Hawke came to the clinic with Fenris and Varric in tow, looking grumpier than usual.
"So what is this about? You said you wanted to show me something?"
"Yes, Claire is putting on a demonstration that I thought you might like to see." Anders said, noting that Fenris looked even broodier. "I also wanted to show you what she's been doing down in Darktown. She's changed things quite a bit."
"I actually know a little bit about that, mostly from other sources." Varric said. "Been hearing about the strange woman cleaning up the place, I just didn't connect the two."
"What sort of demonstration is this?" Hawke asked.
"She wouldn't say, just said it's like magic."
"Well, what're we waiting for?" Varric asked. Just as Claire had said, it was easy to find the area, merely by the number of people standing around. From the murmurs in the crowd, it wasn't the first time she'd put on the show, and it had something to do with fire. The atmosphere in the area was completely different from how Darktown normally was, where instead of anger and despair, there was excitement and some level of happiness, especially from the kids, who no longer looked like they were starving to death. They started cheering as a woman dressed head to toe in black walked into the clearing, carrying two small cages on the ends of chains. She walked over to a torch and lit whatever was in the cages on fire, then a couple children went running around, taking all the torches away so the only source of light was from her.
Another group of kids started beating on some drums in a simple rhythm. Anders watched in amazement as she twirled the fire around, leaving trails of sparks in the air, and since she was so hard to see, it really was like magic. Then she erupted into a ball of flame that fanned out like a fire bird around her, her dancing getting faster. Anders was lost to it, mesmerized, watching her bathe herself in sparks and fire. He almost didn't notice when it was done and the children brought the torches back.
"That was incredible." Hawke said as he approached Claire. She took her hood off and smiled.
"Thank you. It never fails to impress." She bowed. A couple children ran up to her and hugged her legs before running off again.
"You've got a real gift there, Sparky." Varric laughed.
"Sparky? Really?" She shook her head, smiling. "I suppose it's something."
"Trust me, it could be worse." Fenris shot a glance at the dwarf, who shrugged. Anders was watching Claire, and noticed she was still guarded, but less than she had been, and it made him glad.
"And so the rumors are true, that you're changing things down here?" Hawke asked.
"Well, sort of." She drew into herself, looking like she'd rather not talk about it. "I only presented the ideas, everyone else has done the work."
"That's not true, she goes out and hunts, and she sews, and cleans, and cooks." Elodie leaned on Claire's shoulder, making the older of the two flinch. So it's not just me, Anders thought.
Why are you so interested in this mortal? Justice didn't seem to trust her much, despite everything they'd learned about her, and didn't understand the growing feelings Anders had for her. There was a lot about mortals the spirit still didn't seem to understand.
She risked her life to save me, and she's done so much for the people here, and for mages... Anders couldn't really understand it himself, but he didn't see anything wrong with it. She probably wouldn't let him get close enough to do anything about it anyway, but all the things she was doing for the people of Darktown, and all the things he knew about her, only piqued his interest more.
"Sounds like you're probably the best thing to happen to Darktown." Varric laughed. "You've only been here a few months, let's see where you are in a few years, you'll probably be running the place." For some reason, she frowned and looked down.
"Yes... I suppose we'll see." She wasn't planning on leaving, was she? Elodie didn't seem to notice and patted Claire on the back before running off.
"I'm sorry to cut this short, but I need to get going. It was good to see you again." Hawke said. "No hard feelings about before, I hope...?"
"You mean the torturing?" She grimaced. "I can't rightly say I'll trust you very readily, but I understand why you did it... oh, and Fenris... I'm sorry about what I said in the cave. I had no right to bring that up." The elf looked surprised, then nodded.
"Thank you." He said. Hawke waved and put his arm around Fenris' shoulders as he walked out.
Varric looked between Claire and Anders, then asked, "I don't suppose you have any stew left?" Claire smiled and nodded. By his look, Anders got the impression the dwarf was purposefully leaving him alone with Claire.
"Yes, just go down these stairs, the pot's right there. Bowls are to the right." She turned to face Anders. "You've been awfully quiet..." All her nervousness came back as she retreated into herself.
"Sorry, I was enjoying just seeing you happy for once." He said. "Though you still seem to have a harder time with that around me. I'm sorry I make you nervous. I can't really blame you, all things considered."
"Anders..." She sighed. "No... Please don't put that on you. I'm sorry, I don't mean to..." He found he wanted to hold her, to tell her it was all right, but he didn't think she'd react well to it and didn't fancy having a knife shoved in his gut.
