A/N: Both Esmerelda and Ethel show signs of depression in my view so this is how this chapter came about. I hope you all enjoy it.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Chapter Nine

Memories

The rumbling in the girl's stomach grew as she lay on her bed looking at the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing in the world but the girl made no attempt to get up to go and seek food, she stayed in the same spot looking at her white bedroom ceiling.

It had been a week since she had been locked in her room and she was refusing to see anyone and was not eating anything, she felt like a prisoner and her mindset about herself was growing worse. She had received a letter that morning from Ethel, that had water marks on it, clearly her sister had been crying whilst writing it, even if she liked to deny the fact she did something like crying. The letter read that she was sorry for everything and to keep hope high, mum and dad could not keep her locked up away from them forever. Esmerelda wished she could believe that but somehow she knew they could.

"Meow" Morgana said as she went to cuddle up to her mistress, the cat looked at her concerned as the girl was acting catatonic. She had been lying in the same spot for over forty minutes, only blinking to show she was still alive but not moving her body in any other way.

Esmerelda knew by now she was suffering from depression, she hadn't been diagnosed but she was so sad all the time she had to be, everything felt so dark, like she was in a dark deep hole and was trapped there, unable to climb out of it. She knew she could never tell anyone about this, her parents would not understand and be ashamed that their perfect Hallow daughter was suffering from a mental illness. Sybil would believe her but be really upset about it. The only person who would actually understand was Ethel, but she was miles away and she had no way of contacting her.

Ethel must have been around eight when Esmerelda realised her mood swings were much more than the girl deciding to have a tantrum. It was more than that. There were times Ethel had been so miserable nothing herself or Sybil did could get her to smile, she would just sit there with her head hung as the demons in her head plagued her. Esmerelda had stupidly at the time told her worries to her parents but instead of being sympathetic and saying they will get her checked out they told Esmerelda if she didn't snap out of being a downer they would punish her until she stopped being a brat and smiled. Esmerelda had known it was more but what could she had done? She was just a kid who was raising her sisters herself as her parents never bothered to look at any of them for long unless they had friends to boast to and she didn't know how to help Ethel.

Esmerelda by the tender age of eight had known how to look after her sisters like an expert. She made sure they were clean and tidy and washed, made sure they had plenty to eat and they were put to bed. She could tell anyone exactly every food Ethel won't eat if they bothered to listen or she could tell people Sybil will only eat spaghetti hoops because the shaped versions scared her. She knew how to clean that sore knee or that bleeding finger the girls somehow managed to cause themselves to obtain and she had everything about her sisters memorised but Ethel's mental illness becoming apparent was something she had no idea how to fix.

When it was clear Ethel was getting worse and suffering Esmerelda had gone desperately to her grandmother Josephine. The woman was her father's mother but it was hard to believe they shared cells with one another. Josephine was kind, funny, and caring but still had that feisty, brave Hallow attitude. The woman loved her granddaughters and the feeling was mutual but they didn't get to see her as much as they would have liked because she lived on the other side of the world in Australia, she had moved there after the death of their grandfather, to try and grieve and move on from her lost love.

Josephine had been so worried when she saw her eldest granddaughter crying as she mirror called her. Even then the girl didn't cry in front of others so she had known she was worried about her darling sister. She immediately got a flight to Britain, took one look at Ethel and took her to the doctor.

Tests followed, Ethel cried and screamed she didn't want to do them but Josephine had told her they would help her and Ethel had reluctantly agreed. Ethel had spent hours talking to the doctor as Esmerelda, Sybil, and Josephine waited outside anxiously. When they were eventually called in one look at the doctor told them Esmerelda had not been a worried mother or sister she had been right knowing something was wrong with Ethie.

Ethel was upset at first when she found out the doctor thought she had depression. She thought there was something wrong with her and it was her fault, Esmerelda had been upset thinking she could of prevented it earlier and Sybil didn't really understand what it meant so didn't react much.

"Ethie don't cry, it is not your fault, these things happen to many people" Esmerelda told her as she cuddled her crying sister.

"But I am a Hallow, I am not allowed to feel like this" Ethel had replied as she sobbed on her sister's shoulder.

"You can't help how you feel Ethie, even if you are a Hallow" Esmerelda had explained to her.

