As many times as I opened this and stared at it, I couldn't find how I wanted this chapter to go. I think that this is the right direction.

"Hello, gorgeous." Lizzie greeted herself in the mirror. Except she was no longer Lizzie, but rather Barbra Streisand. It was a dream come true to stand up on her high school stage and reenact a classic musical that I had watched for my whole life.

My uncle wasn't in the audience, as far as I knew. He had disappeared from the apartment when I was at school one day and hadn't been back since. I knew I should have been more concerned with where he was cause he could have been at the bottom of a ditch wasted and dying, but instead I just focused on my own life.

I knew I had my own set of problems. I was definitely post traumatic as seen with that episode with Ryan. I didn't know how to process these feelings. I knew pushing them aside as I had been doing would do no good and probably make things worse. However, I didn't see what I could do. I had no support system at the moment, and I had way too much on my mind to think about. College applications, state tests, graduating... those were more important than how I felt.

"Miss Fanny?" I didn't respond. I was lost in my own thoughts. "Miss Fanny?"

"Down here, Emma. Third row." I responded, still in my own bubble.

"I came in early to tidy up, and the doorman said you were in. What you doing out there?"

"The one place in the theatre I've never sat. Maybe things look different from here." Maybe she was right. Maybe what I needed was a change in my perspective. To look at things from the outside, rather than the inside.

"You nervous?" She continued, reading off the script like the words had no meaning. I, on the other hand, felt that this script was an accurate reflection of my life at that current moment.

"Nervous, happy, scared, excited..." Alone...

She knew that she shouldn't have been so selfish as to expect her family to be in the audience, but she really wanted them there. She wanted them to see her as what she was before all of this stuff had happened. Her life was playing pretend and singing her heart out, not fighting the bad guys and dealing with PTSD.

She wanted to give her mom a hug, mostly. She wanted to take in her warmth. She wanted the security and calamity she felt when she was with her uncles. She wanted the pride and true unconditional love she felt with her grandfather.

Lizzie had not know these people for a long time, but she knew that they were her family now. She really wanted them to be there. Taking a deep breath, Lizzie continued playing her character.

….

"Hi there! I am Detective Curatola. I work with the police. What's your name?"

"My name is Jovanna." She mumbled softly. She wouldn't meet the detective's eyes. She couldn't meet the detective's eyes. Her 'parents'- that is, the people who 'took care' of her always told her that police were bad. You couldn't tell them anything, otherwise bad things would happen.

And yet, she looked at this detective, and she felt something she had never felt before. It was... warmth, or safety, or something. Jovanna couldn't describe it. She had never known this feeling in her whole life. It was a pretty short life, granted, but nonetheless.

"I just want to get to know you." The detective was saying. "You can call me Jackie."

Jackie. Hm.

"I am twee years old." She continued.

Jackie wouldn't take her eyes off of the girl. "And do you live with your mommy and daddy?"

The girl tensed. Jack noticed this, of course, and she had her answer. The girl's sudden lack of comfort, hesitation in her answers... it was everything a kid that was being abused was trained to do. "You can tell me anything Jovanna. I am not going to hurt you. The only thing I can do is help you."

Jovanna just stared at her. What should she do? Her parents told her not to. Then again, her parents also burned her with an iron. Maybe they were the wrong ones here. She subconsciously moved her hand to rest on her opposite arm. They had burned her before sending her to the daycare, and it still burned. Jackie noticed this too. "Is something wrong?"

To trust Jackie or to not trust Jackie...

"It hurts."

….

Lizzie wiped the tears off of her face. Whether or not these tears were directed at the fact that her husband Nicky Arnstein had just left her she was not sure. She still felt so alone, standing up there. That was the point, wasn't it?

"Oh my man I love him so... he'll never know..."

It was then that she saw them. Sitting in the second row. Her sister. Her uncles. Her grandfather. Her great grandfather.

Her mother...

"For whatever my man is... I am his... forever more!" She hit that note. She hit that note with all she had inside of her. She could feel all of the air leaving her. She felt powerful. The tears kept coming. She put her hands up in the air and held it out.

The orchestra boomed its last note, and Lizzie stopped to strike the pose. Her eyes were closed, mostly because she was hoping that the tears would stop the burning from the stage lights. The applause was loud. It was really loud. It just kept going. It wouldn't stop.

When Lizzie opened her eyes, she knew why. The whole audience was standing. She was moved, so very moved by their gratitude. Was this what it was like to be famous? A part of her ate away in guilt. After all she had put everyone through, she didn't deserve this moment of glory.

During the curtain call, Lizzie was spaced. She couldn't focus. She couldn't see. When Ryan walked out to the middle and everyone began clapping for him, Lizzie froze. He tilted his head at her. She was supposed to be out there with him! But, she couldn't move. She had lost all feeling in everything.

She went out there with him and smiled numbly. Once the curtain closed, she didn't budge. Ryan ran over to her once he noticed that she hadn't moved. "Are you okay?"

Lizzie couldn't respond. She was numb. It was all blurry. Everything was blurry. She couldn't breathe. The air was going in too fast and coming out too fast.

"What is the problem?" Another voice. Murray.

"I think she's in shock or something."

"Well, help her sit down!" Murray commanded.

