So I've spent the entire morning packing for Uni and managed to fit Everything into 3 suitcases and one largish handbag so pretty chuffed with that, to top that I managed to have quite a bit of room to spare so it should be easy enough to bring everything back too :) How was your day?

Anyway, I know a lot of you are intrigued by the prospect of this 'big mistake' I've been talking about. So I'll quit my babbling and let you get on with reading :) * (smiles secretively)*

Rachy Babes: Yeah, tha'll be going up as soon as I've worked out which ones to put up. Your foreknowledge will at least lead to ONE nice review next chapter.

Dwatlaskrhtcm: Yeah I know what you mean :) As soon as she made the silly comment about not being from America so they couldn't arrest her for treason I knew she'd be going but it took Rachy Babes to convince me it was a good idea. It also gave Nemo time to be lonely and a bit depressed which would ultimately lead me to the 'big mistake'

Angie, Angie, when will those clouds all disappear?
Angie, Angie, where will it lead us from here?

Angie, I still love you, remember all those nights we cried?
All the dreams we held so close seemed to all go up in smoke

Oh, Angie, don't you weep, all your kisses still taste sweet
I hate that sadness in your eyes
But Angie, Angie, ain't it time we said good-bye?
With no loving in our souls and no money in our coats
You can't say we're satisfied
But Angie, I still love you, baby
Ev'rywhere I look I see your eyes
Come on Baby, dry your eyes

Angie, Angie, they can't say we never tried

Rolling Stones - Angie

Winter crossed her arms behind her head and stared up at the bedroom ceiling. Andrew house was warm and welcoming but although outside she looked calm and relaxed, on the inside her emotions were very different. The plain blue room had been her home for the past 3 weeks, it was the panic room that had been so useful before and now served as a perfect hiding place for a girl on the run. The door slid open and Winter raised her arm in a fast motion, pointing the gun in her hand at the figure in the doorway.

'You know, if that's how you greet me every time I open this door I may just stop visiting.' Winter rolled her eyes and sat up on the bed to let Lucy sit down next to her.

'Can't be too careful Luce.'

'Yeah yeah, big bad Nemo's on the run.' Winter laughed and put the gun down on her pillow. 'Do you ever wish you'd stayed?' Lucy studied her friend carefully, 'With us I mean, do you ever wish you'd not joined Torchwood.' Winter sighed and played with her bracelet.

'Yes.' She was silent for a moment, 'Whenever we lost people. Gwen and Jack used to cry a bit and then move on but me… Before I joined Torchwood I was used to people leaving me but my internal reaction was always wishing that I'd never met them. Wishing I hadn't been so attached to them because then I wouldn't be in pain, I couldn't just…move on.'

'You could always stay.' Lucy prodded.

'No, no I can't.' The other girl stood up frustrated and paced the room angrily.

'It's not your job to police the world Nemo. You're a twenty something year old girl with her whole life in front of her. Can't you just leave it behind and…'

'And do what? Get some dead end job and meet some boring, ordinary friends who I can't tell about my past? Get married to a banker who's more interested in money than making me laugh? Maybe have a kid who'll love me, up until they hit their teens and suddenly see me as the enemy, then they'll sod off with girlfriends and boyfriends and I'll never see them again and I'll spend the rest of my life cleaning a stupidly big house that no one but myself and my husband will see. I'm sorry Lucy but that doesn't appeal to me in the slightest.'

'It doesn't have to be like that.'

'Yes it does.' Lucy knelt down in front of Winter and took her hands.

'You might find someone you actually love.' Winter sighed and pulled her hands out of Lucy's.

'I'm engaged.' Lucy frowned and Winter pulled out her necklace, Fawks' dog-tags and hanging on the chain, Jack's ring.'

'No way!'

'Now do you get it? This is why I have to fight, this is why I need to get up north.' Lucy grinned happily.

'Well if I can't convince you to stay at least I can give you a wedding present.' Winter rolled her eyes. 'Oh no, you'll like this one. Come on.' She grabbed Winter's hand and pulled her out of the panic room and up the stairs. 'We've made on or two tiny changes since you've been gone. The main one being that since so many of us can legally drive now, we got a garage, knocked into the closed shop next door.' Lucy opened the door and flicked on the light and Winter's eyes widened, impressed by the small but sufficient garage.

'It's nice.'

'Wait until you see this. It turned up last night and since I recognised the embossing I guessed you might want it.' Lucy strode over to the large covered car and pulled the dust cloth off the top. As the material slid off and landed in a pool on the floor, Winter took a small step back against the door. Parked in the garage was a large black SUV, the bodywork dented and the plates scratched, dirt caked onto the grills and the lights smashed in. all in all it was a mess but Lucy pointed to the side of the bonnet and Winter gasped. The word TORCHWOOD was embossed on the side. 'The story goes that some kids took it for a joyride months ago and when they found the computers in the back they tried to steal them. The car locked them in and they couldn't get out, then a message stared playing on the system, some Asian woman informing them that the doors would open for exactly three seconds and then they would lock again, if the occupants didn't get out of the car then they would have to wait for a Torchwood operative to open the car before they could get out. Understandably they got out and then the car shut down completely. It's been sitting on and abandoned road in bute town since.' Winter laughed and ran her hands over the car appreciatively.

