Chapter 11: It's gray, not pink.
"You are fired! How can you go and get drunk and you have a mission? You realize that it is three o'clock in the morning?" the old lady scolded Kyoya and Hikaru while they were laughing one to each other. The lady tried to open the door to throw them outside. "It isn't opening to people with the coefficient of intelligence of 78!" said Kyoya as mocking her and Hikaru laughed more at it. They got out when the door finally opened and the lady threw them some money.
They shrugged and went back to the bar.
"So... Can I ask you a question?" he whispered without looking at her. She also didn't face him. "It depends."
"Where are you going where you are sad? Or what are you doing?" he asked softly and looked at her. She smiled shortly with scorn and pity, looking a bit at him and then away. "I am holding the pain for myself and nobody knows that I am sad." He chuckled because he found it really amusing. "But... today you didn't. You still don't wanna accept that everyone needs to be rescued sometimes?" he reproved her in a playful way. She pretended she didn't hear anything by looking at her glass.
"I am very curious what he saw in her and didn't see in me." she mumbled as looking bored in nowhere, then shaking her head and crossing her arms. That annoyed him a bit.
'Yeah, big deal... I'm also wondering why my heart is beating like this if I'm not sick. I guess some questions cannot be answered. Hah. And you say you wonder why he left you. Isn't it funny? I'm trying so hard to fool myself but I'm failing every time. I gave you my whisky without a word. And I gave you my morphine so easy. Someone, please, save me from this nightmare. And, you know what? You were right. You were very right. And I was wrong. But even if I know I am wrong, I know I am right because somehow I am right with myself and I love this feeling. And... I don't know why. I have no idea. I don't know why, but if you'd tell me to look in your eyes and say that you aren't meaning anything to me... I don't know what would happen. Something awful? Probably. Ah, how easy would be without you. But let's look differently: What if you are my soul mate and you are going to break my heart like Hyoma broke yours? Am I going to cry next to a glass of tequila, just like you? Maybe. Better gin. Or martini. Am I going to be over? Probably. Am I going to still love you even you hurt me so much? You still ask? So... Problem solved. What was so hard? The key is to discover what you feel and all the stress will disappear. Now I'm okay. Hah. It was too easy. I was fired and... thrown outside just because of you but I'm alright. Kyoya, you're crazy! I should visit a psychiatrist. I... put my own person on the second place in my life. And that's a serious problem. And I cannot be like before. And that's another problem. Cause I never met a person that I cannot treat with coldness. I hate you, Hikaru. More than anyone. I hate you because you changed me so much. I didn't want a change! My life was perfect! I cannot suffer you! I'd kill you with my own hands...! ... if my heart and my nightingales would not stop me every time I wanna storm off in a fury because I cannot take your presence anymore! I should've let you where I found you! I should've never looked at you for more than three seconds! I should've never accepted the fact that you are here and I should've driven you away! That's what I worth because I was so stupid to think that you are like Madoka! I was stupid, stupid, very stupid! Madoka is... You are different! You are made for me! You are perfect! I'm not imagining me and Madoka walking together in the park hand to hand because it is so stupid to see a good girl like Madoka with a bad guy like me! It's just... It's impossible! I cannot imagine me and a girl in the park! But I'm imagining me and a girl in a bar. And Madoka is too sweet for bars, but you are cheeky and you are saucy and you aren't sweet! And you aren't smiling all the time and everyone knows how much I hate those shit-eating grins! And I love the fact that... you make me feel like an idiot if I'm trying to act like a gentleman when you are with me. So it's just... I'm myself when I'm with you. I'm not the guy who'd help a girl to put her coat on. I'm not the guy who'd send a girl at her home. I don't care that you are a girl. I'm not saying to myself that I can't yell at you because you're a girl. I don't care. I'm yelling at you. That's me. I have a lot of defects. And... Fairytales are some nonsense! We are made to love people we mustn't then to burn in the flames of the hell! I can just watch you... I also wanna touch you! Love isn't coloring everything in pink! It is destroying everything, coloring it in gray! Love is the ugliest thing in this world! It's just... I'm trying so hard to pretend that it's nothing, that's almost obvious that I love you, so what should I do? Tell you that you are everything I see around me, hoping maybe you will take it as a joke? And I realized this suddenly. Very suddenly. So suddenly, that it don't makes sense. I have no idea how it happened. Maybe it's better so. But... it would have been even better for everyone if Hyoma wouldn't have left you. If I would have known that you are happy, I would have been happy, too and it would have been easier for me. It's the first time in my life when I'm not fighting for a thing I want. Life isn't forgetting anyone. And life has just pain. Or maybe three parts pain and one part is filled with other things. But I still wanna say... that... if you cheat on the person you love, then... you have no idea what you lose. You are stupid if you cheat on the person you love. You are an idiot if you do this. I just cannot understand... why he cheated on her. She's amazing. This guy beats me. And... I'm not blind to see just qualities in Hikaru. I'm just very naive, but I'm not blind. And she has a lot of defects. And... Maybe Hikaru is poisoning me or maybe she's just killing me slowly but without any intention, but I really love her and... if I would have been Hyoma... I couldn't cheat on her even if I'd want. Cause she's the first person who moved me so much. She taught me to be... better. And... I know that I mustn't let a girl drag me down. But... I have to wait. Because fate always wins. I'll live... and I'll see.'
"But... Where are we sleeping this night?" asked Hikaru, totally shaking Kyoya's thoughts, jolting him. He thought a bit cause, he had to admit, it was a problem. He started to worry but finally found an answer: "Well... I don't really know. We found something. We have money for tickets so leaving won't be a problem. If someone drinks less tequila..."
