CPOV
We couldn't find her, no matter how hard we looked. It's been six weeks and we are no further forward than when I asked my security team to search. We had no name, no details, nothing as the clinic wouldn't tell us anything.
I had no rights, I had signed them away, I was told. Yes, I did to a baby for Elliot and Kate, but this is different, things had changed.
She must be five months if the procedure was done in January, around five months as I don't know the date the embryos were put back. I don't even know what a baby looks like at that stage because if I'm honest, I'm too afraid to look.
"Knock knock" I heard, seeing Elliot come into my office. "Happy birthday bro."
"Thanks," I said, looking at the bottle of whisky he had placed on my desk.
I came to the office to work, despite my families protests that I was working on my birthday. I have spent the day, jumping every time the phone goes though.
"Any news," he asked me.
"No, nothing. Unless we break into a fertility clinic and look for her information in a list of probably thousands, I'm at a dead end."
"I'm sorry Christian. When we approached you to become our donor, I never thought it would end like this. You're going to be a father" he trailed off at the end.
"Shit Elliot, I'm sorry. In all this, I keep forgetting that with the mix-up, it's taken your chance away."
"Don't be Christian. Fate had other ideas for where your donation went" he laughed. "Besides the way Kate has been over the past six weeks, I think she has a lot of growing up to do before she ever becomes a mum."
I can understand that after Kate burst into my parent's home while they were having dinner that night and basically told my mother as she was a doctor, to fix it. It can't be fixed and seeing Kate at her worst, in a way I'm glad she's not carrying a child. Her parents are up for suing the clinic, defending every tantrum that their daughter has. Why wouldn't they, I think they encourage them, so people will give in and she gets everything she wants. She can't have my baby though, no one can but her.
"The Bridge, tonight, this afternoon, I'm not fussed. You need to get out of here Christian, try and enjoy your birthday and get pissed."
"We're supposed to be going to mum and dads."
"I changed it unless you want to go and sit around a table where everyone is walking on eggshells, worried they will say the wrong thing."
"Shit, have I been that bad."
"No, I was talking about my wife. I have already told Kate about the change of plans, she's not happy but tough. Come, get pissed with your brother. If mum and dad want to come, Mia even, they know where we are."
"Ok, give me thirty minutes to sort this all out and I will be with you."
"Good, I will go and annoy Ros for thirty minutes," he said, happily leaving my office.
I had to smile, knowing just what Elliot and Ros were like when they get together. Both as crazy as the other.
…
The Bridge was busy, heaving I would say and not really an atmosphere I wanted to be in for a quiet drink.
"What are you having" Ben shouted over the noise of the game and the crowd who were shouting at the screen.
"Two of our usual beers and shots for the birthday boy here," Elliot told him.
"Happy birthday," Ben said, smiling as he put the drinks before us, letting us know
that this round was on him.
"So much for a quiet night," I said nodding to the crowd.
"They're from the local college, apparently an ex-student is playing. They will probably quieten down when the game is over, I hope" he told us.
We took our drinks over to our usual table, away from the noisy crowd. We still had the noise from the game as it was pumped through the speakers all around, but the crowd noise was muted somewhat.
"To a happy birthday," Elliot said, lifting his drink up and clinking his glass to mine.
"To….a happy future," I said, wishing whatever happened in the future, the child was happy, healthy and loved.
Ben was right about the noise, it did quieten down as most moved outside for a smoke once the game had finished. It was good timing as my parents and sister arrived.
"Well I didn't think I would be spending your birthday in a bar, but each to their own" my mum said, taking a seat by my side where she kissed my cheek.
"I see the ice queen is missing," Mia said, knowing full well that Elliot heard.
"We have a night of peace Mia, don't worry. She texted me while I was waiting for Christian. She's staying with her parents, something about shopping with her mum in the morning" he told her.
"You can stay at mine then. Before that, be a rebel and stay out drinking all night. I am" I told him, knocking back one of the shots.
I could feel the effects of it now but numb is what I'm going for.
"When have you ever been a rebel, ok let me rephrase that. When as an adult Christian, have you ever been a rebel" my dad asked, laughing.
"Tonight, we ditched a family dinner to come out and get drunk."
"I will let you have that one, just don't let it happen again," dad said, amusement in his voice.
He got up, heading over to the bar with Mia to get a round of drinks.
"How are you son," my mum asked, placing her hand over mine.
"I'm well, although I feel…lost."
"Why."
We looked at Elliot when he got up from the table, leaving us alone.
"I don't know, I'm trying to figure that out."
"Can I ask you something."
"Of course," I told her.
"If Kate had gotten pregnant, would you be this concerned now."
"No, well with Kate's recent behaviour, I'm not so sure. At the end of the day, I was doing this for Elliot."
"I know you were son" she smiled before squeezing my hand. "She's not pregnant though."
"I know. There is a woman out there Mum carrying my child. One I know exists and I just want to know they're ok. I saw the fear in her eyes as she fled the room. I don't blame her one bit. Kate's words were harsh, mean and so uncalled for. I understand she was upset, but it was the clinic those words should've been aimed at, not her."
