this chapter is lonnnnggggg. you're welcome :)

Lizzie stared at him. That had been... interesting. They always said that the first time was the most awkward, the most inexperienced. Lizzie grabbed the sheet, wrapping it around herself. She picked up the guitar from where it had been thrown across the floor. Strumming, she began to hum.

"What is that you're playing?" Ryan asked, rolling over to look at her.

"I wasn't lying. I needed your help writing the song. My mom said something to me tonight that really stuck. She said that we are all the writers of our own stories. We write our own endings. I think that should be like, the catchphrase of our show."

"So... um..." he started. He clearly still felt awkward about the whole situation. They had done it. Did that make them dating? Were they friends?

"Ryan." Lizzie groaned. "Don't overthink this."

"What was this, Liz? Was this you just wanting to have sex, or do you actually love me?"

Lizzie put down the notebook she was holding in her hand and turned to look at him. "How many times do I have to tell you that I love you?"

"But do you really? Like, that can't-eat-can't-sleep-reach-for-the-stars sort of love?"

Lizzie dropped her eyebrows. "I don't know. We aren't Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd. This isn't some epic story. I have loved you since the day I met you. I didn't think you would ever feel the same way... but now I'm not sure."

"Of course I do. I wouldn't have done this if I didn't. I'm not one of those guys." He sat up. "Do you think that?"

Lizzie shrugged. "I don't know. Can we please work on the song?"

Ryan looked at her, frowning. He slowly picked up the guitar and faced her notebook, filled with her chicken scratch, towards him. He picked a chord, and let his fingers fall across the strings. He looked back up at her. She was distancing herself again, and he was determined to break that shell.

...

"C'mon! We're going to have a slumber party! It's going to be so much fun!" Jackie smiled at the little girl, clutching her hand. She had not said a word the whole ride to the apartment. Joe had insisted that they go back to the apartment since Joe owned it, and not to a hotel room.

Joe opened the door, leading into a relatively untouched living area. He could hear the strums of the guitar and his niece singing. He let the door slam behind him, Jackie, and Jovanna. He heard the strumming stop, then the sound of feet on the floor.

"Someone is here!" Lizzie hissed to Ryan, and the both of them scrambled to put clothes on. She was not in the mood for another lecture from her three uncles. Once one of them knew, they all knew.

Lizzie threw on a sweatshirt and sweatpants before walking out into the main room.

"Izzie!" Jovanna squealed at the side of the girl, running towards her and attaching herself onto her 'sister's' leg. Lizzie furrowed her brows. This escalated quickly. Jackie and Joe both stared at this sight with widened eyes.

"Lizzie." she began. "Does she know you from somewhere?"

Lizzie ignored her for that moment, lifting her sister into her arms. To her surprise, the girl didn't flinch at her touch. She must've remembered those days in her life before she was placed into other living arrangements. She associated those times with being happy.

"How's my favorite girl? I missed you!" She tickled the youngster, and Jackie and Joe gaped at the sight of their daughter laughing.

"Izzie stop!"

"Elizabeth Reagan." Her uncle started. Lizzie looked at him, her face now serious. "How does Jov recognize you? She's never met you before..."

Lizzie took a deep breath. "That's not true. She lived with me and my parents. They were going to push forward with the adoption, but they never made it there. After I left, I didn't think about her. She wasn't at home when it happened. I knew social services would take her to another family. It wasn't like they were going to let me see her or keep her."

"And it didn't once occur to you while you were here and listening to us talk about our child?"

"No. Because it would be a really ironic twist of fate if both of the Reagans that were put up for adoption ended up in the same city with the same parents. That would mean that we live in a really small world, wouldn't it? I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier. I wasn't trying to lie to you. I was putting the pieces together."

Jackie moved forward, as if to take Jovanna back from Lizzie's arms. Jovanna hesitated, inching forward into Lizzie. Lizzie sensed this, and quickly talked to the girl. "Hey Jovie... you see that lady over there?" The girl slowly moved her head, leaning it against Lizzie's chest, staring at her mother. She gave a slight nod. "That's your mama. And you see that guy over there? That's your daddy."

The girl shook her head. These were not the same people that claimed to be her mommy and daddy earlier. That was before the other mommies and daddies hurt her. She didn't understand her sister. Her sister was safe, that much she knew but...