"Elodie stopped by today. She said you follow my work." He said. "Is that how you found out what I am?"
"You mean about Justice?" She sighed again. "I overheard a girl talking about being attacked under the Gallows, where Ser Alrik was..."
"You saw her then?" Anders was surprised. "I know Hawke told her to leave Kirkwall..."
"Sorta..." Claire shrugged. "I just happened to overhear. It didn't make much sense at the time, but her description of you stayed in my mind and I started piecing the puzzle together the more rumors I heard, and then you mentioned it yourself, confirming it..."
"And you don't care?" He asked. "You don't care that I lost control and almost killed an innocent girl?"
"You didn't kill her, you haven't killed me, and you didn't kill that other mage." She said. "And you've never given me any real reason to fear you. I mean, there is Justice, and yeah, you're intertwined... but he hasn't killed me yet either..."
"How did you learn about the Fog Warriors?" He asked, changing the subject. She looked at him in surprise.
"I know it was just a rumor, but... Fenris matched the description, and I yelled at him, even knowing it might not be accurate... I lost my temper."
"Yes, but it was accurate." He said.
"I just hate how he was bashing magic, belittling you and your cause." She looked away, angry. "I... shouldn't speak on this subject right now. I'm sorry. I should just go."
"Why shouldn't you speak about it?" He asked. "We need all the help we can get, and the more people who speak out against it, the more likely we will be to change things."
"Don't... don't do this." She said, walking to one of the openings that overlooked the river.
"I don't understand." He said, following her. "Is it because of your parents? Because of what they expected of you? Because of what the Imperium has done?" She put her head on her arms and started crying. How did he keep making her cry? He cautiously put his arm around her, hugging her, and she leaned into him instead of pulling away for once. "I'm sorry, Claire."
"I can't blame you." She said. "It's... who you are. You are the cause of mages, it has consumed you, mind and body. And believe me, I know. I understand the cause. I know what the Templars do, I know how mages are treated, and damn if I don't want to blow the Chantry up..." She suddenly froze and looked at Anders in horror. Knowing she was going to try to run, he held onto her.
"Please don't leave." He said. "Whatever you say, your secrets are safe with me." He couldn't believe she could feel that way, that she could feel so strongly for the cause. Why would she hide it?
"I... I'm sorry, please forget I said anything."
"Why? How can I just forget that a woman who came from Tevinter, who was shunned by mages, can care so deeply for mages herself? I thought you hated mages, and magic."
"I... I don't..." She gave up trying to get away and put her head back on her arms. "I don't know. I get so confused around you..."
"Is that why you were avoiding me?"
"I don't want to..."
"What do you want?" She stayed silent for so long, Anders started to worry.
"I can't say." She finally said. "It doesn't matter what I want, anyway. There are some things that are more important than our own wants and desires, more important even than our lives..." She needed a friend, more than anything, so he hugged her again, relishing the feeling of it. He couldn't think of a relationship, not with anyone, but he wanted it... She turned around and hugged him back, tightly, shocking him.
"I'm afraid of getting too close." She said. "But I do want a friend... I need a friend... I just don't know how. I'm sorry..."
"Don't be sorry." He murmured. "I won't push. I'm not exactly the safest person to be around, I'm still afraid I'll only hurt you again, but I don't want to lose your friendship." She stepped back and he let her go. She looked into his eyes, a sort of melancholy expression on her face.
"It's almost not fair. You've seen me at my weakest... when I've not been able to be guarded. You've seen a part of me I've not let anyone else see, and I don't know how I feel about it. You haven't judged me, though."
"If I were to judge you, my dear, I would be a hypocrite." He laughed. "And well you know that. You've seen me at my weakest as well. It really is fair."
"To friendship, then." She smiled softly and he was surprised at how it made his heart flutter. He wouldn't do anything that would cause her to regret her decision, though, no matter how much he wanted more. He could be content just being there for her, and Justice agreed that it was far better that way. Much less of a distraction.
That night, Claire paced up and down an empty hall, trying to sort out her feelings. She could do it. She could be a friend to him. Just be there... talk to him... how had she let it slip about the Chantry? She cursed her stupidity. Well, she couldn't deny her passion for magic anymore... go figure. She thought again about the hug and felt her face get hot at the memory of it, his warm arms around her... Gah.
She was going to end up like he was in the game... "... you've haunted my sleep. I wake aching for you." She'd live. She only had a year and a half or so before he was set to blow up the Chantry anyway, and it'd all be triggered by Meredith and Orsino... She'd just have to pay attention, and figure out how close she was going to get involved...