"And if someone drinks less gin..." she retorted to him with some angry eyes which were cute at the same time. Her eyes made him laugh. "Look at those pretty eyes of her..." he mocked her, looking with interest and playfulness in her eyes. She looked away with anger but with a vague amusement. He also looked away and put his elbow on the counter. Then he talked to the bartender: "I always wanted to know... why bartenders are so nice?" he asked.
The bartender looked puzzled then smiled. "Well... We are bored. We need conversation, but there aren't many people here for speaking with. Many drunkards or medallion men and... You know. And bartenders are some nice people. We are taking care of everyone. People come here when they are depressed, to escape. Just like you. So we are accepting to talk... if someone wants." Kyoya pouted. Well, he didn't think at that. Hikaru didn't say anything, just minded her business with the tequila.
"Marry me, Hikaru!" Kyoya suddenly exclaimed, without looking at her, trying to hide his amusement and hold back his laugh. She spitted all the drink she was about to swallow, then looked puzzled at him. "What?" He burst into laughing. "You should see your face, man!" he laughed of her. Her expression was a frozen one but finally she giggled vaguely and drank the tequila which remained in her glass. "You are a legend..." she whispered looking at him with the corner of his eyes. "I cannot drink anymore." she announced, but her announce didn't resist for too long. "Ok... Just one more, please!" she ordered. Kyoya laughed at that. "YOU are a true legend, not me." he teased her and drank from his gin. The bartender brought Hikaru a glass of tequila. "Thanks." Then an idea hit her. She sprinkled Kyoya with tequila, but then she threw all the tequila at him. He startled but didn't really realize what was happening. He cleaned his eyes and looked at her.
"What are you doing?" he asked with confused eyes. She burst into laughing. "Nothing." Kyoya got angry and throw his gin at her. "Oh, really? Just wait! Hey, hey, give me a bottle of beer!" he ordered to the bartender, without looking at him. The bartender looked confused, but shrugged and gave him what he wanted. Kyoya opened the bottle and sprinkled beer on Hikaru, who ran away. Kyoya gave some money to the bartender and ran to catch her.
They left the bar running. "Wait, wait! I promise that in a flash I'll become the darkest nightmare you ever had!" he threatened Hikaru while chasing her. Hikaru was about to die of laughing.
"Oh, really? I'm not so sure." she contradicted with him. "Just watch me!" Kyoya warned her and quickened his pace. As Hikaru saw that, she did the same.
They ran until they arrived at a big pool which was in a yard. The yard was enclosed by a fence. Hikaru stopped there and thought a bit. Then she climbed on the fence and got in the yard. Kyoya did the same thing and started to chase her around the pool. They were tired and they were panting.
'Ah... I have to be careful. If she pushes me in the cold water when I'm not paying attention? Ah... Why this water didn't freeze? It's winter! Who's using the pool in February? This town is filled with strange fellows!'
"Wait, you little mischief!" he yelled to her. Then an idea hit Hikaru again. She slowed down the pace and when he was about to catch her, she quickly pushed him straight in the cold water. Then she peered around. She saw a gate and she ran there, opened it and left the yard. "Ah!" moaned Kyoya, getting out from the water. Now he had two reasons to catch Hikaru, so he continued chasing her.
They arrived on some streets were the snow was completely melted. They weren't really sure where they were. It was cold and dark and they were walking though that water so they got dirty very quickly. And Kyoya's clothes were wet and Hikaru was still about to die of laughing.
"You can run but you cannot hide!" Kyoya yelled at her. "Oh, really? And what if I keep running?" she argued with him. Then she suddenly stumbled over something and fell down. "Ouch!" she wailed but quickly stood up. They continued running a bit, but Hikaru fell again, without stumbling over anything this time. "Ah... My foot!" Kyoya took that chance and sprinkled all the beer on her. Well, it was more foam than beer but it was okay. Hikaru laughed and tried to stay away, but it was unavoidable.
"Haha, stop! Now help me! I smell like a drunkard! I smell like a beer..." Kyoya had the intention to help her getting up, but an evil thought made him stop. He chuckled devilishly and lifted Hikaru up in his arms. "What are you doing?" asked Hikaru as trying to escape, but she failed. Kyoya walked back at the pool with Hikaru in his arms. Then he threw her in the cold water. "AAAAAAAAHHHHH! It is cold! Help mee!" she cried for help, but Kyoya didn't have pity. He was about to roll on the ground of laughing at seeing Hikaru trying so hard to get out.
She finally left that water, shivering. Kyoya saw that two black trails were falling from her eyes. "What do you have on your eyes?" he asked with confused eyes. Hikaru sweat dropped. "It's the mascara which flowed in contact with the water." she explained on a tired tone. "Ahhhh... My eyes are smarting!" she wailed. Kyoya made fun of her.
"You look like a witch!" he finally found a word to describe her looking. "Mr... You bewitched me!" Hikaru got really pissed-off with that. "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat did you say? You think I am a bitch perhaps?" She pushed him in the cold water. "Not again...!" He swam at the edge of the pool and put his elbows there. He stared with a sly smirk at Hikaru. "You are so beautiful..." he complimented her while examining her. It didn't really impress Hikaru. Kyoya continued to stare bewitched at her but finally got out from the water.
"No, no... Seriously... you are very beautiful." Hikaru raised an eyebrow. "Well... Thanks?"