"You know how mommies make babies in their tummies?" Lizzie tried. The girl nodded. "You came from her tummy. She had to go away for a little while, but she's ready to be your mommy now. And I'm going to be your best buddy again, alright?"

The girl hesitated again, then nodded.

"Slow but steady." Lizzie said, directing it at the new parents. "Slow and steady."

The moment would have been perfect had Ryan not walked out of the bedroom in only his boxers. Lizzie blushed, and Ryan quickly ducked back into the bedroom. Jackie let out a laugh, giving Lizzie a pat on the shoulder, and Joe looked like he wanted to beat the crap out of Ryan.

...

Lizzie stared at the tombstones. They were almost mocking her. Haha. Look at your life and your bad streak! Your birth mom was raped, your parents were murdered, your mother was raped again, you killed men, and you shot your uncle for no reason.

Haha. Life's a bench, ain't it?

"Hi Mom, Dad. Sorry about all of the commotion the last time I was here. I didn't know what I was doing. Walking around with some wig, disrespecting you both. I am here to apologize. For that and for all the bratty things I did as a child. I don't think I was particularly bratty, but I was an only child who always got what she wanted, so..." Lizzie stopped to chuckle halfheartedly. She pulled her cardigan more tightly around herself as the wind blew. It was awfully cold for May... maybe she should have brought a jacket.

"So I'm auditioning to get into Julliard. My dream school. It's in New York, so I will be living there. I will come and visit you, though, from time to time. I have family there, they will keep me company. At least you two have each other. And I know it in my gut that you would be screaming in joy if you were here right now. My first word was Julliard. Not mama. Not dada. Not cookie. Julliard. I am surprised they invited me in. I was such a mess. Maybe it was the name on my application. Elizabeth Francine Johnson-Reagan. I may have mentioned that Frank Reagan, NYPD Commissioner, was my grandfather." She chuckled again.

"I'm so sorry you died. Mom. Dad. If you weren't my parents, Jovanna wouldn't have-"

"I'm sorry. Not just for this, but for everything." A voice ripped away Lizzie from her thoughts. Her thoughts told how she was an orphan and that the parents she had known her whole life were gone, and how the New York family cared so much that they had literally driven halfway across the country.

It was her mother. Erin. She looked away when she immediately felt more tears in her eyes. Erin stepped closer to her. "I'm sorry for giving you up in the first place. You might not have had this life, but you still would have had a good life. That was a mistake."

"You should've just aborted me. I wasn't meant to be born. I was an inconvenience to you and your whole family. Look what happened to your mother. Look what happened to my parents. They're dead because of me. Jovanna ended up in bad foster care. The kind that people write about. That wouldn't have happened if-"

Erin cut her daughter off. She wasn't sure how many times she was going to have to tell her that she was important and that she needed to treat herself better. "You and Nicky are the two greatest things that have ever happened to me. Maybe I wasn't too ready at the time, but I'm ready now. Your parents knew the risks, and they died protecting you. Come back to New York with me. Study in New York. That's what you wanted, right? Your parents would have wanted you to be happy, and to have a family."

"I just... Needed to come back here. To see this place one more time. Finish what my parents started. You understand that, don't you?" Lizzie questioned, feeling she was going to get scolded for standing in the middle of a cemetery.

"I could've come with you. You didn't have to do this by yourself." Erin started sounding like her assistant district attorney self again, and not an emotional scarred rape victim. It made Erin feel more back in place. And she didn't sound mad, per say. She just sounded worried the young adult might disappear into the dust again.

"But I wanted to. I'm an adult, I don't need you following me around." Lizzie crossed her arms.

"Even though there were psychos on the loose trying to catch you only a month ago? In which you purposely threw yourself into the fire." Erin crossed her arms at her daughter, the two of them facing each other, but still far away. Like they didn't trust each other to get close again. Erin let out a breath.

She approached her daughter, wrapping an arm around Lizzie and pulling her in. Lizzie nuzzle her hair into Erin. She was warm... and Lizzie was cold. Erin kissed the top of her head. By this time Joe and Jackie were standing next to them. Joe ran his hand through his niece's hair and his niece jumped at him, attacking him in a hug.

"Thanks for protecting me all the time." Lizzie mumbled. "God knows I needed it."

