Chapter 14

You may not believe it, for hardly could I (c)... I wrote another chapter o_O It's kinda angsty because Xellos can't stand everything being so good and ends up imagining trouble for himself 8)))

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice falling asleep, and it's becoming evident to me only now, when I finally wake up. I'm not sure what time it was when I came to last time, but now it feels like afternoon. It's raining outside, and the thunder is murmuring comfortably; the rain is noisily splashing against the leaves, the trees are swaying and stroking the windowpanes with outstretched branches. I feel well.

Then I notice that I am not alone in the room. On the carpet between the bed and the door there are two human shapes sitting cross-legged. I open my eyes for just a peephole and find out that those are Milgasia and Val hunched over something on the floor. I can't see what they are looking at, and they don't make a sound, but after some time I figure out from their movements that they are playing backgammon. Interesting. I wonder if Milgasia is playing full-strength or if he holds back so that Val could win. I wonder which way is right.

It is not very dark in the room, still I would rather they had some light on. I've read that playing board games in semi-darkness is bad for eyesight; besides, I'd like to see Milgasia's expression. Val has his back to me, so there is no way I could see his face, but I imagine he is deep in concentration and his tongue probably sticks out if Milgasia hasn't reprimanded him.

Here goes a flash of lightning, and I can make out Milgasia's face. He is smiling, his eyes sparkling with love and content. He is actually looking at Val, not at the board, and he's so proud of the progress the child is making, as if...

I am suddenly bitterly angry. How dare he be proud of my child! What, taught him a game and now you think he's all yours? Like hell! I can teach him hundreds of games of all nations and times, I am the one who's making him happy, the one he needs...

I must have made some kind of sound because Val turns sharply and beams my way.

"Dad! You awake? How're you feeling?" he jumps up and onto the bed in a split second, attaching himself to my upper arm. Milgasia jumps too; obviously he hasn't heard the way Val addresses me lately yet. For a moment he stares at me with disapproval and horror, but then quickly schools his features. There you go, old lizard. I still matter more!

"I'm fine, baby," I say kissing his fiery mop. My voice sounds oddly sleepy; I don't think I have ever tried talking so soon after waking up. Milgasia looks very uncomfortable. Good. I wonder, who's idea it was to let him into the room with a sleeping me? It's not like I am afraid of him or like sleep is anything disgraceful, but still... Lina could have guessed I wouldn't be overly happy to see the Dragon first thing in the morning.

"Where is Lina?" I ask Val who is still cuddled up to me.

"She's gone to the market," he says, his face adopting a worried expression, "but then it started raining, and she's probably decided to wait in a cafe..."

Oh. So it might be she has no idea Milgasia is even here.

"All right, Val, I'd like to get up now, so if you'd be so kind as to let me..."

He is very unhappy with the idea of letting me go, but still complies. I get up easily and check my state all over once again. I am totally and absolutely well, like I haven't blacked out at all. I wonder if it was sleeping that healed me or something else. In spite of my earlier anger at Milgasia, I am now in a very good mood too. The Dragon is fidgeting and taking one deep breath after another, but failing to turn it into speech. His indecisiveness makes me smile and crave for mischief, so I grab Val under the arms and lift him sharply, letting him fly up a few inches into the air, hear him gasp happily, then I clutch him again and announce:

"Let's go join her then, I'm sure she's missed us!"

"How are you gonna find her?" he asks, eyes bright with curiosity.

"We'll go check out her favourite tavern first, and if she's not there, then I'll have a quick look around the city while you'll be having bubble tea."

At that Val whoops and bounces in my arms, I laugh and wink to Milgasia who is still completely lost. Perhaps, I should've taken care not to display so much affection in front of him. But then, I no longer know if I have anything to lose or to gain, and which information can be used against me, and which can help.

So I teleport, with Val on board, to the tavern, and Milgasia follows. Obviously, the anti-teleportation wards collapsed when I lost consciousness. A quick glance around the dining hall tells me that Lina isn't there. Ah, well, I'll find her anyway. Milgasia arrives when I am already ordering the bubble tea for my eager charge, and I leave them together, promising to come back as soon as I find Lina. Of course, that means they'll spend another while together, but then I really doubt Val would ever decide to call Milgasia 'dad', and anything else is fine with me. I am indeed in a good mood.

After a few minutes of poking into various buildings where Lina could be waiting out the rain, I get tired and decide to take a proper glance from the Astral. I should've done that from the beginning: Lina turns out to be in the palace. She is having her afternoon tea with the princess and the chimera. Hm, I wonder what they are talking about. Something tells me it can as well be my humble person... I glide up to the window and hang there in mid-air. The Seyruun Palace is well warded from my kind, but if I don't actually penetrate the building, the wards don't go off.

