Hello, my lovely readers. Are you ready for Stefan's chapter…? On with the show…
Disclaimer: I was in a very, very dark mood and none of this or any other chapters are to be taken seriously. Enjoy!
BTW, this chapter is dedicated to Aathira R Nair!
Chapter 8: All Saint Stefan's Day
"There are not enough hours in the day," Stefan muttered as he began to write in his journal. After getting home from an eventful night of brooding and finding new homes for his former prey, the wildlife of Mystic Falls, Stefan had barricaded himself in his room. It was very important to him that he chronicle all of the things that he had done lately to have proof to the committee that he should finally be officially named a saint.
Day One: I walked to the town's square and removed the tires from all of the drivers' vehicles along with their accelerators and fan belts. That way they will be forced to stop leaking gas emissions.
Day Two: I stole all of the town's alcohol and stored it in the basement of our house so that Damon, Caroline, Elena and I will be the only ones who will be partaking as we will not die from liver failure.
Day Three: I depleted Damon's bank account with a donation to an orphanage in Romania.
Day Four: I had to lock Damon in the basement so that he would not kill someone in the process of trying to kill me because I am Stefan Salvatore and even if I am killed, I will return. (Wait a minute? What the hell is this episode 21, season five? Wait… Ah, see? I'm not going to die. I can't be killed. Unlike Bonnie. Over and over again. Hmmm… to do list… Compel writers to stop killing off Bonnie.
Day Four: I had a talk with Elena that did not involve weeping because I love her so much. Oh, God! Why? She's so pretty. And she's only been with Damon for a little while. It wouldn't be that big a deal if I… Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. Day five might not count…
Day Six: I adopted a group of children from an orphanage for Elena and Damon to raise to make up for Day Five. Unfortunately, when Damon got out of the cell, he might have eaten one or two. But it is the thought that counts, right?
Day Seven: I agreed to be the best man during Klaus and Caroline's wedding. Caroline doesn't know that she's marrying Klaus, but it's important to convincing Klaus to be a "kinder, gentler monster." Besides I got her a puppy.
Day Eight: I have gone without sex for two months. That is what I call a real miracle when Katherine is hanging around. Or was that Elena?
Day Nine: I'm making progress with Damon's new pal, Enzo. I chained him up and have him in a remote cabin. He stops cursing me when I hold a bleeding human toward him. I think my attempts to teach him to live on a vegan diet are working. (Wait. Have a phone call? I pull out my phone and answer. "Hell? Enzo? Wait. How did you get out? What do you mean that you have Aaron Whitmore?" Damn! Be back, journal.)
Day Ten: Today, I've been working on making friends with non-females that might become my love interests in later seasons. My first attempt was with Matt. He has very pretty eyes, and he's very nice. Ummm… So that didn't work out. Then there was Jeremy. That was fine until he started talking about Elena. My eyes began to water and I could not take it anymore. I had to go home. Last, but not least, was Tyler. I know that he's been going through a lot with the whole Caroline having sex with his greatest enemy and marrying and all, but I think I helped out a lot. I took him home with me and shared the beer that was left. We laughed, we cried…Well, let's just say that Damon said I really took one for the team, and that by the looks of things we're off to a beautiful friendship. (Wait. Damon has something to say. "Sex. They had with the sex. Damon, why did you write that? It's my journal. Give it back!)
Day Eleven: Today, is the first day of the Vampire, Witch, Werewolf and Human Alliance Day. It is a great day in which the members of the supernatural community will come together and celebrate the beauty that are our own unique gifts. Now, if Enzo will stay in his damned cage then everything will be fine. (Shut up, Damon! No, no one will be eaten during the alliance! No, you can not eat anyone who tries to kill you! No, no one will bring a flame thrower. Yes, that includes you! What the hell, Damon? Do you want to be run out of town?! Look, that attitude isn't going to work in the supernatural meditation and steam room therapy session. No, I do not need therapy! Stop saying that! No, I am not high! Get out! At this rate I will not attain sainthood until the year 3014. Shut up, Damon! And stop having sex with Elena in the next room! I don't care if it's yours! Go to Russia!)
Day Twelve: Where to begin… The alliance day went far better than I could have ever expected, even if twenty-five citizens were maimed. Fifty were hospitalized with non-life threatening injuries. And only five were killed! All in all I think that was a real success. Damon sees it as a big joke. He told me that I was lucky that they did not burn down our home due to what he called "public outrage." Personally, I think he's overreacting. (Hold on, just a moment. Someone just threw another Molotov cocktail through the window. "Die, undead thing. Killer!" is being shouted at me, but I take it in stride. Not everyone can be a fan.)
Day Thirteen: Damon has locked me in the cellar downstairs and I am now forced to write on the walls, using my own blood. When I am free then I will go out to speak the word of Saint Stefan, the Last Friendly Vampire. (Dick! Sorry. That's Damon, and it seems important to record his words for future generations.) As I was saying… When I am freed, I shall go out into the world and share with other communities what I learned from the first Vampire, Witch, Werewolf and Human alliance Day. We can truly live together if we try. I truly believe we are all made equal in the eyes of whatever created us, and we must work to attain the same treatment.