"No problem kid. I'm going to protect you from that Ryan kid too. He's not getting anywhere near my niece." He chuckled, giving her a smirk. Erin tilted her head at her daughter. She hadn't known about this. She would have to find out about it later.

Lizzie released from her uncle and walked towards Jackie, who was behind the group for the feeling that she didn't belong. Jackie leaned against a tree, arms crossed, tears running down her cheeks.

"I am so sorry Jackie. I am sorry about Jov and Joe and..." she rambled. "You deserve all the happiness in the world. And I am sorry that the world is cruel and doesn't want to give it to you. But the world is so goddamn wrong. Everyone deserves happiness, but for some reason the snobbier portion gets it easier than the rest." Lizzie glanced from her mother to her uncle, back to her 'aunt'.

"I hope she grows up to be just like you, my sweet girl. Kind, caring, strong. With my luck, she inherited all of my dumb streaks, my ugly laugh, tendency to do stupid things... I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can be her mother."

"You can, and you will. We're all going to help you. You're not alone in this anymore." Lizzie gave Jackie a hug, and she meant every word.

...

"To my fellow classmates..." Lizzie began, standing on the podium in front of her whole high school class. "If you had told me my life would change how it did a year ago, I would have told you it was crazy. Things like these only happen in books. We aren't soap opera characters." She looked at her mother, her uncle, her grandfather, and her baby cousin all sitting in the audience, "we are the characters of our own stories. These stories aren't the type that magically resolve themselves at the end. We have to resolve these issues ourselves for ourselves. We wrote these stories with our time and our patience and our tears. It is with these things that we write the endings. And with every ending comes a new beginning. To the class of 2011, I bid you a farewell and a congratulations on the ending of your book. With the conclusion of this story, comes the beginning of another. This is your turning point, so slam the book, shelf it, and look at it when you need to, but start writing the next one. Cause this is it, this is your welcome into the slightly more adult world. Best of luck to all of you."

With the applause of the audience, she resumed her seat upon the stage. She noticed Ryan winking at her, and she smiled back.

"I'm so proud of you." Her mother started, mushing her daughter into a hug as soon as she had stepped close enough. "You finished all of that work and managed to do it with a perfect GPA after everything that happened. I'm so lucky I get to call you my daughter."

Lizzie attempted to keep her tears from that at bay but was saved when she felt a certain toddler hug her leg. "Yay Izzie!" she squealed, hugging the leg. With a sniffle, Lizzie lifted her favorite baby girl into her arms, giving her a tickle.

Jackie and Joe soon followed, making her the deli in an aunt and uncle sandwich. She smiled, happy to be a part of their family. "Lizzie, you need to give some of your smartness to me." Jackie chuckled. "You Reagans are too smart!"

Joe replied to this statement once they had been relieved of their hug. "She only says that because she knows our child will grow up to be Reagan smart!"

"Well Linda was a married-in Reagan and she..." Lizzie tuned them out once she saw her guy standing several feet in front of her. Putting Jovanna down, she chuckled before running at him. He caught her, surprisingly, lifting her up into the air.

"That was such a good speech." He mused. "How did I get someone like you?"

"You didn't." Lizzie chuckled. "I was the lucky one."

"I have something for you." Ryan said as he put her down and dragged her out of the gym into the hallways where parents and graduates were walking in, walking out, and taking photos. Lizzie wasn't sure where they were going and let Ryan lead her to the music room. He left her standing before sticking his hand into a guitar case and pulling out a jewelry box, like the ones you see in the movies.

He got on one knee, and Lizzie could feel her heart racing. She prayed to God he wasn't going to propose to her because she was way too young and wouldn't even consider it at this point in time.

Clicking open the box, she saw a necklace staring back at her. "I wanted to get you something to remember me by. I love you. I want to spend my life with you. I don't know how long it's going to take me to get to New York, but I will find my way to you. Until then, keep this around your neck and close to your heart so you will have me near you always."

The necklace had, of course, a reference to a Broadway musical. Inscribed were the words, remember me, that's all I ask of you.

She put it around her neck and never took it off again.

...

It was weird; it was surreal. Lizzie put a 'for sale' on her childhood home. She whisked boxes away to goodwill, and Erin helped her box the things that she wanted to take with her back to New York. The whole crew took a plane back to New York. Erin loaded her apartment with all of Lizzie's things while Nicky stood on the side and rolled her eyes.