"...insecure for the capital," Zelgadiss is saying in a stern voice. I don't know if prince Philionnel has expressed a decision to retire any time soon, but Zel-kun is clearly already preparing to take over.

"Zelgadiss-san!" the princess gasps. "How can you say such things! That is horribly unfriendly of you!"

Lina looks alert and shifts her expectant gaze from one spouse to the other.

The chimera sighs.

"I am not saying they must leave or anything like this. Just that it is dangerous to keep a person hunted by most powers that be ten miles away from the palace. We should either move him inside the palace, or set up some security measures around your house."

Ahh, so they are talking about safeguarding Val. There is a point to it, of course, but I'm not too happy with the suggested decisions.

"You don't think I am a sufficient security measure," Lina observes.

"You are here," Zel says. "And he is — where? Right, at home. With whom? A syncopal Xellos?"

"With Milgasia, actually."

So she knew he was there.

"Oh yeah," Zelgadiss stands up and starts pacing. "Milgasia is a secure guy number one! I don't recall him even trying to fight a rather low-ranking Mazoku. If you ask me, healing is the only thing he's capable of."

"Still can teleport," Lina disagrees.

"As well as the enemy."

Lina purses her lips.

"So you insist on locking him up, don't you?"

"It is for his own good," Zelgadiss says with conviction, but from the way Amelia looks down I can tell Val's good is not the only or even the first of his considerations.

"Zel, he is bloody five years old," Lina presses, losing her temper, "and he has already been locked up for those five years! There is nothing good about it!"

"So you insist on putting him in jeopardy, don't you?" the chimera echoes her.

They glare at each other over the princess's head for a long moment, and I can feel Zelgadiss's indecision. He almost gathers up his courage to say something rigorous, and I half expect him to tell Lina to leave Seyruun, but in the end he falters and shrugs.

"I'll think of something else," he says without much hope, looking away. It seems, this time friendship won over duty. Then he looks up and continues, "Perhaps, your sodden Mazoku will come up with a solution if he gathers his wits."

"Zelgadiss-san, you don't have to speak about him like that," the princess inserts. She is also clearly torn between friendship and duty, and jumps at the opportunity to demonstrate her loyalty to Lina. Lina snorts.

"Amelia, you shouldn't defend him if you don't want a family row," she says.

"Why do you even keep him around?" Zelgadiss asks with badly concealed disdain. "How is Valteria his business? Have you even wondered what plans he has for the boy?"

Lina leans back into the armchair, adopting a very attractive position.

"I keep him around because I like him, and so does Val. If Xellos has any plans for us, then so be it. You know I have long since given up any attempts to screw his plans; it's useless. The only way to keep Xellos from spoiling my life is to become the kind of engaging toy he wants me to be."

"And let him buy your clothes!" Amelia explodes. "Don't you think he's gone a bit too far? What next, he'll demand that you sleep with him!"

Lina raises her eyebrows in an innocently surprised way.

"I've been sleeping with him for some time already, I'm not so stupid as to wait for him to demand it!"

Both her companions freeze at this, and I can't blame them...

The princess makes some incoherent sounds reminding of morality and honour, while the more pragmatic chimera asks,

"Are you sure it's safe?"

He looks really concerned.

"Oh but you don't think he might be carrying a disease?" Lina laughs. "And he wouldn't gain anything from killing me in my sleep."

"How about..." Zelgadiss hesitates but continues, "what if he can get some power over your mind through this? It's not unheard of, you know."

"Of course it's not unheard of," she nods, "but you see, it's me who's getting power over his mind through this, and would've noticed if there were a countercurrent. So far, he is totally unaware, and the best part is, when he gets confused about some odd new behavior pattern he follows, it's me he runs to for advice. And naturally, I of all people can soothe him the best."

"So... you are basically turning him into your own toy?" Zelgadiss pronounces disbelievingly. Lina shrugs in the sense of agreeing.

"Aren't you disgusted to sleep with somebody for such a purpose?" the princess gasps, screwing her face.

"Ah, but he's quite cute, and very good in bed, too," Lina says. "It's not unpleasant."

After a long silence they switch to small-talk, and I stop listening. I wish I stopped existing. Really, things were going way too well to be true. Why would Lina all of a sudden fall in love with me? Why would she be so happy to babysit Valteria after all the trouble Valgaav caused her? And I always knew she were a good actress... Suddenly it all clicks in place. Perhaps, I would have still doubted it if I heard her tell this to Milgasia, but these are her closest friends... They were her friends before I even knew she existed... Of course she'd confide in them.

