Chapter 10
I ran out into the middle of the soccer field. I don't know why I snapped, but I couldn't take it anymore. I need my sister here. I'm stupid forever thinking I could do this on my own. I should've done everyone a favor and stayed in that gang even when they made me deal drugs, or should've kept street racing even when my friend died in a crash, or should've stayed in street fighting even when I almost died. No one would miss me.
Someone lays a comforting hand on my shoulder. I was too caught up in my little break down that I didn't hear anyone follow me. I turn, whipping off my tears. I stare up at Fang as tears dare to spill, burning my eyes. He pulls me to his chest hugging my body close to his. I lay my head on his chest.
My tears fall soaking up his shirt. I cry for my sister who I could never find myself to cry for. For my parents who are so hurt and confused. For my brothers who live in an injustice world. For everything wrong in the world. But for the first time in such a long time for me.
Fang holds me though all my sobs without saying a word. He really is a good guy and he cares. I wrap my arms around him. I whip off my remaining tears turning to look up at Fang who is looking down at me.
"I'm sorry" I say looking down at his soaked tee shirt.
He doesn't respond, but just watches me. I guess he's waiting for me to explain. That's the thing I don't know if I can. He may be a good guy, who cares a lot about me, but no one has ever given me a good enough reason to trust anyone.
I stare up at him. His eyes swarm with worry, comfort, and an emotion I can't make out. If I'm ever going to trust people I guess I should start with him. The guy who ran after me even when he knew I might yell at him, the guy who held me in my time of need no questions asked. I suck in a deep breath, and turn inside of his arms so my whole body is facing him.
"I don't know where to start. Fuck, I don't even know what to say." I say sighing.
"You don't have to tell me" He says his lips still not smiling.
I frown a little by the way his face looks. I guess I really did scare him.
"I want to tell you" I whisper.
Fang sits patiently his arms still wrapped around my waist as I try to collect everything together.
"Last year on Christmas my parents went out for some last minute shopping. Not even an hour later" I start.
I suck in another breath and continue "The heater spontaneously bursted. There was a huge fire and it was spreading quickly. I instructed my sister to call 911 while I busted open a window shoving my brother through it."
I stop not knowing if I'd be able to finish, but feel Fang take my hand and give me an encouraging squeeze.
I continue "I turn around to lift my sister out, but she wasn't there. I saw the back of her rush out doors to our crying dog. She knocked down the back door saving the dog, but clasped before she could get out. I ran to her, but the firemen had arrived and one was carrying me out. I screamed for my sister."
I feel a fresh tear roll down my cheek as flashes of that day fill my mind. I hear all the screams. See all the blood. Feel the heat and dirt in the air. As if it had happened yesterday. Guess once you've been though what I have you never forget. At least the unlucky ones don't.
"My sister died that night after swallowing too many fumes. Everyone else was almost unharmed. My brothers both were lucky and had no broken bones. While I wasn't as fortunate. I broke my left shoulder. My brother Gazzy had passed out from being too scared while my other brother was too emotionally hurt to concentrate. I'm the only who didn't pass out during anything. I'm the only who knows the story from start to end" I say as another tear rolls down my cheek.
Fang brushes away my tear with his thumb and giving me an encouraging smile, but I see what laid behind it. He saw the sadness behind my story. My life.
"After that my parent's fights got worse and eventually my dad left. We all felt lost, forgotten, abandon. I felt the need to step it up. I bottled up all my emotions and put my mask on. I had to be there for them. My mom worked all day and cried all night. Every night I heard her and wished I could do something, but I had to ask myself am I going to take care of my brothers or my parents." I say not being able to look Fang in the eye.
"Just yesterday we ran away to a hotel. After yet another fight of my parents. We're going to stay there, at least for now. My brothers deserve better then parents who can't even take care of themselves." I say staring at the ground.
A silence falls on us as he takes it all in. I feel lighter somehow like the weight of it all be lifted off my shoulders.
His thumb lifts my chin so I have to look at him and says "You're the bravest, most unselfish, toughest person I've ever meet"
I feel my cheeks get hot, but stay silent.
"You know what? Want to show you something, come on" He says standing up and leading me into a hall holding on to my hand.
"Shouldn't I be the one leading? You are new." I joke smirking at him.
He shoves me playfully and says "Okay come inside" leading me into the music room.
"So you wanted to show me an empty music room? Wow, it look nice. I love the nothing in here. Really makes the room" I say sarcastically.
He flashes me a full blown smile and says "I want to play you something"
He pulls out an electric guitar and sits on a stool facing me.
"I didn't know you played" I comment.
"Well you never will if you keep talking" He says smirking at me.
I shoot him a playful glare just before he starts.
(Breathe by Ryan Star. Look it up it's amazing!)
She is fine, most of the time
She takes her days with a smile
Most like a dancer in lies, spinning around to the sound
But sometimes she falls down
Breathe, just breathe
Take the world off your shoulders, put it on me
Breathe, just breathe
Let the life that you live be all that you need
She likes New York at night
She dreams of running away
Shine on, bright like the sun
When even the sky turns gray
I need you to hear me say
Breathe, just breathe
Take the world off your shoulders, put it on me
Breathe, just breathe
Let the life that you lived be all that you need
Let go of the fear
Let go of the time
Let go of the ones that try to put you down
You're gonna be fine
Don't hold it inside
If you hurt right now
Then let it all come out
Breathe, just breathe
Take the world off your shoulders, put it on me
Breathe, just breathe
Let the life that you live be all that you need
"That's-that's beautiful" I shudder from his amazing voice as he finishes jumping off his stool.
"Reminds me of you" He says holding his guitar and then adds "And I mean what I sang"
"Breathe, Got it." I smile taking a deep breath in and out.
"No, I mean that you're not alone, you have me" He says his voice honest and his eyes fill with that emotion from before