A/N: If you watch series one closely, you will notice that when Esmerelda is in the hall she never seems to have food, I based this chapter on that so I hope you enjoy. Very slightly mentions of self-harm.

Chapter Four

Bad Habits

Esmerelda woke up the next morning and her stomach rumbled loudly. She had not eaten much at all the day before and now her stomach was telling her off. She got up and quickly dressed before making her way downstairs for breakfast, starving, and ready for her food.

She sat down at the dining table all ready to tuck in, until she sat down. Once the food was actually in front of her her mind instantly changed as if a lightbulb had gone out.

The food was not that bad looking, it wasn't the fact it looked disgusting that was putting her off, she didn't even know what it was, she couldn't explain it but as she looked at the food she suddenly lost her whole appetite and despite the rumbling in her stomach she no longer wanted it. She took a few bites of the food, forcing it down her throat, knowing she had to eat even if she didn't want to but them few bites made her feel sick and she pushed her plate away without another bite.

She had never being a big eater, none of the Hallow family was but she had always ate a normal healthy amount so this was highly unusual. She climbed the stairs trying to figure out why the idea of eating suddenly made her feel sick but she didn't know. She told herself she would eat at lunch and went back to her bedroom.

After the disaster that morning of Esmerelda skipping food she thought it was a good idea to instead go to a cafe to eat. Maybe it was the fact she had been eating the same food for the last two months that was making her feel sick. If she had more options she was sure the problem would fade so she put on a warmer coat, remembering her mistake from the other day when she had been freezing and caught in the rain, and left the mansion knowing there was a little cafe not far from her where her and her sisters had been a few times.

It was a short pleasant walk that gave her a chance to clear her head as she walked and she felt better when she stepped into the light blue door and saw customers sitting around eating in the cosy little cafe. She walked up to the counter to look at the menu to decide what she wanted.

"Sausages and mash please" Esmerelda told the cashier who nodded and she paid and was told it would be brought over. She took a seat in the corner, away from other people as she waited for her food. It was not that busy, and most people already had their orders so she knew it would not be a long wait.

Ten minutes later the waitress came and gave her the plate of food she had brought and told her where the sauce was in case she wanted any. Esmie smiled gratefully as she started to cut her food to eat it but then stopped.

That sickness feeling was coming again. She had no idea what was wrong with her but as she thought about it she had to be honest with herself, as much as she wanted to tell herself this was unusual it wasn't as unusual as she being trying to convince herself.

At school sometimes she would choose not to eat, it was always hard forcing down the cement like food they served but sometimes it wasn't anything to do with that, if she was upset or frustrated she never felt like eating. Some teachers, such as Miss Bat, made it easy to skip food as she normally fell asleep whilst serving anyway and would forget Esmerelda had not gone for any food, Surprisingly other pupils didn't comment on it much as they knew she just didn't eat much. Miss Drill was easy to skip with too. If you distracted her by telling her one of the footballs had lost its air she would leave to sort it and then go back to serve, not remembering who she had served and who she hadn't.

Miss Cackle, who in fairness only really served if someone was busy or ill, was actually the easiest to fool. Esmerelda had no idea how anyone could get distracted so easily or believe the excuses she came up with. She once told Miss Cackle she hurt her toe so didn't want to eat and the woman said she felt sorry for her and let it slide.

Miss Hardbroom was the only one who you could not fool. She watched all pupils like a hawk waiting for it's prey and would walk around the tables watching everyone to see if they had finished every last scrape and only then could they leave. If she saw someone trying to hide food or with no food she would make them line up to get some and would watch them even closer. Esmerelda wished HB wouldn't do that, she made her nervous watching her whilst she ate, but at least she ate properly when she was there.

Now that she was not at school and depressed all the time, clearly everything had become worst in her way of eating, she had no-one forcing her to eat and she had no-one to get her out of her bad mood and make her want to eat.

She put her knife and fork down and faked a cough pretending she was just taking a break, she didn't want people to see she wasn't eating and knew she had to think of a way to get out of it. She wished she had a mobile so she could fake a phone call and pretend it was an emergency so she had to leave, instead she stood up and went in the toilets, stood there for a few minutes, put her hood up and then rushed out the cafe with her head down so no-one could see her. She made it outside and went home with a sigh, ashamed of herself for failing to do something so easy again. She knew it was a habit she should have kicked long ago but it was just difficult for her.

She didn't do much for the next few hours, she just read her books until it was time for the mirror call. Ethel and Sybil appeared right on time and Esmerelda beamed at them.

"Hey!" she said waving happily as she had missed them so much

"Hey sis guess what, they are holding the first sports day, Miss Drill is thrilled" Ethel told her not looking to thrilled herself but smiling at Esmie.

"A whole day of PE? I think only Miss Drill will be happy about that!" Esmerelda replied with a chuckle.

"Luckily I don't have to do it, it is a second year sports day" Sybil said happily as she hated PE and was not good at it.

"Oh well then I am sorry you have to suffer through it alone Ethie" Esmerelda told her with a chuckle.

"Thanks, I will need that luck" Ethel replied with a sigh.

"We are making family trees Esmie!" Sybil now said happily

"Oh that new art teacher is into family then?" Esmerelda asked but stopped smiling as she saw Ethel scowling.

"She can't teach for toffee, I mean how is seeing your families faces on a tree art exactly?" Ethel asked and Esmerelda thought her sister had a good point. For once she had to agree.

"Nothing much I can think off" Esmerelda replied trying to see how it was anything to do with art but not realising how.

"Exactly, I don't like Mould, Mildred is like her little pet dog, always by her feet" Ethel complained rolling her eyes.

"She is strange, I don't know why there is just something about her" Sybil admitted.

"Well luckily you only really have to see her in lessons" Esmerelda pointed out to make them feel better.

"Did you find any more information to help with your ….problem?" Ethel asked not liking to say magic or powers as she knew her sister was still sensitive about it.

"Well no, I have read more books and there is nothing" Esmerelda told them and she narrowed her eyes confused as Ethel shifted uncomfortably, she clearly had something hidden.

"Why have you thought go something?" Esmerelda asked her and Ethel opened her mouth about to reply when their parents walked in.

"Hi girls" Mr Hallow said and Ethel looked at the floor knowing her parents were not her friends right now.

"Ethel was just about to tell me something" Esmerelda told them hating them going in and just taking over.

"Then say it quickly Ethel" her mother said glaring at her. Ethel gulped and knew she could not tell her now their parents were there.

"It doesn't matter" Ethel said even though Esmerelda could read in her face she was lying but she had no time to say anything else as her parents started asking Sybil about school.

By the time it was time for the girls to leave Ethel still hadn't had a chance to tell her anything and Esmerelda went to her room upset, she knew Ethel had had something important to tell.

She went into the bathroom feeling lower than low after her ruined conversation with her sisters, the only thing she lived for right then. Why did her parents have to take over? Did they not realise her sisters were the only reason she got out of bed? She closed the door found a razor, making a fresh cut in her arm, knowing she said she wouldn't but unable to help herself. She knew she was starting to break apart, but there was nothing she could do to stop it.