My first whim is to collect Val's belongings, grab him and take him away to some remote corner of the world where there'd be only the two of us and no room for lies and hypocrisy. But then I realise that, whatever her reasons, Lina was right, I can't take care of him alone, and I need someone else to help me protect him. And Lina apparently treats him very well, otherwise he wouldn't be so happy around her. A child like him would've reflected any mistreatment, any wrong word or glance she could've sent his way. But he likes her, and I have no reason to take him away from her.

I can confront her, of course. But that would only mean a quarrel, and that is really bad for Val as well. Even worse, if she realises her game is lost, she might refuse to take care of Val any longer, and then it's no different from option number one.

The only choice I have is to pretend I haven't heard anything. This way Val still has two loving parents who can protect him, and Lina is content, which is still important for me because the fact that she is using me doesn't make me love her any less; come to think of it, I am even more fascinated with her than ever. And I... I will have to allow her to turn me into her toy, to possess me and use me to her liking.

I rub my face and realise I've been biting my lower lip so hard that it needs fixing. I wonder how hard I would have laughed if someone told me when Val first hatched all those centuries ago, that I would sacrifice my freedom and my personality in order for him to be happy.

I shake myself out of the cold despair that is creeping into my core and appear inside the room, cutting short Zelgadiss's lecture about unemployment rates.

"Good day to you, dear friends," I drawl as sweetly as I can.

The royal couple looks at me with ill-concealed alertness and pity while Lina seems to relax. I wonder if she was afraid that I'd eavesdrop.

Neither Zel nor Amelia are in the mood to talk to me, and it's so evident that very soon Lina suggests leaving. I take her by the hand and teleport to the tavern where the two Dragons have already had a three-course lunch while waiting for us. They don't complain about the delay though, which makes me think they were quite happy together, which makes me think I'm useless and it's good that Lina is turning me into her slave because I don't seem to make a decent person on my own.

Lina says she has eaten at the palace, but it's not a valid reason not to have a second helping of dessert at least, so she orders a huge assortment of sweets, and soon she and Val are engaged in exterminating them. I take a couple of bites of a caramel bar simply because I know Lina expects me to like sweets. I don't want to eat. I don't want to do anything at all, save, perhaps, for sobbing a couple of pillows wet, but, ah, still can't cry. So instead I allow Milgasia to lead me out to the terrace under some pretext I haven't even heard.

"First of all I must thank you," he says deadly earnest, "for saving my apprentice".

I nod absently. Hopefully, he doesn't know what it cost me. Or even if he does...

"Secondly," he continues determined to get over all the unpleasant stuff as fast as possible, "I apologise for disrespecting your choice of Valteria's caregiver. Lina-san is an extraordinary person, and her beneficial influence on Valteria is already showing."

To that I can't but laugh sadly. I wonder if she teaches him to be a manipulative jerk. Although he can as well inherit it from me. Lina and I are really birds of a feather. So why am I so utterly crushed?

We land at a table on the deserted terrace, The rain doesn't reach here, but it's cold and wet. Perhaps if I go out under the rain and let it fall onto my face, that'd feel like weeping, perhaps some of the tension will go away. Humans say, crying helps with getting over unpleasant events. But I still have the Dragon to entertain. It won't do to cause him to suspect me of insanity twice over a fortnight.

"Xellos... can we talk seriously?" he asks.

"We can try," I sigh.

"Val keeps telling me that Lina-san and you are... lovers?" he looks at me anxiously, waiting for an approval or a denial. Does he really expect an honest answer?

"What exactly is bothering you?" I ask.

Looks like he isn't sure himself.

"Well, I am rather concerned that if that is some kind of scheme you are running, and Lina-san finds out, she would get very upset, and that will be bad for Valteria."

I nod curtly and slowly several times and it makes me dizzy.

"If you must know," I produce after a brief silence, "it's a scheme Lina is running, and I found out. But I am making sure this isn't bad for Valteria, so please, don't discuss it with Lina. It's more convenient for me if she believes I'm unaware of her games."

He looks extremely confused, but nods. And then he asks the sacramental question.

"Why do you care so much about Val?"

As I don't answer, he feels bound to explain why he is sure that I really care.

"He senses insincerity, all children do, but Val has a natural gift for empathy. Even if he can't see your emotions through Astral, like your kind can, he still is always aware of other people's attitudes to him. But he trusts you enough to call you..." he falters, "to call you 'dad'! I can't even begin to imagine what one should have done to get that kind of trust from this poor betrayed child! So it's obvious that you care like no one else does! But why?"