Josephine was upset too, thinking if she had been there this wouldn't of happened but everyone was glad she was getting help but promised to keep the pills a secret from their parents as they knew they wouldn't accept it. Witches had many advances but treating depression was still not seen as important, so it was the same treatment as non magical treatments. Some doctors didn't even treat it, not believing it was an illness.

That short time Ethel had that medication was a time Esmerelda would never forget. It wasn't a miracle cure by any means, Ethel didn't suddenly start dancing and singing like the happiest person in the world but she was definitely happier. She wanted to do more with her sisters, was not lashing out as much, she was sleeping much better and was not waking from nightmares every few hours like she had been before and she wasn't pushing people as way as much as before. Ethel had said for the first time in a long time her head was clear and Esmerelda had cried in happiness that her sister was okay and she was able to be happy again until a few weeks after the diagnosis.

Josephine had to go back to Australia. She didn't want to but she had her business there and the workers couldn't go on without her for long. Esmerelda told her not to worry because she knew to make sure Ethel had her medicine. Every morning as soon as she woke up she gave it to her sister first thing so she wouldn't forget but one day as she gave it to her sister her father walked in her room, wanting to tell her about a party they wanted her to attend later in the week.

Esmerelda had not been able to hide them. Her father found the tablets and all hell broke lose. Mr and Mrs Hallow mirrored Josephine and had a long go at her about how she didn't get to decide when to seek medical attention for their daughter. The argument lasted for what felt like hours and once they had finished fighting Mr and Mrs Hallow threw the tablets away.

"NO YOU CAN'T!" Esmerelda told them trying to refrain from crying as it had taken her so long to get Ethel help and now she was back to square one.

They hadn't listened or cared, Esmerelda had tried everything to get her some more but no-one would give her tablets when she was a child, Josephine tried to give her notes that said she had permission as her sister had depression but no-one would look at them.

Ethel had therefore had to cope without her medicine and had soon grew worse. Her temper increased, she began becoming violent and argumentative and at times plain nasty and until Esmerelda was eighteen there was nothing she could do about it.

Ethel would understand if Esmerelda told her she was suffering from the same thing, in fact Esmerelda had felt on the verge of it for years. Some days were really hard for her to not stay in bed and do nothing but she had done it as her sisters needed her. Now, after everything, Esmerelda knew she had been tipped over the edge and was suffering the same way Ethel had for years. It was exhausting and now she understood why Ethel was always so edgy because her illness was making her tired.

The thing was Esmerelda did not want to tell Ethel what she suspected because she knew she would blame herself for having of helped Agatha but that was just the thing that made her symptoms more apparent, she had been suffering for years, she was just able to repress it. Ethel could deal with it so she had to be strong enough to cope too.

Her stomach rumbled again interrupting her thoughts. Esmerelda moaned annoyed at it for making so much noise. She wasn't going to flaming eat so there was no point in it bothering her. She touched the scar on her arm, trying to make herself feel better as she touched her injuries. She had not self-harmed in a while but only because she knew it would start to become obvious if her arms were covered in scars but in that moment she got an idea.

She grabbed the blade and lifted up her top, piercing the skin on her stomach. Unless someone was creepy it was not an area they would see. This was an area she could do whatever she wanted to and no-one would know.

As the mark she made bled she noticed already what not eating was doing to her. She had always being naturally skinny but she could see she was starting to lose weight but even this did not knock her into her senses.

"Don't look at me like that Morgana" Esmerelda told her cat who was looking at her as she cut herself. Esmerelda was past caring though.

After she had finished with her self-injuring for that time she put her top down and lay down on her side wondering how Ethel had been coping so long with this horrible feeling plaguing her down, though Ethel didn't cope that well clearly as she was always getting in trouble.

Esmerelda looked at the time. She was tempered to mirror Josephine and tell her everything but her parents had blocked mirror calls so instead she grabbed a pen and paper and started drafting out a letter to her.

"I have the same problem as Ethie, mum and dad have blocked my calls, can you write me back, there is things you need to know" Esmerelda read back in her head what she had written but she then picked it up and screwed it into a ball.

She couldn't sent it. Josephine would end up arriving on the doorstep and Esmerelda didn't want her to fight with her parents. She was scared to that Josephine would apply for custody, not that that would be bad but the girls would either have to move or Josephine would. Esmerelda did not want anyone in that position.

She therefore threw the paper in the bin and tried to clear her mind from her dark thoughts. She didn't need help. She was fine. She had to be.