"Wanting to know she's ok is fine, but if you find her, what then."
"I don't know" I admitted, more to myself than to my mother.
"I think your greatest fear in all this, is not knowing and that is fuelling your desire to find her."
"Yes, you know how my life started, you took me away from that. What if the child ends up having the same start as I had."
"I highly doubt that someone who goes through all the trouble to conceive a child through IVF would hurt their baby."
"You don't know that."
"I know I don't, but you need to decide what you really want Christian. I know with regards to the law, you have no rights to that child and the mother could easily slam the door in your face the second you find her. You could take her to court, but it would be messy and even your dad doesn't know how that would turn out. Ask yourself this, if this woman held the baby out to you, would you take hold or walk away. That is the decision you need to make first. If you're going to walk away at the end of this search, stop looking, stop putting yourself through all this pain and let them be."
I nodded my head, not knowing what to say to her before I took the shot that my sister had placed in front of me and knocked it back.
My birthday passed in a blur after that. It was just a shame the hangover didn't when I woke up the next morning in my childhood bedroom. How I got here I didn't know. I can only guess my dad or Taylor carried me as Elliot was as drunk as me. Everything was numb last night, now my head and body just hurt.
"Well I'm not doing that again" Elliot grumbled as I joined him in the kitchen, taking two bottles of water from the fridge. I gave him one, as I downed my own before pulling another one out for me.
"You'll say that until next month when it's your birthday."
"My birthday, Kate has the whole night planned. I would lose my balls if I ditched on her to go and get pissed."
"How's she been since mum and she had words."
"She's… all polite and nice when her parents or ours are around. When it's just the two of us, she's a different person."
"Have you told her, what her attitude is doing to you?" I asked.
"Yeah, constantly. She's nice for a few hours before she speaks to one of her friends or goes to the constant baby showers and then it's back to hating Elliot again once she's home. I get it, I know how she feels especially when she's surrounded by the babies of her friends. We can have a child though, we just only have to contact the adoption agency and restart the process. She can have everything she wants, except carry one herself. Sometimes I feel like letting her go."
"What," I asked, shock in my voice.
"I even told her that I loved her but if she wanted to conceive a child she would have to find someone else. If you love someone, let them go, is that the saying, I don't know."
"What did she say to that."
"Nothing, she said nothing apart from she can't. I don't know if that means she can't leave and have a child with someone else because she loves me and wants us to continue to try or she can't, because that wouldn't look good for the image her and parents have."
"I don't know what to say, Elliot. God, you're going to hate me when I say this."
"What!"
"I have a child out there, that I don't even know where they are. I know I said I would help you, but I can't even think of going through all that again."
"I don't hate you, Christian. I'm thankful that you gave us the chance. The first cycle didn't work, or it did, just not with Kate. Even though Kate's was with an unknown donor the first time, that didn't work either. The second try that we know they got right was negative also. Kate can do as many pregnancy tests as she wants but the result isn't going to change."
"Has Kate ever been tested for problems?" our bleary-eyed sister asked, joining us in the kitchen and headed straight for the coffee pot.
"I did ask, and she did take tests, which came back saying she was fine," he told her.
"We know your history and why you wouldn't be able to conceive. Maybe it's time Kate took some further tests of her own" Mia said.
Mum entered the kitchen when I was on my second cup of coffee and I felt a bit more alive. I had taken painkillers which were thankfully starting to work so my head didn't hurt so much.
"My lord, you boys can drink" she laughed, starting on breakfast.
Just what I need, a greasy breakfast on top of a stomach that had once been full of beer.
"Elliot forced me," I said, sipping my coffee.
"Really, I was sure it was you who was drinking shots with your brother and father. It was a good job we stayed, otherwise you would've slept in that bar."
"Thank you all for my birthday, although I can't remember much of it."
My mum turned to me smiling before she went back to the stove. My conversations with her, I remember everything.
…
I was at work, wading through paperwork that had been put to one side over the past few months. I needed to get my head back on work, run my company and let everyone do their jobs.
My birthday had been a few weeks ago, the hangover a distant memory thank god. Words from that night, especially my mothers, still lingered in my mind but I had to carry on. I couldn't continue the way I was going, I had a business to run, people who depended on me and I couldn't let them down.
I signed off on some papers, reading through others when my door opened, and Taylor, Barney and Welch entered.
"You found her," I asked, seeing the looks on their faces.
"Not yet."
I sagged back in my seat then, wondering why the hell they were here then.
"We found the driver, the one who picked her up from the clinic," Taylor told me.
"How did you find the driver."
"I did a little digging," Barney said.
"Do I even want to know?" I asked him.
"Probably not," he said, handing me some papers with information on. Before I looked at them, I turned back to him.
"Did you hack the clinic."
"No, I didn't. Cameras are one thing, going into patient records is another. The level of security they have there would leave a trace."
Nodding, I looked down at the papers before me.
José Rodriguez, 20 years old, an address for him out in Portland.
"Portland," I asked.
"Yes, although there is another José Rodrigues who lives in a small town called Montesano. His father from what we have found out."