'You're a mess baby.' She commented smiling gently. 'Ianto and Fawks wouldn't be impressed.' She slid her hand along the bonnet to the handle which grew hot on contact. A sudden click startled Lucy as the car door opened and the engine growled. Winter slid into the driver's seat and caressed the wheel lovingly smiling at the familiar feel of the leather.

'So, what are you going to do with it?' Lucy asked, pulling a face at the messy outer shell. Winter grinned at her and pulled out one of Jack's cards.

'How do you think you'll manage with getting me some bodywork.' Lucy took the card and rolled her eyes leaving for the door. 'Oh and Luce?' the young woman turned in the doorway.

'Yeah?'

'Maybe a book on car engineering?' Lucy laughed happily as she strolled out of the room.

TTT

A month and two weeks later and the SUV was done. Restored to its former glory, it's black paint gleaming in the glow of the lights and the computers re-linked to the Torchwood servers. Winter stepped back from her work and grinned at the transformation.

'Nice, I guess this means you're out of here.' Winter sighed and turned to look at Lucy.

'I'll be back.'

'No you won't. After that whole thing with the children we never saw you again…until now that is. You're going to drive off into the sunset and if you can help it you won't come back.' Winter put a hand on Lucy's shoulder and shook her head.

'Yeah well not this time. I'll come back, I'll come back and see you.' Lucy glared at winter but it morphed into a smile.

'Really, you'll be back?'

'Yes…unless I die.' Lucy rolled her eyes and pushed her towards the car.

'Fine, get out of here you mug.' Winter laughed and loaded up the SUV, hopping into the driver's seat and starting the engine. Lucy waved her off and she turned off at the end of the street heading in the direction of Scotland. Her phone rang and she grabbed the comm from the side, clipping it onto her ear and answering.

'Hey.'

'Hey, Winter, it's Esther.' Winter smiled and stopped at the traffic lights.

'How's Jack?'

'Relax he's fine, he's sleeping in the back.' Esther chuckled.

'The back of what?'

'The car. That's what I phoned to tell you about. Gwen's called us back to her place in Swansea I've texted you the address we're almost there so do you want us to pick you up.' Winter smiled and shook her head before realising she couldn't be seen and answering.

'No, I'm on the way thanks. I'll see you in a while.' She pulled off the roundabout and turned around. The time away had given her room to breathe and think about how she had reacted to the situation Jack and Gwen had got themselves into and time to analyse the emotions she had. Although her anger with Gwen was still, in her mind, just as justified as it had been, she had started to rethink her reaction to Jack. Mainly the lack of touch, she'd just waltzed in, yelled at him and refused to so much as hug him. Even in the Colisanto house the first contact she had was when the TARDIS took over and yet he still asked for her support when he spoke to Angelo. Her regret swirled in her stomach as she turned onto the motorway, well, a few more hours and she'd be in Swansea. Which was… good.

TTT

Winter's footsteps on the paving were louder and louder the closer she got to the building. The rows of houses were tightly packed and she swore she could see curtains twitching and shadows disappearing behind windows as she continued down the road. Staring at the door from across the street she hesitated, why? Her friends were in there, her family. Still something held her back, she thought of Jack in that house and something held her back. Her eyes shut as she tried to convince herself that she had no clue why, but she did. She loved him, with all her heart. Every breath she took was another breath for him, every beat of her heart meant another second knowing him. But –her eyes watered as she thought the words she'd been dreading- It wasn't enough.

Her hand reached out, it brushed the tears back quickly and she jumped up and down a few times in an attempt to stem any more. Then with purposeful strides, she crossed the road and knocked at the thin wooden door. She didn't have long to admire the peeling paint as the door was thrown open and she was pulled inside into a hug. 'Winter! It's so good to see you!'

'Esther.' Winter acknowledged, wrapping her arms around the older woman and smiling at the comforting hold she had. 'I missed you too.' Esther pulled back, a genuine smile on her face and Winter looked over her shoulder at Gwen's mum. 'Mary, It's been too long.'

'Yes, yes it has. God girl who's been feeding you, you're as thin as a rake!' Winter smiled.

'I haven't been hungry lately.' Mary nodded understandingly but she was suddenly barged out of the way by Jack who swept Winter into his arms and spun her around like a child.