Usually no matter how upset I am, I can close it off and act normally when need be. But today it's all wrong. I can't even bring myself to invent a decent excuse for my odd behavior. But then, what kind of excuse can there be for love? A love potion? Very effective on Mazoku, yeah.

"Do you have any ideas?" I ask hoping that he might supply me with a version he'd easily believe.

"I thought," he says in a low voice, then glances around and continues, "that maybe you were going to revive the whole race of Ancient Dragons through him. I mean, there are rumours you were not indifferent to one of them..."

Well, at least that draws my attention. Unfortunately I don't check my surprise in time, so it's way too obvious that this version has nothing to do with reality.

"Wow," I say in Val's brand style. "I always knew you people think I'm much creepier than I really am, but this breaks all record!"

He blushes vividly and apologises in a mess of sounds. As fun as it is, I am rather disturbed about that rumour. This way it's too easy to figure things out.

Despite the embarrassment, Milgasia still waits for me to answer something. So I say,

"I haven't been around a small child much before. It turned out to be a lot of fun, and I... got carried away, I guess. But in this case it's for the best. If I care, I'll do a better job of looking out for the little guy."

Milgasia seems more or less satisfied with my answer, so we finally part, and I go to fetch my family and take them home. Damn it, how much I want to hug Lina and tell her everything I feel, but what would be the point? Damn me for eavesdropping! It would have been so much better if I were unaware...

I spend the evening teaching Val to summon water and fire. He does very well, but I can't hide my low spirits from him. He wonders if it's Milgasia's fault, and I rush to reassure him that the Elder has nothing to do with it. It's just that life isn't turning out the way I want it, I say. He hugs me, and I so want to cry. But then I tickle him, and he tickles me back, and soon we are rolling on the floor guffawing with laughter.

Then he has dinner during which Lina and I don't meet gazes, and then I tuck him in. It's my first time when he is still awake during the procedure. I feel compelled to tell him a bed-time story. I tell him the one about nettle coats and were-swans. I don't know which one of us takes the story closer to heart. He falls asleep hugging the stuffed wolf.

When I come down the stairs, Lina has already washed and is reading something in the sitting-room. I want to touch her and kiss her wet hair — and at the same time I want to never see her again. But it's required that I do the first.

Her gaze is heavy, like she is bothered by something. Did I let it out after all? Oh, she's going to talk now, so I'll find out soon.

"Xellos," she says, fondling with my fingers, "I talked to Zel and Amelia today."

"I figured that out," I smile.

"I think it's time Val and I went on a sightseeing trip," she says, catching me completely unawares.

"You mean... you want to hit the road? With him?"

"Yeah. After all, you know, it's a shame to waste a summer at home. I only stayed so far because of the wedding, but now it's over, and I can go."

"But Lina... he's small, he can't go far or fast!"

"I am in no hurry. Besides, you'd be there to help us out if we can't make it to the next village by nightfall. I just don't want to be stuck at home like a housewife."

"Are you sure it's safe for him though?"

"Actually yes. Simply because no one will know where to find him. Even if somebody suspected me of keeping him so far, as soon as I hit the road, they'll start looking elsewhere. People tend to underestimate my insanity," she winks.

"But... what about his drawings and toys and books? He is just now getting used to all that!"

Lina considers it for a moment.

"Can he make Astral pockets?"

"Not yet..."

"But he can learn, can't he?"

"Sure..."

"Well, teach him! That, and flying, and teleporting. And then we're all set!"

Actually, it's starting to make sense to me. I am a good toy, am I not?

"Fine," I say. "I'll see to his learning."

She beams and kisses me, and I almost forget she is only doing it to make me obey. I can't even sense her true emotions behind the ones she wants me to sense. She must be really good at convincing herself. It's odd she didn't convince herself she was concerned about me when I fainted. Must be that she knew why it happened and that it wasn't dangerous. Still, I'd rather hint that way before someone else points it out to her. She knows I am not stupid, and if I miss something obvious she might suspect me of knowing more than I should.

"Ne, Lina," I say. "Weren't you a tiny bit worried about my state the other day?"

"I was worried like hell," she sighs, "but I couldn't let Val feel it. He was already horribly distressed, and if he knew what I was going through, he'd be crying still. I had to appear calm."

So she even admits she can conceal and display her emotions at will.

"Oh, I see, sorry," I mumble, hiding my face in her wet hair and imagining those are my tears.