I don't own Naruto. *sigh*
Chapter 3 : Matters of the Heart
I will wander 'til the end of time, torn away from you.
I pulled away to face the pain.
I close my eyes and drift away.
Over the fear that I will never find
A way to heal my soul.
And I will wander 'til the end of time
Torn away from you.
My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us from sorrow's hold
(Over my heart).
Evanescence – My Heart Is Broken
~Akatsuki hideout~
Dana is 17-18
It was finally her birthday and everyone was so … so infuriating! .It was like they didn't even know today was the day she finally becomes 18, day she had kept bragging on and on about . She always put so much work in their birthdays and now they did nothing for her!
"Dee! Hey! I wanna ask something." Hidan comes running .When he gets to her, Dana almost thinks she'll get at least one happy birthday, after all he is her best friend,right?
"I heard this strange rumor saying that Itachi likes dango almost obsessively . Is it real?" he asks surprisingly without swearing, more suspicious being the fact he wants to talk about Itachi.
"Yeah he does, but you're not here to ask me this. I know you too well, you only don't swear when your nervous. Now spill !What are you hiding?"
"Ok fine , come with me" Hidan says defeated, dragging the birthday girl along towards the meeting room."Open the door" he sighs, fingering his rosary.
Doing what her friend instructed, vaguely aware he has yet to say one swear word, she steps into to dark chamber. Just before she has the chance to shout at him for it was pitch black in there, he shuts the door behind them, the lights turn on with a chorus of "Happy birthday, Dana!(un)" . Maybe her birthday isn't going to be so bad in the end, she thinks as she jumps over the group of missing-nin she has come to call family.
Thursday, 6th of June
2:17 am
Dear Diary,
Today has been great! Although it started like a horrible day - nobody seemed to know it was my b-day – it turned out to be absolutely perfect!
Well...when I say today I mean actually yesterday cuz' it's way past midnight right now. The others are still partying in the living room, just me and Itachi are here...He's asleep, I couldn't fall asleep because in 5, or more like 4 days I have to leave the Akatsuki and with my luck he mission is with Itachi. I don't fear getting caught, but how he'll react if I ever see him again. I love him...
Any way...I really liked tonight, our(mine and Itachi's) song is "DJ got us falling in love" by Usher... hehehe
Cya! *Smooch*
Dana Y.
Couple of months later
Eyes downcast, hair shielding her face, drops of water fall on the ground. It's raining .
She knows she should go home, she knows she should at least shelter herself from the freezing water, but she doesn't. Instead she falls on her knees, hands splashing on the cold wet pavement, forehead protector slipping off and hitting the flat surface of the road with a loud cling! Eyes close tightly, hair drenched. She stays frozen there for a few moments, before sitting backwards onto her own legs, folded beneath herself. Hands clenched in the material of her black dress, she hugs her stomach.
It shouldn't have ended like this, she thinks to herself. She shouldn't feel this ...empty.
Empty, like the space her heart had been. Empty, like the place her baby should have developed . Empty like her bed, her house … her life! She's alone, the realization hits her so suddenly she almost falls again. She is alone because of choices that shouldn't be made, choices that have to be made, choices that she didn't make.
She's empty, alone, an echo of what she once was. She starts sobbing, hugging herself tighter while rocking back and forth. Maybe if I'd stayed … the thought leaves as fast as it comes, she's a Konoha kunoichi, she won't desert her village in its times of need, she tries to argue with herself.
Her head bends back and she stares at the sky, it was already close to nightfall. Gathering all the remains of her determination, her stubbornness already long gone, she gets up and slowly takes a step towards her house, her home no longer being in Konoha, she discovers. Step by aching step she moves, her whole body swaying dangerously and as she does, a memory, from not to long ago, enters her mind . A body of a man crunched down over her own dying one, only it isn't her dying in his arms, that he's rocking back and forth. She barely remembers hearing a few sobs escape his mouth. It wasn't fair to him , she knows that, leaving the day after his birthday, leaving after a passionate night like the one they had, but duty called .He'd understand if he ever saw her again, she hoped he wouldn't, because she would never forgive herself even if he did. Oh...Itachi, I'm so sorry...