'Nemo!' He laughed then winced and put her down, his hand resting on his stomach. Winter immediately ducked down and pulled up his shirt to look at the dressed wound. 'What? No welcome back kiss?' She looked up at him and then pulled his shirt back down before standing straight to face him.

'How is it healing?' He sighed at her avoidance and nodded.

'It's a lot better, mainly thanks to Esther, I'm not the best patient.' A smile spread on her face. 'Was that a grin?' she shook her head and he chuckled. 'Yes it was, it was at least a smile.' Winter rolled her eyes and pulled him in for another hug. She gripped onto his coat like a life line, her eyes wide as she stared across his shoulder and the swirling feelings in her stomach bubbled over like a boiling pot.

'Good. I missed you.' He grinned and left his arm on her shoulder as he walked her into the room. Gwen and Rhys stood by their sofa, Anwen playing on the piece of furniture and her mother looking tetchy, her eye flicking towards the kitchen every few minutes. Winter looked at the small family unit and sighed. What was the point in arguing? Life was far too short to be mad at Gwen forever and besides, she was too tired for a proper argument. So in an act of both kindness and uncharacteristic forgiveness, Winter walked over to Gwen and slowly wrapped her arms around her. Gwen seemed a bit shocked but she sensed something had changed in the girl, something had knocked her slightly off kilter. Gwen was torn. She wanted to throw Winter off, she wanted to pull her closer and sob in her arms, she wanted to pull the young woman off to a deserted room and ask her what was wrong. She did none of these things, She just patted her back softly and whispered.

'I missed you.' Winter forced a smile and nodded.

'Yeah, you too.' Gwen matched the smile as Winter nodded kindly to Rhys then gasped quietly and leaned down to grab Anwen before she crawled off the sofa by mistake. Jack took a frightened step forwards and Gwen looked worriedly to him but Winter smiled and sat down on the sofa with the little girl on her lap. Anwen giggled and offered Winter a small stuffed duckling, she smiled and gurgled as Winter took the object and gave the first genuine smile since entering the room. Esther coughed and gained the attention of the rather tense room.

'Should we get on then?' Gwen leant down and brushed Anwen's back gently before whispering.

'Oswald Danes is in the kitchen. Keep her away from him.' Winter nodded and turned the little girl so she was facing the opposite side of the room. From her vantage point on the sofa she could see the table and the kitchen door at the same time as playing with the baby on her lap so she decided to stay put. Sitting here with Anwen was the most comfortable she'd felt in quite some time, it felt right to have the little child with her, playing with the duckling and their fingers. She preferred overhearing the conversation on the disappearance of Jilly Kitzenger while not having to act like she had some serious input to make, right now playing with a little baby was far more interesting.

When Esther decided to do some online digging and the meeting was mainly adjourned she heard Gwen offer to go out and get some food. A few seconds later the woman in question appeared at the back of the sofa smiling at her baby as she asked Winter. 'Do you want anything?' Winter shook her head. 'You should eat something.' She shook her head again. 'Winter,' the young woman looked up at her as Jack crossed the room, 'What's wrong?' Jack sat down by her crossed legs and she looked back down at Anwen then up to Gwen.

'Do you have any plastic blocks? You know, coloured ones?' Gwen frowned.

'Maybe…why?'

'I don't know I just remember she liked them.' Gwen kept her poker face but her insides froze… 'I mean, they like them…babies in general. Sorry, don't know why I said she.' Winter laughed a little and Rhys appeared at Gwen's side and handed Winter some coloured blocks over the back of the sofa. 'Thanks.' Gwen nodded and left quickly.

'What's wrong with her?' Rhys asked. Winter frowned and shrugged.

'Stress is getting to all of us I guess.' Rhys looked over to the kitchen where Oswald was still situated and nodded.

'Yeah.' He agreed and left to sit at the dining room table.

'So, how have you been?' Jack asked.

'I have something to show you.' Winter told him. He grinned and waggled his eyebrows.

'Really?'

'Not that.' She looked over the back of the sofa and called, 'Rhys, I need to take Jack up to the top of the road.' Rhys nodded and then his eyes drifted to the kitchen again, he grabbed a small coat from the side and brought it over.

'Take her with you,' he whispered, 'the more time she spends away from that bastard the better.' Winter slotted the coat onto Anwen's arms and pulled a hat over her head before picking her up and bouncing her as she lead Jack out of the door.

'So go on then, what's so important I have to see it now?' Jack asked. Winter shrugged.

'It's not important I just thought that maybe you'd like to see an old friend.' Jack frowned until she took out her keys and pressed a button. Up ahead the SUV lights flashed and switched on and Jack laughed in shock. He raced forwards and yanked the door open, gazing at the interior lovingly before jumping inside.

'Where'd you find her?'

