They were there. They were finally there. The ashes rained down on them, smoke filled the air along with the screams of people as they ran around in a panic. Anders sat on a box, the bodies of the Templars lying to the side, still bleeding out, with the Champion staring down at the healer in frustration. Anders put his head in his hands.

"There isn't anything you can say that I haven't already said to myself. Vengeance... took me over. I couldn't stop him. Justice once told me that demons are just spirits perverted by their desires. I made my friend a demon. And he did this. Kill me now before there is nothing left of me."

"I know you would have changed it if you could." Hawke said, surprising Claire. The way the Champion had reacted, she'd expected a worse response. Especially since Anders had lied to him, and used him, to achieve something so violent.

"But I have proven I cannot." Anders said. "If I couldn't control Vengeance now, I never will. I need to die."

"I understand." Hawke said, looking up at Claire. "It is the only way, isn't it?" Claire wasn't sure what to do. She didn't want to lose Anders, but he was being lost, to Vengeance, to a tortured existence. She stared at Hawke, shaking her head, then fell to her knees in front of Anders and grabbed his hands in hers.

"I love you." She choked. "I don't want to lose you..." He kissed her, and she felt his body stiffen in pain as Hawke stabbed him. She started shaking so hard, she had a hard time helping him lie down, tears pouring down her face. All she could do was grip him and cry, harder than she'd ever cried before.

Hawke looked down at the woman, and wondered if he should kill her as well, out of pity, when Varric broke through his thoughts, saying they'd better get to the Gallows. Fenris looked at Hawke, concerned, and Hawke shook his head. He put his arm around the elf as they walked, hoping the same fate didn't happen to either of them. He knew the pain of losing those closest to him, and he felt the pain the woman was in... everything she'd been through, only to lose the one person who loved her back. It would kill him to lose Fenris...

Claire felt Anders move under her and sat up in shock. He was breathing, his heart was beating, though faintly, but she wasn't sure how. He'd been dead, she'd been sure of it. She looked at his back, and saw the blood, but the wound was mostly healed.

"Anders, can you hear me?" Her voice came out a squeak. She couldn't lose him. "Come on, you can make it, please." Could she carry him? She positioned herself the best way and picked him up in a fireman's carry, hoping she could make it to Darktown.

Anders wasn't doing well, but he was alive. She had him in the back room, where he'd kept her hidden away, and prayed he'd make a full recovery. But what kind would it be? Would he be more Justice than Anders? She couldn't let him die... He shivered, his head covered in sweat. His heart was racing and his breathing shallow, but he didn't seem to have an infection that she could see.

"Come on, Anders, you're a healer... heal yourself, please!" She went into his room and looked around for any lyrium potions lying about. As she looked in a crate, she saw a small box at the bottom. She opened it up and smiled sadly. There were her necklaces that she'd missed so much, along with what she assumed was a Tevinter Chantry amulet, by the look of it. She put her necklaces back on, enjoying the comforting weight of them, and continued looking for the potions. After scouring the entire clinic, she'd come up with a small lyrium potion and two highly concentrated elfroot potions that she figured could help him out, if she could get him conscious enough to drink them.

She sat by his bedside, trying to get him to wake up, even just a little. "Anders... please, love, please." She heard a sound in the clinic and pressed an elfroot potion in his hand, just in case, before hurrying out to see what was going on. An older gentleman and someone Claire assumed was his daughter or even granddaughter, had come in, with various cuts.

"Can I help you?" Claire asked.

"We've come to see the healer." Claire blinked back tears and shook her head.

"He's gone... he... didn't make it." She said. "I'm all there is." The woman's face fell and looked worriedly to the man.

"My uncle is wounded, and I can't do anything for him..." Claire motioned for him to lie down so she could see the injury, which was in his abdomen. "He got hit by some debris, from when..."

"I'll do what I can." Claire hurried around the clinic, gathering what she could, hoping she could remember everything she'd learned. "I think he'll be all right so long as we can avoid infection." She poured some alcohol on the wound, making him hiss in pain, then began cleaning him up. Once he was stitched and bandaged, she told the niece to make sure the bandages were changed daily, and to come back if there were any more complications.

