Welp, it's Thursday, which means time for another chapter. As Fall Out Boy once sang, "Sometimes better it gets better, the darkness gets bigger." It's going to be a bump ride from here on out, and I hope you lovelies enjoy it. Don't be afraid to tell me if things start getting too angsty, y'all. Or like too lewd, I don't know. Oh, and I've started a Lams fic if any of you are interested in that. k, bye ~Shaymie

Alex's POV

"Have you decided who's going with you tomorrow?" I asked Lorin as she climbed into bed next to me. She nodded and pulled the blankets over herself. I held back a sigh. She hadn't been talking much since yesterday, when Angelica and Laurens had lectured her about the dangers of stopping her antidepressants. Angelica had even pulled up an entire web article, listing off all the symptoms she thought Lorin had… And for most of them, she was right. Mood swings, anxiety, nightmares... I didn't know how I hadn't noticed. I tried to reason with myself that Lo had stopped taking the medicine before I had even met her, and she had probably been trying to hide the symptoms so we wouldn't worry, but it didn't make me feel any less shitty.

"Wanna go with you," Lorin murmured, a blush spreading across her cheeks. "It could be our second date. Although you don't really like musicals that much, so maybe it's a dumb idea. I'm sorry… Maybe I'll ask Eliza or something."

"I'd love to go with you, Lo," I said as I kissed her nose. She smiled gratefully and put a hand in my hair, scratching my scalp. I groaned. She knew just how much I loved when she did that. Her nails against my scalp felt amazing. Something in her expression was bothering me a bit, though. She seemed… distracted. "Lo… How are you feeling?"

"What do you mean?" She frowned, her eyes furrowing. Her fingers paused in their movements, her hand falling to my shoulder as her face scrunched up in thought.

"I mean just what I asked. How are you feeling? I know you're not happy about having to take your medicine again and having everyone watch over you like a child. You haven't been talking much lately and I… I don't know what's been on your mind. I just want to know if you're doing alright."

"I feel shitty," she whispered as she sat up. I sat up with her. Her peachy hair framed her adorable face, and I tried to ignore the way her shirt rose up on her thighs… And the fact that all she was wearing was an oversized shirt, because now wasn't the time to be a horny bastard. She played with the bottom edge of her shirt as she looked up at me. "Sometimes I feel sad… And then I get angry because I have no reason to be sad when I'm surrounded by such wonderful people… Then there's just… nothing."

"Lo…"

"At least with you, I feel something. I feel happy." She climbed onto my lap and wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on my chest. Her fluffy hair tickled my chin as she tilted her head up to look at me. "And it's not just because of the sex, although that's a bit of an added bonus. I… I don't feel pressured to do anything with you. I love you, Alex."

"I love you too, Lo," I grunted as she shifted on my lap. Even when she wasn't trying to, she was being a complete tease. Her shirt had rode up on her thighs even more, and I couldn't resist putting my hands on the soft flesh there. Her breath hitched in her throat. Shit. She had just opened up to me, and all I was doing was being a horny asshole. I quickly moved my hands, but she put them back, a small smile forming on her face as she pushed me down onto the bed.

"I want to show you just how much I love you." Her voice was soft as she took my shirt off and started planting sloppy kisses on my chest. I shivered as her hand returned to my hair, pulling it out of its ponytail. Her nails tickled my scalp. What had gotten into her? Her movements seemed almost desperate, like she was trying to prove something.

Then I remembered what she had told me on our first date. She thought that it was her job to pleasure me. Her only job in life… I had thought that we were past this. I thought she would have learned by now that I love her for her. Not for her looks. Not for her body. Not for sex. The bullshit Reynolds and her father had told her must still be affecting her, despite the fact that I told her that she shouldn't listen to them.

She had reached the bottom of my stomach now. Her precious little hands pulled down my sweatpants and boxers at once, and I gasped out a moan as she took me into her mouth. I felt her lips curl up into a smile. This felt wrong somehow. I felt like I was taking advantage of her, even though she was the one who had initiated it. I put a hand on her head. She looked up at me curiously, but didn't stop her movements. God, she was amazing at this.

"W-What are you doing?" I asked, barely able to think straight while she licked and sucked and oh God, now she was using her hands… She blinked in confusion as I gently pushed her away and put my clothes back on. She wiped the edge of her mouth (damn, that was sexy) and sat up along with me, her face bright red as she stared at the wall. Her lips started trembling as she finally got the courage to look up at me.

"D-Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so assertive. That's your job, isn't it? I… I shouldn't have… God, I'm such a fuck-up. I can't even do my job right. I can't do anything right. I'm sorry, Alex. I'm so sorry. I'm-" She was hyperventilating, her hands tangling in her hair as she continued to ramble. I hated seeing her like this. Angelica had said that it would most likely take a few weeks for her medicine to take its full effect, and that she might get more anxious as a result. Besides that, she had so many different prescriptions since she had changed them so many times, we didn't even know which one was the right one anymore. It was like a guessing game. A really fucked up guessing game that messed with my girlfriend's emotions. I hated it.

"Lorin. Lo. You didn't… You didn't do anything wrong. I've told you before that it's not your job to have sex with me. It's not your job to be submissive. We're equals, Lo. I don't know what I need to do to get you to understand that your father and Reynolds are fucking idiots."

