Chapter 16
Thankfully, tracing Lina in the Astral has become second nature for me, so even in my current state I do it automatically. I stumble out of an inter-dimensional crevice and spot the flame of her hair already falling down. At least this time I don't black out. I can feel her grabbing my shoulders, her voice comes from underwater...
"Xellos! What the hell is wrong again?"
"Milgasia," I say. Her presence does make it a little easier to speak. "Found out... Val... me..."
"Did you kill him?" she whispers in genuine horror. Ah, that feels good...
"No," I say. "Should've, but no."
"Good!" she gasps with relief. Didn't know she felt for him that strongly... "Is that why you are sick?"
I think I nod, anyway, she gets the message.
"You've done the right thing," she says with conviction.
And suddenly — it's all gone! No more nausea, not a remnant of the feeling of being twisted and tied into a knot. I am back in prime condition.
"Well," I say, seriously bewildered, "that's good. And thanks for telling me."
She looks no less surprised and mutters, "Sure."
I glance around. We are on a river-bank under a shady tree, sitting on the grass. Down in the water a number of small children are splashing in the bright sunlight, shrieking with joy.
"Are you OK then?" Lina asks. The light coming through the tree-crown covers her in small rippling patches of shade and glister. It's been a while since I've drawn anything.
"It would seem so, yes," I answer in many rambling and unsure words.
"Great!" she says. "At least now I know what to do when this crap happens!"
I am somewhat angry at her for that. It means, she was experimenting with my soul while having no idea how to help me in case something goes wrong. She could've at least tried it out first on someone less important! Although, how do I know how important I am to her?
I look away so that she does not suspect what I might be thinking. There is Val among other children, obviously having the time of his life. The water is shallow, but when he gets at least half-submerged, he switches from running to swimming. I wonder when he learned...
"Why aren't you bathing?" I ask to break the silence. I think she senses that I am unhappy about something.
"Can't," she shrugs. At my stare, she elaborates, "for the same reason you'll have to stay out of my bed for a couple of days."
Ah, that stuff. Humans are really so inconveniently structured.
"So..." she clears her throat, "what are you gonna do about Milgasia?"
"Clearly, no harm," I sigh. "I guess I'll just have to ask him to keep quiet. After all, it's about Val's safety as well. I mean, Zellas won't touch us, but she won't protect us either, and I know too many purists who make it their reason for living to ensure that the Code is fulfilled in every instance. And the Code demands that both I and Val be eliminated."
"I think you'd better run back to Milgasia right away then," Lina points out.
True enough.
So I do.
During the few minutes I was away, Milgasia's chambers suffered a significant change. Now they looked anything but neat; papers are scattered everywhere, sometimes covered in spilt ink, several broken teacups are resting on the carpet and on the sofa, all drawers are practically torn out of their boxes...
First of all I get anxious that someone could have been eavesdropping on us, and came for Milgasia after I left, and then searched his place. But then I hear urgent rustling from the next room and quickly find Milgasia there ripping another drawer out of his desk.
"What are you doing?" I ask, totally puzzled.
He jumps and turns in the air, no really.
"I just thought I could use the time... to... you know... make some arrangements..."
"What arrangements?" I snap. I hope he hasn't spread the news...
"Will," he says and gulps. Will what? Or is that a name? Or... ah, he decides to go on, "Recommendations for appointing the next Elder..."
I breathe out a long breath and rub my face with my hands. It's only midday, and I am already tired like hell. Lina may have her catamenia, but I am definitely getting into her bed tonight simply to sleep.
"Milgasia," I say in that careful tone I use on Val when he shows another sign of unhappy childhood. "I said I was not going to kill you."
He considers it for a few seconds.
"Well," he says finally, "you never said it quite clearly, so I preferred to expect the worst." He blinks several times and looks away. I sense that he feels offended. Now why is that?
He puts the now not-so-urgent papers on top of a pile on the table, takes in the whole mess. Either I am seeing things, or his hands are trembling.
"You know," he says in an odd voice, "you could've actually told me explicitly."
"I did."
He shakes his head,
"You just mumbled something, I didn't understand a word. I mean, Xellos, I understand that my life and death are not of much significance to you, but lately... I thought perhaps..."
Ah, so that's what he finds offensive.
I carefully pick my way among the papers and come up to him. Without thinking I touch his elbow, he flinches, but doesn't pull away, although it can be for fear.
"I didn't mean to leave you in doubt," I say earnestly. "I was having another fit, like the one which had me lying flat for two days. I tried to tell you, but what you heard was my best effort."
"Uh oh," he quickly switches to sympathy. You blasted humanitarian. "Have I done something to cause it?"
"No," I say, getting annoyed. I think I am getting dizzy again. "Look, how about dropping by Lina and Val? They are in a much more pleasant place right now."
"Erm," he looks around, obviously imagining what anyone would think if they visit this place in his absence. "All right, I'd be very glad to see them."
So I pull him along to the patch under the tree.
"What, you failed to convince him?" Lina giggles.
