Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors or any of the brands mentioned in this story.
Jayfeather, Lionblaze, Dovewing, and Hollyleaf padded into camp, and everyone cheered.
Lionblaze stood on a rock, and announced. "We found from the expedition that… Leafstar is a sexy hottie!" He yowled.
Everyone cheered. "Whoop!"
Firestar bit into one of Poppyfrost's sugary treats. "What the Dark Forest, this tastes like sh*t!" He exclaimed, and Poppyfrost yowled in sadness. Firestar preferred his mate Sandstorm's sugary treats.
Jayfeather suddenly got struck with a vision from StarClan.
A blue jay flew up to a lovely mourning dove, and they began to mate. "AWW!" Jayfeather meowed in it, but then interpreted it. "I have to mate with Dovewing? But she's an ugly beotch! And I'm a medicine cat!" "You must…. In order for the prophecy to become true…" Honeyfern murmured in his ear, in a seductive voice.
Hollyleaf was angry. She peeked at Brambleclaw as he slept. Molepaw had told her that Brambleclaw did something terrible in her absence.
He used the Dirtplace, which was against the code! Hollyleaf would burn him to death, in his sleep.
Dovewing searched out Ivypool, hoping she was alive. She found her shaved of her fur, and double fatter. "Ivypool, what the f happened?" She was in utter shock.
"I gav hur a ferkut! Lik it?" Purdy exclaimed, all his teeth missing, as usual.
"No, I don't, you skank-ass hillbilly cat!" Dovewing hissed, and Purdy went to go get a lap dance from Mousefur as he cried.
"Hey, Purdy did a fine job!" Ivypool defended the elder, as some blood welled from a wound on her bald skin caused by the furcut.
"Yeah, and birds can fly!" Dovewing retaliated. "Have you been taking extra prey, too?"
"Oh, no, I'm preggers with Foxleap's kits!" Ivypool joyfully exclaimed. "Aren't you happy for me?"
"That's great! Unexpected, but great!" Dovewing purred, truly happy that her sister picked up a tom and was pregnant.
Lionblaze went behind the warrior den to meet Cinderheart. "Oh, hey, Lionblaze! FYI, I'm breaking up with you. I like Mousewhisker now!" Cinderheart happily exclaimed, and Mousewhisker emerged from the shadows, and the two warriors intensely made out. Lionblaze hissed. "Filthy little whore!" He yowled, and padded into the normal camp, his tail trailing in the dust.
"Baby you're a Firework, come on show 'em what you're worth, make 'em go UH, UH UH, as you shoot across the SKY-SKY-SKY!" Toadstep, the gay tom of ThunderClan, sang as Lionblaze passed by, observing that he needed some empowerment.
Lionblaze smiled, feeling lift up, and started marching around camp, singing with Toadstep. "We're walking on sunshine, ohohoh, we're walking on sunshine, ohohoh, and were trying ta feel good!" They sang gayly in unison.
After singing, Toadstep and Lionblaze made out in a random bush.
Millie carried around signs that said 'TIGERSTAR ROCKS; REINCARNATE HIM!'
"He was an evil killer! How dare you flash those signs!" Cloudtail remarked.
Millie let out a 'pff.' "So what, he killed maybe ten or fifteen cats and almost wiped out the clans, so what, who cares?" She disregarded everyone's outrage at her pro-Tigerstar propaganda.
Hollyleaf threw the burning match at Brambleclaw's nest, and he set on fire. "IIIIEEEEE!" The deputy yowled. Sorreltail noticed this as she passed by the den. "BRAMBLECLAW'S ON FIRE! CALL IN THE THUNDERCLAN FIRE SQUAD!" She yowled at the top of her lungs.
"The ThunderClan Fire Squad… Here to save the day!" Graystripe meowed in a deep voice, as him, Brackenfur, Spiderleg, Bumblestripe, Hazeltail, and Icecloud all assembled. All five carried the hose. "SPRAY!" Spiderleg shouted, and the hose sprayed down Brambleclaw.
Brambleclaw was transported to the medicine den for 3-degree-burns. Jayfeather groaned. "Dammit, I have to screw Dovewing, and now heal Brambleclaw's nasty burns! My life SUCKS! I hate everyone! Go to Dark Forest!" He irritably started to heal Brambleclaw, thinking of a way to screw Dovewing, because of the dream he received from StarClan.
Hollyleaf went on a hunting patrol with Dustpelt, Thornclaw, and Blossomfall. "Brambleclaw survived… Darn." She muttered, and noticed a mouse right at her paws. She tried to claw it, but the mouse evaded attack. "Fox dung!"
"Dude, that looks like the easiest catch every, lame beotch!" Blossomfall laughed, and picked up the mouse, killing it.
"Blossomfall, watch your language, beotch!" Thornclaw yowled, and Dustpelt nodded in agreement.
Dovewing chewed on an empty can of Root Beer by the nettle patch quickly, and with her stomach full, she decided to cast her senses. She gasped. A pack of obese kittypets werr only fifty yards from the camp, heading for it to attack! "Oh no!" She meowed.
A cliffhanger! What was the funniest joke? Please review, and come back for the next chapter!