, leering through the glass, or at least that's what Connor thought it looked like. "You're too afraid to go and talk to him, that's it. Right?"

"I'm not…" He mumbled, his anger growing. Why can't Zoe just piss off?

"What?"

"I SAID I'M NOT!" Connor yelled, "I'M NOT FUCKING SCARED IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?!" Zoe stared at Connor, unphased by his screaming.

"Well then why don't you go apologize! If you're not scared, go talk to him!" She argued, "But wait, you acted like an asshole and now you're too ashamed to go and make things right!"

"I am not ashamed." He snarled, glaring up at her. "It's best if I stay out of it and let him hate me, just like everyone else. Because you know what's gonna happen? Know what's gonna happen Zoe? I'm gonna fucking disappoint him. Just like the rest of the world."

Zoe's mouth opened and closed like a fish for about four seconds before she got over her surprise. Her voice hardening, she said, "How do you think he's feeling about this? Go fucking apologize, I'm done doing it for you."

A/N: To be honest, I found it really hard to write from Connor's perspective, I don't think I captured him right… and so if it seemed kind of forced I'm really sorry and it's all my fault. If you have any suggestions, please leave them and I'm sorry if I messed up Connor.