"José is a photographer. It was announced in the local press that he has an upcoming show to display his works in August at Portland Place, a small gallery down there" Welch tells me.
"What do you want to do Mr Grey," Taylor asked me.
"Go, this is the closest we've gotten to finding her. I don't expect he will be forthcoming with information but at least I can leave him my number and hope she gets in touch."
We left my office, leaving Barney behind as Taylor, Welch and I headed for the cars.
Portland, it would've been quicker to fly but then again, we would've had to gain transport at the other end.
Sitting in the car as Taylor drove us, my mind went over and over my mother's words. Do I let them be or fight for what I know is mine? A fight is not what I want though, I want to know that she was ok, that they both will be. Walk away and let them be is probably the best thing for everyone, but at the moment, I'm unsure if it's the best thing for me.
We pulled up to an apartment building, only three stories high. It was surrounded by bars and stores and from the people that I saw walking around, I just hoped to god she didn't live here too.
We got out of the cars, walking over to the building where I pressed the buzzer. We had gained attention from some teens hanging on the corner, wondering why we were here but I ignored them and rang the buzzer again.
I stepped back when the door opened before me and a woman came out.
"Hello, what can I help you with," she asked, looking us up and down.
"We're looking for José Rodrigues ma'am," Taylor said.
"Ma'am, you can come again," she said, smiling to him.
"José, do you know where he is."
"Of course, it's all he's spoken about for months. He will be at Portland Place, sorting his work out no doubt. He had too many canvases, so they let him store them there until the opening when most will go on display. I'm so happy for him, he deserves all the success that comes his way" she said smiling, before going on her way.
Getting back into the cars, we headed to where Mr Rodrigues would be. It was a Gallery, that looked like it was getting ready to close so we quickly headed inside.
"Hello, what can I help you with," a woman asked, coming around the counter.
"We're looking for José," I said.
"Are you friends of his?" she asked.
"Yes, we were in the area and thought we would come and surprise him."
"He's good, really good. He's in the back, sorting his photos out for his own exhibition in just over a month. He will never decide as he keeps taking better ones all the time which only adds to the dilemma of which ones to pick" she laughed.
"Thank you," I said, walking the way she had pointed.
"Tell him not to be too long, we're closing in thirty minutes."
I nodded before stepping through the doorway, into the room beyond.
There were canvases everywhere, displaying his work and she was right, they were very good. We spotted him as soon as we entered, holding a large canvas up that looked like it was taken at dusk. It was only when he placed it down, was I able to see the fuller picture. It was her although she was looking away, only the side of her face could be seen. She looked like a silhouette in front of the setting sun. It must have been taken recently because her stomach was larger than when I had seen her, her bump on display.
"Can I help you?" he asked, but I couldn't take my eyes off the image before me.
He saw what I was looking at too, stepping in front of it.
"You know who I am," I asked.
"I don't know your name, but I suspect you're the man who's trying to take my best friend's babies away."
"What, why would you think that."
"That you're that man."
"No, why would you think I would want to take the baby away."
"I want that baby," he said, mimicking what Kate had said. "She heard her, was so distressed that she had to be hospitalised because of it."
"Is she ok?" I asked him.
"She will be, as long as she's left alone, and that woman stays away."
"Look I don't want to cause her any distress. I was worried when she ran out of the clinic, I just wanted to know she was ok."
"She is, so please leave her alone."
"Look, please. I just want to speak to her…I don't even know her name."
"Why, what is that going to accomplish," he said angrily.
"She's carrying my child."
"No, she's carrying hers. You have no rights, believe me, she's checked and as far as her name, you won't get that from me."
"Don't you think I don't know that I have no rights. It was never supposed to happen like this. I was just trying to help my brother become a father, but I can't deny that I will have a child out there."
"She's been through enough, she doesn't need this," he said, walking to a desk in the corner where he took a seat.
Walking towards him, my foot caught on another canvas, quickly catching it before it hit the floor. His attention was on me once more or was it the canvas that I held. I turned it over, gasping at what I saw. It was two arms, hands held together in support as well as love. The small porcelain hand was covered in bandages, but a cannula could be seen with a tube leading out of sight.
"She's been through enough" he mumbled again, sadness in his eyes.
"This is you, and her," I said, seeing the slight nod of his head.
"What happen."
"That's not my story to tell. Just know she's been through hell and no one deserves to have happiness more than her."
"Please, if I leave my number, will you ask her to contact me. I'm not trying to take her baby away, that's the last thing I want. I just want to see that she's ok."
"Why won't you leave it," he asked, pleading in his voice.
"I can't."
I placed my card on the desk beside him, but he didn't touch it. I can do nothing but wait now and hope she will call. As I reached the door, I turned back to him.
"What you said when we arrived. You said I was the man who had come to take your friend's babies. Why did you say babies and not baby?"
"IVF is an amazing thing. It can give those who wouldn't have conceived otherwise, the chance to have a child. It can bring many surprises too, including the little one who was hidden behind its sibling. Think about that when you want to meet my friend because if she does grant you access, it won't just be you any more.
Thank you for reading.
Next chapter, Ana is back in Seattle with an important question to ask.
Until next time, take care.
Caroline.