"No, I'm just tired," I confess. The grass here is so fresh, soft and welcoming. I spread out at Lina's side and out of the corner of my eye watch Milgasia settle across from us cross-legged. He must be in a contradictory mood, indeed.
Lina chats away on some insignificant topics, and then Val runs up to us, wet and flushed, and totally happy. He drips on me a little, which is oddly comforting. Milgasia brightens too and helps Lina wrap a huge towel around the kid. I feel slightly left out, but then, these two are such a couple, really... It's a shame to be bothered by their understanding.
Oddly enough, this reminds me of the talk Milgasia and I had earlier... about who Val will turn to if he remembers that everyone who cares about him had done him some great harm in the past. But that thought doesn't linger for I drift into sleep.
Usually I do not dream, but when my sleep is not very deep, the real surroundings creep into it and transform a little to become suitable for the dreamland landscape. Especially sounds, especially sounds of speech. That is what must be happening right now.
"Mom, I think he is asleep again," says a cute, large-headed feathery and furry creature at my side and strokes my arm with a wing.
"He said he was tired," shrugs a beautiful vivid flame which sprouts out of the ground right next to my head.
"He also said he had another fit," mentions a great and sad gleaming dragon who is curled comfortably a few feet away from my feet. That is why he mentions the fit, I think, because of feet. Or was it feat? He said I had it...
"Oh no!" gasps the beastie at my side. I can tell he is really worried. But why? He has two times as many feet as I do, and that doesn't worry him!
"It wasn't anything serious," the flame waves one of its spurts. "And it was useful in a way because now I know what to do when it happens."
"You... didn't know that before?" the dragon asks rather exasperated.
The warm furry ball at my side looks lost and miserable, and I can't stand that. I reach out and pat his soft paw.
"I'm alright," I mumble. "Dun worry. Ain't goin' anywhere..."
The cub brightens and sniffs at my cheek with a wet nose.
The flame starts talking again, after she and the dragon exchange meaningful glances. She talks about something boring, and the cub soon asks if he could go back to the river. They let him, and he leaves. I want to join him, but instead I have to stay here, and I feel sad and abandoned.
"As for your earlier question," the flame says, "no, I didn't know. Did you?"
"Of course not," the dragon frowns. "That is none of my business. But it is your game, and you should really be a little more foresighted, Lina-san."
The name clinks like fine crystal glasses at a feast. The flame is warm, too. But it is not for me even if I can touch it. Although today I can't, actually.
The flame blurs. I think it is confused.
"I didn't force him into it," she says. "He came to seek my help, led by his own will."
Will is something the dragon was in no need of. I wonder if it means he has no future. Or does he have no means to get it? I probably look blurred too.
"No," the dragon agrees. "But he had no idea what he would have to go through."
"Neither had I."
"And that is exactly what I am saying. You should have had that idea."
The flame leans the upper part of its main stem onto one of the spurts.
"Val was my primary concern back then. It was only much later that I realized Xellos was influenced by the whole thing at all."
"Oh. So you didn't plan it?"
"Of course not!" the flame giggles sending sparks skywards.
The dragon moves his head from one paw to the other.
"Could you tell me what exactly you subjected him to?"
The flame shimmers.
"Err... like what?"
"I mean, what have you done to him so that he started having these fits?"
"What I have done!" the flame rises a few inches. "You think, I, what, made him suffer on purpose?"
The dragon looks sour.
"You claim that you didn't?"
"Of course I didn't!" the flame roars. "Where did you get such a crazy idea from, I wonder?"
"Why, but aren't you trying to get him under some kind of control?" the dragon asks.
The flame pauses it its burning, then speeds on.
"Ah! I am beginning to understand," she smiles. In the shades of her dancing body I can make out a rough rock and a jewel who made all of us take this trip. A tiny image of the gleaming dragon crawls up to the stones and they exchange a few lines. The flame shimmers again, and the images inside it disappear. "Uh, well," she says. "It's not like I know exactly what I am doing, but, er, I have to do something about his, hmm, bad habits, if he is to hang around for the best part of day and night. Just... don't tell him this. You realize he'd be furious at being tricked into such trouble."
She changes her shape several times and grows colder. The dragon stares at her intently, then glances at me, but I can't make any sign or sound. He turns to the flame again.
"He knows."
"Huh!" the flame gasps as if some water was poured onto it. "No way! I mean, he's been a little down lately, but if he really knew, he'd have killed me by now!"
"I understand, he decided it was for the best, meaning, Valteria benefits so much from your care that Xellos decided he could sacrifice himself to your plans for the child's sake."
The flame freezes.
"He told you that?"
The dragon nods sadly.
"He wasn't explicit, of course. He just said he was aware you were scheming around him and that it was harmless for Valteria... But I could decipher the rest. He has obviously been under a lot of pressure lately, and he has this air around him... a bit fatalistic, if you understand my meaning."
The flame rolls up on itself, and then suddenly springs into action. She jumps onto me and shakes me violently, screaming,
"WAKE UP YOU BLOODY IDIOT! I'LL TEACH YOU TO EAVESDROP ON MY LIES!"