She snaps out of the memories as a warm hand catches her wrist, Lifting her head to see who stopped her from going in her bed and crying herself to sleep, the 18 year old freezes again, it seemed to happened a lot today.
Trying to speak, the young adult begins to sob once again.
"Midori..." she manages to say, before falling into the awaiting arms of the slightly older woman. A new set of memories rush back to her, the sharp blade of a sound-nin piercing though a jounin jacket, a loud scream, brown eyes wide and pained, pink hair bloodied. Her friend's death replaying over and over .
"Dana, what happened?" the same brown eyes now held worry, pink hair wet, but clean .
"You...you died" she chokes.
"No, it was a clone, I was several miles behind, I saw it happen,but then I went back to my fight. When I looked back you were gone and the oto-nin seemed to have been massacred." Midori's expression scrunched in disgust.
"I, I did that..." a loud gasp escaped the other woman standing on the porch "... I thought you died and lost control a bit, I did that, but he was strong and he..I lost the... Oh god!" Dana collapses to her knees crying. The realization of what might have happened causes Midori to copy her friend.
"You lost the baby" she says with a strangled voice, hugging the quivering brunette.
Flashback from a month ago
A pink haired woman waits patiently on the couch, her friend in the kitchen preparing coffee. It was 7 am and both were in need of energy.
Taking the cup offered to her, Midori begins to ask her friend about her 3 year long mission.
"Where were you and why couldn't you at least send a letter?" she interrogates.
"Busy" a vague response will not do, but before she gets to argue her brunette friend darts out of the room towards the bathroom. Midori, concerned, follows and finds Dana crunched over the toilet . Kneeling, the pinkette take hold of the others hair and holds it up. When Dana relaxes on the floor, Midori can't help but remember that three days ago the same thing happened .
"Dana answer honestly , how long have you been trowing up in the mornings?" she asks.
"Ever since I came back" the younger girl sighs."Do you know what it may be. I didn't go to the hospital cuz I thought it was just a food-bug" she continued when Midori frowned at her.
"Don't freak out, but um...I think you're...pregnant" she whispered the last word.
Dana chocked on her own spit."What?" panicked she yelled .
A few hours and five pregnancy test later Dana was crying in Midori's arms, the result was positive, she was pregnant. Gathering her courage the brunette began to explain everything, from the cave incident when she kissed Itachi to the last night with the Akatsuki and him. The two decided to go to the hospital later that night, when no one was there and see how far along is Dana,what with being a vampire and all that.
What they found was somewhat frightening, Dana was 2 months along, so she would give birth in half the time, but then came the Oto-Suna invasion...
End flashback
"I think you should ask for a vacation of at least a year, God knows you deserve it" the Haruno says later that night, the two women decided to spend the night at Dana's house.
"I'll ask once a new Hokage is elected... who do you think they'll choose?" Dana concedes .
"I heard the old geezers talking about Lady Tsunade." she yawns and snuggles more into Dana.
"Ah, ok then. G'night Midori!" she closes her swollen eyes, no doubt red and puffy tomorrow.
"G'night Dee!" the pinkette says, unknowingly resembling a certain loud mouth Jashinist, causing Dana to let a small smile.
Here in the shadows
I'm safe
I'm free
I've nowhere else to go but
I cannot stay where I don't belong
Two months pass by and it's getting cold
I know I'm not lost
I am just alone
But I won't cry
I won't give up
I can't go back now
Waking up is knowing who you really are
Evanescence - Exodus
The wind blew through the trees as Dana ran at top speed. Salty tears fell from her eyes and the bag she was carrying almost slipped from her shoulder when the 18 year old tried to wipe the tears away. Dana's unoccupied hand clenched over her belly as more sobs raked through her body.
It was early morning when she left Konoha, but now it was already dark. Coming to a halt, the teen drops her bag and, having stopped crying, begins preparing for a night under the stars. She forgot to get a tent when leaving, because she hurried out of the village. As her friend suggested, she decided to take a break from her shinobi duties.
That night Dana didn't much sleep and barely stayed an hour the next morning. In 2 days she was at the border between Fire County and Grass.
Arriving in a small, civilian village, the 18 year old decides to spend the day there, no matter what she may want, her body needs to rest.