Ryan, she thought, helped her get back to her dressing room chair. He handed her a water bottle. He looked at her with concern. "What's wrong?"

All she could see was him. His hands on her mother. His face when she had shot him. Her parents' lives ending in front of her face. It all flashed before her eyes. Her mother's proud smile in the audience. Why was she proud? She hadn't done anything well! She needed to get out of here!

"Ryan," she mumbled quietly, so quietly he probably didn't hear her. Except he did, and he was at her side immediately.

"What can I do?"

"Need fresh air." She mumbled. He helped her off of the chair and slowly walked her through the door into the night. The school lights provided the only illumination as he led her to the bench.

"That ending was killer. It was the best you've ever done." Ryan complimented. "I don't think it was from a place of acting though. I think that something went through your head tonight, and it scared you. I don't mean to get all psycho babble on you, because I don't, but I'm here for you if you want to tell me."

Lizzie could finally feel her heart relax in her chest. She took a deep breath.

"I saw the man that I murdered. I saw him murder my parents. I saw him rape my mom. And the worst part? I was singing to him, in a way. He was my father. And somehow, inside me, I feel that I love him. He murdered my parents and raped my mother twice, but I still feel like..."

Ryan didn't hesitate in wrapping an arm around her and formulating a response. That could only mean two things: he was lying or he was a keeper. "That's okay. He's your father. No matter what he's done."

"That's why I freaked out. I saw my mother in the audience smiling at me and I thought of her in pain with him. That's when I realized I wasn't singing to just anyone. I am such a psycho nutjob." She laughed satirically. Of course this would happen to her.

"You are not. You have gone through some pretty crazy stuff."

"I know. You're telling me." Lizzie laughed again.

"Admissions from NYU and Julliard were in the audience tonight." Ryan mumbled quietly. "I think they were looking for you backstage."

Lizzie sat up, fixing her hair subconsciously. "Are you kidding me?"

"No. I think it had something to do with your rich New York family, though."

"I don't think so. I think it was all Murray with his connections that he likes to brag about but only uses when appropriate for him."

Lizzie stood up from the bench, dusting herself off. She rubbed the tears from underneath her eyes and walked back into the building. The dressing room backstage had emptied out notoriously and the only person left standing there was Murray.

"Lizzie, there's someone I would like you to meet. This is my friend Harv, from Julliard admissions."

Lizzie's heart skipped a beat. Her dream come true!

"Miss, I saw something tonight that I have not seen in a very long time. That last song you did was full of raw emotion. It might not have been for the intended purposes, but it created a scene that was so raw and so passionate. You don't see that in every high school show. Come to think of it, you don't see it in a tenth of all high school shows. Now, it is my understanding that you hope to move to New York next year to continue your education in the arts..."

Lizzie nodded aggressively.

"Then call this number when you're in town. Admissions will make time for you." She got handed a card. The card. The Julliard wants you card.

"Thank you so very much, sir."

"No, thank you. I may have cried just a little bit during your performance. I was moved. Thank you." The man walked away. Lizzie stood there with her mouth handing open, and Murray just looked smug.

"Also, there's a group of people sitting out there in the audience waiting for you. They've been waiting for quite a while from what I understand. Keep this family, Leezl, they're good for you."

Lizzie stood in that spot, clutching the card in her hand for she didn't know how long. She didn't know if she was ready to go down there yet and face them. She was afraid that if she did, that guilt and whatever had come before her would come out again and they wouldn't be able to snap her out of it.

"Julliard girl. Can you hook me up?" Ryan called from behind her. She turned to smile at him.

"Did you get anything?"

Ryan swallowed. "No. But I don't really know if I want to keep acting in the future. I don't think that's really my strong suit. I think something with music would serve me better. That song you gave me, I was so happy trying to find a guitar cord that went with it. It felt so... natural."

Lizzie walked, attempting to close the gap between them. "I think you should come to New York with me."

"What?" Ryan was slightly taken aback by this comment. He had plans to go to... somewhere.

"Come study there. I want to show you my city. I thought Chicago was city, but it's not. It's New York. And New York is beautiful and... come with me."

"Lizzie..."

She didn't know if that was the right time to run at him and push her lips against his, but then again, she never really had good timing with anything. To her surprise, he kissed her back. It wasn't that awkward tongue stuff. It was passionate and...

Happiness bloomed inside of her. Whatever she had been feeling earlier that night had diminished entirely. She had Julliard. She had Ryan. Maybe she had her family. Even if she didn't, she still had places to go.

Lizzie slowly pulled her lips off. "I want you to meet my family, and then later... we can continue this..." she smiled. She took his hand and pulled him out to where the Reagans were all sitting.

"I'm so glad you're all here. I am sorry I didn't invite you personally, I have been really caught in all of this stuff. A Julliard rep gave me his card. They want me to audition for Julliard!"

"Lizzie! That's amazing." Lizzie's smile faded when she turned to face her mother. Her mom. She couldn't stop herself as she ran at her mother and threw herself into her arms.

"I am so proud of you baby. You're truly a star."

Lizzie couldn't stop the tears that began coming down her cheeks.

Danny soon cut in. "This is all very sweet, but that Chinese restaurant we passed on the way here had a discount hour. Let's go! And Lizzie, you better introduce me to your boyfriend!"

Ryan looked terrified.