Hello, my lovelies! I hope you had a fantastic Monday. I've been in a slight stage of depression because I've realized that this story comes to an end soon and I don't want it to end. I'm not saying how many chapters are left because I honestly don't know and it hurts to think about it. I know that there's going to be a few epilogue chapters and then a sequel, so look forward to that if for some strange reason you're interested in following this story further. I'm honestly getting really emotional so I'll probably end this note now. See you whenever I drag myself out of my sadness hole to update again. ~Shaymie

Lorin's POV

"There's a lot of places holding auditions right now. It's just a matter of what role you think you'd be suited best for," Eliza said as she brushed my hair. I frowned and picked at her blue bedspread. I wanted to make my acting debut, really I did, but I couldn't help but be… nervous. What if the casting director didn't like me? What if I forgot the lyrics? I could make myself look like a complete idiot.

"W-What role do you think I would be good in?" I asked Eliza, looking down at the posters she had collected. There had to be at least a dozen places holding auditions now, one of them being our school. Eliza's hands paused in my hair as she looked over my shoulder at the colorful flyers.

"I'd say you would be a good Wendla, but you have to be eighteen for that role… How about Martha?"

My hand drifted over to the poster for Spring Awakening. I had seen it with her once a few years ago. Martha's character hit a bit too close to home. I mean, a young girl who was sexually abused by her father while her mother just sat back, knowing it was happening? Who does that remind you of? The only difference between us was that my mother at least tried to protect me. Martha hadn't even had that. She was all alone.

I looked up at Eliza. She didn't know. None of my friends knew about what my father had done to me except for John. So she had no idea how closely I related to Martha. If I went for this role-and somehow managed to get it-I would be reliving my childhood at nearly every rehearsal. It would be pure torture. And yet, something was drawing me to this character. What better way to deal with trauma than to face it head-on? There was no way to undo what my father had done to me, and my way of just pretending like it hadn't happened wasn't helping anyone.

"Lorin?" Eliza asked as I stood up and walked to the keyboard in the corner of the room, gripping the Spring Awakening poster tightly. "What are you doing?"

"Just getting a bit of practice in. Can you fill in as Ilse?" I seated myself at the keyboard and ran my fingers over the keys. I didn't know the exact notes to play, but I could always go by ear. Eliza nodded and sat next to me. I hesitantly started to play, taking deep breaths to calm myself. I managed to stay calm for the beginning of the song, but I found myself growing angrier I got to the first chorus.

"You say all you want is just a kiss good night
Then you hold me and you whisper, 'Child, the Lord won't mind
It's just you and me
Child, you're a beauty
God, it's good, the lovin'—ain't it good tonight?
You ain't seen nothin' yet, gonna treat you right
It's just you and me
Child, you're a beauty'"

I was flooded with memories of my father sneaking into my bed at night, my father touching me… He was the reason I wasn't particularly religious anymore. If there really was a god out there, how could he let such awful people exist? How could he allow fathers to molest their own daughters? I was only five… It wasn't right. No matter how he tried to justify it-"it's for the good of your mother, darlin',"- nothing would change the fact that it was wrong.

I forced myself to focus on playing as Eliza came in for her part. On second thought, maybe Martha wouldn't be such a good role to play after all. Not if her character brought back so many bad memories. Maybe Ilse would be a better fit for me. At the very least, she didn't have that many lines. I wouldn't have to be on the stage that long. Only for a few songs and that's it.

"That was amazing, Lorin." Eliza grinned as we finished the song. I nodded and cleared my throat as I turned away, wiping tears from my eyes. I didn't trust myself to speak yet. I was conflicted. I wanted to go for this role, but would I be able to handle it? Just singing that one song had turned me into a bundle of nerves. Surely there had to be more roles, other ones that wouldn't affect me so negatively.

A few hours later, Eliza and I were freshly showered and curled up on her bed with a bowl of popcorn, watching Newsies on Netflix. I was lucky enough to get to see it live on Broadway years ago with Mandy. I had her to thank for my love of musical theatre… I had her to thank for these lingering questions about my sexuality. When it came to Maria, I knew now that I had no real attraction to her. I just loved the way she made me feel. But Mandy showing back up made some old feelings resurface.

"What are you thinking about?" Eliza asked, looking over at me. "You normally fangirl over Seize the Day, but you're being awfully quiet. What's up?"

"I was still thinking about… acting stuff," I lied easily, hugging Eliza's stuffed elephant. She raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing me, but decided to let it slide. She grabbed a handful of popcorn and looked at me from the corner of her eye.

"If you feel comfortable with it, you could audition for my theater company's play. We're doing Into the Woods. You'd even get paid for it." I'd almost forgotten that Eliza worked with a theater company. She wasn't really in that many plays, but she helped out with auditions and fixing up any tears in costumes. She had even gotten John a job painting some backdrops, which paid way more than his gig at McDonald's.

"I don't know…"

"You'd be the perfect Little Red, Lorin."

"You're just saying that because I'm short," I huffed, rolling my eyes. "The only theater experience I have is from elementary school, and I was just in the choir. I'm not a professional, Liz. Don't you think I should start in something… smaller?"

"You should at least audition," Eliza insisted, smiling gently. "The company is always looking for new actors. I mean, do I look like a professional?"

"Fiiine," I groaned, though the corners of my mouth twitched up into a smile. I couldn't deny that the idea of auditioning was exciting. I knew Into the Woods like the back of my hand. It was one of my favorite shows and Eliza knew it. I was already wracking my brain for possible audition songs. Should I go for a song that shows off my vocal range or something that could show off my acting? Oh God, my acting. Would they be able to tell I had never had any sort of formal training? Vocal training, I've had a ton of. But when it comes to acting…

"I know what that look on your face means. You're overthinking again, aren't you?" I shrugged, my cheeks flaming. Eliza was one of the few people who could read me like a book. Even Darcy and Alex sometimes had trouble understanding my many mood swings. If they would look past their differences, they would know that they're more similar than they thought. I had hoped that they would learn to get along by now, but if anything, they seemed to hate each other even more nowadays. I didn't know what could have possibly triggered it. They had been getting on so well when I had gotten out of the hospital...

"I-I'll only audition if you're there. You help with auditions, right?"

"I might not be allowed to watch your audition. The other judges might think I'm biased," Eliza winked and took a sip of soda. "I talk about you at work a lot. Your voice is amazing, you know. It could cut through a crowd like butter."

"I'm going to need your help finding an audition song."