"Hello! Can I help you ?" the inn-keeper softly asks. He is an elderly man, short, with gray hair. "He might be in his early 80s" the girl thinks.
"I'd like a single-room, if you have any to spare." she replies, but is unable to force a smile onto her face.
Receiving a key and directions toward her room, Dana forms a plan for the day.
"I should see the village..." she thinks to herself as she trows her bag on the floor, but the fatigue catches up with her. She falls asleep the moment her head finds the pillow.
Flashback from 2 weeks ago
"Dana, what happened?" the same brown eyes now held worry, pink hair wet, but clean .
"You...you died" she chokes.
"No, it was a clone, I was several miles behind, I saw it happen,but then I went back to my fight. When I looked back you were gone and the oto-nin seemed to have been massacred." Midori's expression scrunched in disgust.
"I, I did that..." a loud gasp escaped the other woman standing on the porch "... I thought you died and lost control a bit, I did that, but he was strong and he..I lost the... Oh god!" Dana collapses to her knees crying. The realization of what might have happened causes Midori to copy her friend.
"You lost the baby" she says with a strangled voice, hugging the quivering brunette.
"I think you should ask for a vacation of at least a year, God knows you deserve it"
The next morning
"Dany... bestie ...wake up" a disrupted voice called her, but her eyes wouldn't open. They were swollen and aching from all the crying she did the other day. Sitting up abruptly, the memories of the past months play in front of the mind's eye. Her vision blurs and Dana knows she's going to cry and, as predicted, she does as Midori wounds her arms around her. Dana feels the tears fall and soaking her best friend's shirt.
"You'll be fine...Everything's going to be fine..." Midori tries to comfort her,but can't since her own voice flatters .
End Flashback
Tears are streaming down her face as her curled body shakes as silent whimpers turn to sobs. She is wailing when, finally, she wakes up.
Breathing hard, but not yet panting, and rivers of salty water are still pouring on her young face, Dana sits on her bed, the rosy light of dusk falls on her heartbroken expression. She looks like a grieving angel, a faint glow emanates around her body.
Dana stays there for a few seconds, not moving, before shivering and furiously wiping the tears away. Taking a shower half an hour later, she feels her eyes water, but composes herself before it happens and her resolve breaks. She promises not to cry anymore.
…
Dressed to go out, the young Yoshiko girl exits the inn. A night of talking with the locals, a party full of dance and music is all it takes for her to decide to stay. The next day she's already buying a house and making plans to start decorating it.
It's been exactly a month since coming to Sokyaku village. The border village proved to be right for her healing heart, if her new friend was proof of anything .
His name is Daisuke Hisoka, he's no ninja, although his family is a well known clan in Grass Country .
Dana was surprised at how fast she befriended him, but she didn't tell him why she'd come here, though he asked in the 3 weeks they've known each other. He is her neighbor. When she had bought the house in Sokyaku, he was watching from the window. He later helped her arrange everything, that's how their friendship began.
His sense of humor and kind brown eyes captivated her immediately, but as days rolled by she noticed that it was also very easy to open up to Daisuke.
Three more months pass before Dana is ready to tell him what led her to this village.
She began by telling her coming to Konoha, then meeting Itachi. Her eyes started watering. She even explained about the Akatsuki. She described the guys ...and girl, her relation to each of them, her love for Itachi, her disfunctional friendship with Hidan and Sasori and how Konan was like a sister to her. She then began explaining Itachi's 18th birthday and the day after it, the day she left. She tells about having been pregnant when the Konoha invasion happened. She was sobbing when she described the attack on Midori and her outburst of fury that led to her miscarriage.
Daisuke wound his arms around her, holding tightly as she finally lets her feelings show. He stays the night, keeping her in his embrace till both fall asleep. It was then that Dana started to fall for him.
However, it wasn't until 2 months later that they started dating. He came, knocking on her door one late morning, asking if she wanted to go to a festival in his home town. Dana agreed.
Since the village was only 2 hours away, they arrived there sometime during noon. Daisuke introduced her to his parents, then Dana went shopping for a kimono to wear at the festival that night.
They kissed accidentally when leaning forward to watch a dance competition, bursting into laughter the moment they realized what happened. The spark between them was clear, yet Dana still had her doubts about entering another relationship. She put them aside and the next 2 years , give or take a few months, their love blossomed.