"B-But… I don't understand." She frowned and shook her head, like she didn't believe me. Her eyes filled with tears as she tried to comprehend what I had said. I hated seeing her cry. I hated knowing that she had been conditioned to think that she's not worth anything. I hated not being able to help her. "I… I'm supposed to-"

"Lo, I'm not dating you just to sleep with you. I love you for you. You shouldn't feel obligated to have sex with me because it's not all you're good for. You're amazing and smart and beautiful and I wish you'd think a little better of yourself. I know this might be a lot for you to take in. I don't expect you to just magically get better. But I'll be here for you every step of the way."

I removed her hands from her hair and kissed her face. She stared up at me, her eyes wide. I didn't know what was going on in her mind then. I didn't know if I would ever know what went on through her mind. I couldn't even imagine how she was feeling. I knew what it was like to be used for my body, but in my case it had all been consensual, if not just a tiny bit reluctant. She had been raped. Abused. Beaten. It could take years for her to recover completely, but I was willing to stay by her side the entire time.

I felt extremely underdressed. Everyone around me was dressed in much better clothing. Even Lorin was dressed up, wearing a beautiful light pink dress and matching flats. Her tights were white and had an adorable floral pattern. Her peachy hair was tied up in a high ponytail with a few strands framing her face. Darcy had talked her into wearing makeup, though it was only a tiny bit. Sadly, however, it covered up the freckles I loved so much.

I felt peoples' eyes on us as I led Lorin to our seats. Their disapproving stares were focused on Lorin. More specifically, the abundance of scars on her arms. If Lo noticed the stares, she didn't comment on it. She stared straight ahead, her hands tightly holding onto the playbill. Her lip was already between her teeth, and she chewed on it nervously. This had to be her worst fear: a crowded, dark public place. I would have suggested going back home, but she was so excited for this, and the Schuylers had spent so much money on the tickets, I'd feel terrible for not using them.

Her eyes lit up as the actors got onto the stage, and suddenly I regretted ever wanting to take her back home. She was so happy, it felt like a crime to even try to take that away from her. I honestly spent more time watching her face than the actual play. I watched the way she quietly moved her lips along to the songs she had been playing on repeat the past few days. I watched the way she laughed as an actor said a particularly funny line, her precious dimples coming out for the first time in a long time. I watched the way her eyes were filled with tears almost the entire time, the drops sitting on the edges of her lashes.

She stayed in her seat at the end of the show, gently clapping, while everyone around us gave a standing ovation. I had a feeling that she didn't trust herself to stand up. I put a hand on her shoulder as she wiped at her tears. We left after the actors thanked everyone for coming. Lorin excused herself to the bathroom so she could take off her makeup. She looked exhausted. I knew how hard it was for her to do something like this. I'd have to come up with date ideas that didn't require forcing her to come outside.

"What are you doing here, Hamilton?" I looked up from my phone and rolled my eyes as I saw King and Seabury walking over to me, hand in hand. They were dressed almost identically like usual. It was fucking creepy. King smirked at me as I looked up at him. Why the hell was everyone so tall? It was annoying.

"More importantly, where's your girlfriend?" Seabury drew the word out sarcastically. I glared at him. I was itching to give him a real beatdown, but Lorin hated fights. And if we fought in public, there was a chance that we could get arrested. The best thing to do would be to leave, but I was still waiting for Lo, and I didn't want to leave her alone in such a big place. She could get lost. I sighed and shoved earbuds into my ears, hoping that they would get the message that I wanted to be left alone. I didn't actually have any music on my phone, so I went to YouTube and clicked on the first video I saw, some obnoxious game tutorial. I quickly tuned it out, as with King and Seabury's mocking voices. We were like that for a few minutes-I was getting worried about Lo, she had been gone for awhile-when one of them shoved me to the ground.

King grinned maliciously at me as I got back on my feet, picking up my phone. The screen was slightly cracked, but nothing I couldn't deal with. I took deep breaths to calm myself and felt relieved when I saw Lorin walking up to me, her face now free of makeup. Her eyes were slightly red. She must have been crying. She looked up nervously at King and Seabury, who still hadn't left.

"Let's go, Lo." She nodded and grabbed my hand, letting me pull her towards the exit. Seabury and King followed us. I flipped them off and quickened my pace, making sure that Lorin could still keep up. She gnawed on her lip and glanced behind us. I glared at Seabury and King. What did we have to do to get them to leave us alone?

"Have you forgotten everything James has done for you?" Seabury asked. Lorin's face paled. I didn't think Seabury and King knew Reynolds, and judging by the look on Lo's face, I'd say that she didn't know either. She had chewed right through her lip, causing it to bleed. I held her hand tighter. Why couldn't we have a date without anything going wrong? "He gave you a purpose. He raised you up from nothing. Are you going to throw all that away to be with Hamilton?"

"Just ignore them, Lo," I said frantically as her breathing sped up. It was probably too late for that. She slowed to a complete halt and shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. I knew how hard she had been trying to forget everything that Reynolds had done to her, and Seabury had just ruined that in two seconds. I kissed her on the forehead and turned to the arrogant assholes behind us. I swung at King the second I saw the smug look on his face...

...And missed. He seemed to have known exactly what I was going to do and stepped to the side. I tried to catch myself on the ground, but that only caused me to land right on my wrist. Seabury and King laughed as they walked away. My anger only grew as King turned around and walked over to Lorin, leaning over and whispering something in her ear. She let out a choked sob and ran off. Shit. It was already dark out, and in her panicked state I doubted she would pay any attention to where she was going. I pushed myself up and ran after her, ignoring the throbbing pain in my wrist.