Day Fourteen: I have chosen to starve to send a message to my brother that I will not back down in my convictions. He replied by throwing a dead bunny into my cell and had doused it in Elena's perfume. The results of this are too embarrassing to detail. Suffice it to say that Damon let me out because he said he does not approve of inter-species relations… If only he had been kind enough to not say this in front of Caroline and Elena with a more thorough explanation of what he meant.
Day Fifteen: I have just commenced my trip to New Orleans. Caroline has been working her magic to make the world safer by making Klaus a better man. One little snag would be where she had to kill some vampires and werewolves, but she told me it was for the greater good. And she daggered Hayley until she stopped trying to stake Caroline for killing some guy named Jackson. Well, since Caroline said it was for the greater good, I'll trust her.
Day sixteen: I adopted a town full of orphans. Seriously, I did. I would not make this up. Right now, I'm taking donations to send these kids to college, and you can send in any amount at stefan' .org. Thanks.
Day Sixteen: I took the day off. Enough said.
Day Seventeen: Damon tried to eat some of my orphans, but I told him that I would send him to live with Klaus and Caroline. That stopped him. Now, he's forming a little league team. Or maybe that's because Elena started ohing and ahing about the kids. It was my damned IDEA…
Day eighteen: One of the orphans burned down the Boarding house. But it's okay, we moved into the Lockwood manor. Matt said there was plenty of room and he's helping Damon coach the little league team. Technically, I think that Matt is coaching the team and Damon is drinking himself under the bleachers. I'm just happy that I'm making a difference in the world.
Day Nineteen: I've been working on a cure for cancer. It's okay if I compel patients into being part of the experiment, right? It's all for the greater good. If I can make a breakthrough, there's no one in their right mind who will not nominate me for sainthood.
Day Twenty: I gave up on trying to find a cure. There's simply not enough room in the Lockwood cellar for all those bodies and Matt was complaining about the odor. So, I have moved on to my next attempt. I've moved back to Chicago, to teach inner city kids. I feel like I'm really going to be giving back to the community after all those years as the Ripper.
Day Twenty: Just finished my first day and, boy, I will tell you, I ought to be nominated for sainthood after one of the kids tried to kill me with a desk. What in the hell? I went back to high school, more than once, and no one ever tried to take my head off like that before. Well, I took the desk away and compelled all the kids to go back to their seats and behave. I think I've made some progress. I think. We'll find out tomorrow.
Day Twenty-One: I returned to the school where Michelle Phieffer would not be caught dead trying to shoot Dangerous Minds the sequel. Throughout the day, I grabbed kids out of the hallway and dragged them into various, empty rooms and closets to compel them to behave. So far, I have reached out to a total of fifty young minds. Now, they sit in their seats, take notes, hold up their hands if they have questions and say please and thank you. My fellow teachers are afraid there is gas leak that is making the kids more agreeable, but it's me. Tee hee.
Day Twenty-Two: I have successfully reprogramed almost every single student in the school. There is just one left, a girl. She's tiny and blonde and keeps running off every time I approach her. It's like she thinks I'm up to something. Why can't she understand that I'm trying to make a drastic change in the world? She could be the next world leader who creates global, peace if only she'd let me in, so I can train her to behave. Ah, there she is. 'I'm coming for you, little girl,' I think gleefully as I come toward her.
The fight is over in less than two minutes, with me flat on my back. "I'm calling my aunt, Dawn," the teen girl yells at me. "You don't mess with Buffy Summers' daughter, you creepy vampire," she yells and the other teachers are staring as well as her fellow students. Then she tries to stake me. All that hard work, for nothing. Thank you, Miss Summers.
Day Twenty-Three: It's in the papers that vampires are real, not that a teen in Chicago had a psychotic breakdown. Now, Damon and I are in hiding in the Lockwoods' cellar with the bodies of those poor, cancer patients. It's almost enough for me to give up, almost…
Day Twenty-Four: Damon gave me a one-way ticket to Kenya. I thought he was being very kind, for once. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother to death… Anyway, I packed and ended up being part of Doctors Without Borders. It was going really well until our camp was invaded by starving lions who were being tracked by poachers. I made a wonderful meal for four lions, after being dragged out from my tent, during the daylight hours, after one lion ate my left hand. The absence of the daylight ring really hurt my ability to fight back. Also, when I realized that the cats were really hungry, I realized that I would be doing them a service by letting them eat me.
Day Twenty-Five: "So, do you think that I'll make sainthood?" I asked the guy to my left holding a pitchfork, who began to laugh. I really don't know what was so funny so I kept on walking. The days seem to be become one, long stream. I wonder how long it will be until Damon shows up? Sitting on a rock, I look around my new home and wonder what I could do to make things better around here? How about less fire pits since the smell of roasting flesh is a bit much. Ah, well. I guess I can make a new list…
Nest time we will have the lovely Rebekah Mikaelson, everyone, give her a round of applause before her nightmare begins. Then I will write Matt's chapter and Caroline will be (victim) number three. Any other choices? Anybody at all from TVD/TO. I'm now open to doing people from season 6 and 2.
Thanks for reading, faving and for reviewing.
Answers to reviews:
Redbudrose: Thank you. I hope that you enjoyed this Stefan-centric chapter, too.
Imagination Running Wild: Thank you. I hope that my jokes are funny. There might be someone else before Matt but, don't worry, I'll get to Matty Blue Eyes.
Peace,
Jessica