When their anniversary came that year, Daisuke took her to the festival again, entered them both in the dance contest, since he knew she loved dancing, and at the end of it her led her to a secluded place and proposed. Shocked, Dana asked for a short time to think.
Although sad, Daisuke waited for her. She'd reached her decision when he was away on a business trip, she sent a letter saying she had something to tell him. He was to come home in a week.
The day came and Dana began planning a romantic evening for them. She arranged the house, all petals of roses and candle light, then took care of herself. She had everything planned, but one hour before he came, a messenger bird flew through the window. She'd been recalled to duty . The Akatsuki had captured the Kazekage, but, thankfully, he'd been saved. Also, Haruno Sakura, the Godaime's apprentice managed to successfully eliminate Akasuna no Sasori.
Dana didn't read anymore for her eyes had already stopped functioning properly . She didn't cry however, but something snapped inside her . When the ANBU team came to escort her back to Konoha an hour later, they found a stoic, unreadable Dana Yoshiko.
Daisuke came home only to see Dana being taken away be an ANBU escort. He yelled for her, asking what's going on, but she didn't even look back. Inside the house he found a note and a letter. The note was addressed to him, the letter was Dana's.
"I'm sorry, but I won't be marrying you. I was going to say yes with all my heart, but the letter changed everything. Sasori is dead, he died 2 days ago. I was recalled to duty, because of the Akatsuki's recent activity.
I love you'
Dana Y.
P.S. Don't look for me . I'm not coming back with you, my heart can't take anymore. I'm turning it off."
He crumbled the note, his eyes shining with tears. She turned her heart off, she'd said. But could he do the same?
Arriving in Konoha, Dana headed directly to the Hokage Tower. Although she only wore a gown, since she hadn't had time to change, she didn't feel the cold, early spring night. The team captain escorting her, left as she entered the Hokage office.
Her file needed updating, she thought as Tsunade spoke of the Kazekage mission. Dana tried to keep her mind distracted, being told twice that her best friend was killed is too much for anybody. She might break. Thankfully, the Godaime didn't mention Sasori's death, she did, however mention Deidara escaping. Dana's eyes twinkled with humor, Tsunade let it slip . Her heart started blackening as days rolled by.
She'd been away on a mission when Asuma died, receiving a message to come back to Konoha quickly because Hidan and Kakuzu were the ones who did it. She didn't, thinking that the two were immortal and the Leaf shinobi smarter than to attack blindly, this cost her 2 other friends, Hidan's "death" was the hardest she'd faced before. However Dana didn't cry, nor did she have any reaction.
After this event, Dana began working in the I&T(Information and Torture) Division. It had been easy working there since her heart was already black, what she didn't know is that Hidan's "death" began the healing process. The biggest shock came on November afternoon . It was the 2nd of the month and Dana was called to the Hokage office. She went there thinking that it was just another standard mission, the news she received sent a burst of energy through her already healing heart . She was handed a document:
"Itachi Uchiha has been caught 2 days ago.
He's been in the hospital's restricted area since he was found. His lungs had very much scar tissue and the operation for healing it was hard, thus Tsunade herself and her apprentice had been called to perform it. He is currently at the I&T Unit.
Haruno Sakura will perform most of the interrogation, trying to find the cause of his illness. You, Dana Yoshiko, captain of the health division in ANBU, second in command to the Interrogation Unit under Ibiki Morino, are to observe and , if necessary, intervene in the questioning of S-ranked missing-nin Uchiha Itachi.
Godaime Hokage,
Tsunade Senju."
Dana nods, hair hiding her face, before exiting the area. She transports herself home. Opening the door to her apartment she drops her weapon pouch and takes off her shoes. She goes inside the bedroom, opens a cabinet and from it takes out a photo. She trows it on the bed and, after taking a new set of clothes enters the bathroom. Staring in the mirror just prior to stepping inside the shower, one single tear falls...
On her bed, the photo of team 4 from when they were only children shines under the moonlight.
How many times have I done this to myself
How long will it take before I see
When will this hole in my heart be mended
Who now is left alone but me
Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true
Evanescence - Solitude