'I didn't the Andrew house kids did. I fixed her up and she brought me here.' She watched Jack run his hands over the controls again, familiarising himself with the buttons and grates and switches. 'It's nice isn't it?' She smiled and bounced Anwen again, 'feels just a bit like the old days.' Jack looked over to her and noted her far-away look. He turned in the seat, letting his feet dangle out of the open door and clasped his hands tightly.

'Nemo. What is it? What's happened?' She fussed with Anwen's collar and shook her head.

'Nothing's happened.'

'Then why are you acting like this?'

'Like what?' he looked at her intently.

'Like, like you're drifting further and further away from me… Like I've done something wrong.' She sighed and adjusted her grip on the child in her arms. 'because if I have would you tell me so I can fix this and we can go back to how we were.'

'That's just it Jack!' Winter snapped. She turned away slightly and checked herself, she didn't want to yell with Anwen in her arms. She lowered her voice and took a deep breath. 'I feel like. Like I'm putting everything into this relationship. My heart and soul are pouring out through my mouth, I'm letting you in on things that I would normally keep to myself and I'm trusting you with my … everything. I love you so much that it hurts and I know, I just know that you love me too. I know you care for me and that you would hate to lose me but…'

'But? How can there be a but after that sentence…' Jack protested, 'I do. I love you more than life itself. I love you so much that I would do anything for you.'

'Would you leave?'

'What?'

'If I asked you to come with me now, to take Anwen back home and then just disappear into the night, to fly off to some distant planet, right now. Would you do it?' Jack looked away a frustrated smile on his face.

'Nemo we can't just leave them. We can't just leave Gwen, and Rhys, and Esther, and, and Anwen, what about her.' Winter shook her head.

'You just don't get it do you.' The tears she'd so bravely fought back now regrouped in her eyes and she swiped her hands over them. 'You don't know me Jack. Not enough.'

'What are you talking about?' he questioned. His voice rising.

'If you knew me, if you truly knew me and loved me as deeply as I loved you then the answer would have been simple.'

'Nemo you can't expect me to just get up and leave the human race to this fate. They can't handle it they can't…' She ran and angry hand through her hair and cried.

'That's not the point Jack!'

'Then what is the point?' he yelled. The tears were now falling this and fast and she couldn't stop them. She didn't even try.

'When you lost Ianto I wanted to stay with you. I followed you to bar after bar and I let you drink yourself stupid. I sat with you while you cried and I pulled you away from fights you couldn't win. But then I realised that I'd done what I could and what you needed was time alone. Time away from Torchwood. Time away from everything about it. So I left, you have no idea how much it wrenched my soul apart to leave you alone in that bar but I did it!' she cried, 'I did it for you, against all my better judgment, because I knew that was what you needed. But you just can't do that can you. I find out my girlfriend died, she went off and saved the planet and she got herself killed, and she died alone, knowing that she was going to her death. She said goodbye and she went off to die, alone. And all you can do is act comforting for a while, try to take me mind off her by acting like nothing has changed and then drag me down here to save the world.'

Jack stared at her torn between wanting to hold her and wanting to stay at a safe distance. 'Why couldn't you do what I did Jack?'

'What you want me to leave?' he asked, 'Is that what you want?'

'No'

'Then what the hell are you asking me for?'

'I'm asking you to read me!' she yelled back. Anwen buried her face at the shouting and Winter toned down her voice a little. 'I'm asking you to look at me and try to work out what I need rather than just trying to carry on like nothing has happened. You just keep brushing my emotions under the carpet and hoping they'll fade away.'

'But you're asking me to leave the entire earth to wipe itself out.' She shook her head.

'You really don't get it do you.' She looked him in the eye and tightened her grip on Anwen. 'I want you to be able to do it if I asked you to. But I want you to know me. And if you knew me Jack, you would know that I would never, never tell you to leave this planet to its fate. I love the way you put your life on the line to protect the world and ask nothing for it. I love the way you stand up to people no one else will stand up to. I love the way you protect the people you love. But I need you to be willing to drop everything the second I ask you to because you have faith, that I would never ask. It's the difference between just loving me and truly knowing me.' Her voice shook as she put her hand in her pocket and pulled out the contents.

'And I'm sorry Jack, I'm so sorry. But until you really know me,' she took his hand and slipped the object into it, 'I just, can't, marry you.' She turned and almost ran back to the house. Rhys opened the door and looked her up and down.

'First room on the right.' He told her, taking Anwen from her grasp. 'I'll tell him you went for a walk.' She nodded gratefully and raced up the stairs to the room he had mentioned. It was his and Gwen's bedroom. She locked the door and collapsed on the floor at the foot of the bed. Heavy sobs racked her body and she yanked harshly at her hair, scratching her scalp and face and screaming into the thick carpet. Her whole body hurt and just for a moment, she wished she was dead.

Ooooo, you're all angry with me now aren't you, well (opens arms wide to the attack) Come on then, who's going to yell first? ;)