She was just about to head to the back to check on Anders when a few more people came in, and then more. She was kept busy all night, and she figured with how bad the city was, it wasn't going to let up. She noticed the sun rising, despite her never having gotten sleep, and wondered if she could sneak off to the back and let things go. There were a few other people who had medical knowledge helping out, so she didn't think it would be too bad. She went to go speak to one, to let them know, when she saw Hawke walk in with Varric and Fenris. Why? Why were they there? Frustration and fear and the inability to deal with it started bubbling to the surface.

"Claire!" Hawke called to her and she had to acknowledge them.

"Hawke..." She sighed. "I've not slept at all, it's been too busy, I've not been able to even think, or eat or..." She stopped, realizing she was about to break down again, and stared at the ground, blinking back the tears. "I'm sorry, you've been busy yourself..." The Champion grabbed her in a hug, and at first, she was just in shock, then burst out crying, hugging him back.

"I'm sorry, Sparky." Varric said, as she started to calm down a little. "If you need anything, you know where you can find me."

"I am also sorry." Fenris said. "The pain you must be feeling..." She would take that from him, it was more than she had ever expected, considering how he felt about Anders. He didn't hate him... but he considered him a danger, and that danger was now gone, to him.

"I know we never really got to know each other that well, but if you need to talk..." Hawke's cheeks were wet with tears as well.

"Thank you." She said. "Same for you all. There's... a lot to clean up, but I need sleep or..." She stopped. "I'm sorry. I just keep thinking he's still..."

"It's going to take years to get past that." Hawke said. "For what it's worth, I regret it. I regret it so much." He tried to force himself to not cry, and Fenris wrapped his arms protectively around Hawke.

"I'm not sure what would have happened if you hadn't..." Claire wiped her own eyes. "Towards the end, he was so depressed. He was losing himself, I was losing him already." She had a sudden thought, and looked at Hawke. "Please... could I... could I speak to you privately? Just for a minute?" Hawke glanced at Fenris, then back at Claire and nodded.

"Yes, I suppose so."

"Thank you." Claire led Hawke to the very back and opened the door.

Hawke stopped short at the door, staring in horror at what was on the bed. "What is this?" Hawke asked, suspicious.

Claire hurried to Anders' side. "He's not dead..." She said, starting to cry again. "I don't know if he's going to live, or what kind of life he'll have, but I can't just kill him. I don't want to lose him, and what if he's alive for a reason? I don't want to tell anyone, because what if he does die anyway? Then there'd be hope for no reason... but I thought, with what you said, you deserved to know." Hawke wasn't sure how to process it. The man he thought he'd killed, still alive?

He slowly walked over to him, and could see the sweat on his brow. It might be more of a mercy to kill him, and ensure his death, but he couldn't do that again. Even as much as the mage had hurt him and the city by blowing the Chantry up, he still cared for his friend and doing it the first time felt like the worst decision he'd ever made. But he'd done it for others, for Bethany, for Wesley, when they were beyond hope, and Anders had begged him.

"Why is he so bad off?" Hawke asked.

"I don't know... the wound is fine, he's not infected, there's no logical explanation." She gripped the healer's hand, caressing it. "He did die. I felt him, I felt his heart stop, his breathing... but then he started again, and his wound started healing..."

"Will you let me know if anything changes?" He asked. "I... may need to leave town, but Varric will know how to find me."

"I will." She said. "Am I... am I foolish for hoping?"

"If you are, then so am I. Thank you for telling me... it means a lot." He walked out of the door, shutting it behind him, and went back to Varric and Fenris.

"Everything all right?" Varric asked as they left.

"I'm not sure." Hawke replied.

"What do you mean?" Fenris asked. "What did she want to talk about?"

"Anders... isn't quite dead." Hawke cringed as he felt Fenris' grip tighten. "He did die, she said, we all saw him... but he came back."

"It's probably that spirit." Fenris growled.

"I'm not sure, he's in pretty bad shape, he hasn't regained consciousness yet." Hawke said. "He may still die, but I'm not going to kill him again, unless he proves himself to still be a danger. Claire said she'd keep me updated, through you, Varric, since..." He sighed. "I should go home and pack. The sooner we leave, the better I'll feel."