"You're overjoyed that I'm back, aren't you?" Lizzie had joked.

Ryan told her that it was his plan to come see her as soon as possible. She had agreed, knowing that he had a lot of other things to deal with. He was financially constrained, and he responsibilities in his family in Chicago. Lizzie felt a little guilty that she had inherited a rich family and had offered to stay with him, but Ryan had told her she had to go be with her mother and with her family. Lizzie couldn't argue very well with that.

Despite it being June, the Reagans were very set on using their fame to get Lizzie into a school despite how late it was. Not only that, but she was incredibly talented and had had a reason for her distraction from school.

She called Julliard and set up an appointment with them for the next week. They were extremely confused, as auditions never came in that late in the year for the following term. Lizzie only spent that whole week freaking out over it. She spent her days fretting over which song to sing and walking around the apartment singing. Nicky, of course, was annoyed. She tried to get her mother's attention on the subject, but Erin was extremely busy trying to catch up on all her court cases while the girls spent their days with Frank or Lizzie went to Joe's to help with Jovanna.

Lizzie spent a long time debating whether or not she should say something to Nicky, like a big sister should. She wasn't entirely keen on the subject, as she had only had to be a big sister to Jov, which was not very hard, but Nicky was older. She wanted to be treated like an adult. And Lizzie knew she felt inferior to her older sister, for whatever reason.

One night, the night before Lizzie's Julliard audition, she laid awake in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She was listening to the Spotify on her iPad at full blast, trying to comfort her nerves. She was bouncing between the Wicked soundtrack, and her alternative rock playlist. She had a nervous set in her stomach, which was weird considering all that she had gone through. She had become confident, fearless even, in the time after her trauma. Life didn't seem all that scary anymore. It was a little shocking to her how upset she was by this.

She decided on getting up to go get some chocolate milk and oreos to hopefully calm her nerves. Music in her ears, she tip toed down the hallway to the kitchen, opening the fridge and pouring her NYC mug full. She almost had a heart attack when she turned around and her sister was standing there, staring at her.

Lizzie yanked the music out of her eyes, placing a hand on her chest. She glared at Nicky, who wouldn't stop giving her that look. Finally, her eyebrows dropped and she frowned in concern at her older sister.

"You're nervous, aren't you?" The younger asked.

The older nodded. "A little. I'm listening to music, eating some comfort food. I can't sleep."

"Me either." The younger said, sitting at the counter. Her sister leaned over the other side in concern.

"Is everything alright?"

"Ever since Mom left, I spend a lot of time laying awake. I wonder if that's going to be the last night we sleep in peace. When you were all gone, I stayed with Grandpa and Pops, and I just- I couldn't function. I know you think I'm some spoiled brat that went through life way too easy, but the truth is that I'm incredibly jealous of you. You're so strong, smart, funny, beautiful. I'm none of these things. I want to be like you. I want Mom to look at me like she looks at you."

Her older sister peered over the counter at her as she dunked her Oreo in her chocolate milk. "Nicky, I'm not all that great at this older sister stuff, but I need you to know something. You and me, we're different people. But that's not a bad thing. It's a good thing. There are things that Mom loves about you that she doesn't love about me. There are things about Mom she'd rather forget. She looks at me and she sees the guilt. She feels guilty about leaving me when I was a baby and that I had to go through what we went through. She sees you and she sees someone innocent. You're a flower and I'm a trash can. And you are smart. You're strong. You're a Reagan, aren't you? You want to be a cop for god's sake, that's something I could never do, even if I do come from a family of cops. And you're beautiful. I hate your haircut, I think you should grow it out, but you're beautiful."

Her sister couldn't help but let out a laugh. "You're not a trash can. If I'm a flower, then you're a rosebush."

"Enough with the analogies. You're you. You're you and you're not me. You should be proud of who you are." She cleared her throat. "Remember who you are, Simba," she deadpanned. Her sister smiled back at her.

"You're pretty good at this older sister stuff, Lizzie."

Lizzie smiled back at her sister. "Do you want to sleep in my bed with me tonight? And if you want, you can come with me tomorrow. I would love it if you kept me calm on the way there."

"I'd like that very much."