Over the next year, Claire started spending a lot more time with Anders, and over that time, she noticed him showing more and more affection in small ways, such as a gentle touch, brushing her hair behind her ear when she was working on something, even just a look. She refused to believe he could have fallen for her, it was easier for her to not believe such a thing... but she wanted to. She certainly didn't discourage any of it.
Then one night, after she was done helping him clean up the clinic, she noticed how quiet the place was. Anders came up beside her and put his arm around her, pulling her close, and kissed her lightly on the side of her head. Surprised, she turned and looked him.
"I'm sorry, was that too much...?" He asked. She wasn't sure how to respond, and just continued to stare at him. "Claire..." She was amazed at how distressed he looked and tried to think of anything to say to let him know it was all right.
"I... do you... do you like me?" She asked awkwardly, cringing. He looked away, blinking, as if wondering himself what to say.
"I do." He said. "And I hope it doesn't bother you, I've tried to hold back... I don't want to scare you off, I cherish your friendship above all else." Her mouth went dry as she started panicking. What was she supposed to do? She loved him, she couldn't deny it, but could she allow it? It was too late, wasn't it...
"Claire, please..." She realized her fear was plainly written on her face and she blushed.
"This... this is a lot to take in." She said. "I never thought anyone would ever... that anyone could ever love me. I've never allowed myself..." She realized she was starting to babble and stopped, staring at the ground.
"I will stop, if you prefer." He said, but his voice sounded so sad.
"I love you, Anders." She blurted out. "I have for a long time, I just... I never thought it possible. I'm still not able to wrap my head around it..." He leaned over and kissed her, pulling her closer, and she let him, relishing in it. Suddenly, fear shot through her, the fear that he'd become like Markus, the fear of him dying, the fear of the future and everything it held, and she yanked back, startled, shaking. She couldn't do it. After so long, and she still couldn't do it.
"What's wrong?" Anders asked, worried. "What did I do?"
"I can't..." She cried. "I can't get into a relationship with anyone, I can't... I'm too afraid." He cautiously started rubbing her back. "Why did you have to like me... I can never be what you deserve, I can never give you what you want..."
"I want you to be happy." He said. "Don't beat yourself up over this. We can talk about it." She looked at him and wiped her eyes, wishing for all the world she was a different person.
"I do love you, more than I've ever loved anyone." She said. "And I want, more than anything, to be loved by you, but I don't know how to let myself! I'm too broken, Anders. I'm too afraid."
"I never thought I'd love someone... I thought after Justice, this part of me was over." He said. "I'm afraid as well, afraid that I'll only hurt you. War is coming, there will be more violence, but I can't stop thinking of you."
"What is wrong with us?" She asked. "Why can't we just let ourselves be happy for once? Why can't we just let ourselves love, even if it's for a short while before we die sacrificing ourselves to a great cause? We could probably focus better if we just... otherwise, it'll just be a distraction getting between us..."
"We could die tomorrow..."
"Life is never assured." She stopped him. "I need to stop being so stupid, stop being so afraid." She wrapped her arms around him and looked into his eyes. He kissed her again, and this time, she didn't pull away but embraced it.
Anders rested his cheek against Claire's head, amazed that she'd reciprocated his feelings. He'd been so afraid when she'd guessed, but it had all worked out, and while they hadn't done anything more than just talk after that second kiss, she'd fallen asleep next to him, and was curled up with him, something he wasn't going to take for granted. He was afraid to fall asleep, lest he wake up and find it all a dream. He kept looking at her, relishing it while he could.
He hadn't been planning on letting her know how he felt about her, not with how things were going with the city. He couldn't see it lasting much longer, something was going to break, and then it'd be all over, and he didn't want Claire to get hurt in that. But he'd slipped up, and she'd figured it out anyway, and it ended with surprising results. She seemed happier, lying there, as if she felt secure and safe for once, wrapped in his arms. He wanted to bottle that memory up forever...
A sudden grip around his waist woke him with a start and it took him a minute to realize Claire was hugging him. He chuckled and hugged her back, feeling an immense amount of happiness, and like he could do anything with her by his side, though he could tell Justice did not fully approve. The spirit would come around to it, he was certain.
"Good morning." She said. "This feels... right, if that makes sense. I feel oddly comfortable with you now. Still nervous about some things, but that'll take some time..."
"I never want this to end." He said, kissing her forehead.
"We can see the end together, at least." She said. "Whenever that may be. I feel better, knowing that you'll be by my side when it comes."
"I feel the same."