Happy Wednesday, my lovelies! Since I had an amazing birthday (I actually managed to get my mind off of writing for a bit and stopped having an existential crisis for a few hours!), I've decided to post this chapter early. And I feel like I don't do this like... ever, so I'd like to thank you guys for the constant support and reviews. My heart flutters every time I get the emails and it chips away at the constant cloud of gloom I seem to have over my head. So I'd just like to thank my lovely readers and I hope you all have a nice day! ~Shaymie

Alex's POV

"What the hell happened between you and Lo?" I hissed as I barged into Darcy's room, tripping over a pile of clothes. I had never been in her room before. It used to be a guest room (and one of the nicer ones, too) so it was the only room with a bay window. Darcy stiffened at the sound of my voice and got up from her seat in the window. I raised an eyebrow when she turned around, a cigarette in her mouth. Since when did she smoke?

"We just had an argument. We're sisters. It happens." She turned away from me and rubbed her arm. I noticed a red handprint on her cheek and held back a smirk. At least Lo had gotten a good hit in. "It's mostly my fault. I should have just shut my mouth. I said some terrible things to Lori."

"She passed out in my arms when I got home from school. She practically scratched her skin raw. God, did you even take her to therapy today?" Darcy shook her head, her face paling as she put out the cigarette in an ashtray. I frowned. That meant that Lo had been home alone all day. I didn't know how long her panic attack had been going on, but it must have lasted awhile if she was that exhausted.

"I didn't mean any of what I said to her. I want to apologize, but I don't know if she wants to see me. She must hate me. I had no right to say the things I said to her, but the things she said to me were… Well, I can't deny that she had a point." Darcy's expression soured as she settled back down in her window seat. She clutched a pillow tightly to her chest and sighed. She gingerly traced over the mark on her cheek. I didn't even know what their argument had been about, but it must have been something serious to make Lo lash out like that. "I've been a terrible sister. I'm surprised it took this long for Lori to blow up at me."

"Darcy-"

"I'm jealous of you. You haven't even known Lori for a year and she trusts you with everything. It took three years for her to tell me about her father, yet she told you in just a few months." She laughed, a short and bitter sound. I'd never seen her look this broken before. Even when Lo was in the hospital, Darcy refused to let her tough girl facade break. She had been the glue holding us all together. Seeing her on the brink of tears was… unnerving. I couldn't even find it in me to be angry at her. I didn't even know what to say.

"I don't hate you. I wish I could, but I can't hate someone who makes my sister happy. But I hate how… distant Lori and I are now. We used to tell each other everything. But now she barely even talks to me and I've… been keeping something from her. Something big. Everything's just fucked!" Darcy sobbed, looking away from me. Her hands trembled as she reached into her pockets for the box of cigarettes. I frowned and took it from her. It didn't take a genius to see that she smoked when she was stressed. The box felt incredibly light. It was almost empty. Darcy stared at it desperately, but didn't try to take it back.

"Darcy, I want you to talk to Lo when she wakes up. She's messed up over this, and I can tell you are, too. I don't know what kind of secret you're keeping from her, but whatever it is, you need to talk about it. You two are sisters."

"I don't think she'll forgive me for this." She squeezed her pillow and glanced towards the door. "What I'm about to tell you doesn't leave this room. You can't tell Lori."

"You're scaring me, Darcy." She was fidgeting nervously, her body trembling as she started playing with the frayed ends of her shorts. Her face was red and splotchy as tears streamed down it. Every second of silence stressed me out. She let out a frustrated screech and buried her face in the pillow. Whatever she mumbled was muffled by it.

"Darcy, what are you-"

"...I slept with Maria." Her voice was barely audible as she took heaving breaths. I stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate. "I dated her. She… She was Mari. I broke up with her when she told me what she did to Lori, but it doesn't make me feel any less shitty. I wish I could take it back. John's the only person who knows."

"You did what?" I asked, my voice coming out as a whisper. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This had to be some kind of fucking joke. Darcy looked up at me, her bottom lip trembling. She reached out for my arm and frowned when I pulled back. How could she do something like this to her own sister?

"I didn't know, Alex, I swear! If I had known what she did, I wouldn't have dated her!"

"How could you not know, Darcy? Lo told you-"

"She didn't tell me anything about her!" Darcy sobbed. "She hasn't told you anything about her aside from her first name, has she? What she looks like, her last name… She's kept everyone in the dark about it! There's no way I could have known!"

She was right. Lo told us everything Reynolds had done, but she clammed up whenever anybody asked her about Maria. I couldn't tell who she was more scared of. Reynolds, at least, was locked up, far away from her. We didn't have a clue where Maria was. We didn't know who she was. Maria was such a common name. She could be anybody.

"I broke up with her the second I found out," Darcy sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "She told me what she did to Lori like… like she was proud of it. So I left. I've been trying to think of a way to tell Lori, but I'm terrified. What if she doesn't understand? I can't lose my sister again. She's the only person who understood me."

"Understood you? What do you mean?"

"...She knew what it was like to be ignored by a parent. To have every attempt at getting them to notice you brushed off. And years ago, when I was… unsure of who I was, she supported me. She didn't care that I slept with half the people at my school. She didn't call me a slut or a bitch or a… dyke. God, I don't deserve her!" Darcy punched the wall in frustration, tears streaming down her face. I chewed the inside of my cheek. I had come in here to yell at Darcy about what she had said to Lo, but it seemed like she was already beating herself up about it. I could tell that she regretted what she had said. Then again, what she'd said was bad enough to make Lo want to hurt herself. I saw the knife in the bathroom, but didn't see any new marks on her. Maybe she had just been thinking about it.

"I'm going to check on Lo. You should take some time to think about what you're going to say to her." I placed the box of cigarettes on her bed and left the room. I yawned as I walked back to Lo's room. I was ready to go to sleep for the night. School was exhausting. I had been taking notes for both me and Lo so she wouldn't be too far behind when she went back in a few days.

Lo was curled up in bed, a blanket wrapped tightly around her. She must have pulled it closer to her when I left. I got in bed next to her and cupped her cheek, my thumb tracing the tear stains on her face. I had washed her face earlier, but she must have been crying in her sleep again. It wouldn't be the first time it's happened. She's had panic attacks in her sleep before. Those were the most terrifying to deal with, especially when she wouldn't let me touch her.

I kissed her nose and sighed. I'd give anything to be able to take her pain away. She was in so much pain, it wasn't right. She tried to hide it behind fake smiles, but I could tell that she hated it. She hated the mood swings. She hated the anxiety. She hated the medicine. She hated the fact that nobody trusted her to be alone. After what could have happened today, I didn't blame them. How close had Lo gotten to hurting herself? What had stopped her from doing it?

"Please don't scare me like that again," I whispered, pulling her into my arms. She sighed in her sleep and buried her face in my chest. I draped the blanket over her and closed my eyes to the sound of her breathing. I pushed out thoughts to what could have happened-Lo bleeding out in the bathroom, Lo in the hospital again, Lo drifting away from me- and let myself relax. I don't know how long it took, but I eventually managed to fall asleep.