The Dragonborn had agreed to let Faranirr take some time to relax in Riften-her only condition being that he not ask where she went when an angry looking woman who often haunted the Bee and Barb quietly spoke to her. On this particular occasion, they were both at the Bee and Barb, two cups of Black Briar Mead in front of them while they discussed the Dragonborn's aversion to giving to the poor. Poor children especially.
"I always buy all of the flowers from that little girl in Windhelm," She said.
"Why not adopt her so you can properly care for her?"
The Dragonborn held up three fingers as she replied, "Three reasons. The first is that I could not be the parent she deserves."
She lowered one finger and continued, "Two is that there is no guarantee I would live through any of my adventures, leaving my child to become like the Arentino boy at best."
She lowered her fingers to her last one and said, "Finally, I give these children money. Do you know what they do with it? Stay poor. When I escaped from Helgen I was broke and luckless. Look at me now. I had no hand outs. Do you see me in poverty?"
"They are children with no concept of how to handle gold!" Faranirr exclaimed.
"But they know how to spot a citizen who will provide them with a home, food, and a bed for nothing? Free loading little imps," She muttered the last part as she pulled her cup of mead closer to her.
"I cannot believe you would describe children in such a way! You were a child once! I hope!" He said.
"I was, and by their age I had three jobs, in addition to being a hunter for my family," The Dragonborn said.
"Wait-" Before Faranirr could demand an explanation, a mage named Marcurio-who the Dragonborn had paid once to travel with her- sidled up to the bar, his eye catching on the amulet that dangled over her armor. "Is that an Amulet of Mara? I'm surprised someone like you isn't spoken for."
"What?" The Dragonborn asked.
"I've never told you this, but you're quite fetching when you desire to be," Marcurio said with a wink.
"Is something wrong with your eye, Marcurio?" The Dragonborn asked.
"Nothing, save that you've caught it."
"Are you...your eye...what?" The Dragonborn's voice was one of confusion mixed with a clear fluster of emotion.
"Marry me, and together we'll-" Marcurio's request didn't get very far when the Dragonborn's fist slammed across his face. He twisted on his heel twice before collapsing on a table, starting a bar fight that Faranirr was quick to drag the Dragonborn away from before they had another Markarth Massacre. When they were safely back at her home, Faranirr locked the door behind him and asked, "Why did you do that?!"
"Marcurio was acting strangely. He clearly needed some sense knocked back into him."
"He was flirting with you!" Faranirr hissed.
"What?"
"Flirting! You know, when a person shows they are interested in you by making romantic innuendoes and complimenting you!"
The Dragonborn crossed her arms as she said, "Faranirr, just say what you mean."
"Have you never been flirted with?" Faranirr asked.
"What is this 'flirting' thing? Is it code for something else?" The Dragonborn asked.
"No, no, it is not code. It is how people show they are romantically interested in you."
"What is that?"
"Romance?" Faranirr asked. "It is...it is being around someone you enjoy being around. It is feeling butterflies in your chest,"
"That sounds incredibly uncomfortable."
"And sharing moments that strengthen your bond and trust in one another."
"So...what we do normally?"
"Yes-no! It is a different kind of interest entirely!" Faranirr huffed.
"How is it different from being normally interested in me?"
"How can I phrase this so you will understand? It is being willing to die for someone if only to ensure their safety."
"Like me and you," The Dragonborn said.
Faranirr scoffed, "I do many things for you, Dragonborn, dying is not on that list. Hm. Maybe I am approaching this the wrong way. They want to hug and kiss you?"
"Like a family member?"
"No! Dragonborn! Like...hm. Like The Lusty Argonian Maid," Faranirr said.
"Oh? Oh! Oh," The Dragonborn said as understanding sunk in.
"When someone flirts with you, that is part of what they want. They don't expect you to punch them!" Faranirr said.
"I cannot help it. When I am faced with something I don't understand I punch it."
"You do not understand basic attraction?" Faranirr asked.
"Well...show me how it works. Maybe because it came from Marcurio it seemed odd to me."
"And you think I would be any better?" Faranirr asked with a scoff.
"I'm more or less used to you," She said.
"You want me to teach you about...flirting?" Faranirr asked.
"Is there something strange about that?"
"No. Yes. I-" Faranirr sighed. "Very well. I will assist you." He rolled his shoulders back and removed his helmet to brush a hand through his messy hair. "Alright, Dragonborn, pretend we are in a bar."
"Couldn't we just go back to the Bee and Barb?"
"A barfight is hardly the appropriate atmosphere for romance!" Faranirr said.
"So...a regular bar is any better?"
Faranirr opened his mouth, a protest ready, when he stopped to think the Dragonborn might have a point. He shrugged and said, "You're not likely to flirt with someone in a temple of the Divines."
"What about Dibella's temple?"
"Dragonborn. A bar. Picture it, the air heavy with smoke from a dock worker's pipe, the occasional outburst of laughter from a group playing a drinking game in the corner. You are at the bar, alone, when," Faranirr smoothly slid to her side with a ready smile.