For the next few days, Claire was afraid to leave the clinic. People who had heard about what had happened came to her with food now and then, and she thanked them profusely, but when she could, she hid in the back with Anders. His condition started to improve, but he'd also started having nightmares, or at least that's what she assumed them to be, and she didn't want to be away from him for very long. She laid on top of him, continuing to wish he would regain consciousness, as he started moaning again.

"Anders, it's all right, I'm here." She murmured, hoping he could hear. He lifted his hand, shaking, and she took it in hers, and he gripped her tightly. "We'll get through this, love. Please come back to me." He seemed to calm down and fall asleep again, and she sighed. It would be a long road, if he was able to pull through. She needed him to eat and drink more...

There was darkness all around him, chaos, swirling, mixed with pain and agony. Over and over again he felt the knife plunge into his back, losing the sweet lips he'd just kissed. He was in the Void, he had to be... There'd been a flash of blue light, blinding him, after he'd died, before he'd been trapped in the nightmare of chaos, and every so often, he thought he could hear Claire's voice, calling to him from beyond, but there was no hope. He was dead, his time was over, and she needed to move on. But she didn't, and her voice seemed to get louder, and he started feeling sick and shaking, as the darkness faded in and out.

He was dead. What trickery was it that he was starting to feel his body again? All the pain, the loneliness, despair, smothering him... was it a lie? Was he still alive? Everything was still so foggy and he had no control. So much shaking, so cold... but then there was a warmth that covered him, a weight that seemed to chase the nightmares away, letting him float in blissful darkness, in peace...

Peace.

Did he even deserve peace? Claire had encouraged him, assured him it was the best path, but surely she'd done that to make him feel better because there was nothing he could do to stop Vengeance. He was just a monster...

Justice.

Where was Justice? There was an emptiness, cold and aching, where he should have been. Was Justice finally free? It was how it should be... None of that had turned out the way he'd imagined it would.

The shaking started coming back, but there was nothing to stop it. He felt so nauseous and cold, and he could feel his body even more, finally convincing him that he wasn't dead after all, but his control was lacking. He tried to open his eyes, but his lids felt too heavy and he gave up. Why was he alive? What had happened that he could have survived, and why did he feel so horrible? He slowly slipped back into the darkness.

The next time the darkness receded, he felt like he had been thrown into a cold bath, the shock of reality around him was strong, no longer dulled by the fog. Each sound was sharp and loud, the smells made him want to throw up, and still he was cold. He struggled to move his hands, to find a blanket, but he had a hard time gripping the blankets that were already on him. Where was Claire?

He tried to open his eyes again, thankful the room was dim. It still stung, and everything was blurry, but it was progress. He had no mana to speak of, and he still couldn't figure out what was wrong, but he was alive, and he was getting better. Would Hawke come back and try to kill him? What happened to Justice? No one would forgive him for what he'd done... Why hadn't they made sure he was dead? Why did she save him? He should be dead. There was a noise at the door, startling him, and a gasp.

"Anders!" Claire's voice was loud and painful, and she seemed to understand, as she lowered her voice. "You're awake!"

"Why...?" His voice was raspy and hoarse.

"I don't know, but I'm not going to question a gift from the Maker." She laid down on him, warming him, calming the shaking. "You were dead, but then you came back. I don't know how, I don't know why, but there has to be a reason."

"Justice is... gone." She didn't reply, just gently kissed his cheek, laying her head next to his. "I should have died."

"I love you, Anders." She said. "And you didn't die, you don't need to feel like you should have. Hawke's been in to see you, he regretted what he did, and was glad to see he failed."

"Hawke?" He had a hard time believing it. "But, he did what I asked."

"As he did for others... but you're his friend, yes, even after what you did. He still cares about you, and he's worried. As am I. Your reaction doesn't make sense... you shouldn't be sick." What could he tell her? He didn't know either.

"I wish I had an answer."

"My parents came back today." Claire said. "They're helping in the clinic. It's still weird to think I have parents... My mom... she doesn't know what's wrong either, but we'll get you better. I'll help you through this."

"I do not deserve your love..." He murmured, feeling the pull to sleep again.