Happy Monday, y'all! I hope you all have a fantastic day! I have a sore shoulder from sleeping the wrong way, so my morning is slightly uncomfortable, but aside from that I'm doing good. Hopefully you lovelies enjoy the chapter! ~Shaymie

Alex's POV

I sat in the living room with Sophia and Eliza, who were chatting about knitting… or something. I had lost interest quickly. I looked towards the stairs and sighed. Lo was upstairs talking to Darcy and Laurens about something important, and it was something she clearly didn't want me to hear since she had kicked me out of the room. We were waiting for everyone else to show up so we could go to the skating rink. Currently it was just me and the Schuylers, but Peggy had gone upstairs with Laf and Angelica offered to walk Dumpling and kitty-me (who Lo had bought a harness for).

I tuned back into the conversation as Sophia and Eliza started talking about possible baby names. My gaze went down to Sophia's stomach. I couldn't believe that Lo and Darcy were going to have a baby brother in a few months. The idea of it was still a bit unreal to me. Lo constantly talked about how excited she was to finally be able to boss someone around, while Darcy said that she was prepared to call child protective services if anything happened to the baby.

I looked up as someone knocked on the door. Everyone just walked in without knocking, so it could only be one person. I walked to the door and opened it, not surprised at all to see Burr and his girlfriend. Lo had invited them to come ice skating with us. Just like when we had the snowball fight, it was a miracle Burr had actually shown up. I think he only really hangs out with us because Lo invites him. Either that or his girlfriend makes him come.

Lo came downstairs shortly after Herc showed up. By now everyone was here, with the exception of Jefferson and Madison. Apparently Madison had gotten sick (again) and Jefferson was staying with him to nurse him back to health. Darcy and Laurens came downstairs a little bit after Lo, their hair and clothing slightly messed up. Ever since they had started dating, they had been all over each other.

Eliza grabbed kitty Alexander before he could climb onto the Christmas tree and held him in her arms. He purred and climbed into her sleeve, poking his head out. He was a surprisingly affectionate cat. He'd spend most nights either curled up next to Dumpling or snuggling up to Lo. He was the perfect cat… when he wasn't trying to chew through electrical cords.

We left for the skating rink after Lo called Madison to check on him. She held on tightly to my arm the entire walk, like she thought she was never going to see me again. She only let go of me briefly, to pull her hood over her head, and then she latched onto me again. I looked over to Darcy and Laurens, hoping that they would know what was up, but they were talking to each other quietly, their eyes flickering over to Lo every once in awhile. What had they talked about earlier? I knew it was none of my business, but I was getting worried now. Was Lo still freaked about the nightmare she'd had? I wanted badly to talk to her about it, but this wasn't the time or the place.

"I've never been ice skating before," Darcy said when we finally got to the skating rink. "I've been rollerskating before, but never… ice."

"That's because Texas is a ball of fire, Dar. I'm pretty sure any ice there would melt immediately." Laurens stuck his tongue out at his girlfriend and flinched when she stomped on his foot. Lo giggled and let go of my arm, settling instead for just holding my hand. I kept a close eye on her as we got our skates. She hadn't said a word since early this morning. I was dying to hear her voice again, but I knew that she didn't like speaking in public places, and it wasn't like she had any paper to write down what she was thinking. She had started teaching herself sign language so she wouldn't be stuck with nothing, but it was a pretty slow process.

"I think I'll stay on this side of the ice." I stood on the outside of the rink and laughed as Lo pouted, her silvery eyes narrowed and her cheeks puffed out. I didn't understand how she could ice skate when she was the clumsiest person I knew. I had seen her trip over her own feet. She stared at me, her gaze unwavering. I sighed. Even without words, she could make a strong argument. "Not a chance, Lo. I'll look like an idiot."

Her mouth quirked up in a smirk as she signed a single word: "chicken". She skated away before I could form a response, her ponytail flying behind her. I sat on a bench and watched Lo skate around with Eliza, hand in hand. She had a smile on her face, but it was clearly forced, not showing off her adorable little dimples. I looked up as Herc sat next to me, ice skates in hand.

"Is it just me, or is something off about Rin today?" he asked, setting the skates down with a sigh. "And I know it's not just because we're in such a crowded place. She's been jumpy all day."

"She had a nightmare this morning. I woke up this morning and she was on the floor having a panic attack. It might have been one of the worst ones she's had. I mean, she was screaming for… for Reynolds and Maria to leave her alone. It was like she couldn't even hear me. I don't know how she didn't wake anyone up. She was terrified after that. She didn't want me to leave her." I put my face in my hands and shook my head. I hated seeing her like that. I hated not being able to help her. Even after she fell back asleep, she had been shaking. What was the point of her taking anxiety medicine if it didn't do shit? I felt useless, not being able to do anything to help Lo.

"Alex, you shouldn't beat yourself up over that. It's not like Lorin's going to suddenly get better because you're dating her. She needs time to recover." Herc clapped a hand on my shoulder and sighed as he looked out on the ice, where Lo was doing some intricate routine with Eliza. I knew that she needed time to recover. I knew that she had been through hell and back. But it hurt seeing her slowly get better, and then watching all that progress go down the drain. It hurt me to know that she was in pain, and that she wouldn't tell us anything because she didn't want us to worry. It was having the opposite effect.

Herc joined everyone else on the ice, leaving me alone. Lo left the ice after a few hours passed, wobbling the second she stepped off of it. Her face flushed when she realized that I was watching her awkwardly make her way over to the lockers. She changed back into her normal shoes and returned the skates to the desk. She let out a tiny huff as she joined me on the bench. I looked down at her. Sometime while she was skating, she had taken her hair down and it was now a fluffy mess.

"You were amazing out there, Lo. It's like you were a different person." She blushed at the compliment and looked away as she tied her hair into a side ponytail. She bit her lip as she started fiddling with the ends of her ponytail.

"...I'm sorry about earlier. Waking you up, I mean. I ruin everything, it seems." Her voice was bitter as she wrapped her arms around herself. Her fingers lightly grazed over her wrist before she pulled away with a scowl. Was she really apologizing for having a panic attack? She couldn't control it even if she wanted to.

"Lo, you can't be serious. You don't have anything to apologize for. You had a panic attack. There's nothing you could have done to prevent it. You have every right to be scared of Reynolds." She flinched at his name. "It's been over a month since our date and we haven't heard anything from him since King interrupted our date."

"I don't want to talk about it." She checked her phone and started sending a text to our group chat. "It's about time to go. We still have errands to run."

"Like what?" I didn't like how she had changed the subject so quickly. She hated when it came time to talk about her problems, but we had to do it eventually. She couldn't deal with everything on her own. I didn't even know if she had started talking to her therapist since she'd come up with some excuse to not discuss it.

"We have to buy the stuff to make gingerbread houses. It's a yearly tradition. We always go to the Schuylers' house and..." She trailed off as somebody walked past us and turned her gaze to the ground. She put her phone back into her pocket and stood up as everyone slowly started leaving the ice. I wanted to ask her how she was feeling, but she ran over to Eliza, signing excitedly about something. I sighed as I pulled my glove from my pocket and put them on. Herc and I shared a knowing glance as we made eye contact. We were definitely going to keep an eye on Lo. She couldn't hold everything in forever. I knew far too well the dangers of doing that. Eventually the dam would crack and everything she was working so hard to keep locked up inside would come pouring out. And I'd be here for her when it did.