"Hello there, beautiful. I haven't seen your face around the bar before," Faranirr purred.
"You've never seen my face, Faranirr," The Dragonborn said.
"A fair point for another discussion. I am trying to flirt with you. Just...exchange playful banter with me."
"Okay. You...erm...you look like you could handle yourself in a fight?"
"My dear, I can handle so much more than myself. For example, you," Faranirr said with a toothy smile. He saw constellations flash across his vision as the Dragonborn's fist crashed against his cheek. He was pleasantly surprised to find he'd leveled up quite a bit traveling with the Dragonborn. But that was beside the point. He rubbed his jaw and stood up straight asking, "Why did you do that?!"
"I told you I punch what I don't understand!"
"You cannot punch someone simply because they are interested in you! Especially not if you are interested in return! You'll just scare them off!" Faranirr said.
"You mean I have to be interested in them?"
"Yes! Mutual attraction!"
"Oh. I don't like people very much," The Dragonborn replied with a shrug.
"That much is obvious from the general disregard you have for their lives."
"Well, perhaps we can just give up on the whole thing and move on," The Dragonborn said as she began to put the amulet back under her armor.
"No! Attraction is a part of life. You should learn it," Faranirr said.
"Disease is a part of life, but you do not see me running around letting every wolf I see give me love nibbles," The Dragonborn argued. Before Faranirr could pose another argument, there were three solid knocks at the front door. The Dragonborn drew one of her swords and opened it. The woman with the permanent scowl-Faranirr believed she was called Sapphire- stood there.
"Delvin wants to have a word," She said, passing a glare at Faranirr.
"Very well. I'll be there," She said.
Sapphire nodded and waited outside.
"I have to go," The Dragonborn said, grabbing a pack full of gear that Faranirr had often seen in the house but never fully explored the contents of. She walked out, leaving Faranirr to stew. He would make her experience attraction-even if he had to force it.
"You want me to...what?" Mjoll the Lioness was not a woman easily confused. She preferred to live her life as honestly and simplistically as she could. So when a Khajiit claiming to be a companion of the Dragonborn asked that she flirt with the legendary warrior, she was more than a little perplexed by the request. Her warpaint crinkled with her brow as she considered the request.
"All you have to do is flirt with her. She seems to like the 'beefy warrior' type, and you could probably take a punch," Faranirr said.
"You want me to flirt...with another woman?"
"Is there a problem with that?" Faranirr asked.
"No, a warrior is a warrior. But I wouldn't want to do anything that would make her uncomfortable and end up with me dead."
The Dragonborn had never really stated her preference and always had a nonplussed air regardless of what gender she was dealing with. There was a strong possibility that he risked embarrassment and in the worst case would be kicked out of the Dragonborn's company. But Faranirr had never been one to stand in the way of happiness. And if this worked out, he reasoned, the Dragonborn might loosen up.
"It will be fine. Just...attract her the way you would normally attract a person."
"I don't know…"
"Money is not an object," Faranirr said blandly.
"As you wish, cat. I will spend time with the Dragonborn."
"Perfect. And you are not to tell her about our little arrangement."
"I'll be perfectly discreet," The blonde warrior promised. "How will I talk to her?"
"I will subtly suggest that she go to the Bee and Barb."
"Are you certain you need to do that? She is there pretty often anyway, no?"
"Mjoll, concern yourself with your part, and I will concern myself with mine," Faranirr assured her. He swore to be the vision of understated suggestion. He walked into the Dragonborn's house to find her bent over a ledger with a quill at the ready. There were several burnt out candles near her hand, indicating she'd been at this for a while. Faranirr made his move.
"Go to the Bee and Barb," Faranirr said, climbing onto her desk and sitting on her ledger, his long tail knocking over the inkwell as he settled. The Dragonborn leaned back in her seat, pinching the bridge of her helmet.
"Well, there goes a night of work. What do you want, cat?" She asked.
"Go to the Bee and Barb," Faranirr repeated.
"Why?"
"Do you need a reason to get drunk and make merry?" Faranirr asked.
"We both know that is not what I do."
"And what a lovely day it is to try something new!"
"The last time I tried something new on your advice, I punched Marcurio. But I could use a break. Will you be coming along?"
"No thank you. I thought I would try my luck at the Bunkhouse again."
"You know Haelga doesn't like you, right?"
"You didn't like me at first, either," Farinirr said.
"I still don't like you."
"You wound me. Go to the Bee and Barb, and I will prepare some experimental verse for when you return that will make you adore me."
The Dragonborn considered him for a long moment, then looked around the room. She sighed,"I never liked this place much, anyway."
With the Dragonborn out of the way and his plans falling into place, Faranirr was feeling rather confident. He considered following up on his interest to go see Haelga, but a different urge crossed his mind. He looked at the ledger, noting the different changes the Dragonborn had made. Faranirr picked up on what she'd been attempting to accomplish rather quickly, and refilled the inkwell to finish what she'd started.